Posts Tagged ‘Akon’

Hot 100 Roundup—1/2/11

Thursday, January 6th, 2011

The Lonely Island featuring Akon—”I Just Had Sex”
#30
Akon is funny, and his willingness to parody his persona makes me respect him a little more, but he’s not as funny as T-Pain was on “I’m On a Boat”, and the jokes, even when they’re good, are obvious. The formula is getting old, too. There are times when this sounds exactly like Flight of the Conchords, only not as good.

Brad Paisley—”This Is Country Music”
#65
Paisley has enjoyed an aesthetic and commercial peak over the last two years, the sort of thing only the best can pull off, and you can’t blame him for engaging in some sentimental celebration. The sentiment wins out over the celebration, though, and once the cliches start piling up even Paisley’s guitar can’t dig him out from under. It all feels tossed together, and not in a good way.

3Oh!3—”Hit It Again”
#66
Catchy enough, and less offensive than usual, which isn’t really a compliment. Record by record they become more ordinary, and this features a chorus that’s as close to old-fashioned rock and roll as they’ve ever come. The one thing the world doesn’t need.

Troop 41—”Do the John Wall”
#81
More teenage hip-hoppers with another new dance, this one based on basketball (the jump-shot move is silly even by fly-by-night dance trend standards). They’re from North Carolina, so the sound is more Dirty South/Soulja Boy than jerkin’ or dougie—more baroque and with more fuzzy synths. The spirit and the energy are the same, though, and I can’t think of anything that would be better for pop’s future than cross-country dance-move battles. There must be room on cable for that somewhere.

B.O.B.—”I Am the Champion”
#85
I still have my doubts about B.O.B.’s strengths as a rapper—especially when he follows up a claim to never being imitative with spoken asides that sound exactly like Will Smith—but he knows how to pick hooks and beats, and this is his best record since “Nothin’ On You”. His nonchalant self-absorption is almost charming, and he knows how to brag without being overbearing. If anything, he’s less of a goof here than on previous records, but he still sounds like he’s after nothing but a good time.

Train—”Shake Up Christmas (Coke Xmas Anthem)”
#99
Since almost every band in the world hoped to wake up Christmas morning with a licensing or endorsement deal in their stocking, I can hardly blame these bozos for locking up this year’s official Coca-Cola Christmas song. Not that they need the money or the attention, but if they want to be The New Seekers of the two-teens that’s their privilege. Just as it’s my privilege to never listen to it again unless I’m stuck in a mall.

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Hot 100 Roundup—12/12/10

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

Glee Cast
“Dog Days Are Over”, #22
“Hey, Soul Sister”, #29
“(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life”, #38
“Valerie”, #54
“Don’t Cry for Me Argentina”, #97

Coldplay—”Christmas Lights”
#25
Even with Brian Eno producing, they’re still a bunch of pretentious boobs, and this sounds like what might have happened if Genesis had tried to rewrite The Pogues’s “Fairytale of New York”. Except this version focuses entirely on how sorry the guy is feeling for himself; it never dares to suggest that he might deserve his lonesome fate. Maybe that’s because it’s too busy trying to sort out its pseudo-poetic lyrics: “I took my feet down to Oxford street”. Really? Did you carry them in a sack?

Flo Rida featuring Akon—”Who Dat Girl”
#55
Flo Rida’s presence is so minimal in relation to everything that makes this record worthwhile you’d barely know he was on it if you didn’t read the credits. If you did, you’d realize how much this record owes not only to Akon, who sings the hook, but also the omnipresent Bruno Mars, who co-wrote it, and Dr. Luke, who produced it. Makes you wonder what Mr. Rida’s actual contribution is. How about being the guy who knows what sells? That’s always enough to make you look like a supreme talent.

Victorious Cast featuring Victoria Justice—”Freak the Freak Out”
#78
This is the first of the Nickelodeon singles that comes close to the level of the Disney-pop they hope to cash in on, and it arrives just as Disney-pop itself is beginning to fade into memory. There will always be a market for clean-as-a-whistle, bouncy pop, and maybe Nickelodeon can cash in on the next generation (these things being counted, as they are, in five year intervals). This record, which is more Selena Gomez than Miley Cyrus, though nowhere near the best of either, sounds like a good place to start.

The Killers—”Boots”
#79
Did I say Coldplay were pretentious? They are, but only if you don’t compare them to The Killers. Lyrics that shift through time and space, suffused with regret and nostalgia; churchbells and thundering martial drums; a clip of Jimmy Stewart praying in It’s a Wonderful Life layered over opera and someone singing in Spanish; melodies swiped from Neil Young and cover art referencing Citizen Kane—this is their idea of a Christmas record. It’s as if they came from a planet where confusion is considered the highest possible art form (oh, I forgot, they’re from Vegas). Still, I like these guys a lot more than Coldplay because they at least partially justify their pretension. This is a mess, but the hooks soar the way they’re supposed to, the emotions, though difficult to sort out, are palpable, and Brandon Flowers sings like a human being. A confused one, I grant you, and one with delusions of grandeur, but human nonetheless. How many of those do you usually find on the pop charts?

Birdman featuring Lil Wayne—”Fire Flame”
#84
Wayne sounds like his old self, if not at his highest level (judging by the sound of “6’7″”, this was just a warm-up). Birdman sounds like his old self, as well, at a level that’s a little easier to reach. The result is perfectly fine, but nothing special.

Far*East Movement featuring Ryan Tedder—”Rocketeer”
#93
At this moment in time, it may look as if no one can lose with a Bruno Mars hook on their record, but that only applies if Mars is singing it. Tedder does a pretty good imitation, and no doubt this is a worthwhile break from writing “Halo” yet again, but this lacks both Mars’s sense of humor and his sense of reality. The rest is even worse, an indicator that Far*East Movement may be another one of those groups whose guests are better than they are. Maybe it’s time to check out that Dev & The Cataracs record.

Bubbling Under:

Fantasia—”I’m Doing Me”
#101
This is right up with Monica’s “Love All Over Me” in the “do they really know what they’re singing about?” sweepstakes. I get the feeling, though, that Fantasia has a better sense of what’s going on than Monica does. Which doesn’t save this from being ordinary in almost every other respect. Fantasia’s last couple of singles had a good neo-soul vibe to them, but this is tepid. You don’t suppose they pegged it as a single just because of the title, do you?

Chris Brown—”No BS”
#102
In which Brown promises a night of perfect sex (the condoms are in the dresser, darling) over a rhythm track that sounds like giant insects are trying to break into the room. The whole thing makes me feel itchy, and not in a good way.

Charlie Wilson—”You Are”
#103
After “There Goes My Baby”, I was hoping that Wilson would be able to mount a real comeback, but this is retro in the worst possible way. That is, it really does sound old, and it makes Wilson sound old, too.

Jamie Foxx featuring Drake—”Fall For Your Type”
#104
Jamie Foxx is a smart, talented guy, but he thinks he’s a lot smarter and talented than he actually is, and he overreaches and fails over and over again. This record is a complete conceptual disaster, its tempo too slow for its subject, its subject too light for its pretentious heaviness, its flashes of ego unleavened by humor or sense. Drake is more bearable than usual, but that’s all that can be said for it.

Jerrod Niemann—”What Do You Want”
#105
Niemann is good at what he does, but too much of what he does seems to be focused on nothing more than demonstrating how good he is. He’s a country classicist, and though there’s nothing wrong with that—it’s something of a relief, actually—it isn’t enough. This is perfectly crafted and absolutely empty.

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Hot 100 Roundup—11/28/10

Friday, December 3rd, 2010

Glee Cast
“Forget You” (featuring Gwyneth Paltrow), #11
“Singing In the Rain/Umbrella” (featuring Gwyneth Paltrow), #18

Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg and Akon—“Kush”
#49
When a guy spends over a decade making a record about how wonderful dope is, it’s impossible to miss the ironic disconnect. Which isn’t to suggest that Dre is unaware of that irony himself: this is bouncy, funny, and celebratory in all the right ways. As always, Snoop gets off the best lines (“tight as the pants on will.i.am”). Dre has tricks of his own, though, including one of the slyest musical jokes I’ve ever heard, where the piano figure at the end starts coming apart as if it were being played by a stoner searching the keys for notes he could swear he knew just a minute ago.

Rihanna—“S&M”
#53
Having said in interviews that she’s tired of people paying attention only to the dark side of her music, Rihanna opens her new album with a chorus that includes the borrowed joke “Stick and stones may break my bones/But chains and whips excite me”. Mind you, S&M isn’t as dark or taboo as it used to be (though shouldn’t she at least have given us her safe word?), but considering Rihanna’s very public past in regard to sexual relationships, it seems an odd choice at best, a blatant cashing in at worst. This isn’t a bad record, but I find myself hesitant to learn anything else about Rihanna’s sex life, real or imagined. At the same time I keep flashing on Amy Rigby’s song “Year of the Fling”, about a woman who suddenly finds herself enmeshed in the BDSM scene: “At the peak of her binge/A twinge of fear came to unnerve her/But she mastered that/And it served to pervert her further”. What Rihanna went through was horrible and no doubt traumatic, but did surviving it really make her any stronger?

Nelly and Keri Hilson—“Liv Tonight”
#75
I don’t know if it’s this record in particular, or just their overwhelming presence on the charts these days, but I’m beginning to feel as tired of kick drums as I am of electric guitars, if only because they trap artists in a remorseless groove when they might be better off with more rhythmic freedom. That’s certainly true of Hilson, though I have my doubts about Nelly.

Michael Jackson & Akon—“Hold My Hand”
#84
I can understand why people wondered about the vocals on Jackson’s posthumous recordings: he does sound different, though it’s largely because he’s singing in a lower key—his voice was aging, and except for brief exclamations he couldn’t hit those high notes the way he used to. The phrasing, however, is undeniably Jackson, even if it is just an echo of his glory days. What’s more disappointing is his general lack of presence; most likely he hadn’t finished this when he died, but there’s still too much Akon and not enough MJ. What’s more fascinating, and a little creepy, is the homoerotic subtext that runs though the song. I mean, who are these guys singing to? Some unidentified woman? The world in general? Each other? The record is credited as a duet, after all. Who knows? That’s MJ for you—even posthumously, he’s the weirdest guy in the room.

Train—“Marry Me”
#95
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 11/21/10

Ke$ha—“Blow”
#97
The problem with Ke$ha’s records isn’t that they’re loud and dumb, it’s that she isn’t prepared to go all the way with the concept. When she says that she and her friends are young and bored, it’s a distancing effect that she probably thinks gives the song some sort of satirical meaning and depth. All it does, though, is cement her image as a privileged “artiste” who’s slumming all the way to the bank.

Flo Rida—“Turn Around (5,4,3,2,1)”
#98
Despite the evidence of his previous records, Flo Rida does not live and die by the hook; he lives and dies by propulsive forward motion, so much so that this time he seems to have lost the hook somewhere back on the track. Maybe he should ask Bruno Mars for another one; he’s bound to have a few lying around.

Bubbling Under:

Keri Hilson—“Pretty Girl Rock”
#102
Hilson is an interesting case. Her guest spots can seem anonymous (as in “Liv Tonight”), but her own records are defiantly idiosyncratic, always coming out of somewhere that seems familiar but with a twist that makes them difficult to trace. This one appears to borrow ideas from relatively obscure female artists like Santigold, Lil Jackie, and VV Brown, and at times almost sounds like a tribute record. At the same time it never sounds like anyone but Hilson. At least it would if I could be sure of exactly what Hilson sounds like. I’m still not sure she’s a major talent, but she’s certainly an intriguing one.

Billy Currington—“Let Me Down Easy”
#103
Currington doesn’t have an original bone in his body or thought in his head, but that doesn’t mean he can’t sound classier or more sophisticated than his country-heartthrob competition. He seems like a genuinely nice, laid-back sort of guy. In other words, he’s an old-school country careerist, and if sometimes he’s a little boring, well, that just comes with the territory.

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/24/10

Friday, October 29th, 2010

Taylor Swift—”Back To December”
#6
The problem with most pop and country ballads isn’t that they’re slow and lugubrious (though they often are), but that they’re so damned predictable. You can see every turn in the melody and lyric (if there are any turns, which is another problem) coming before you’ve even gotten through the solemn piano intro. Not this one. Almost effortlessly, Swift generates the drama a good ballad is supposed to contain. She can pack more words into a line without sounding like she’s overdoing it than anyone in the business, and the melody, which bounces up and down like a heartbeat on the chorus, goes places no other country balladeer would ever consider. She constantly comes up with lyrical details that sound lived in rather than looked up, and unlike most of Swift’s previous records, the ending is ambiguous and avoids another fairy tale conclusion. Though how any man with sense could say no to her is beyond me.

Glee Cast
“Lucky”, #27
“River Deep, Mountain High”, #41
“Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy”, #48
“Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”, #50
“Sing!”, #87
“Le Jazz Hot”, #94

Nelly featuring T-Pain and Akon—”Move That Body”
#54
Since Nelly has already made his comeback I can’t call this “three attempted comebacks on a single record”, but that sure is what it sounds like. Nelly is all right, and Akon is Akon, but T-Pain has never sounded duller, auto-tuning the only thing that makes him identifiable. Live by the plug-in, die by the plug-in.

Sugarland—”Little Miss”
#80
Sugarland suffers from what I’ve always thought of as Jackson Browne Syndrome. Crafty, catchy, and intelligent as they obviously are, too often their music seems totally detached from their lyrics, and on a song like this, when the lyrics aren’t clear, it’s virtually impossible to discover what the damn thing is about. Feelings, I guess, nothing more than feelings.

Darius Rucker—”This”
#83
Another ordinary celebration of the ordinary from the king of same. Though it’s possible to admire his consistency, if it isn’t a rut it sure ain’t a groove.

Trace Adkins—This Ain’t No Love Song”
#100
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/17/10

Bubbling Under:

T-Pain featuring Rick Ross—”Rap Song”
#103
It’s probably unfair to compare T-Pain to The-Dream—The-Dream is a kind of genius, whereas T-Pain is a guy who had one brilliantly inspired idea and whose inspiration is fading fast—but if I’m going to listen to a song about making love to other people’s music, I’ll stick to “Kelly’s 12 Play”. Aside from a clever, if somewhat aged, Kanye joke, and the tasteless suggestion of having sex to Straight Outta Compton, this contains nothing to distinguish it from a lot of other auto-tuned slow jams. And has Rick Ross ever sounded more out of place than he does here? Did they just lift his rap from another record and stick it in?

Lloyd—”Lay It Down”
#105
Lloyd’s made some strong records over the last couple of years, but unlike Trey Songz, who was in a similar position until he finally broke a few months ago, Lloyd hasn’t been as lucky on the charts. And now it sounds as if he’s getting desperate, because this song is seriously insane. Vocally it’s all over the place, crooning here, yelping there, auto-tuned and stretched like a rubber band in the chorus, and ending, God help us all, with yodeling. He sounds like he’s having a great time, but the rest of us are left scratching our heads. It gets your attention, but where exactly is this all supposed to end? And will anybody else be around when it does?

My Chemical Romance—”Only Hope For Me Is You”
#106
This is strong and catchy, but it goes on too long and gets dangerously close to Linkin Park territory. There’s such a thing as coming on too strong. Trust your sense of humor, guys, it hasn’t failed you yet.

The Black Keys—”Tighten Up”
#110
Danger Mouse’s production makes this more than just a late-’60s funk/rock homage, but not much more, and the vocals and lyrics take you right back to Grand Funk Railroad territory. And if there’s any band who’s reputation doesn’t need a positive reassessment, it’s Grand Funk Railroad. Queen was bad enough.

Big Time Rush—”Til I Forget About You”
#111
Catchier and more mature than their first single, but still nothing to get excited about, even if you’re thirteen. In fact, they may have matured just enough to put themselves into demographic limbo.

Hannah Montana featuring Iyaz—”Gonna Get This”
#112
Despite the credit to Hannah Montana rather than Miley Cyrus, this is not Disney pop. Disney pop doesn’t exist anymore. Partly this is because Disney pop has become more mature and up-to-date, but largely it’s because pop music itself has taken a giant step in the direction of Disney. There’s now no noticeable difference between the two. No doubt this was Disney’s plan all along, though it does make you wonder how they’ll distinguish any stars they try to create in the future from the mass. As for this record, it’s pretty good, nearly as good as anything Miley Cyrus has put out under her own name, though not as good as the best stuff she did as Hannah Montana. Since there’s no real difference between the two anymore, I suppose it’s as good a time as any to end it.

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/3/10

Thursday, October 7th, 2010

Glee Cast
“Empire State of Mind”, #21
“Telephone”, #23
“Billionaire”, #28
“Listen”, #38
“What I Did For Love”, #51

Akon—”Angel”
#62
Yet another “I Gotta Feeling” rip, only this time not from someone directly associated with the original record, which is a relief. Akon’s voice may have changed, but his gift for hooks remains, and here he strings enough together to make for a bearable dance record. My only question is whether this is intended as a tribute to Lady GaGa, who has guaranteed Akon a comfortable living even if he never has another hit. Maybe he should just go into promotion and forget this whole making records business. He wouldn’t be the first.

Update: Whoops, there I go forgetting to check the credits again. This was produced by David Guetta, so just ignore that first sentence.

Maroon 5—”Stutter”
#84
Catchier than their previous records off the new album, but in its own way just as stiff and claustrophobia inducing. Their clockwork groove is like a wall they build between the music and whatever emotion is supposedly generating it. Which means they’re either trying too hard or are too tasteful to get really funky. Working with a producer other than the tireless careerist Robert John Lange might help.

Jesse McCartney—”Shake”
#90
A few years ago, Jesse McCartney was the equivalent of Justin Bieber, only with a little more funk and without the hordes of screaming girls. Now he seems to be in limbo. His voice has matured, but his material still has a teenage quality to it (doesn’t everybody’s?) that doesn’t quite match with his voice. I like the telephone gimmick leading into the chorus, and this is catchy and almost funky enough to get by, but the song’s slightly Bieberish quality throws me off. He’s like a solo version of Maroon 5: his heart is in the right place, but his music is too stiff to catch up.

Diddy – Dirty Money featuring Drake—”Loving You No More”
#91
This goes down smooth and easy in the background, but like most muzak, once you get up close you notice how barren it is. And that’s even before Drake clears his throat and starts to rap.

Mike Posner—”Please Don’t Go”
#94
Pleasant but forgettable, which is a step up from his last record, which was brainless (often mistaken for pleasant) and irritating. I like the random electronics on the last verse, but the rest of it is sap. With guys like Posner and Owl City on the scene, the hipness quotient of electronic music is going to nosedive fast, if it hasn’t already.

Bubbling Under:

Zac Brown Band featuring Jimmy Buffett—”Knee Deep”
#101
When Zac Brown sings by himself, he sounds like James Taylor. When he sings with Alan Jackson, he sounds like Alan Jackson. Guess who he sounds like now? And no, despite the presence of the original inspiration, this is not as good as “Toes”.

Bon Jovi—”What Do You Got?”
#102
Ann Powers swears that Bon Jovi is a great arena band, and though I’ve never thought of that as a distinct genre, I’m willing to take her word on it. All the same, should I ever find myself in an arena with Bon Jovi, this song is when I would seize the opportunity to find a bathroom.

Maroon 5 with Lady Antebellum—”Out of Goodbyes”
#103
Apparently anyone who comes in contact with Lady Antebellum turns immediately into another version of Fleetwood Mac, and though the voices don’t blend as magically as Buckingham’s and McVie’s, this has its moments (the line about the “storm brewing in his eyes” is perfectly set). But moments is all it has, and though the playing is as precise as you’d expect, Fleetwood Mac was both precise and passionate, and that makes all the difference.

David Guetta featuring Kid Cudi—”Memories”
#104
Never, ever listen to a song called “Memories”. It’s guaranteed to be sentimental, even when it comes on with garish, hard-edged dance beats and features a vocalist who sounds like he’s coked himself hoarse. In fact, that might be even worse.

Bruno Mars featuring Damian Marley—”Liquor Store Blues”
#105
This doesn’t work, largely because Mars’s overdeveloped pop instinct undercuts whatever sense of “the blues” he may possess, but I’m fascinated by his attempts to show a serious side, or at least some sort of social conscious (this, “Billionaire”, maybe even “Fuck You”). It’s not the sort of thing you find in most masters of lighthearted melodic hooks, and it suggest that if he can ever manage to balance the two, he could become a major artist, instead of just a highly successful one.

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New this week—12/13/09

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

Glee Cast—”Last Christmas”
#63
Unlike the other twenty (!!!) songs Glee has put on the Hot 100 this year, this one seems perfectly designed for the sort of bland vocal treatment the show specializes in. It is a Christmas song, after all, and considering how much breathy echo was layered onto Wham!’s original version, it was practically a Glee song already. Except for the intro to “Don’t Stop Believin’” (all the way back in the pilot), this is the best thing they’ve done. And I don’t care if I ever hear it again.

Daughtry—”After You”
#66
Blander even than Nickelback, and therefore less offensive. Also less interesting, which is a kind of negative achievement, I suppose. The only positive is that Chris Daughtry still makes me believe he’s singing to his wife. I just hope she doesn’t fall asleep in the middle of it.

Orianthi—”According To You”
#67
Conceptually, the guitar shredding on this Kelly Clarkson knock-off makes sense. The attitude she gets from her boyfriend is probably much like the attitude she gets from guys who don’t believe women can play lead guitar. Musically, though, it’s as empty and meaningless as most shredding for shredding’s sake, and decidedly out of place in a Kelly Clarkson knock-off. It would also help if she could sing anywhere near as well as she can play.

Nick Jonas & the Administration—”Who I Am”
#73
Anybody who calls this a country move has obviously never heard any country. It’s more like a John Mayer record with leaden lyrics and duller chord changes. Minus the bombast provided by his brothers, Jonas sounds overwrought and out of place, as if he had no idea who he was at all.

Timbaland Featuring Justin Timberlake—”Carry Out”
#75
I hate to get all PC all of a sudden, but I can’t think of anything more sexist than comparing a woman to food that, no matter how tasty it may be, is picked up largely because it demands nothing from the man but ready cash and doesn’t require any messy clean up. You know, like a prostitute? Serves them right that the record’s so dull.

Pitbull featuring Akon—”Shut It Down”
#85
Akon is supposed to provide the hook, but all he does is get in Pitbull’s way. Without him this could be one of the club jams of the year. It was nice of Pitbull to give the poor guy a break, I guess, but I look forward to a remix that’s all Pitbull and his harsh minimalist electronics, and no Akon at all.

Phoenix—”1901″
#90
For the life of me I cannot figure out the appeal of these Frenchmen. To me, they’re The Eagles of indie, inspired by of Montreal instead of Graham Parsons. Apparently their Grammy nomination for Best Alternative Album has generated enough buzz to get them into the Hot 100. Which is interesting, since their appearance on Saturday Night Live earlier this year couldn’t do it. Who knew the Grammies had such influence over alternative fans’ buying habits?

The Script—”Breakeven”
#96
Better than The Fray or OneRepublic, if only because they seem less self-involved and overwrought. But then, how good do you have to be to be better than The Fray or OneRepublic?

Toby Keith featuring Dave Koz, Marcus Miller & Arthur Thompson—”Cryin’ For Me (Wayman’s Song)”
#97
Whatever real emotion may be behind this song (the lyrics have their touching moments) is lost in Keith’s apparent ambition to crossover into Lite Jazz territory. Nothing like expanding that radio outreach.

Timbaland featuring Katy Perry—”If We Ever Meet Again”
#99
Timbaland’s M.O. these days appears to be applying his tried and true production techniques to current hit makers in the hope of not only generating hits but revving his own creative juices. So far, it doesn’t seem to be working on either count. Here he sounds almost desperate in his desire to do something new and interesting. The result is a bunch of cliches jammed together, and not very well either.

Brad Paisley—”American Saturday Night”
#100
Though the comparison may sound odd, it seems to me that Paisley is everything that John Mayer is supposed to be. An intelligent, daring, witty, unbelievably talented songwriter and guitarist (will somebody please put him on a stage with Richard Thompson? please?), who is also humble, self-deprecating, devoid of flash, and refuses to play down to his audience intellectually or emotionally. The difference is that, unlike Mayer, Paisley seems to be totally lacking in self-consciousness—he says what he wants to say, plays what he wants to play, and never for a moment worries about what people think of him. Whether or not this brilliant record, which in theme is the exact opposite of the xenophobic, jingoistic rants that have plagued country music for decades, will be a hit is of absolutely no interest to Paisley. It probably will be. He’ll appreciate it, and find it sort of funny in a way, but it won’t affect his music one way or the other. He takes things so easy that even those who admire him don’t seem to realize that he’s probably the greatest country musician of his generation. Here’s hoping he’s the most influential, as well.

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Call the removal squad

Saturday, November 7th, 2009


Chris Brown - Graffitti

This, the cover of Chris Brown’s upcoming album, has been making the rounds all week, engendering many WTF? reactions. The meaning seems obvious enough: Brown, who looks to the future instead of the past—literally above it all—is applying some old school bug spray to the cartoonish haters, bloggers, blog commenters, twitterers, and gossip mongers like TMZ and Perez Hilton who have the audacity to stand between him and his destiny just because he beat the shit out of his girlfriend. If the bug spray doesn’t work, he’ll bash them with his guitar (probably borrowed from Lil Wayne, to go along with the clothes borrowed from Usher and the metal hand borrowed from Beyonce). Good move, Chris, you’re now officially as despicable as Akon. Oh, and you might want to ask the Konvict, along with R. Kelly and the ghost of Michael Jackson, if there might be such a thing as bad publicity after all.

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New this week

Sunday, August 9th, 2009

T.I. featuring Mary J. Blige—”Remember Me”
#29
The verse about his woman cheating on him while he’s in the joint sounds real enough, but it doesn’t matter, because T.I. loses me on the very first line, where he compares himself to Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcom X. Is it even necessary to point out to anyone but right wing gun nuts the difference between being arrested fighting for your civil rights and a federal weapons violation (for that matter, did Malcolm X do jail time for anything but being a pimp?)? Of course, the line goes perfectly with the over-the-top production and Blige’s prayerful chorus. Did I really believe that T.I. had changed? I may have to take it all back.

Toby Keith—”American Ride”
#54
Despite it’s jingoistic tone, this is really about tolerance and loving this crazy country of ours, liberal or conservative, black or white, Democrat or Republican, rich or poor, right or left. Too bad all his examples seem to come off The O’Reilly Factor.

David Guetta featuring Akon—”Sexy Bitch”
#56
I like the conceit of the hook line, “I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful”, but the music is like Kid Cudi’s “Day ‘n’ Night” badly welded onto Sean Kingston’s “Fire Burning”, and Akon’s vocals lack whatever distinctiveness they once had. He also sounds uncertain—that hook line may as well have his fingerprints on it, but it sounds like Guetta is singing it. After the relative failure of Akon’s loverman album, this half-hearted return to his player ways suggests confusion about how to recover from all that bad publicity a couple of years ago. It will be interesting to see how this pans out. It has all the marks of a hit, but I think Akon’s blown whatever goodwill he had going for him. And I don’t think anybody’s going to turn this into a wedding video.

Tim McGraw—”It’s A Business Doing Pleasure With You”
#73
No kidding. Except this is so plodding there isn’t even any pleasure involved. Co-written by Chad Kroeger of Nickelback, which figures.

Jay-Z, Rihanna, & Kanye West–”Run This Town”
#88
Jay-Z’s career is becoming confusing. On American Gangster he was on top of his game, cool and confident. Without Denzel Washington’s example, however, he seems a little more insecure. “D.O.A.” was just dumb, and this negates a not bad black pride rap by ending with West belittling a woman for having less fashion sense than he does. And why would anyone who hates autotune feature Rihanaa, who sounds like a machine even without the help of special effects? If these guys are the new Rat Pack, then this is the original Oceans 11: lazy, self-absorbed, and self-satisfied.

Michelle Branch—”Sooner Or Later”
#93
Second-rate Taylor Swift, just the thing to revive a rapidly dwindling career.

Uncle Kracker–”Smile”
#95
Kid Rock cohort turns into Daniel Powter knock-off. He’s still trailer trash, but now his trailer’s on the beach.

Martina McBride—”I Just Call You Mine”
#97
Before the country banality and the usual Nashville overarranging take over, McBride confirms what a sharp and intelligent singer she can be. By the end of the first chorus, though, she’s just another country diva singing what’s been handed to her. I don’t know if McBride deserves better or not (she co-produced this, so she takes a greater share of the blame than usual), but her voice sure does.

Parachute—”She Is Love”
#98
This sounds like the intro to what could be a really nice love song. Too bad nobody wrote the rest of it.

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