The Illiterate

New Boyz–”You’re A Jerk”
#33
If you haven’t been prepped by Soulja Boy to love minimalist nonsense like this, then there must be something the matter with you. Sure it’s a novelty record, but it’s also part of a growing trend of suburban teenagers building beats on their laptops that’s as much a form of folk music as guys with guitars singing the blues or DJs spinning discs in the rec halls and playgrounds of Brooklyn and the Bronx. In a few years they may very well take over the world. Write them off at your peril. You could end up an even bigger jerk than they are.

Pitbull–”Hotel Room Service”
#63
“I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)” is dumb and catchy. This is just dumb.

All Time Low–”Damned If I Do Ya (Damned If I Don’t)”
#67
A canny mixture of hair metal, Cheap Trick, and Weezer’s “Buddy Holly”, this is my kind of punk-pop pastiche: unoriginal but energetic, without the overloaded sense of importance and lack of hooks that ruins the Jonas Brothers records. Totally unimportant, and they’ll probably never have another hit, but fun all the same.

Jonas Brothers–”Fly With Me”
#83
The bombast here may be testimony to their sense of self-importance, but it may also be testimony to their realization that this song has not much melody and zero hook. Or it could be both, since only someone who thought too highly of themselves would try to rescue a song that so obviously should have been scrapped.

Mario featuring Gucci Mane and Sean Garrett–”Break Up”
#98
This collage of what sounds like three or four different sessions has some gorgeous pieces, but they don’t quite fit together, and the record as a whole is a mess. Can someone explain to me why Gucci Mane has become as omnipresent a guest as Lil Wayne, when he possesses one tenth of the talent?

David Guetta featuring Kelly Rowland–”When Love Takes Over”
#100
I’ve enjoyed a lot of the r&b/techno merges I’ve heard over the last few years, but this is too bland. Guetta’s music is all techno cliche, and as for Rowland, there’s a reason Beyonce was the breakout star from Destiny’s Child, and it wasn’t just because her father was the manager.

Tags: All Time Low, Beyonce, Cheap Trick, David Guetta, Destiny's Child, Gucci Mane, Jonas Brothers, Kelly Rowland, Lil Wayne, Mario, New Boyz, Pitbull, Sean Garrett, Soulja Boy, Weezer

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 27th, 2009 at 11:54 am and is filed under new this week, singles. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.