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Mediocrity is a Spongiform Virus from Outer Space: Hot 100 Roundup—4/6/13

Thursday, April 11th, 2013

The main symptoms of which are ennui and procrastination, hence the lateness of this. It isn’t just that mediocre records are hard to write about, though they are, but they drain whatever energy you have for writing, as well. And so far this has been a very mediocre year. There’s not a single record this week—and this is the biggest debut week so far, in terms of the number of records—that I have any strong feelings about. It’s been that way for three months now, which is why my Best of the Hot 100 playlist only has four songs on it (and one of those is over a year old). Even though it’s still early in the year, there’s little sign of it getting better. I wonder where the real action is?

will.i.am featuring Justin Bieber—“#thatPOWER”
#42

Since I’m expecting the usual will.i.am haters to raise a fuss about the lift from Daft Punk and the emptiness of Justin Bieber’s vocal, it’s probably a waste of time to mention that this is easily the best thing will.i.am has produced since The E.N.D., way back at the dawn of the EDM era he helped create. It’s nowhere near as good, partly because it’s a rehash, and partly because of Bieber, but just like The E.N.D. it’s better than most people will give him credit for. Me, I respect him for sticking to his electro guns, and just want to point out that Bieber sounds a lot more alive than Britney Spears did, though not as much as Fergie.

Justin Timberlake—“Pusher Love Girl”
#64

The news that Timberlake’s 20/20 Experience is essentially a contractual obligation album—though for a performance contract rather than the usual recording contract—explains a lot. The length of the songs, for one thing (just like “Mirrors”, “Pusher Love” runs over eight minutes): when you need to put an album together in a hurry, there’s nothing like extended breakdowns, intros, and codas to make it look like you’re giving your audience their money’s worth. It also explains the relative shallowness of the lyrics, and occasionally the music. No doubt Timbaland has a ton of beats and backing tracks piled up on his hard drives, but lyrics, and even lyrical themes, can be harder to come by. “Pusher Love” could almost be a case in point. It features a lengthy and unnecessary orchestral intro, an even lengthier and perhaps even less necessary breakdown and coda, and, in between all that, a B+ level beat and lyrics that add nothing. All the same, this is the best track from 20/20 to hit the charts so far, and a decent radio edit could work wonders. It’s good enough, in fact, to make you wonder why it wasn’t released as the first single instead of “Suit & Tie”. I assume it had something to do with branding the upcoming tour, and maybe to lower expectations for a project Timberlake doesn’t have much of his heart invested in. The question is how much respect he’s willing to lose. He’s certainly lost a lot of mine.

Tyga featuring Cedric Gervais, Wiz Khalifa & Mally Mall—“Molly”
#66

Sometimes I like Tyga, sometimes I hate him, this time I don’t care.

Lil Wayne featuring 2 Chainz—“Rich As Fuck”
#78

A couple of lines suggest that Wayne may have some brain cells left, but then it winds down into the usual rap misogyny, which used to be unusual for Wayne. The beat’s dull, too.

J Dash—“Wop”
#82

“Another J. Dash production!” Are we supposed to have remembered the last one? I don’t. Though it’s harder to create a one-word hook than it might seem, it isn’t that hard. Besides, Dash doesn’t put anything worth hearing between the hooks. I thank him, though, for reminding me of The Coasters “Turtle Dovin’”. I wonder if Dash has heard it.

Zedd featuring Foxes—“Clarity”
#86

Another small step in the direction of turning EDM into just another form of pop music, as opposed to a revitalization. This has it’s moments, but the music is so loud that the vocals get stretched out of any recognizable emotional range in compensation, which the music, ironically enough, isn’t full enough to hide.

Jake Owen—“Anywhere With You”
#92

For some reason I keep confusing Jake Owen with Luke Bryan, which is unfair to Bryan, who has some brains and is willing to experiment. Owen’s a hack, but country radio must love him because he’s managed to milk Barefoot Blue Jean Night for over a year now, even though each single has been duller than the one before it. Maybe it’s because he’s so willing to pander: the opening line may be the most egregious and ridiculous example I’ve ever heard.

Kip Moore—“Hey Pretty Girl”
#97

Eric Church may use Bruce Springsteen as a symbol of romantic nostalgia, but Moore goes a step further: from his cover pose in a leather jacket, Fender in hand, to the careful, repetitive folk plainness of his style, it’s obvious Moore wants to be Springsteen. That he fails isn’t a surprise, but it’s also for reasons you might not expect. “Hey Pretty Girl” goes on too long and repeats itself too much, but that’s the least of Moore’s problems. The big issue is his inability to break out of the country straitjacket, which forces him to pay the usual lyrical homages to family and motherhood and true love, even though the music is speaking Springsteen’s language of thwarted dreams and diminished hopes. If he wants to be Springsteen, or even get close, Moore is going to need to go all the way. Either that or try something else.

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Here Comes the Stampede
Hot 100 Roundup—10/5/12

Thursday, September 27th, 2012

As we ease, or force, our way into October, the release schedule continues to ramp up, and probably won’t ease off until Thanksgiving. It would be easier to be happy about this if the music were better. This week is a mixed bag, not just between different tracks but on the records themselves (nothing has exhilarated and disappointed me at the same time as much as the new P!nk single). Next week is more promising. Maybe I’ll feel better about rap by then.

Christina Aguilera—“Your Body”
#34

Aguilera still oversings, and her love of meaningless bombast is undiminished, but “Your Body” is easily her best record since 2006. She sounds on top of things again, and her voice, which has deepened and toughened with the years, makes up for a lot of the oversinging. It’s also worth mentioning that she was onto EDM back in 2008, and though all the records she released in the style up until this one tanked, she was ahead of the curve. So far ahead, in fact, that now she’s behind. I have strong doubts about the message of this song, though. I have nothing against celebrations of sexual pleasure by women in the their mid-thirties, but the cougar-on-the-prowl idea has been overworked, the song lacks sensuality, and Aguilera’s sexual aggressiveness sounds forced and unpleasant.

P!nk—“Try”
#56

The verses on “Try” are so beautiful that there’s a palpable let down when the track devolves into yet another of P!nk’s motivational choruses. Up until then, this is almost a textbook example of how experimental influences can be folded into pop music to create something both stunning and comfortably familiar. It’s one of the things pop is best at, but P!nk makes the mistake of not trusting her instincts and falling back on old ideas. In commercial terms, it will probably work, because no one else is better at this sort of thing, but “Try” could have been much more.

Swedish House Mafia featuring John Martin—“Don’t You Worry Child”
#68

Have you ever wondered what Coldplay would sound like if they went the EDM route? Wonder no more.

Kanye West, R. Kelly—“To the World”
#70

The beat is excellent, as always, and West politely gives R. Kelly the floor, limiting himself to a few of his usual boasts, allowing Kelly enough room to flip off the entire world. My only question: who gives a fuck? The level of willful self-delusion and fallacy on this record is unbelievable. Kelly talks like his inability to break a pop record anymore is all about his artistic principle and his determination to go his own way. But of course it isn’t. The quality of his music is as high as it ever was, and even flights of ridiculous fancy like the endless Trapped In the Closet wouldn’t put people off of him in large numbers if there weren’t other things to consider, like the fact that he videotaped himself peeing on a fourteen-year-old girl. Face it, Mr. Kelly, you are never going to live that down, and it has nothing to do with your talent or your artistic principle. Shut up. As for West, I await the day when he stops bragging about how rich he’s become and what a great artist he is and starts making some real art again. Besides, I don’t trust anyone who labels himself a tastemaker while foisting Big Sean on the world. That may be the greatest fuck you of them all.

Game featuring Chris Brown, Tyga, Wiz Khalifa & Lil Wayne—“Celebration”
#82

At a certain point the quality of the beats, the flow, even the words, no longer matters. Just like country singers and their pickup trucks, I don’t care if I hear another rapper bragging about the high life ever again. There are always exceptions, of course, but this isn’t one of them. In its own way, “Celebration” is as soft and self-satisfied as a Jimmy Buffett record, only nowhere near as smart, and without a hint of irony.

Carly Rae Jepsen featuring Justin Bieber—“Beautiful”
#87

Kiss is such a kaleidescope of pop styles that even an obvious Colbie Caillat/Jason Mraz imitation like “Beautiful” fits right in. It helps that it’s better than its influences in almost every way, and that Beiber sings as well as he ever has. The style is perfect for him (it should be, he wrote it), though I’m not sure it fits Jepsen as well as it might. Still, “Beautiful” is a good deal better than her pairing with Owl City.

Usher—“Numb”
#97

Usher deserves credit for absorbing modern dance music into his style, but I’m beginning to wonder if he’s been paying as much attention to modern R&B. After Frank Ocean’s “Novocane” it’s hard to believe anyone would use the term numb as a symbol of personal liberation or sexual exploration. As far as Usher is concerned, though, you can’t really feel until you can’t feel your face, or something like that. He may just mean letting yourself be taken over by the music, but even then numb is the wrong word, especially on a record that drives as hard as this one. There are times when I think Usher doesn’t even know, or care, what he’s singing about, a major flaw when you consider your vocals as important as your beats. In the clubs no one is going to care, and the Swedish House Mafia beat is better than just about any David Guetta or Calvin Harris track you care to name, but the disconnect is still puzzling.

Kip Moore—“Beer Money”
#99

Since country is embracing Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty these days, I suppose it makes sense to include John Mellencamp as well. But unless you’re imitating Mellencamp at his most inspired, all you’ll come up with is insipid pseudo-rock like this. The lyrics are clever in spots, and Moore’s last single, “Somethin’ ‘Bout a Truck” was far better, so I’m not giving up on him completely, but he might want to aim his sights a little higher.

Greg Bates—“Did It For the Girl”
#100

Love the intro, but it’s stolen from Smokey Robinson, and after that “I Did It For the Girl” turns ordinary fast. If you’re going to steal from the best, you may as well keep going. And a country version of “You Really Got A Hold On Me” could sound pretty good.

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Attempted Comeback Week
Hot 100 Roundup—8/4/12

Wednesday, August 8th, 2012

Jason Aldean—“Take A Little Ride”
#12
If it weren’t for Brantley Gilbert, Aldean would be the king of country overkill, so it’s nice to hear him tone it down a notch (half a notch, anyway) on this ode to driving around in a pickup with his girl and watching the (ahem) corn grow. I was irritated at first by the news that he had altered the lyrics to match his new endorsement contract with Coors, but aside from setting a lousy precedent I’m not sure it matters. For one thing, Aldean doesn’t have much in the way of artistic credibility to lose. Second, this song is more of an an advertisement for Chevy trucks and the stereotypical rural lifestyle than it is for Coors. The beer is nothing but set decoration. I do wonder, though, what kind of deal he has with Chevrolet.

No Doubt—“Settle Down”
#34
Even if you assume that the subdued Bollywood string section at the beginning and the dub section at the end will be cut for radio airplay, this is still a weird comeback record. In some ways, such as the obvious influence of M.I.A. and the occasional reggae tinges, it tries to be forward looking and a continuation of Gwen Stefani’s cut and paste solo work. But it also sounds laid-back, soft where Stefani’s stuff was all hard edges and in your face. She talks tough, but the music doesn’t back her up. Is that the band’s fault, or does Stefani not care anymore? Or did the explosion of weirdly dressed, brash pop divas that appeared in the wake of “Hollaback Girl” make her try too hard to keep up? Whatever the case, this feels more like an organized retreat than a comeback.

T.I.—“Go Get It”
#77
Is there anything more boring than a successful rapper bragging about how rich and comfortable he is? At least when Jay-Z and Kanye West do it you get the feeling that they’re aware of the illusory nature of it all. They wonder why they made it and others didn’t, wonder about the racial and cultural implications, and sometimes sound defensive about it (especially West), well aware that luck was a major element in their elevation. Rappers like T.I., though, take it for granted, or don’t think about it at all. T.I. worked hard. (Right?) He paid his dues. (Uh-huh) Now he does a reality show (what?), and lives the easy life. The fact that his dues consisted of doing time for illegally buying all the crap he brags about owning on this record is an irony that either escapes him or he doesn’t consider important. He still has his talent, still has the flow and the gift of wordplay, but it all comes so easy to him now that he doesn’t take the time to think through what he’s saying or do anything that would challenge him or his audience. This is the street rapper’s version of easy listening, if such a thing is possible.

The Killers—“Runaways”
#78
After a few listens, the Springsteen influence seems to fade (though of course it never completely goes away), and you realize this is a real Killers song: anthemic, with a good beat, and Brandon Flowers trying his damnedest to convince you that what he’s singing about is important. That’s the problem. Flowers’s sense of the importance of what he’s doing creates a barrier between him and whatever he’s singing about. You never once get the feeling that he knows or understands anything about the struggles of working class kids with children of their own, no matter how hard he tries to empathize with them. Springsteen sings about the working class because that’s where he grew up, and though he avoided the same fate as his characters, he came close to not making it, and knew lots of people who didn’t. Flowers sounds like he chose this subject almost at random, and the difference is like reading a story by an author who has actually lived an experience and one who’s trying to imagine what that experience would be like. In most cases, only geniuses can get away with that. Flowers is talented, and he’s smart. But he isn’t a genius, and he shouldn’t try to be.

Dave Matthews Band—“Mercy”
#95
As someone who has never cared for Matthews’s music, I’m almost afraid to admit how much I enjoy this record. There’s less emphasis on showing off the band’s chops, which for the first time gives you an idea of how good they can be (the percussionist almost steals the entire record). It also sounds like Matthews has been spending some time listening to Curtis Mayfield. The influence isn’t direct—no borrowed melody lines or chord changes—but the atmosphere and overall feel are the same. The lyrics are the usual well-meaning mush, but at least they show some connection to reality. They’re so down to earth in their call to action, in fact, that I wonder if this might be intended as an answer record to John Mayer’s “Waiting On the World to Change” (that was a while ago, I know, but in the slow-moving universe Mayer and Matthews inhabit these things take time). Of course, that could just be me savoring the ridiculous idea of a battle of the bands between the kings of easy listening, blues-tinged pop. Why, they might even have to raise their voices.

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The Killers – “Runaways”

Tuesday, July 10th, 2012

As one of the seventeen people in the United states who actually liked “Human”, I was interested in what The Killers would come up with after four years off, but now I’m not sure why I bothered. “Runaways” sounds like a modernized mid-eighties Springsteen rip-off, like a Bon Jovi record without hooks but layered with serious intentions. Except Bon Jovi targeted the more pop-oriented Springsteen; these guys are aiming for Darkness On the Edge of Town, an idea even Springsteen himself couldn’t pull off completely (I still consider it his most over-rated album). The Killers now sound even more impoverished in the musical ideas department than they did when they were ripping off “Queen Bitch”.

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The Boss and The Beebs
Hot 100 Roundup—3/17/12

Monday, March 26th, 2012

Far*East Movement featuring Justin Bieber—“Live My Life”
#21
Bieber’s involvement in this record may be the main selling point to millions of teenagers, but his presence is a distraction. For that matter, so is Far*East Movement’s. It’s not that any of them are bad vocalists, or that they don’t do a perfectly decent job here (I love the change-ups in vocal timbre throughout the record), but I just want to listen to that groove and ignore the rest. It’s so subdued in its way that I was surprised to find it’s a Redone production; I thought it must be The Cataracs. Maybe he’s gotten over his garishness. More records like this and I may start to like him.

Nicki Minaj featuring Lil Wayne—“Roman Reloaded”
#70
This record depresses me. Not because it’s the third or fourth Minaj track in a row to be less than stunning—if anything, thanks mostly to Lil Wayne, it’s better than some of the others. It depresses me because of the example it sets, and the new rap paradigm it’s reinforcing. By bragging about her endorsement deals, Minaj is setting up a new standard for success, one based not only on skills or popularity, but also on a rapper’s willingness to be a corporate shill. No doubt she and Lil Wayne (who has the good sense here to brag about his sexual prowess, not Mountain Dew) think of this as buying in, not selling out, but it’s a diminishment anyway—maybe not of Minaj’s skills as yet, but of the audience’s trust in her. I know that every time I see her now I’ll be asking myself what she’s trying to sell me besides her music, and that expectation, which bounces back and forth between the audience and the performer, eventually will diminish her as an artist, as expectations and trust on both sides drop. I hope I’m wrong, but I can’t see this leading anywhere else.

Eric Church—“Springsteen”
#79
I’ve always been a fan of Church, what he sometimes lacks in inspiration he makes up in energy, intelligence, and principal—he may not always know what to do, but he always knows what not to do. This, I think is something of a breakthrough, not just because it’s a great song with an unusual subject (or at least an unusual way of presenting it), but because the sheer craftsmanship involved suggests that Church is capable of even more than he’s done so far. It’s a little stiff in spots, but so what? So is Springsteen. The groove is wonderful, and the emotion overwhelms what at first might seem like a ridiculous, over-sentimental concept. And I love the way he echoes Springsteen without ever directly imitating him. A near perfect record.

Travis Porter featuring Tyga—“Ayy Ladies”
#88
I like these guys, and I especially like their producer. This has a great beat, but their raps were more interesting on their earlier records, and they seem to be settling into a strip club groove that will soon become a rut. As broke, horny guys roaming the streets they were at least funny; now they sound exhausted and too experienced for their own good.

LoveRance featuring 50 Cent—“Up!”
#92
50 still sounds like he enjoys sex as sex, and not just as power, but he appears to be ambivalent about rapping. He slurs so much and speeds so quickly through his bars you’d swear he couldn’t wait to get out of the studio. With company like this, who can blame him?

Future featuring T.I.—“Magic”
#94
The only part of this I like is when Future talks about his accountant having the magic to make his taxes go away. Otherwise, despite Future’s flow in spots, this is ordinary. And what’s happened to T.I.? He’s the dullest thing on here.

Estelle—“Thank You”
#100
Estelle is a true talent, but this is not a good record. The fact that’s it’s such an obvious rip of Sade is one problem, the basic theme another. Thank you for making me a woman? Really? It’s all very stylish and well-polished, but it also sounds uninspired and several steps less than brilliant. She’s trying too hard to be perfect and not letting her real self out.

Listen on Spotify

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Bruce Springsteen—We Take Care of Our Own

Thursday, January 19th, 2012

Is it great? Hard to say. The lyrics strike me as too bare, and the music is old-fashioned and nostalgic. But Springsteen hasn’t sounded this energized in years, and the message is both potent and ambiguous enough to make you think. So ambiguous that this could easily be embraced by both sides of the political debate, which might be exactly what Springsteen intended.

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Hot 100 Roundup—6/11/11

Tuesday, June 21st, 2011

Scotty McCreery—”I Love You This Big”
#11
Lauren Alaina—”Like My Mother Does”
#20
At first listen it seems as if the latest American Idol survivors have been granted better material than previous winners. But even though these songs are more specific in detail and less generic in overall tone, they’re still terrible, with lyrics that make you gasp in awe at their utter inanity. McCreery and Alaina make the best of it and deliver what they think is expected of them, but McCreery’s voice lacks seasoning—he needs experience: alcohol, sex, even more religion—while Alaina’s attempts to bend her song to her will result in a lot of growling and screaming and only make things worse. They’ll both do better. Whether either of them has the talent or brains to do much better is still an open question.

Glee Cast
“Light Up the World”, #33
“Pretending”, #40
“For Good”, #58
“I Love New York/New York, New York”, #81
“As Long As You’re There”, #93

Lady GaGa
“You and I”, #36
“Marry the Night”, #79
The pleasure I take in Born This Way is largely a matter of sonics and structure. That’s not a putdown. When you create something that for the most part is collage and pastiche, both musically and lyrically, sonics and structure are what make the difference between bland imitation and creating something new, and GaGa gets them right every single time. And then she boosts them. The drums and guitar on “You and I” may owe their inspiration to Queen, but they outstrip and outboom anything that band ever did, and the fact that they’re tied to a song that borrows from highway rock and roll and even country and western puts it in a league of its own. “Marry The Night”, meanwhile, is more Springsteen-inspired disco, with a coda beamed in from a mid-90s rave. I still have my doubts about her lyrics, which are often blander than they need to be, and I don’t think she’s making anything truly new out of her sources, but her merger of hard rock with disco diva anthems (which is what that ridiculous cover photo is all about, in case you were wondering) is wondrous, even if it ultimately doesn’t lead anywhere. Don’t think of it as something new, but as a well-earned celebration of a greatness we may have missed at the time.

Beyonce—”1+1″
#57
I have my doubts about Beyonce’s soul moves, especially her high notes and the dynamics that accompany them, but thematically this is a breakthrough, the first Beyonce song about a relationship I’ve heard in which she isn’t either asserting her iron-willed dominance or making like a supplicant to her godlike man. That see-sawing from one extreme to another was getting tiresome, and this is a welcome relief. I bet it’s a relief to Jay-Z, too.

Lil Wayne—”How To Love”
#69
I don’t think it’s the softness of sound that has caused so many people to write this song off. Sentimentality is as much a part of rap as any other kind of music, and if anyone has earned the right to a little mellow down time it’s Lil Wayne. What probably bothers hardcore rap fans more is the sense of empathy the song is based on. It isn’t really a love song, and it certainly isn’t a sex song. Instead, it’s a real attempt to understand where this woman is coming from and what she’s feeling, something more along the lines of Prince’s “I Could Never Take the Place of Your Man” (even though the situation appears to be completely different) than your standard lover man rap. In other words, thematically it’s as far from the mainstream of rap as Wayne’s phrasing and twisting trains of thought have always been. Like the pre-prison “I’m Single”, it’s a record by someone who’s trying to sort out the world in all it’s aspects, not just as it relates to his place, position, and pleasure. Musically, Wayne still isn’t sure what to make of these ideas, so he falls too readily into cliche, but if he should ever figure it out, or find a collaborator who has, then watch out: he may well remake rap yet again.

Reeve Carney featuring Bono & The Edge—”Rise Above 1″
#74
Not sure exactly what I expected a Broadway soundtrack written by Bono and The Edge to sound like, but I wasn’t expecting standard-issue U2, that’s for sure. Way to stretch your stylistic limits, guys. As for Reeve Carney, his Bono imitation is so exact I can only assume he thinks of Spiderman as a warm-up for that more lucrative U2 biopic that’s bound to appear sooner or later. Either that or he has a great future in tribute bands.

Mac Miller—”Donald Trump”
#80
The white version of Wiz Khalifa, or Waka Flocka Flame, or maybe even Big Sean. How did we stand the wait?

Kenny Chesney featuring Grace Potter—”You and Tequila”
#92
Strong, steady, and never overdone, this is as good as Chesney is ever going to get. With Grace Potter playing Emmylou Harris, he almost sounds human. There’s still something that doesn’t come across, though, and the stiff perfectionism of this record keeps it from classic territory. Damn close, though.

Rihanna—”Man Down”
#94
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 6/4/11

Lupe Fiasco featuring Trey Songz—”Out Of My Head”
#98
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 5/21/11

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Hot 100 Roundup—6/4/11

Monday, June 13th, 2011

Lady GaGa—”Hair”
#12
An odd metaphor coming from a woman who is generally seen either in wigs or with hair coiffed and dyed to within an inch of it’s life; does anyone know what GaGa’s real hair even looks like? But despite the cognitive dissonance and the unfortunate echoes of David Crosby, this is a grand piece of Springsteen-influenced disco, the kind of music that sounds great not just on the dancefloor but out on the open road. I’m particularly fond of the bridge, where GaGa’s phrasing makes her sound appropriately callow and naive. It may be the most human moment she’s ever managed.

Young Jeezy featuring Lil Wayne—”Ballin’”
#57
Jeezy’s voice holds your attention, but he works in a style that was half-dead even when he started out five years ago, and has nothing to add to it. Neither does Lil Wayne.

Glee Cast
“Pure Imagination”, #59
“Back To Black”, #82
“My Man”, #94

Nicole Scherzinger featuring 50 Cent—”Right There”
#77
Not terrible, which is a surprise considering how lazy it sounds. The music isn’t bad, but the rhyme scheme consists of repeating the same word at the end of each line, an effect almost as flattening as 50 Cents’ rap. He long ago said he had no real interest in making music anymore, and this proves it. Scherzinger sounds as anonymous as ever, and you can’t help but wonder if this would even have been released if it wasn’t for her X Factor gig.

DJ Khaled featuring Drake, Rick Ross & Lil Wayne—”I’m On One”
#78
A stylistic changeup from Khaled, which would be interesting if he was capable of making good music, but he isn’t, so we’re left with the lineup. Rick Ross is his usual monotonous self, and Lil Wayne indulges in hit-and-miss word games: good and bad puns (“I’m a made nigga, I should dust something”) with the occasional meaningful line. As for Drake, he may be serious in his doubts about the rap game, and even in his self-criticism, but he lies so consistantly about how hard his life is I find it impossible to trust him even (especially) when he sounds sincere. His hypocrisy is fascinating, though, as is his resistance to flow. Being the snobbish cad that he is, he seems to consider it beneath him.

Rihanna—”California King Bed”
#80
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/30/11

Jason DeRulo—”Don’t Wanna Go Home”
#92
Yet another lift from “Day-O”, this one even more obvious than Lil Wayne’s. Otherwise, this is as anonymous as most of DeRulo’s previous records. If it weren’t for that borrowed hook, it would have no melody at all.

Ashton Shepard—”Look It Up”
#95
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/2/11

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Bubbling Under—3/26/11

Saturday, March 26th, 2011

Justin Moore—”If Heaven Wasn’t So Far Away”
#107
Just when I think I’ve found the peak of shameless country sentiment, somebody comes along and ups the ante. This song imagines heaven as being just a daytrip away, someplace you can drive to with the kids so they can meet their grandparents and aunts and uncles, along with Hank Williams and Janis Joplin. Not to mention those three girls from the class of ’99, whose fate is unrevealed and who sound like they might be the subject of a far better song. One written by Tom T. Hall, perhaps; or Miranda Lambert; or even Garth Brooks. Anything would be better than this.

Shinedown—”Diamond Eyes (Boom-Lay Boom-Lay)”
#113
Reducing their world view to nonsense syllables is probably a good idea for these guys, considering what the rest of their lyrics are like. Not to mention the bombast they surround them with. If their music was as nonsensical as the words, they might even be worth listening to. I said might.

Josh Kelley—”Georgia Clay”
#114
Personally endorsed by Miranda Lambert, and you can hear why. I’m sure there must be other country singers who have been influenced by Bruce Springsteen, but I don’t remember hearing it as clearly as this. None of Springsteen’s darkness or melodrama, of course, just old-fashioned country nostalgia about a boy and his truck, with a particularly good verse about being the only guy with a fake ID. A few too many cliches to make it great, but promising all the same.

Kim Kardashian—”Jam (Turn It Up)”
#117
For anyone who still thinks “Friday” is the stupidest record ever made, I recommend this as a reality check. Bet it cost a lot more to make, too.

Francesca Battistelli—”This Is the Stuff”
#120
It’s hard not to put down contemporary Christian music, which is often either so slick or so heavy-handed, usually both, that’s it’s impossible to enjoy even when it’s well made. This is an exception. I don’t care if I ever hear a ukelele in a pop song ever again, but its lightness fits perfectly with Battistelli’s message: why do I worry about all this inconsequential stuff when I’m so blessed? I don’t believe in being blessed myself, at least not by God, but as long as Battistelli is so friendly and charming about it I’m willing to let her have her say. Especially if she keeps writing lines as great as “I lost my keys/in the great unknown”. She shouldn’t blame God for her lead foot when she’s driving, though. Some mistakes you make for yourself.

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Buh-bye

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Though they have their weaknesses, there’s only one aspect of The Hold Steady’s music that I have ever actively hated: the keyboards. They always sounded more like pretentious flourishes than integral parts of the songs, providing a sub-Springsteenian gloss that not only wasn’t necessary but made the music sound more derivative.

So I’m overjoyed to hear that their keyboardist has quit. Not only that, but he’s helped to confirm my opinion by going out with one final pretentious flourish, citing philosopher Isaiah Berlin and declaring the band too musically limited to meet his exacting standards. I look forward to never hearing from him again.

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