Posts Tagged ‘Beyonce’

Hot 100 Roundup—10/29/11

Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

Snoop Dogg featuring Bruno Mars & Wiz Khalifa—“Young, Wild & Free”
#10

Half good-time dope song, half, thanks to Khalifa, public service message on behalf of marijuana as a mood stabilizer, all charming in its way, but too sleepy and boring in parts. I assume Mars or his pals in The Smeezingtons wrote the hook, though he appears to have buried himself in the mix—a smart move, since Snoop and Khalifa’s rougher, less trained vocals make more sense in this context than Mars’s trademark croon. Hardly a hallmark in any of their careers, but pleasant fluff all the same.

The Fray—“Heartbeat”
#43

It’s a no-brainer that Kings Of Leon would have imitators, but somehow I never expected it to be an already established act. Guess the sloppy vocals and even sloppier ideas seemed like such a perfect fit that The Fray just couldn’t resist. They might have covered their tracks better, though; some of this sounds so much like “Use Somebody” that when it comes up on shuffle I keep thinking it is Kings of Leon. Sometimes I even hit skip before I realize my mistake. Not that I wouldn’t skip it anyway.

Beyonce—“Countdown”
#85

This is as brilliant musically as everyone says it is—even Beyonce’s over-brassiness works in this context—but I’m getting tired of her confusing brand of feminism, which largely consists of the old saw of being a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom. Though she would probably phrase it more along the lines of being a powerful woman in public and a skilled lover in private. Whatever the case, her belief in ultimate sublimation to her man, which goes back to her earliest Destiny’s Child days, is unquestioned. She got out from under her father’s domineering hand in her business life, isn’t it time she got out from under his tired old ideas, as well?

Tyga featuring Drake—“Still Got It”
#89

Though he’s more talented as a vocalist, Tyga strikes me as being a lot like Jamie Foxx: whoever he has guesting on his track, that’s who he sounds like. Drake’s hook is far more interesting than anything Tyga has to say, and the track as a whole is mediocre at best.

Roscoe Dash—“Good Good Night”
#91

Dash is basically a second level version of Soulja Boy—less aggressive, less daring, and far less interesting—but every once in a while he comes up with a good hook, and this is one of them. You’ll forget all about it once it’s over, but at least you’ll enjoy it while it’s on.

Britney Spears—“Criminal”
#92

Though it points in a totally different direction, I enjoy this more than anything Spears has released since “Piece Of Me”. It’s very smart to play down the melodramatic cliché of loving a bad boy with music that sounds not just peaceful, but almost blissful. As “physical” as her love may be (a word that, in this song, covers a lot of emotional ground), it isn’t the rough and tumble that you’d expect, but something more like a day at the spa: both fulfilling and refreshing. Spears may not be the brightest singer in the world, but she does understand sex, which is more than most pop stars can claim.

Katy Perry—“The One That Got Away”
#94

Six singles in, Perry is starting to scrape the ordinary, at least musically. The lyrics, though, are something else. Everyone’s least favorite pop maven presents us with what is essentially an indie-rock romance: they make out to Radiohead and think of themselves as a modern June Carter and Johnny Cash. As it happens, though, she’s the one who’s more forward thinking, which turns her into a pop star while he ends up busking the blues on downtown street corners. Any regrets are nothing more than the usual lip service (Perry is nothing if not a master of formula), but in its way this is more honest than most indie-rock love songs, even if she doesn’t mean a word of it.

Jessie J—“Domino”
#96

A lot of people have been comparing Jessie J to Katy Perry, and not in a good way, but this is the first time the comparison has seemed totally apt. The sound and sensibility is a straight rip-off, but J doesn’t have nearly as much charm as Perry, or as much sense. She doesn’t seem to understand, for example, that being a domino just makes her one of the many women who are lined up to be used by this guy. You have to think about metaphors and similes; you can’t just toss them off because they sound good.

Drake featuring Nicki Minaj—“Make Me Proud”
#97

This isn’t nearly as sexist and condescending as some people have suggested it is, but it is something of a borderline case. The big problem is the title: saying that somebody makes you proud is much more self-directed and self-absorbed than saying that you’re proud of them, which can be a simple compliment. The former suggests that you had something to do with what makes the person so wonderful. But that isn’t the case here. Drake never utters the title line, and instead says “I’m so proud of you”. I’m assuming he changed the title to avoid confusion with The Impressions’ “I’m So Proud” (nobody with any sense dares comparison with Curtis Mayfield). Still, he does go overboard in his praise, to the point where he sounds condescending, and since Minaj is playing it safe—her rap is good but not particularly memorable—he comes off looking something of an ass (what else is new?). I’d be much more forgiving if she had smoked him. But he means well, I’m sure. Also, the music is great, which makes up for a lot.

Evanescence—“Lost In Paradise”
#99

“What You Want” made me hope that Amy Lee was stepping away from the melodramatic bombast that has been her stock in trade from the beginning, but this songs dashes those hopes in grandiose style. It’s all so obvious: from the first notes of the piano you wait for the crash of guitars and orchestra, and though it gets held off longer than usual, it’s exactly like you imagine it, overwrought and dull. And then it goes on for another three minutes.

Hot 100 Roundup—10/22/11

Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

Daughtry—”Crawling Back to You”
#41

The hook sticks in your head, but only because you’ve heard it a thousand times already. Fans of this kind of stuff can probably sing along after the first two or three notes, which I’m sure is a large part of its appeal. There isn’t an original or interesting idea anywhere on it. Not that that’s a surprise.

Hot Chelle Rae featuring New Boyz—”I Like It Like That”
#51

This is like 3Oh!3 for the younger crowd (what became of those guys, anyway?), and if it wasn’t for the presence of the New Boyz, might be considered as an audition for the next Kidz Bop collection. The New Boyz, however, though they keep it clean, also add a bit of personality, which is the last thing a Kidz Bop record would want. They’re still good enough that I wish they weren’t so obviously at the mercy of the industry, and I only hope they don’t get every ounce of talent, or their regard for each other, squeezed out of them before their contract expires.

Glee Cast
“Fix You”, #53
“Run the World (Girls)”, #91

Taio Cruz featuring Flo Rida—”Hangover”
#62

I like this a lot, mostly because I get the feeling that Taio Cruz is secretly putting forth an anti-drinking message, or at least an anti-drinking-to-excess message. When he brags about drinking till he throws up I always catch the whiff of satire, no matter how hard the beat is pumping in the background. Satire, of course, is beyond Flo Rida, because most of what he says is incomprehensible anyway. He does claim that he never throws up, so maybe he considers satire unmanly.

T.I. featuring Big K.R.I.T.—”I’m Flexin’”
#66

I can’t think of any particular reason to recommend this track. The flow is good, the raps intelligent, but neither T.I. or K.R.I.T. have anything important or interesting to say, which may explain why the music seems old-hat and lacking in punch.

Enrique Iglesias featuring Pitbull & The WAV.s—”I Like How It Feels”
#76

This record confuses me. I like the openness of the arrangement, and the beats sound like they were made with live drums (probably not, but that’s how they sound), but the lyrics are weird. The first verse sounds like a standard dance track, with an odd reference to the It Gets Better project tossed in for no apparent reason. Then the second verse is all we-can-save-the-world-if-we-stand-together. Then Pitbull enters, and since all he’s ever been able to rap about is sex, he does that for a while, and then the record ends. My assumption is that Iglesias was just stringing words together and callously cashing in on an internet meme. Then again, if Pitbull wasn’t on here, I might wonder if this wasn’t Iglesias’ confused idea of a coming out song. I have no real evidence to back that up, and it probably isn’t true, but weirder things have happened.

Big Sean—”Dance(A$$)”
#93

This is like a Busta Rhymes track without Busta. Why exactly did Kanye West sign this guy? Because he reflects West’s id (or anybody’s, really) without the limitations of conscience, intelligence, or taste?

Beyonce featuring Andre 3000—”Party”
#95

I haven’t heard the J. Cole remix that is apparently replacing this for the video and radio, but it can’t possibly be better. This is a good record, especially the harmonies on the chorus, but Andre is the only thing that makes it special. His rap is about being older, about not partying, but being looked up to by the kids who are. It adds a level of contemplation to the song that’s only hinted at in the mature groove of the arrangement. I’ve heard that some people think Andre is slipping as a rapper. I think he’s entering a realm that those people don’t understand.

Hot 100 Roundup—9/17/11

Monday, October 10th, 2011

Lil Wayne
“Mirror” (featuring Bruno Mars), #16
“Blunt Blowin’”, #33
“MegaMan”, #50
“It’s Good” (featuring Drake & Jadakiss), #79
“How To Hate” (featuring T-Pain), #84
“Nightmares of the Bottom”, #90
“President Carter”, #94
“So Special” (featuring John Legend), #95

A mixture of the competent and the truly terrible (“Mirror” may be the most relentlessly self-pitying piece of gunk I have ever heard), the bright spots on these tracks are so few and far between that they feel like Wayne guest spots on his own album. The problem is not, as some have suggested, that Wayne isn’t trying. He obviously is, as the forced word play and over-stressed puns attest. The problem is that, in reaction to his jail stint, he seems to have changed his working methods, writing his raps instead of working ideas over in his head and spitting them out for the first time in front of a microphone. Putting ideas on paper, as any writer will tell you, allows for all sorts of self-doubt and second guessing, and may result in something being worked over until all signs of life have been drained out of it. The freedom and of-the-moment brilliance of Wayne’s raps has disappeared and been replaced by what I’m sure he considers meaningful and carefully considered but lifeless verbiage. Perhaps he’ll work it out, or maybe his inspiration is truly gone, drained by his pre-prison burst of creativity (there were signs of that even before he was sentenced) or killed by his time in jail. He’ll undoubtedly get a second wind, and maybe the genius will return combined with a growing maturity. But that’s going to take time, and there’s no sign that Wayne is doing anything to make that happen. His infinite sense of confidence may be his greatest weakness right now. I expect to hear great things from him in the future, but I don’t expect them anytime soon.

Beyonce—”Love On Top”
#20

The praise for 4 has been so universal I feel like a curmudgeon for not being more impressed by what I’ve heard, but I’m not. This is one of the better cuts, establishing an excellent late-80s soul groove (with synths that sound like they came off a Wings record), and then building into a joyful chorus that becomes ever more ecstatic through a series of ascending key changes. It’s masterful in almost every way, but somehow, for me at least, it lacks something. My problem is Beyonce’s voice, which is technically perfect but has always struck me as sharp and metallic and too obvious in it’s effects. Listening to her is somewhat like watching Jodie Foster or Meryl Streep act: I’m impressed by the skill and technique, but the way they use them is too transparent—it’s a great performance, and I admire the intelligence behind it, but I never forget for a moment that it is a performance. I appreciate a brilliant facade as much as the next person, but people talk about Beyonce as if she were giving us more than that, and from my perspective she rarely does. There’s no doubt that 4 is a step up from the misguided Sasha Fierce, so much so that people are overrating it—or maybe it’s why I’m underrating it; being better than Sasha Fierce doesn’t seem like much of an accomplishment to me.

David Guetta
“Turn Me On” (featuring Nicki Minaj), #37
“Without You” (featuring Usher), #39

“I just want you to father my young” is a great line, but it’s the only great line Minaj is allowed on “Turn Me On”, which sounds as if it might have been written for Rihanna instead. Meanwhile, “Without You” is an OK song with an oddly happy arrangement on the chorus, which also features one of Usher’s best-ever vocal performances. And so goes the hit-and-miss career of David Guetta, superstar DJ and all-around hack.

Chris Brown featuring Benny Benassi—”Beautiful People”
#43

The music is derivative but great, the lyrics derivative and awful, with Chris Brown lying through his teeth every beat of the way. Brown gets points for being the hip-hop performer who has been most willing to jump with both feet into the Euro-disco whirlpool, but he has done so in service of a personality that is so shallow and hypocritical that he makes world peace and the universality of beauty sound unclean. And when I say hypocritical, I’m not talking about Rihanna—it’s right there in the music and in his voice, in every beat and every breath. This guy cares about nothing but himself, and he’s willing to say or do anything to make you care about him too.

Lady Antebellum—”Dancin’ Away With My Heart”
#50

Another perfectly crafted, mediocre celebration of lost love, which once again focuses nostalgically on the singers’ teen years. Please don’t tell me it’s a concept album.

Young the Giant—”My Body”
#65

Further proof of the power of television, as if anybody needed it. Get a featured spot on the VMAs and you’re guaranteed to make the bottom half of the Hot 100 for a week or two. But even TV couldn’t turn this lame pastiche of Muse and The Killers into a real hit. For that you need something else: talent, novelty, tons of promotion money, anything.

LMFAO—”Sexy and I Know It”
#76

The obvious reference point is Right Said Fred, but I hear some Weird Al in here as well, which is welcome. Now that these guys have finally outed themselves as total comedians (and with a flair for electro at that), maybe some people will realize that their hedonistic shoutouts are at least partly satire and stop accusing them of corrupting our youth. Our youth are already corrupt, LMFAO are just making fun of them for profit. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. And don’t think the youth don’t get the joke; why do you think they’re buying the records?

Flo Rida—”Good Feeling”
#82

The Etta James hook is great, as is the overall sound, but that’s all there is: Rida has nothing to say even if you could understand him, and the hook is repeated so often you get sick of it (you might hold out a bit longer on the dance floor, though). A nice idea, but…

Hot 100 Roundup—6/18/11

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011

Coldplay—”Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall”
#29

Producer Brian Eno continues to toughen them up musically, but the lyrics are as self-obsessed as ever. This one posits romantic revolution for record nerds, where sitting in your room and listening to daring and difficult music is a rebellious act that ends in you raising your fist against something or other somewhere out in the real world. And then you feel sorry for yourself. Not even Eno can ring the sentimentality out of crap as earnest and determined as this.

Pitbull featuring Chris Brown—”International Love”
#59

On the chorus, Chris Brown’s idea of international appears not to extend beyond the continental U.S. The hook is catchy, though, and Pitbull makes up for Brown’s narrowness with an itinerary that starts in Rumania (where a pair of sisters offer themselves to him) and includes Lebanon and most of South America. Compared to his last couple of appearances, Pitbull sounds rejuvenated, especially near the end, when he switches effortlessly between English and Spanish. His voice is his main attraction, but Pitbull doesn’t get near enough credit for his rapping, which is fluid not only linguistically but rhythmically. I find his eurodisco-based beats a bit heavy-handed, but that’s what a club banger is supposed to be.

Beyonce—”Best Thing I Never Had”
#84

Though she tries hard, too hard, to separate herself from the norm, Beyonce fits perfectly into one standard mold: the mid-career pop artist desperate to be taken seriously. Her attempts to break free are, in fact, a symptom of the problem. This is terrible in almost every way: over-arranged, melodramatic, badly sung (when Beyonce wants to sound angry she tends to bellow), with lyrics whose artlessness may be designed to counteract the dramatic production but only succeed in exacerbating the problem. By the time she shouts out “Sucks to be you right now” it’s impossible not to wonder what the hell she was thinking when she recorded this. That she was doing something different and daring, I bet.

Linkin Park—”Iridescent”
#86

I can’t stand these guys, but they are entertaining. This may be the funniest hard rock record since Queensryche’s “Silent Lucidity”, though it doesn’t come close to Queensryche’s preening, pretentious stupidity. It doesn’t even set a record for cliches, since just about any romantic lyricist could beat them in a walk. For sheer boilerplate existential despair, though, no one can touch them, and the first verse, which I feel a duty to quote in full, is a masterpiece:

You were standing in the wake of devastation
And you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
And with the cataclysm raining down
Insides crying “Save me now”
You were there, impossibly alone

It’s even funnier when Mike Shinoda sings it.

Trey Songz featuring Drake—”Unusual”
#90

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 6/4/11

Rodney Atkins—”Take A Back Road”
#92

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 5/21/11

Victorious Cast featuring Victoria Justice—”Best Friend’s Brother”
#93

I love the bridge, like the chorus, but could care less about the verses, which are standard, streamlined punk-pop. All the same, Nickelodeon is getting better at mining the Disney-pop model, and Justice, who has a co-writing credit, may be a real talent. Especially if she wrote that bridge.

Andy Grammer—”Keep Your Head Up”
#94

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 6/11/11

Rej3ctz—”Cat Daddy”
#97

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/23/11

Trace Adkins—”Just Fishin’”
#98

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 5/21/11

Hot 100 Roundup—6/11/11

Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

Scotty McCreery—”I Love You This Big”
#11
Lauren Alaina—”Like My Mother Does”
#20

At first listen it seems as if the latest American Idol survivors have been granted better material than previous winners. But even though these songs are more specific in detail and less generic in overall tone, they’re still terrible, with lyrics that make you gasp in awe at their utter inanity. McCreery and Alaina make the best of it and deliver what they think is expected of them, but McCreery’s voice lacks seasoning—he needs experience: alcohol, sex, even more religion—while Alaina’s attempts to bend her song to her will result in a lot of growling and screaming and only make things worse. They’ll both do better. Whether either of them has the talent or brains to do much better is still an open question.

Glee Cast
“Light Up the World”, #33
“Pretending”, #40
“For Good”, #58
“I Love New York/New York, New York”, #81
“As Long As You’re There”, #93

Lady GaGa
“You and I”, #36
“Marry the Night”, #79

The pleasure I take in Born This Way is largely a matter of sonics and structure. That’s not a putdown. When you create something that for the most part is collage and pastiche, both musically and lyrically, sonics and structure are what make the difference between bland imitation and creating something new, and GaGa gets them right every single time. And then she boosts them. The drums and guitar on “You and I” may owe their inspiration to Queen, but they outstrip and outboom anything that band ever did, and the fact that they’re tied to a song that borrows from highway rock and roll and even country and western puts it in a league of its own. “Marry The Night”, meanwhile, is more Springsteen-inspired disco, with a coda beamed in from a mid-90s rave. I still have my doubts about her lyrics, which are often blander than they need to be, and I don’t think she’s making anything truly new out of her sources, but her merger of hard rock with disco diva anthems (which is what that ridiculous cover photo is all about, in case you were wondering) is wondrous, even if it ultimately doesn’t lead anywhere. Don’t think of it as something new, but as a well-earned celebration of a greatness we may have missed at the time.

Beyonce—”1+1″
#57

I have my doubts about Beyonce’s soul moves, especially her high notes and the dynamics that accompany them, but thematically this is a breakthrough, the first Beyonce song about a relationship I’ve heard in which she isn’t either asserting her iron-willed dominance or making like a supplicant to her godlike man. That see-sawing from one extreme to another was getting tiresome, and this is a welcome relief. I bet it’s a relief to Jay-Z, too.

Lil Wayne—”How To Love”
#69

I don’t think it’s the softness of sound that has caused so many people to write this song off. Sentimentality is as much a part of rap as any other kind of music, and if anyone has earned the right to a little mellow down time it’s Lil Wayne. What probably bothers hardcore rap fans more is the sense of empathy the song is based on. It isn’t really a love song, and it certainly isn’t a sex song. Instead, it’s a real attempt to understand where this woman is coming from and what she’s feeling, something more along the lines of Prince’s “I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man” (even though the situation appears to be completely different) than your standard lover man rap. In other words, thematically it’s as far from the mainstream of rap as Wayne’s phrasing and twisting trains of thought have always been. Like the pre-prison “I’m Single”, it’s a record by someone who’s trying to sort out the world in all it’s aspects, not just as it relates to his place, position, and pleasure. Musically, Wayne still isn’t sure what to make of these ideas, so he falls too readily into cliche, but if he should ever figure it out, or find a collaborator who has, then watch out: he may well remake rap yet again.

Reeve Carney featuring Bono & The Edge—”Rise Above 1″
#74

Not sure exactly what I expected a Broadway soundtrack written by Bono and The Edge to sound like, but I wasn’t expecting standard-issue U2, that’s for sure. Way to stretch your stylistic limits, guys. As for Reeve Carney, his Bono imitation is so exact I can only assume he thinks of Spiderman as a warm-up for that more lucrative U2 biopic that’s bound to appear sooner or later. Either that or he has a great future in tribute bands.

Mac Miller—”Donald Trump”
#80

The white version of Wiz Khalifa, or Waka Flocka Flame, or maybe even Big Sean. How did we stand the wait?

Kenny Chesney featuring Grace Potter—”You and Tequila”
#92

Strong, steady, and never overdone, this is as good as Chesney is ever going to get. With Grace Potter playing Emmylou Harris, he almost sounds human. There’s still something that doesn’t come across, though, and the stiff perfectionism of this record keeps it from classic territory. Damn close, though.

Rihanna—”Man Down”
#94

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 6/4/11

Lupe Fiasco featuring Trey Songz—”Out Of My Head”
#98

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 5/21/11

Hot 100 Roundup—5/28/11

Thursday, June 2nd, 2011

Lady Gaga—”The Edge of Glory”
#3

Everything I’ve read about this record points out the Springsteen influence (how could it not with Clarence Clemons’ presence?) but I’ve yet to see anyone mention the band who are an equal influence on the sound of this record: Journey. Which is just another way of saying that though I’m impressed by GaGa’s talent, I have my doubts about the sources she taps for her highly skilled, perhaps even meaningful pastiches. Golden-era Madonna is one thing, and maybe even Elton John, but I have my doubts about Abba and Journey, and I even have doubts about Clarence Clemons, at least in this case. Like too many of the records that this is modeled, and admittedly improves, upon, the sax solo sounds stuck in because it’s expected, not becasue it fits. What saves her is the fact that she turns the meaning of the music she’s imitating on its head: what once seemed an echo of the narcisstic, grab it while you can, Reagan ’80s, is now used to promote individuality, tolerance, and freedom of expression. Of course, that’s how the ’80s started, too.

Enrique Iglesias with Usher featuring Lil Wayne—”Dirty Dancer”
#18

Better in many ways than Iglesias’ previous records, but except for Lil Wayne it still lacks in personality. Not that machine tooled dance music is a bad thing, and this is better than most, but I can only just tell Iglesias and Usher apart. But I admit I’m not trying very hard.

Glee Cast
“Rolling In the Deep”, #29
“Friday”, #34
“Jar Of Hearts”, #49
“Isn’t She Lovely”, #65
“I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend to Dance With You”, #72
“Dancing Queen”, #74

Steven Tyler—”(It) Feels So Good”
#35

Steven Tyler – Aerosmith = John Cougar Mellancamp + vocal range.

Rick Ross featuring Lil Wayne—”9 Piece”
#61

The problem isn’t the track, and it certainly isn’t Lil Wayne, though his rap is nothing special. It’s Ross, and his inability to inject any sort of meaningful emotion or subtlety into his voice. It isn’t exactly a monotone, but it’s damn close, and since he repeats himself a lot, it gets boring before he finishes the first chorus.

The Lonely Island featuring Michael Bolton—”Jack Sparrow”
#69

Like most comedy records, this is funny the first time through and becomes progressively more tired each time after that. Which only makes you notice how obvious and incompetent some of it is (stupidest move: they actually stoop to explaining the joke at the end of the record). If I had ever cared about Michael Bolton one way or the other I might be impressed by his willingness to make fun of himself, but I never did so I’m not. Besides, there’s nothing in the world more hackneyed and worn out at this point in time than Forrest Gump and Scarface jokes. This is the modern equivalent of the borscht belt schtick that comics like George Carlin and Richard Pryor revolted against in the ’60s. Let’s hope someone new comes along and kills this zombie comedy as soon as possible.

Zac Brown Band featuring Jimmy Buffett—”Knee Deep”
#73

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 5/21/11

Jordin Sparks—”I Am Woman”
#82

A word of advice to all would-be divas: when it comes time to record your feminist anthem, do not, repeat, do not ask Ryan Fucking Tedder to write it for you. It’s one thing to suggest, as Beyonce and Lady GaGa do, that glamor and high fashion are symbols of feminine strength and tools of feminine power; it’s something else altogether to imply that women were put on earth to wear stiletto heels.

Hot 100 Roundup—5/7/11

Monday, May 16th, 2011

Luke Bryan—”Country Girl (Shake It For Me)”
#22

The intro, especially that throbbing guitar line, shakes pretty well, but after that it’s all by rote. If Bryan actually demonstrated some honest lust, his sexism might be forgivable, but instead he goes on automatic and gets progressively duller.

Beyonce—”Run the World (Girls)”
#33

Based on a Major Lazer sample (aka Diplo and Switch), this is essentially an M.I.A. track with all the third-world references and atmosphere removed, and that loss of texture makes a huge difference. The bare bones sound is as bald and uninteresting as Beyonce’s well-meant lecture on sexual politics. Since this song makes explicit what has been implicit in almost every record she’s made as a solo artist, I assume Beyonce is either running out of patience or running out of ideas, probably both. Either way she’s beating us over the head with a message that was more powerful when it was partially hidden and presented in dramatic terms. “Irreplaceable” is a far greater feminist work than this preachy bore.

Adele—”Turning Tables”
#63

This woman knows how to sing (though not this time), but she doesn’t know how to write a song (or arrange one). When the strings come in you realize her real stock in trade is melodrama, not emotion.

Glee Cast
“Turning Tables” (featuring Gwyneth Paltrow), #66
“All By Myself”, #87

Bridget Mendler
“Breakthrough”, #88
“Somebody”, #89

Two more songs from the Lemonade Mouth soundtrack, and though neither is as good as “Determinate” (which is quickly turning into my favorite pop song of the year), both are far better than one would expect from Disney. It would be easy to say that this is simply Disney doing a better job of keeping up with pop trends than they have in the past, but the fact is that in the last few years it’s pop that has been moving closer to Disney rather than the opposite. Now that Glee has taken over the High School Musical audience (who are, after all, five years older) and Nickelodeon is chasing the latest tweeners, Disney moves on to high school pop-rock, tracking close behind Kelly Clarkson, Katy Perry, and Avril Lavigne, and downplaying the showtune cheeriness that spoiled so much of their earlier music. It’s still derivative as hell, but it’s also right on track with the times. And catchy. Don’t forget catchy.

Jennifer Lopez—”Papi”
#99

Though there’s nothing to indicate it on the credits, this sounds like something Lady GaGa may have cooked up for a b-side and then decided to give away instead. With GaGa singing, this might stand a chance to be both sexy and defiant. Lopez, instead, sounds cheerfully submissive to her man—which is her idea of being sexy—and invites every other woman in the world to join her in her self-degradation. She should ask Luke Bryan to appear in the video—he’d feel right at home.

Bubbling Under—4/9/11

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

Owl City featuring Shawn Chrystopher—”Alligator Sky”
#105

Shawn’s Chrystopher’s B.o.B. impersonation does a good job of beefing up Owl City’s usual wimpiness, and the music sounds tougher and more strenuous. The lyrics are the same old fluffy nonsense, though—I can buy the title as a description of a certain kind of cloud-studded sky, but I have no idea what that image actually signifies—and Adam Young’s vocals simper even more than usual. He sounds like a text-to-speech sample, only with less humanity.

Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo, AfroJack & Nayer—”Give Me Everything”
#7

Overwrought and underwritten, this record represents a low point for everyone involved, including AfroJack and Nayer, neither of whom I’ve ever heard of. Ne-Yo, who’s been having a lousy year, at least in commercial terms, provides the dullest hook I’ve ever heard from him. Pitbull, meanwhile, who’s been having an incredible year, sounds exhausted, almost burnt out, and the charming subtlety of his voice turns into a raspy, demanding car horn. Time for everybody to take a vacation.

Brad Paisley featuring Alabama—”Old Alabama”
#119

Leave it to Paisley to create a tribute track that far outstrips the people he’s supposedly paying tribute to. The worst moment of this record, in fact, the point where it turns from realistic country lust into sweet and sticky sentimentality, is when it’s namesakes make their appearance. Fortunately Paisley ignores them, turns up the tempo, and goes out on a high speed hoedown that outstrips not just Alabama, but everybody else in the business as well. It’s rude of Paisley to show up his elders like that, but since he only tolerates them so he can get laid, can you really blame him?

Reba—”If I Were a Boy”
#123

A terrible mistake, not because Reba can’t do justice to the song, but because it’s too young for her (it’s too young for Beyonce, as well, but not by so much that she can’t get away with it). You can hear the age and experience in Reba’s voice, and it’s impossible to believe that someone at that level of maturity would think about men in this way. She sounds like a cougar bemoaning the unfaithfulness of a younger man, which is an image too unwholesome to take pleasure in or evoke much in the way of sympathy. It is, in fact, kind of icky, especially with Reba attached to it. I never thought this was a particularly great song to begin with, but coming from Reba it seems bizarre.

Bubbling Under—2/21/11

Saturday, February 26th, 2011

Aaron Lewis featuring George Jones and Charlie Daniels—”Country Boy”
#102

It would be easy to write off this unbelievably horrible record as proof that Tea Partiers know even less about music than they do about American History and the Constitution, but the problem is more basic than that. Former Staind frontman Lewis shares the same delusion as too many heavy metal guys and lots of Tea Partiers: a fervent, defiant confidence in their own talent and beliefs that only grows in proportion to how much actual evidence stands against them. Like the failed American Idol auditioneers who can barely sing but are convinced they’re more talented than anyone else in the world, it’s a kind of blindness to self that seems inexplicable to anyone on the outside. It isn’t a Tea Party problem, it’s a human problem, and most likely one that can’t be cured. Unfortunately, sometimes they convince others to buy into their delusions, like George Jones, whose brief appearance as the devil fails to raise this even a notch out of the muck.

Joe Nichols—”The Shape I’m In”
#103

A good song, and when I fantasize about it being sung by a great vocalist like George Jones in his prime, or Merle Haggard, it seems like a great one. But Nichols isn’t Jones or Haggard, he’s just another competent country crooner with a decent ear for material. Not bad, but it could be so much more.

Jennifer Hudson—”Where You At”
#110

The regretful tone of this sets it off somewhat from the other Beyonce clones out there, though not by much. Besides, what makes Beyonce great is her refusal to express regret or make herself out to be a victim. This record, by the end, is wallowing in it. Beyonce rarely resorts to the sorts of vocal gimmicks Hudson does, either; she seems too determined to pack them in, even when they don’t fit.

Snoop Dogg—”Sweat”
#116

The “clean” version of “Wet” (funny, I never though of that as a word you couldn’t say on the radio), remixed by The Cataracs, who try their best but can’t seem to keep it as dirty as the original. Snoop’s electrically modified vocals are offputting and weird: he was never meant to be heard at that pitch, and somebody should have noticed that before this was put out.

Prince Royce—”Corazon Sin Cara”
#117

I can’t parse out all the Spanish, but the music is so pleasant and dreamy I figure he must be saying something nice. Probably loaded with cliche, too. A little too smooth and lightweight, but I like this.

Craig Campbell—”Family Man”
#119

Hey, if you’ve got a wife and kids to feed, any cliche that will get you on the radio is good enough, right?

Hammer a ring on it

Thursday, September 2nd, 2010

The Henry Wood Promenade Concerts presented by the BBC, better known as the BBC Proms, were founded in 1895, with the intention of presenting concerts in a less formal atmosphere for those unfamiliar with classical music (audience members were originally allowed to wander around the hall and eat, drink, and smoke while the music was playing—hence “promenade”). This year, the composer Mark-Anthony Turnage extended that idea into the music itself with his new piece Hammered Out, which incorporates a straightforward version of Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” as one of it’s central themes.

There are already remixes available, of course, but none worth hearing as of yet. Personally, I wish Turnage had been a little more daring with his use of the song—this comes dreadfully close at times to those horrible old London Symphony Orchestra versions of pop hits. Still, I wouldn’t mind seeing more of this sort of thing.

H/T: Alex Ross