Justin Bieber—”Favorite Girl”
#26
The new tactic of releasing a song a week in the leadup to an album makes sense if 1) you’re trying to build anticipation for the new work of a major star (as in Carrie Underwood); or 2) the songs become progressively more interesting or of higher quality. I find it hard to believe that you can build curiosity and anticipation in an audience when each record is even more bland than the one before it. Bieber has his appeal, and the publicity push behind him is massive, but he was thin gruel to begin with and gets thinner every time out. You can only dilute this stuff for so long before it becomes nothing at all.
Jay Sean Featuring Sean Paul & Lil Jon—”Do You Remember”
#27
Bouncy, catchy, and totally forgettable, this three-for-one deal’s only purpose is as a commercial for the participants’ careers: it capitalizes on Jay Sean’s recent number one by repeating its sound almost exactly; it provides Sean Paul with actual hit potential, something his own records can’t seem to manage anymore (his last single tanked so quickly most people didn’t even notice it was there); and, finally, it reminds everybody that Lil Jon still exists. This last is achieved by Lil Jon yelling in the background every time there’s a gap in the main vocal, like the runt of a litter trying to get the attention of the big dogs—apparently the producer’s weren’t prepared to give him room for a verse of his own.
Jason Aldean—”The Truth”
#91
Country singers are always trying to act sincere, but it’s rare to hear one come across this vulnerable. The guy really does sound lost, and somehow Aldean pulls this off without easy sentimentality or overplaying his hand. It helps that he maintains a certain ambiguity—we never do discover the whole truth. Instead of drawing us in with cheap emotional tricks, he creates a mystery. The music is a little on the bland side, but this is a very smart, moving record.
Rob Thomas—”Someday”
#93
“Hell, maybe someday, we’ll figure all this out,” Rob opines. Not with bland cliches and woozy philosophizing, you won’t. Besides, don’t all those hired angels in the background make it hard to concentrate?
Jake Owen—”Eight Second Ride”
#95
This is a decent song ruined by the sort of homey, down to earth detail that’s supposed to make country music special. The chorus opens wth a good double entendre (“I ain’t never seen a country boy with tires on his truck this high”), and then follows with an image so disgusting that the last thing you want to hear is a description of how the rest of the evening goes. Owen seems to think the alliteration of “Climb on up but watch the cup that I spit my dip inside” is erotic as well as clever. No doubt there are women who feel the same way. They deserve each other.
Glee Cast—”Defying Gravity”
#99
I’m beginning to think the real joke of Glee is that these high school kids take the awful songs they sing so badly so seriously. Bringing Broadway showtunes to prime-time television is a worthwhile endeavor, but not if you’re going to pick songs as bland as this and sing them as if amateurishness was a sign of personal honesty and emotional sincerity. With a song as dumb as this, sincerity is the last thing you want to convey—it makes you sound like an idiot.
Tags: Carrie Underwood, Glee Cast, Jake Owen, Jason Aldean, Jay Sean, Justin Bieber, Lil Jon, Rob Thomas, Sean Paul