Miley Cyrus—”Can’t Be Tamed”
#8
Despite the usually sure handed Amato/James Rock Mafia putting this together, and the added controversy of Cyrus’s first “adult” video (i.e., one with bare legs, cleavage, and faux-Fosse dance moves), this isn’t that interesting of a record. There’s something flat and fuzzy about Cyrus’s voice, and the music follows suit. She certainly kisses off Disney, though, despite still being signed to their label. The video is one part of it, but there’s also a clever double-entendre reference to erections, and the words “go to hell” are followed with a digitally garbled voice that sounds like Donald Duck in one of his fits of frustration. Can there be such a thing as mature Disney pop? It will be interesting to find out, but this isn’t quite it.
Glee Cast
“Dream On” (featuring Neil Patrick Harris), #26
“I Dreamed A Dream” (featuring Idina Menzel), #31
“Safety Dance”, #81
“Bad Romance”, #86
“Poker Face”, #100
After two above average weeks (“above average” in the context of Glee, that is), the cast settles back into their usual sub-karaoke torpor. It’s no surprise that Neil Patrick Harris sings rock and roll better than any of the regular cast (who wouldn’t?), but he’s still worse than just about any other decent rock singer you could name. The GaGa covers are particularly awful, for which the production team is as much to blame as the singers: “Bad Romance” sounds like it’s being played by a lounge act, and whoever decided to use the slow version of “Poker Face” did both the singer and GaGa an incredible disservice.
3OH!3—”Touchin’ On My”
#49
This has it’s clever moments, especially the way the censorship bleeps are worked into the arrangement. For the most part, though, it’s the same old obvious, crude nonsense. Just what kind of self-respecting woman would want to *bleep* these guys, anyway?
Avenged Sevenfold—”Nightmare”
#51
I’m sure the band takes its satanist sentiments seriously, but this is the musical equivalent of an 11-year old trying to scare his little sister by turning off the lights, holding a flashlight under his chin, saying “evil” things, and laughing maniacally. It’s cute in a way, but I don’t think cute is what these guys were aiming for.
Muse—”Neutron Star Collision (Love Is Forever)”
#77
I don’t know enough about Muse to know whether they have a sense of humor, or even any brains. If they do, this is a brilliant piece of parody, a vicious, satiric swipe at Twilight fans and all the ridiculous pseudo-mystical, romantic mumbo-jumbo that surrounds the franchise. If they don’t, this is the most godawful, ridiculous record of the year, an unholy merger of U2, The Killers, and Andrew Lloyd Webber that has to be heard to be believed. Unfortunately, since their latest album includes titles such as “United States of Eurasia/Collateral Damage (Excerpt from Nocturne in E-Flat, Op. 9, No. 2)” and “Exogenesis: Symphony, Part 2 (Cross-pollination)”, I suspect the latter. Still good for a laugh, though.
Christina Aguilera featuring Nicki Minaj—”Woohoo”
#79
I’m probably too hard on Aguilera, who really does try to stretch her own and her audiences boundaries, often in ways you’d least expect. But intentions aren’t the same as achievements, she always sounds to me as if she’s trying too hard, and all the risk-taking in the world doesn’t excuse the fact that she’s made a record about cunnilingus that doesn’t for a single moment sound dirty or even sexy. Nicki Minaj, who you would think would loosen things up, falls into lockstep with Aguilera and adds nothing but product placement and a bad Jamaican accent. Couldn’t she at least have offered to go down on Christina herself?
Zac Brown Band—”Free”
#95
Zac Brown is a country traditionalist at heart, which these days apparently means being firmly rooted in 70s folk/rock, traveling the backroads in a van fueled with nothing but love, phrasing like James Taylor, and borrowing ideas from the pre-Michael McDonald Doobie Brothers (who are starting to become as influential as The Eagles). Aren’t these the people Merle Haggard use to complain about?
Gyptian—”Hold You (Hold Yuh)”
#96
I’ve played this record five or six times in the last week. I just played it again. I still can’t remember any of it.
Tags: 3OH!3, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Avenged Sevenfold, Christina Aguilera, Glee Cast, Gyptian, James Taylor, Lady GaGa, Merle Haggard, Michael McDonald, Miley Cyrus, Muse, Neil Patrick Harris, Nicki Minaj, The Doobie Brothers, The Eagles, The Killers, U2, Zac Brown Band
Muse does not have a sense of humor. At all.