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Hot 100 Roundup–1/14/12

Wednesday, January 25th, 2012

Nelly—“The Champ”
#64
Written to order for ESPN, and it sounds like it, though it’s not that bad. Nelly is an expert at mixing genres (he did feature Tim McGraw on a record once, after all), and this has a pleasant pop lilt with slight indie touches over the hip-hop rhythms and synth squiggles. It’s soft for a football song, but then its intent is more uplift than fist pumping. And the joke about waving to his mom on TV is perfect.

B.o.B. featuring Andre 3000—“Play the Guitar”
#98
More decent rapping from B.o.B., but the real stars here are Andre 3000 and Bo Diddley. Diddley, of course, provides the beat (and snags two songwriting credits in the process, one as Bo Diddley, the other under his real name, Elias McDaniel—did he think that would make him twice as much in royalties?). Andre, meanwhile, delivers a rap that starts on top of a Church’s Chicken, swings over to Europe, encourages kids to take up an instrument and eat their vegetables, and ends with him strumming in a practice room, defending his musical approach (“Do you cry in tune, nigger?”). Not a great record overall, but Andre’s rap is a keeper. Where’s that Outkast record?

Listen on Spotify

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/15/11

Thursday, October 27th, 2011

B.o.B. featuring Lil Wayne—”Strange Clouds”
#7
B.o.B. has been putting so much energy into the pop side of his career that I’d swear this is the first time I’ve heard him rap. That can’t be true, but that’s the way it feels. He isn’t bad—good flow, some nice twists and turns both in the rhythm and the words—though more derivative of T.I. than I’d expect him to be. Wayne, meanwhile, sounds more alive all the time. His rap feels like it came off the top of his head for once, and while it isn’t brilliant, he seems to be regathering his strengths. Not a moment too soon, either.

Bruno Mars—”It Will Rain”
#28
Somewhere under the overkill of fuzzy synths and staggered beats you’ll find a very good song with sharp lyrics and a distinct Motown feel. I’d love to hear a slightly more uptempo, sparsely arranged version. In the meantime, we’ll just need to listen past an arrangement dictated more by it’s place on the latest Twilight soundtrack than the song itself.

Nickelback—”When We Stand Together”
#48
Of course it’s awful, it’s Nickelback. But consider this for a moment: these guys are so slow at what they do—their new album will be only their third since 2003—that this song must have been written long before the Occupy protests or maybe even the Arab Spring. Yet here it is, right on time. Putting its laughable aesthetics aside, it’s exactly what it should be for this moment in time. If these lumbering Canadians could feel this coming, possibly months ago, and sympathize, it may be a lot bigger than anybody thinks. A hell of a lot bigger.

T-Pain featuring Wiz Khalifa and Lily Allen—”5 O’Clock”
#62
Adding soul raps to a Lily Allen track is a brilliant idea, but this goes on too long, and except for the organ that weaves it’s way through the track like T-Pain’s conscience, doesn’t add much. It also, of course, places the emphasis of the song on Allen’s physical, rather than emotional needs, and turns her into a nagging, if sexy, bitch. I’m not saying it does total disservice to Allen’s song, but it puts the weight on the least interesting aspect. And Wiz Khalifa only makes it worse.

Glee Cast—”Somewhere”
#75

Lloyd featuring Andre 3000 & Lil Wayne—”Dedication To My Ex (Miss That)”
#81
I wish this wasn’t such an obvious take off from Cee Lo’s “Fuck You”, not just in terms of lyrical content but in sound, as well. It’s very good, and Andre 3000 is great, but the imitative quality and the shallowness of it can’t be avoided. “Fuck You” was great because Bruno Mars and Cee Lo live and breath retro soul; Lloyd is just following in their footsteps, not forging a path of his own. That may be his whole problem: as much as I’ve enjoyed his music, I still have no idea who Lloyd is.

Jason DeRulo—”Fight For You”
#83
I thought retro-sampling had hit bottom with Gym Class Heroes’ borrowings from Supertramp, but it’s impossible to underestimate the crassness of pop culture. Just when I thought DeRulo might be worth listening to, he comes up with this. I realize that sampling the African chants from “Wanna Be Starting Something” is cliche, but Toto is not an adequate replacement. Not at all. What could possibly be next and/or worse? Pablo Cruise?

Blink 182—”After Midnight”
#88
These guys have matured enough that they don’t ruin their mediocre song with meaningless histrionics, and Travis Barker is a damn good drummer. It’s still a mediocre song, though, sung by very mediocre singers.

Luke Bryan—”I Don’t Want This Night to End”
#90
I really enjoy the way the melody of this flows and changes pace as it goes along, creating a romantic atmosphere all on its own. Which is good, because the arrangement, the vocals, and the lyrics do nothing to add to the feeling.

Zac Brown Band—”Keep Me In Mind”
#99
Brown is a one-man 70′s retro movement. So far he’s focused on the laid back sound of Jimmy Buffet and the somnambulist crooning of James Taylor, but here he ups the tempo and the tension by recreating the muzak-americana of the pre-Michael McDonald Doobie Brothers. All he has to do now is tour with Fleet Foxes and take over the world by putting it to sleep.

China Anne McClain—”Calling All the Monsters”
#100
Leave it to Disney to turn Britney’s Spear’s current sound into family-safe Halloween music. They do it very well, too. This is brighter and snappier than Spear’s has been in a while, and though the voices are young, this is never corny or cheesy. It’s a good, catchy, electro-influenced dance track. Not to mention that it cuts Lady Gaga off at the pass, keeping her from releasing a seasonal record along the same lines.

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Hot 100 Roundup—8/27/11

Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

Drake—”Headlines”
#13
Is this guy capable of doing anything but feel sorry for himself? Fame didn’t turn out to be as much fun as he thought it would be; no one understands him or how hard he works; and there are all these women! Makes you wonder what he got into the business for. It sure wasn’t the music.

Jason DeRulo—”It Girl”
#39
I have mixed feelings about this record, largely because I find myself liking it more than I think I should. Most of DeRulo’s records have been terrible, but this time around he switches up his style, dumping his usual dense, sample based hip-hop for a lighter, more straight-ahead sound. Some say he’s trying to be Bruno Mars, but what I hear is a less desperate, more relaxed version of Chris Brown. In other words, a pleasant, minor talent who doesn’t carry a lot of excess baggage around with him. I doubt he’ll ever do anything great, but at least he isn’t an embarrassment.

Jay-Z & Kanye West
“Who Gon’ Stop Me”, #44
“Niggas In Paris”, #75
I have real difficulties with Watch the Throne. The music is often brilliant, but the lyrics are intentionally paradoxical, full of contradictions and ego-based hyperbole that are hard to work around or excuse. The opening line of “Who Gon Stop Me” is a perfect example: “This is something like the Holocaust/Millions of our people lost”. It’s a powerful statement, and like much of Watch the Throne, it places current events in a deeper historical context. Whether or not that context is fully justified in relation to what most of the tracks are about, however—that is, being rich and living high—is open to question. The overall stance of the album is that the suffering African-Americans have gone through is justification for those who are successful exalting themselves, living as high as they can, and bragging about it as much as possible. It’s hardly a new idea, as they well know; just the title “Niggas in Paris” alone conjures up images of black men and women who were in a position to take advantage of financial independence and the relative racial freedom of Europe and did so to excess: Joe Jackson, Josephine Baker, Sidney Bechet, James Baldwin, and many others. What gets left out of the story are the great majority who don’t have anything to brag about; not just African Americans, but Africans, whites, Latinos, Asians, and the Europeans who make their living serving people like Jay-Z and West and satisfying their needs. Like Jay-Z said in “Empire State of Mind”, “Pity half of y’all won’t make it”, with the unuttered followup, “sucker”, implied in his phrasing. It’s a drug dealer’s mentality, and even if they’re aware of it, and unsure of it, and emphasize the irony of it, it still stinks.

David Guetta featuring Sia—”Titanium”
#66
Guetta wisely lightens up his sound before the bombast takes over completely, and though this is nothing special at least it isn’t openly hostile to anyone with sensitive ears or a working brain. If he had found a singer other than Sia, whose lack of enunciation I find even more irritating here than on her own records, it might have been even better.

Miranda Lambert—”Baggage Claim”
#67
After Revolution I was afraid that Lambert was softening up, and that the woman who had made Crazy Ex-Girlfriend was gone for good. Going by this and the Pistol Annies album, though, that judgement was premature. “Baggage Claim” isn’t a great record: rhythmically it’s a little stiff, and the metaphor gets stretched almost to the breaking point, but it brings back the take-no-prisoners stance that made Lambert famous, with only the slightest lessening of intensity. She may not be as brash as she used to be, but she makes up for it with a sense of confidence that may be even more impressive. She knows what she wants, she knows how to get it, and she knows that she can. My only worry is that she’ll try so hard to make a perfect record that she’ll mistrust her best instincts and stiffen up. That’s was Revolution’s greatest weakness, and you can hear some of that on this record. Still, this sounds like a step in the right direction.

Evanescence—”What You Want”
#68
Keeping up with the times, Amy Lee and her new band mates toss a little Paramore-style melody into their mix, along with an easy to chant along with hook. I like this more than any Evanescence I’ve heard before, and for metal-edged pop (or is that pop-edged metal) this is high caliber. If the whole album sounds like this it could be another Superunknown (which should give you an idea of how much metal I listen to).

T.I. featuring B.o.B.—”We Don’t Get Down Like Y’all”
#78
The change in style—less fuzzy synths, more hard beats—is appreciated, but it’s also a step backwards towards a style he moved beyond years ago. What is new, at least to me, is the blatant homophobia. If people have a problem with Odd Future, what are they going to think of “Listen up, fag bait/them hot pants bad for your prostate.” Maybe he is just a jerk.

Luke Bryan—”Drunk On Love”
#79
Yet another song about a country girl shakin’ it for her man. In rap, women work the pole; in country, the tailgate. Bryan even steals an image from the blues: “Honey drips on the moneymaker”. Country radio programmers must know what that means, but I bet they’ll play it anyway. Pretty slow for yet another version of “Whole Lot of Shakin’”, though. I imagine Bryan intended this as a sexy grind, but since he doesn’t know sexy from a rusty pickup truck, all he gets is the grind.

The Script—”Nothing”
#89
You said it.

Mindless Behavior featuring Diggy—”Mrs. Right”
#97
There have been a lot of good teen rap groups the last couple of years, but this record is so insane, with both the vocals and the beats run through an autotune turned up to 11, that the damn thing never touches the ground. By the end of the first verse you’ve lost your bearings: just where did they expect this to end up? Good for a laugh, but that’s about it.

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Hot 100 Roundup—8/20/11

Friday, September 2nd, 2011

Five Finger Death Punch—”Over and Under It”
#77
I’d like to think this record is a joke, but there’s nothing about the performance that indicates that it is, and I suppose they mean it. Which leaves us with the oxymoron of a metal band who are overly concerned about the haters who spread rumors about them, such as suggesting that they give a shit. It makes no sense at all. If they’re over and under it, why bother writing a song? And why bellow all the time?

Ellie Goulding—”Lights”
#85
A good record that should be especially enjoyed by those who wish Bjork’s career had moved in the direction of pop instead of the avant garde. The catchiness of this, though, sounds more like a piece of luck than anything else, and since Goulding isn’t Bjork, I don’t expect much from her in the future.

Mat Kearney—”Ships In the Night”
#87
I’d swear I’ve heard this song before. Thousands of times, in fact. Once, long ago, it may even have been something I enjoyed.

Dev—”In the Dark”
#92
Dev is essentially an icier version of Ke$ha. The subject matter is roughly the same—clubbing, partying, and sex—but the approach is more distant, hence more erotic. As long as The Cataracs are providing her beats, there’s doesn’t seem to be any reason she couldn’t keep this up for ever. Here they create a Euro-disco feel, only with more restraint and without the melodic cheesiness, and the result is actually looser and warmer than their previous records. It’s the new version of cool—Selena Gomez’s records have some of the same feeling—and they’re masters of it.

Tinie Tempah featuring Wiz Khalifa—”Till I’m Gone”
#96
I like the way Tempah raps—in his British way he reminds me of Pitbull—but his verses seem to have nothing whatever to do with Khalifa’s generic chorus. I wonder which came first.

Tyga featuring Chris Richardson—”Far Away”
#98
Richardson does Bruno Mars/Hayley Williams, Tyga does B.o.B., but they can’t seem to decide whether they’re doing “Nothing On You” or “Airplanes”. Or maybe they’re trying to do both at once. Not that it matters much. This is mediocre either way.

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What renaissance?

Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

David Hajdu at The New Republic continues to demonstrate his own mixture of research-rich, understanding-poor column writing, this time taking on what he call the “Renaissance of Pop Collaboration”. Hajdu, it seems, has just discovered the mix of mini-inspiration and profit-driven collaboration used to create most pop records (I call it mini-inspiration because it generally consists of writers and/or performers creating one section of a song, and counting on another writer/performer’s mini-inspiration to complete the rest). Hajdu gets all his facts right, but doesn’t seem to realize that this is something that’s been going on for a long time and has been one of the distinguishing characteristics of pop music for a decade or more. He also makes the somewhat bizarre assertion that Katy Perry is “coat-tailing” Kanye West on “E.T.” Or is it West who’s coat-tailing Perry? Is coat-tailing even a word? Whatever the case, Hajdu seems to operate under the impression that one or the other needs help from a bigger name to get a hit, even though Perry has just become the first performer ever to spend an entire year in the top ten, and West is probably the most important rapper of the last decade (he also fails to mention, or doesn’t realize, that the original album version of “E.T.” doesn’t include West’s rap).

I wonder what makes Hajdu consider this a renaissance, though, as opposed to an entirely new way of making records. Songwriting collaboration is nothing new, of course, but the classic songwriting partners whom Hajdu seems to be evoking by the term renaissance didn’t work in anything like the manner most pop songwriters do today. Though many songwriters and producers work together on a regular basis, and there are production/songwriting teams such as The Neptunes, Stargate, and The Smeezingtons, true songwriting partnerships are rare. Add to that the fact that many performers, once they attach themselves to a track, often bring in their own writers, or song doctors for hire, to help create their parts. And don’t forget those classic writing teams of the past worked face to face, whereas today many tracks are created by email or on shared servers, without the various contributors ever coming into physical contact with one another (B.o.B. and Hayley Williams of Paramore, who had a huge collaborative hit with “Airplanes”, first met when they performed the song on an awards show several months after it was released).

In the last paragraph, Hajdu seems to imply that this form of collaboration is a good thing, or at least that it fits the party music that currently dominates the charts. He doesn’t seem to consider the opposite possibility, that this simplistic music is a direct result of the logistics of modern record production. It’s much easier, after all, to write a party anthem from a distance than it would be to write something more involved and serious in intent. The difficulties of long distance songwriting may help expand and diversify songwriting in some ways, but it may also hamper the creation of more sustained, organic work, the kind that results from a writer sitting down and creating an entire song herself. As opposed, that is, to creating a hook to be attached to someone else’s bridge to connect to someone else’s verse to be laid over a beat that’s been sitting on a producer’s hard drive for six months, that closes with a coda another producer conceived on his laptop during a cross country flight two years ago, based on a sample from a record first released in 1973. There are advantages to both techniques, and certainly the more modern method results in records that are full of fresh and often startling musical ideas. I’m just not sure they’re filled with much thought, and without thought there’s no such thing as a renaissance.

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Lay It Down remix

Saturday, May 7th, 2011

Lloyd, who’s in the same position commercially as Trey Songz was a couple of years ago—good to great records, but no big hits—enlists the help of Polow Da Don and B.o.B. to beef up “Lay It Down”. Hope it works, though I wish it didn’t have to be done this way.

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Bubbling Under—4/9/11

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

Owl City featuring Shawn Chrystopher—”Alligator Sky”
#105
Shawn’s Chrystopher’s B.o.B. impersonation does a good job of beefing up Owl City’s usual wimpiness, and the music sounds tougher and more strenuous. The lyrics are the same old fluffy nonsense, though—I can buy the title as a description of a certain kind of cloud-studded sky, but I have no idea what that image actually signifies—and Adam Young’s vocals simper even more than usual. He sounds like a text-to-speech sample, only with less humanity.

Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo, AfroJack & Nayer—”Give Me Everything”
#7
Overwrought and underwritten, this record represents a low point for everyone involved, including AfroJack and Nayer, neither of whom I’ve ever heard of. Ne-Yo, who’s been having a lousy year, at least in commercial terms, provides the dullest hook I’ve ever heard from him. Pitbull, meanwhile, who’s been having an incredible year, sounds exhausted, almost burnt out, and the charming subtlety of his voice turns into a raspy, demanding car horn. Time for everybody to take a vacation.

Brad Paisley featuring Alabama—”Old Alabama”
#119
Leave it to Paisley to create a tribute track that far outstrips the people he’s supposedly paying tribute to. The worst moment of this record, in fact, the point where it turns from realistic country lust into sweet and sticky sentimentality, is when it’s namesakes make their appearance. Fortunately Paisley ignores them, turns up the tempo, and goes out on a high speed hoedown that outstrips not just Alabama, but everybody else in the business as well. It’s rude of Paisley to show up his elders like that, but since he only tolerates them so he can get laid, can you really blame him?

Reba—”If I Were a Boy”
#123
A terrible mistake, not because Reba can’t do justice to the song, but because it’s too young for her (it’s too young for Beyonce, as well, but not by so much that she can’t get away with it). You can hear the age and experience in Reba’s voice, and it’s impossible to believe that someone at that level of maturity would think about men in this way. She sounds like a cougar bemoaning the unfaithfulness of a younger man, which is an image too unwholesome to take pleasure in or evoke much in the way of sympathy. It is, in fact, kind of icky, especially with Reba attached to it. I never thought this was a particularly great song to begin with, but coming from Reba it seems bizarre.

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Hot 100 Roundup—2/20/11

Thursday, February 24th, 2011

Because of the larger than usual number of records to hit the chart this week, I decided to split the roundup in half; the Hot 100 today, Bubbling Under tomorrow. Chances are this will become a regular thing. The number of records making the chart each week seems to be growing, even when Glee doesn’t add its weight to the equation, and I’ve enjoyed combing through the Bubbling Under chart for those who have never made the big chart and possibly never will. How long this will continue depends on how much free time I have, but right now I have plenty, so we’ll give it a go.

Lady Gaga—”Born This Way”
#1
Celebratory in all the right ways, if hardly groundbreaking, this represents a shift in Lady Gaga from persona—and not a very nice one—to person. She’s said herself that there is essentially no difference now between Stefani Germanotta and Gaga, a position that allows her to double-down on concept and at the same indulge her personal, real-life loves and opinions without any noticeable division between her human self and her image. It’s impossible to judge where this will go based on only one song, but in its way it’s not much different than what Taylor Swift has done in mixing her life with her art, albeit with a more eccentric fashion sense. It’s a tricky path, and it’s hard not to wonder if some day Gaga will turn into the Norma Desmond of pop music, trapped in her own delusional image of herself. For now, though, it’s working, and though “Born This Way” is more pastiche than anything original, cheering on a victory that for the most part has already been won, it’s still her pastiche, and it comes across as the real thing, even if Gaga herself doesn’t.

Jay Sean featuring Lil Wayne—”Hit the Lights”
#18
The particular strain of British hip-hop that Jay Sean represents, along with Taio Cruz and Tinie Tempah, is, in many ways, almost irresistable. The hooks are insistant, the tempos bright and bouncy, and the overall atmosphere one of mindless but real enjoyment. This song would appear to be about dancing. Lil Wayne adds nothing, but he doesn’t subtract, either, and this bounces along so effortlessly its impossible not to be sucked in. So what else can I say but “here’s another one”?

Colbie Caillat—”I Do”
#23
A lot of people will probably hate this on general principal, and once it becomes a staple soundtrack for engagement ring commercials they’ll have a right. But charming is charming, and this bounces along, lighter than air, with a confidence and optimism that for most people would probably be sadly misplaced. For someone as privileged as Caillat though, it makes perfect sense, and I still say that she’s essentially a Taylor Swift for rich beach-bunny’s and all the girls who wish they were. Why shouldn’t they be allowed to have a soundtrack of their own?

Glee Cast
“Firework”, #34
“Silly Love Songs”, #45
“When I Get You Alone”, #47
“Fat Bottomed Girls”, #56
“P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing), #58
“She’s Not There”, #87

Wiz Khalifa—”Roll Up”
#48
Khalifa’s an interesting case, but I’m not sure I understand the fuss that some are making about him. As a rapper he’s less pop than, say, B.o.B., but a lot more pop than others; his vocals have some of the flat dryness of Drake, but with a smoother, less self-important flow. All the same, nothing much about him stands out. He’s good, but he’s not great, and though I appreciate the believability of the scenario he creates here, and his stuff goes down pleasantly enough, there’s nothing special or new about it, either. I wouldn’t call him mediocre, but I wouldn’t go out of my way to hear him.

Jana Kramer—”I Won’t Give Up”
#75
Weepy-eyed country doesn’t come much more ordinary than this. I’m sure she means well, but nobody ever saved a man by boring him to death.

Lupe Fiasco featuring Skylar Grey—”Words I Never Said”
#89
It’s been a long time since anything so blatantly political has appeared on the Hot 100, and Fiasco wins big points with me by not pulling any punches, including calling both Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck racists, which they are. It also helps that he supports common sense rather than any political or philosophical side—berating both Muslim terrorists and right-wing Israelis, and blaming the problems of the inner city as much on those who live there as on the system. He loses me on the 9/11 conspiracy stuff, but fortunately he buries that in the mix. Which isn’t hard to do, since the sound is huge. He knows what he’s talking about, and he rarely slips up. Almost guaranteed to disappear as quickly as it arrived, but this is a welcome breath of fresh air.

Justin Bieber—”Pray”
#91
While Lupe Fiasco works out the details, Justin Bieber, bless his precious little seventeen-year-old soul, only knows things are bad somewhere because he sees the news on TV in his hotel room between personal appearances. So when his handlers presented him with this inspirational poster to the world, he sang it as best he could, trying hard to imagine how it must feel to care about these things (thinking how Michael Jackson did it helped a lot). It’s all part of the job, folks, all part of the job.

My Chemical Romance—”Sing”
#92
An instant anthem, not least because I’d swear I’ve heard it somewhere before. Still, these guys know how to toy with a formula and bring some life to it, and the music and lyrics are gritty enough to get away with the uplift parts. Unfortunately, this might also be another step in their turning into the newest version of Green Day. As long as they keep their sense of humor, that might not be bad thing. If they lose it, though, the way Green Day did, watch out.

Miranda Lambert—”Heart Like Mine”
#95
One of my favorite songs from Revolution, containing what might be the most striking and daring image from that album: Jesus greeting Lambert in heaven with a pair of champagne flutes. Up until this song, Lambert, unlike most of her country contemporaries, has avoided sticking Jesus into her music—he didn’t show up on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend at all—and now that he makes an appearance it’s as a drinking buddy. She’s not just a great singer and songwriter, she’s just the sort of Christian I can get along with. I only hope this doesn’t raise a stink with the fundamentalists.

Ronnie Dunn—”Bleed Red”
#99
The artist formerly known as half of Brooks and Dunn opens his solo career with a sympathy move: “See, I’m still a souful, feeling sort of guy, even without what’s-his-name.” Next time he’ll be picking up cowgirls in honky-tonks over rock and roll guitars just to demonstrate his “range”. A career’s a career. You gotta keep it going somehow.

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Hot 100 Roundup—2/13/11

Thursday, February 17th, 2011

Dr. Dre featuring Eminem & Skylar Grey—”I Need a Doctor”
#5
This seemingly heartfelt but confusing tribute to Dr. Dre might be touching if it were an Eminem record, or even a Skylar Grey record. But it’s not, so we’re faced with what is basically a paean to Dr. Dre from Dr. Dre himself, produced and co-written by Dre and released under his name. For all we know, the whole thing was his idea from the beginning. Eminem’s rap is so plainspoken that you can’t help but think that he means every word, though that doesn’t make it sound very exciting. Dre, meanwhile, provides some old-hat beats (no, not old-school), and a rap which, after thanking Eminem for his praise, heaps scorn on everyone—that is, the “faggots”—who ever doubted him. Fuck you, too, Doc.

Chris Brown featuring Lil Wayne & Busta Rhymes—”Look At Me Now”
#11
Though he may be rehabilitated, Brown’s ego still far exceeds his grasp. As much as I disliked his teenage falsetto, his mature voice is worse, lacking any character or personality whatsoever, especially when he uses it to make stupid dick jokes. Lil Wayne’s contribution is nothing to get excited about. Which leaves Busta Rhyme’s demonstration of breath control as the only interesting thing about this record. Nice to hear he’s still got it.

Glee Cast
“Need You Now”, #72
“Thriller/Heads Will Roll”, #75
“Bills, Bills, Bills”, #79

3 Doors Down—”When You’re Young”
#81
They start off sounding like Darius Rucker, than turn into Daughtry with Nickelback touches. Do these guys know how to cover all the bases or what?

The Lonely Island featuring Nicki Minaj—”The Creep”
#82
It takes real effort to turn Nicki Minaj into just another unfunny singer/rapper on an over-arranged comedy record, and you can feel the strain. You’re comedians guys; it’s not your job to make real music. Mediocrity isn’t funny.

Jessie J featuring B.O.B.—”Price Tag”
#88
A mixture of Natasha Bedingfeld, VV Brown, and Lily Allen, with all the appropriate vocal inflections and musical hooks, only with less to say (even than Bedingfeld, who trades in nothing but self-help these days). Dr. Luke provides the hooks, all of which sound vaguely familiar, either from his own productions or other sources. All the same, I welcome this record. Not because it’s good itself (though it isn’t bad), but because it may open the door for others who are better. It may also shut them down, but that’s the chance we’ll have to take.

Panic! At the Disco—”The Ballad of Mona Lisa”
#89
So beautifully produced and arranged—and catchy, too—that you might end up feeling that you know what it’s about. Let me know if you do, will you? If you can convince me that it isn’t just a misogynistic rant, all the better. What do you think that exclamation point stands for, anyway?

Mumford & Sons—”The Cave”
#99
Just like Panic! At the Disco, these guys are masters at creating records that you swear you understand until you actually try to put that understanding into words. I have nothing against vague emotions, but if you’re going to cram this many words into your songs they should connect in some way to some idea somewhere, and not just be a bundle of pseudo-folk-wisdom tropes.

Bubbling Under:

Mary Mary—”Walking”
#107
Elementary gospel music—almost literally; the second verse sounds like the soundtrack to a short film on Sesame Street. I like the application of religion to the everyday, and the fact that they don’t mention Jesus until the very end, but the music itself is too everyday, and this could use a little Christlike passion. Not bad, but not exciting.

El DeBarge featuring Faith Evans—”Lay With You”
#112
If you’re going to engage in ’80s nostalgia, this is the way to do it, with somebody who’s actually from the ’80s and who, even after years on the sidelines, doesn’t seem to have lost the touch. It isn’t progress, but it sure sounds good.

Tinie Tempah featuring Eric Turner—”Written In the Stars”
#117
Like his fellow newcomers to the states Jay Sean and Taio Cruz, Tempah is already a huge star in the UK, but in his case it’s difficult to understand why. His not a terrible rapper, and I like his dancehall touches, but otherwise there’s nothing to distinguish him besides his accent, which makes him unusual here but ten-pence-a-dozen in the UK. The song is ordinary, as well. And God help me, I never want to hear Eric Turner breathe again; he sounds like he’s having an asthma attack.

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Hot 100 Roundup—1/2/11

Thursday, January 6th, 2011

The Lonely Island featuring Akon—”I Just Had Sex”
#30
Akon is funny, and his willingness to parody his persona makes me respect him a little more, but he’s not as funny as T-Pain was on “I’m On a Boat”, and the jokes, even when they’re good, are obvious. The formula is getting old, too. There are times when this sounds exactly like Flight of the Conchords, only not as good.

Brad Paisley—”This Is Country Music”
#65
Paisley has enjoyed an aesthetic and commercial peak over the last two years, the sort of thing only the best can pull off, and you can’t blame him for engaging in some sentimental celebration. The sentiment wins out over the celebration, though, and once the cliches start piling up even Paisley’s guitar can’t dig him out from under. It all feels tossed together, and not in a good way.

3Oh!3—”Hit It Again”
#66
Catchy enough, and less offensive than usual, which isn’t really a compliment. Record by record they become more ordinary, and this features a chorus that’s as close to old-fashioned rock and roll as they’ve ever come. The one thing the world doesn’t need.

Troop 41—”Do the John Wall”
#81
More teenage hip-hoppers with another new dance, this one based on basketball (the jump-shot move is silly even by fly-by-night dance trend standards). They’re from North Carolina, so the sound is more Dirty South/Soulja Boy than jerkin’ or dougie—more baroque and with more fuzzy synths. The spirit and the energy are the same, though, and I can’t think of anything that would be better for pop’s future than cross-country dance-move battles. There must be room on cable for that somewhere.

B.O.B.—”I Am the Champion”
#85
I still have my doubts about B.O.B.’s strengths as a rapper—especially when he follows up a claim to never being imitative with spoken asides that sound exactly like Will Smith—but he knows how to pick hooks and beats, and this is his best record since “Nothin’ On You”. His nonchalant self-absorption is almost charming, and he knows how to brag without being overbearing. If anything, he’s less of a goof here than on previous records, but he still sounds like he’s after nothing but a good time.

Train—”Shake Up Christmas (Coke Xmas Anthem)”
#99
Since almost every band in the world hoped to wake up Christmas morning with a licensing or endorsement deal in their stocking, I can hardly blame these bozos for locking up this year’s official Coca-Cola Christmas song. Not that they need the money or the attention, but if they want to be The New Seekers of the two-teens that’s their privilege. Just as it’s my privilege to never listen to it again unless I’m stuck in a mall.

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