how come I always have to play the victim?

Hey kids! Remember those chemistry sets you used to play with? The ones with the little vials of harmless chemicals that you hoped you'd be able to make poisons and explosives out of? They're still around, but the fantasies that sell them have changed. No longer, apparently, do children dream of being nobel prize winning chemists, or even mad scientists. Now they all want to be--Forensic Pathologists!

Yes, it's the CSI Crime Scene Forensics Laboratory. It's just like the old chemistry set you had as a kid, only now it comes with a link to a TV show that allows you to fantasize about examining corpses. Not just any corpses, either, but the corpses of those who have been grusomely murdered. But wait! What if the bodies are so disfigured and mutilated as to be almost unrecognisable? No problem! Not with this:

Oh boy! The CSI DNA Laboratory! Let us put aside, for a moment, exactly where the 8 to 12 year olds who are targeted by the marketing for this "toy" are going to get their DNA samples ("It won't hurt, Billy, honest!"). Because there are more interesting things still to come. Can't find a DNA match? Victim's face beaten to a bloody, unrecognizable pulp? Then you'll need this:

Yes, the CSI Facial Reconstruction Kit! Available in male (brown eyes) and female (green eyes) models. Direct quote from satisfied customer on Amazon: "I bought this for my nephew who is into unique and diffrent things." I bet.

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