Posts Tagged ‘Coldplay’

The Voices In My Head
Hot 100 Roundup—12/8/12

Monday, December 3rd, 2012

After three years of running rampant on the Hot 100, it appears that Glee has finally lost its touch. Last season the show was putting three to four songs on the chart every week. So far this season, after eight episodes, only one track (Coldplay’s “The Scientist”) has sold enough to make it, with no sign that there will be any more.

Still, all silver linings come with their black clouds, and in this case it’s the replacement of Glee on the charts, at least for now, by The Voice. I decided in The Voice’s first season that I wouldn’t review any tracks from the show that made the chart, and the same goes for X Factor and any other singing competition. I still listen, as it’s my painful duty to do, and though the quality of singing from The Voice contestants is higher than Glee, the arrangements and production are worse, and the level of vapidity is roughly the same. This is another instance of the single as souvenir, and my only hope is that the show will be over with quickly and they’ll all go away (except for Cee Lo, but he’s leaving the show anyway).

Cassadee Pope—“Over You”
#25

Melanie Martinez—“Seven Nation Army”
#86

George Strait—“Give It All We Got Tonight”
#94

“Give It All We Got Tonight” is fairly standard George Strait, which means it’s smoother and better crafted than most anything else on the country chart right now. It just doesn’t have much life to it. And the crags in Strait’s voice, especially on a ballad like this, are becoming more pronounced. He turned sixty this year, which in country means that he could easily carry on his career for another fifteen years, at least. But if he does that he may need to find a new style that fits more closely to the contours of his voice. He might also want to pick songs less obviously designed for twenty-somethings.

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals—“Stars”
#95

It’s not fair to judge Potter by “Stars”, which has reached the chart thanks to being featured on The Voice. Her specialty lies more in country, rock, and blues, where she’s impressive if not always great. This is in the same ballpark, only it’s less impressive , and nowhere near great.

Amanda Brown—“Stars”
#97

Wiz Khalifa featuring The Weeknd—“Remember You”
#98

The Weeknd is destined to go down in history as the guy who gave falsettos a bad name. A technique that’s normally used to express the extremes of emotion—love, passion, ecstasy, frustration, longing, etc.—is turned in his hands into nothing more than another manipulative tool, a way of getting his chosen one into bed. Not that falsettos haven’t been used this way before, but this is the only way The Weeknd uses it. Underneath the crooning, lover man facade is a hardcore, old school misogynist, who expects you to do whatever he wants, and lets you know that if you don’t meet his expectations he won’t even remember you. Not that he’d remember much of you anyway, especially your name, but at least you’d have some glimmer of reward from your night with a future star. That’s something, right? Oh, wait. You say this is a Wiz Khalifa record? I didn’t even notice.

Hunter Hayes—“Somebody’s Heartbreak”
#100

Hayes gets some points for being a teen prodigy who doesn’t emphasize his age or pick songs that flaunt it. Unfortunately, that also means his music needs to avoid the sexual openness of modern country, and much of it sounds generic and uninspired. And when the youthfulness of his voice does come through the disconnect can be overwhelming. He’s a careerist for sure, and he’ll most likely be around for a while, but I’m not hearing anything promising.

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Here Comes the Stampede
Hot 100 Roundup—10/5/12

Thursday, September 27th, 2012

As we ease, or force, our way into October, the release schedule continues to ramp up, and probably won’t ease off until Thanksgiving. It would be easier to be happy about this if the music were better. This week is a mixed bag, not just between different tracks but on the records themselves (nothing has exhilarated and disappointed me at the same time as much as the new P!nk single). Next week is more promising. Maybe I’ll feel better about rap by then.

Christina Aguilera—“Your Body”
#34

Aguilera still oversings, and her love of meaningless bombast is undiminished, but “Your Body” is easily her best record since 2006. She sounds on top of things again, and her voice, which has deepened and toughened with the years, makes up for a lot of the oversinging. It’s also worth mentioning that she was onto EDM back in 2008, and though all the records she released in the style up until this one tanked, she was ahead of the curve. So far ahead, in fact, that now she’s behind. I have strong doubts about the message of this song, though. I have nothing against celebrations of sexual pleasure by women in the their mid-thirties, but the cougar-on-the-prowl idea has been overworked, the song lacks sensuality, and Aguilera’s sexual aggressiveness sounds forced and unpleasant.

P!nk—“Try”
#56

The verses on “Try” are so beautiful that there’s a palpable let down when the track devolves into yet another of P!nk’s motivational choruses. Up until then, this is almost a textbook example of how experimental influences can be folded into pop music to create something both stunning and comfortably familiar. It’s one of the things pop is best at, but P!nk makes the mistake of not trusting her instincts and falling back on old ideas. In commercial terms, it will probably work, because no one else is better at this sort of thing, but “Try” could have been much more.

Swedish House Mafia featuring John Martin—“Don’t You Worry Child”
#68

Have you ever wondered what Coldplay would sound like if they went the EDM route? Wonder no more.

Kanye West, R. Kelly—“To the World”
#70

The beat is excellent, as always, and West politely gives R. Kelly the floor, limiting himself to a few of his usual boasts, allowing Kelly enough room to flip off the entire world. My only question: who gives a fuck? The level of willful self-delusion and fallacy on this record is unbelievable. Kelly talks like his inability to break a pop record anymore is all about his artistic principle and his determination to go his own way. But of course it isn’t. The quality of his music is as high as it ever was, and even flights of ridiculous fancy like the endless Trapped In the Closet wouldn’t put people off of him in large numbers if there weren’t other things to consider, like the fact that he videotaped himself peeing on a fourteen-year-old girl. Face it, Mr. Kelly, you are never going to live that down, and it has nothing to do with your talent or your artistic principle. Shut up. As for West, I await the day when he stops bragging about how rich he’s become and what a great artist he is and starts making some real art again. Besides, I don’t trust anyone who labels himself a tastemaker while foisting Big Sean on the world. That may be the greatest fuck you of them all.

Game featuring Chris Brown, Tyga, Wiz Khalifa & Lil Wayne—“Celebration”
#82

At a certain point the quality of the beats, the flow, even the words, no longer matters. Just like country singers and their pickup trucks, I don’t care if I hear another rapper bragging about the high life ever again. There are always exceptions, of course, but this isn’t one of them. In its own way, “Celebration” is as soft and self-satisfied as a Jimmy Buffett record, only nowhere near as smart, and without a hint of irony.

Carly Rae Jepsen featuring Justin Bieber—“Beautiful”
#87

Kiss is such a kaleidescope of pop styles that even an obvious Colbie Caillat/Jason Mraz imitation like “Beautiful” fits right in. It helps that it’s better than its influences in almost every way, and that Beiber sings as well as he ever has. The style is perfect for him (it should be, he wrote it), though I’m not sure it fits Jepsen as well as it might. Still, “Beautiful” is a good deal better than her pairing with Owl City.

Usher—“Numb”
#97

Usher deserves credit for absorbing modern dance music into his style, but I’m beginning to wonder if he’s been paying as much attention to modern R&B. After Frank Ocean’s “Novocane” it’s hard to believe anyone would use the term numb as a symbol of personal liberation or sexual exploration. As far as Usher is concerned, though, you can’t really feel until you can’t feel your face, or something like that. He may just mean letting yourself be taken over by the music, but even then numb is the wrong word, especially on a record that drives as hard as this one. There are times when I think Usher doesn’t even know, or care, what he’s singing about, a major flaw when you consider your vocals as important as your beats. In the clubs no one is going to care, and the Swedish House Mafia beat is better than just about any David Guetta or Calvin Harris track you care to name, but the disconnect is still puzzling.

Kip Moore—“Beer Money”
#99

Since country is embracing Bruce Springsteen and Tom Petty these days, I suppose it makes sense to include John Mellencamp as well. But unless you’re imitating Mellencamp at his most inspired, all you’ll come up with is insipid pseudo-rock like this. The lyrics are clever in spots, and Moore’s last single, “Somethin’ ‘Bout a Truck” was far better, so I’m not giving up on him completely, but he might want to aim his sights a little higher.

Greg Bates—“Did It For the Girl”
#100

Love the intro, but it’s stolen from Smokey Robinson, and after that “I Did It For the Girl” turns ordinary fast. If you’re going to steal from the best, you may as well keep going. And a country version of “You Really Got A Hold On Me” could sound pretty good.

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A British Invasion?

Friday, February 3rd, 2012

This is old news, but I felt a need to comment on the piece Billboard ran on The Wanted a couple of weeks back. I have no doubt that The Wanted are a real story; their single (which I’ll get around to reviewing soon), is moving quickly up the charts, and the reaction from the (carefully planted) crowd on the clip from Ellen below suggests that they could be as big as Billboard claims they’ll be.

But calling it the start of a new British Invasion can only be done if you ignore all the other British acts that have been washing up on the charts the last two or three years. At Billboard, apparently, a true invasion can only involve cute white boys. If you’re female, like Adele, whose teenage fans are far more dedicated than The Wanted’s will ever be, or if you’re black, like Taio Cruz, whose sound The Wanted blatantly draw from, you don’t count. Hell, even prog rockers like Coldplay and Muse don’t count. Those four, along with Amy Winehouse, Estelle, Jay Sean, Natasha Bedingfield, Florence + The Machine, even Jessie J (whose single, “Domino”, is inexplicably number 8 on the Hot 100 this week), were apparently nothing but scouting parties, drawing fire and preparing the beaches for the troops who really count. Go get ‘em, boys.

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Hot 100 Roundup—11/12/11

Friday, November 18th, 2011

Coldplay featuring Rihanna—”Princess of China”
#20
The grander the statement, the vaguer and more ordinary the music becomes. Rihanna adds nothing, because there’s nothing to be added to. In the context of the album the lyrics might make sense—though I wouldn’t count on that—but on their own they skirt the ridiculous. The hooks and the overall grandeur of the sound just make things worse; it’s all show, no content.

Toby Keith—”Red Solo Cup”
#37
A funny record that both celebrates redneck drinking and skewers it at the same time. It comes dangerously close to a throwaway comedy sketch, but Keith makes sure it’s a real song, and his delivery, both comically and musically, is flawless. Which only increases my sense of frustration. To follow up a record as blinkered and patronizing as “Made In America” with one as friendly yet satiric as this? How many Toby Keiths are their anyway? And couldn’t the good one hang around a little longer?

Bow Wow featuring Lil Wayne—”Sweat”
#48
I like the music, but the raps, especially Bow Wow’s, are pure cliche. As is Wayne’s, except it’s a cliche built on the kind of raps he was doing six or seven years ago. It’s all Wayne, but it’s not a new Wayne. Eventually, the cliches wear out the welcome of the music, and you’re left with nothing.

Justin Bieber featuring Usher—”Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire)”
#58
Not terrible, but Bieber, for all his new found “maturity”, over-vocalizes in a juvenile manner, while Usher leans too heavily on the show-biz warmth he’s a master of. I’ll stick with Nat “King” Cole, thank you very much.

Kelly Clarkson—”What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger)”
#64
I wish I liked this more, but for all of Clarkson’s strengths as a vocalist there isn’t much she can make of this song, which is essentially a gussied up version of “Since You Been Gone”. It doesn’t flow dynamically or build like “Gone” though; it settles in at a certain volume level and stays there, leaving Clarkson with nothing to bounce her vocals off of. Unfortunately, this is the kind of stuff Clarkson seems to like. When she has material that allows her to vary her voice and take advantage of both her timbre and her emotional and vocal range she’s one of the best pop singers around; when she doesn’t she’s just another shouter

Florence + The Machine—”Shake It Out”
#86
I’m impressed by the production, which starts with a big sound that gets even bigger as it goes along, and there’s a kernel of real emotion and a good hook somewhere under all the drums and blare and Florence’s multi-tracked vocals. A lot of people bring up Annie Lennox as a comparison, but this is more like Bonnie Tyler, or what Kate Bush might sound like if she were produced by Jim Steinman. Those aren’t necessarily bad things, but it is a bit of a mess.

Wale featuring Miguel—Lotus Flower Bomb”
#87
Wale can be clever, such as the moment near the end where he sings the vowels (“Ahhh, A, E, I-O-Ooooh”), but too much of this is ordinary, and Miguel adds nothing, including a hook.

The Black Keys—”Lonely Boy”
#91
I can understand the appeal of these guys: they provide straightforward funk ‘n’ roll without all the masculine preening and posturing, and Dangermouse’s production adds enough of a modern touch to keep them from turning into an indie Sha Na Na. But this is still nothing more than basic, well-produced blues-based boogie. And on the intro, which sounds like the soundtrack to Coney Island Hipster Beach Party, they are the indie Sha Na Na.

Kaskade featuring Neon Trees—”Lessons In Love”
#94
Not to be confused with Cascada, of course, or any other dance pop band featuring loud, fuzzy synths and slow climbs up a chromatic scale passed off as solos. I do like the unpolished sound of the vocals, though; they actually keep me listening.

Hunter Hayes—”Storm Warning”
#98
Twenty years old, a former child-actor and already a full-time country hack, you can hear Hayes trying hard to sound like his heroes, who in this case appear to be Rascal Flatts. His phrasing makes him sound like he’s sixteen, though, with a lot to learn in the vocal department. Not to mention the originality department, though I doubt if he’s much interested in that one.

Justin Moore—”Bait A Hook”
#100
Sometimes I have a hard time telling all the Justins and Jasons and Jerrods apart, and this song is one reason why. There’s not a hint of originality or personality in the music, the lyrics (the third country hit in the last three months to emphasize fishing), or the vocals. The occasional hints of sexual jealousy are interesting, but the country chauvinism is strictly by the book and the stereotyping of city boys plain stupid. As anonymous as they come.

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/1/11

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

Coldplay—”Paradise”
#16
Whenever these guys try to make a major statement they always fall back on arty cliches that mean a lot less than they think they do. Since this one is called “Paradise”, it opens with slightly distorted church organ and muzak strings, and throws some glockenspiel into the arrangement along the way. Since the lyrics make no mention of religion, they probably think they’re being subtle and ironic, when all they’re really being is pretentious and obvious. Speaking of pretension, it’s worth pointing out that this sounds more like the intro to a concept album than a single, but I prefer not to think about that if I can avoid it.

Darius Rucker—”I Got Nothin’”
#84
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 8/2/11

Tony Bennett and Amy Winehouse—”Body and Soul”
#87
Bennett is still Bennett, and the craggier his voice gets the more emotion it reveals, but then, nobody is buying this for him, are they? Winehouse was in great voice, but there’s nothing daring or challenging about her vocal—it’s essentially a well done Dinah Washington impersonation, and she’s obviously trying, either out of fear or respect, not to show up her host. A worthy final performance, but hardly a memorial.

David Nail—”Let It Rain”
#95
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 8/2/11

Ace Hood featuring Chris Brown—”Body 2 Body”
#98
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 8/27/11

Sean Paul featuring Alexis Jordan—”Got 2 Love U”
#99
Sean Paul hasn’t had a major hit since he helped to turn Rihanna into a superstar (either that or she helped him to keep his top-ten career going a little longer). He sounds the same as ever, and Alexis Jordan isn’t bad, but this won’t do anything to revive his career.

Brantley Gilbert—”You Don’t Know Her Like I Do”
#100
I have to give Gilbert a certain amount of credit: he knows that most of this song is cliche, so he does his best to highlight the few non-cliche moments. There’s something off about putting melodramatic emphasis on a line like “She’s my best friend”, though, and tricking it up with a false ending and an extended coda only makes it worse. And all the rest of the song is still cliche.

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Hot 100 Roundup—7/16/11

Wednesday, August 17th, 2011

Javier Colon—”Stitch By Stitch”, #17
Dia Frampton—”Inventing Shadows”, #20
Adam Levine & Javier Colon—”Man In the Mirror”, #45
Blake Shelton & Dia Frampton—”I Won’t Back Down”, #57
Christina Aguilera & Beverly McClellan—”Beautiful”, #74
Vicci Martinez—”Afraid To Sleep”, #78

George Strait—”Here For a Good Time”
#65
Strait has been coasting over his last few singles, but when you’ve absorbed as much craft as he has even coasting sounds more energetic, and certainly more intelligent, than most other country output. This isn’t a masterpiece—too much of it seems automatic—but it has moments, such as the opening line of the second verse, that seem like minor miracles. Strait may be coasting, but he’s coasting in style.

David Guetta featuring Taio Cruz & Ludacris—”Little Bad Girl”
#70
For Guetta, not bad, but Cruz has done better, and Ludacris has done much better. I like the breakdown a lot, but have just about had it with Cruz’s phrasing. I only hope he doesn’t succeed in making pronouncing “air” as “ur” a trend.

Coldplay
“Moving To Mars”, #90
“Major Minus”, #92
Two obvious throwaways filling in the “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” EP, and wouldn’t you know it, it’s the best Coldplay I’ve heard: rough, grounded in real emotion, sonically striking (I even like Chris Martin’s croaky croon). Thematically, though, they’re old hat: spaceflight as a symbol of alienation and paranoid anti-establishment tropes, respectively. “Moving to Mars” may very well be intended as a tribute to Bowie and/or Elton John, and good for Coldplay if it is. If Martin managed to become as good a lyricist as Bernie Taupin, they might be worth listening to more often.

Iyaz featuring Travie McCoy—”Pretty Girls”
#94
Iyaz is as forgettable as they come, and McCoy, usually a black mark on every record that bears his name, is less painful than usual, and therefore also forgettable. As for the song…uh, what was it called again?

Big Sean featuring Wiz Khalifa & Chiddy Bang—”High”
#98
I have nothing against people getting stoned, honest I don’t. But when all they can talk about is weed, especially in a childish, aren’t-I-clever manner like this, I consider investing in paraquat.

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Hot 100 Roundup—6/18/11

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011

Coldplay—”Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall”
#29
Producer Brian Eno continues to toughen them up musically, but the lyrics are as self-obsessed as ever. This one posits romantic revolution for record nerds, where sitting in your room and listening to daring and difficult music is a rebellious act that ends in you raising your fist against something or other somewhere out in the real world. And then you feel sorry for yourself. Not even Eno can ring the sentimentality out of crap as earnest and determined as this.

Pitbull featuring Chris Brown—”International Love”
#59
On the chorus, Chris Brown’s idea of international appears not to extend beyond the continental U.S. The hook is catchy, though, and Pitbull makes up for Brown’s narrowness with an itinerary that starts in Rumania (where a pair of sisters offer themselves to him) and includes Lebanon and most of South America. Compared to his last couple of appearances, Pitbull sounds rejuvenated, especially near the end, when he switches effortlessly between English and Spanish. His voice is his main attraction, but Pitbull doesn’t get near enough credit for his rapping, which is fluid not only linguistically but rhythmically. I find his eurodisco-based beats a bit heavy-handed, but that’s what a club banger is supposed to be.

Beyonce—”Best Thing I Never Had”
#84
Though she tries hard, too hard, to separate herself from the norm, Beyonce fits perfectly into one standard mold: the mid-career pop artist desperate to be taken seriously. Her attempts to break free are, in fact, a symptom of the problem. This is terrible in almost every way: over-arranged, melodramatic, badly sung (when Beyonce wants to sound angry she tends to bellow), with lyrics whose artlessness may be designed to counteract the dramatic production but only succeed in exacerbating the problem. By the time she shouts out “Sucks to be you right now” it’s impossible not to wonder what the hell she was thinking when she recorded this. That she was doing something different and daring, I bet.

Linkin Park—”Iridescent”
#86
I can’t stand these guys, but they are entertaining. This may be the funniest hard rock record since Queensryche’s “Silent Lucidity”, though it doesn’t come close to Queensryche’s preening, pretentious stupidity. It doesn’t even set a record for cliches, since just about any romantic lyricist could beat them in a walk. For sheer boilerplate existential despair, though, no one can touch them, and the first verse, which I feel a duty to quote in full, is a masterpiece:

You were standing in the wake of devastation
And you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
And with the cataclysm raining down
Insides crying “Save me now”
You were there, impossibly alone

It’s even funnier when Mike Shinoda sings it.

Trey Songz featuring Drake—”Unusual”
#90
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 6/4/11

Rodney Atkins—”Take A Back Road”
#92
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 5/21/11

Victorious Cast featuring Victoria Justice—”Best Friend’s Brother”
#93
I love the bridge, like the chorus, but could care less about the verses, which are standard, streamlined punk-pop. All the same, Nickelodeon is getting better at mining the Disney-pop model, and Justice, who has a co-writing credit, may be a real talent. Especially if she wrote that bridge.

Andy Grammer—”Keep Your Head Up”
#94
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 6/11/11

Rej3ctz—”Cat Daddy”
#97
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/23/11

Trace Adkins—”Just Fishin’”
#98
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 5/21/11

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Hot 100 Roundup—12/12/10

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

Glee Cast
“Dog Days Are Over”, #22
“Hey, Soul Sister”, #29
“(I’ve Had) The Time of My Life”, #38
“Valerie”, #54
“Don’t Cry for Me Argentina”, #97

Coldplay—”Christmas Lights”
#25
Even with Brian Eno producing, they’re still a bunch of pretentious boobs, and this sounds like what might have happened if Genesis had tried to rewrite The Pogues’s “Fairytale of New York”. Except this version focuses entirely on how sorry the guy is feeling for himself; it never dares to suggest that he might deserve his lonesome fate. Maybe that’s because it’s too busy trying to sort out its pseudo-poetic lyrics: “I took my feet down to Oxford street”. Really? Did you carry them in a sack?

Flo Rida featuring Akon—”Who Dat Girl”
#55
Flo Rida’s presence is so minimal in relation to everything that makes this record worthwhile you’d barely know he was on it if you didn’t read the credits. If you did, you’d realize how much this record owes not only to Akon, who sings the hook, but also the omnipresent Bruno Mars, who co-wrote it, and Dr. Luke, who produced it. Makes you wonder what Mr. Rida’s actual contribution is. How about being the guy who knows what sells? That’s always enough to make you look like a supreme talent.

Victorious Cast featuring Victoria Justice—”Freak the Freak Out”
#78
This is the first of the Nickelodeon singles that comes close to the level of the Disney-pop they hope to cash in on, and it arrives just as Disney-pop itself is beginning to fade into memory. There will always be a market for clean-as-a-whistle, bouncy pop, and maybe Nickelodeon can cash in on the next generation (these things being counted, as they are, in five year intervals). This record, which is more Selena Gomez than Miley Cyrus, though nowhere near the best of either, sounds like a good place to start.

The Killers—”Boots”
#79
Did I say Coldplay were pretentious? They are, but only if you don’t compare them to The Killers. Lyrics that shift through time and space, suffused with regret and nostalgia; churchbells and thundering martial drums; a clip of Jimmy Stewart praying in It’s a Wonderful Life layered over opera and someone singing in Spanish; melodies swiped from Neil Young and cover art referencing Citizen Kane—this is their idea of a Christmas record. It’s as if they came from a planet where confusion is considered the highest possible art form (oh, I forgot, they’re from Vegas). Still, I like these guys a lot more than Coldplay because they at least partially justify their pretension. This is a mess, but the hooks soar the way they’re supposed to, the emotions, though difficult to sort out, are palpable, and Brandon Flowers sings like a human being. A confused one, I grant you, and one with delusions of grandeur, but human nonetheless. How many of those do you usually find on the pop charts?

Birdman featuring Lil Wayne—”Fire Flame”
#84
Wayne sounds like his old self, if not at his highest level (judging by the sound of “6’7″”, this was just a warm-up). Birdman sounds like his old self, as well, at a level that’s a little easier to reach. The result is perfectly fine, but nothing special.

Far*East Movement featuring Ryan Tedder—”Rocketeer”
#93
At this moment in time, it may look as if no one can lose with a Bruno Mars hook on their record, but that only applies if Mars is singing it. Tedder does a pretty good imitation, and no doubt this is a worthwhile break from writing “Halo” yet again, but this lacks both Mars’s sense of humor and his sense of reality. The rest is even worse, an indicator that Far*East Movement may be another one of those groups whose guests are better than they are. Maybe it’s time to check out that Dev & The Cataracs record.

Bubbling Under:

Fantasia—”I’m Doing Me”
#101
This is right up with Monica’s “Love All Over Me” in the “do they really know what they’re singing about?” sweepstakes. I get the feeling, though, that Fantasia has a better sense of what’s going on than Monica does. Which doesn’t save this from being ordinary in almost every other respect. Fantasia’s last couple of singles had a good neo-soul vibe to them, but this is tepid. You don’t suppose they pegged it as a single just because of the title, do you?

Chris Brown—”No BS”
#102
In which Brown promises a night of perfect sex (the condoms are in the dresser, darling) over a rhythm track that sounds like giant insects are trying to break into the room. The whole thing makes me feel itchy, and not in a good way.

Charlie Wilson—”You Are”
#103
After “There Goes My Baby”, I was hoping that Wilson would be able to mount a real comeback, but this is retro in the worst possible way. That is, it really does sound old, and it makes Wilson sound old, too.

Jamie Foxx featuring Drake—”Fall For Your Type”
#104
Jamie Foxx is a smart, talented guy, but he thinks he’s a lot smarter and talented than he actually is, and he overreaches and fails over and over again. This record is a complete conceptual disaster, its tempo too slow for its subject, its subject too light for its pretentious heaviness, its flashes of ego unleavened by humor or sense. Drake is more bearable than usual, but that’s all that can be said for it.

Jerrod Niemann—”What Do You Want”
#105
Niemann is good at what he does, but too much of what he does seems to be focused on nothing more than demonstrating how good he is. He’s a country classicist, and though there’s nothing wrong with that—it’s something of a relief, actually—it isn’t enough. This is perfectly crafted and absolutely empty.

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New this week

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

Britney Spears—”3″
#1
There’s no doubt now that Spears is back in full control of her career, and the playful tease of this record even suggests that she’s enjoying herself again. But compared to songs like “Gimme More” or “Piece of Me”, both released when her life seemed to be in freefall, this is remarkably tame, and the echoes of their sound here suggests a reliance on formula. The truth is she’s working ground that others—Lady Gaga, especially—have already laid claim to with more sense of daring and style than Spears is now willing, or capable, of putting out. She can still titillate her old fans, obviously, and there are still enough of them to debut this at number one, but you have to wonder how long she can work this particular plot and make it pay before she, or her fans, get bored with it.

Justin Bieber—”One Less Lonely Girl”
#16
I like the feel of this, which is surprisingly reminiscent of early Michael Jackson, but the song doesn’t go anywhere on it’s own, and Bieber lacks the chops to move it anyplace special. Still, this is a lot better than his first single, and makes me wonder if Bieber has more talent (or at least better handlers) than I first gave him credit for.

Glee Cast
“It’s My Life/Confessions Part II”, #30
“Halo/Walking On Sunshine”, #40
For the first time you can actually hear the joke, not only through the silliness of the mash-ups themselves, but in the performance—that last high note on “Halo” could kill small animals. The Bon Jovi/Usher mix is so seamless it reveals the essential meaninglessness of both (which is more to Usher’s detriment than Bon Jovi’s—at this point who expects a Bon Jovi song to mean anything?). The Beyonce/Katrina and the Waves mix is a little rougher, but speeding up “Halo” is an improvement over the original (or it would be if the performance were better), since it removes all the bombastic nonsense Ryan Tedder is so fond of and cuts down on the near-religious awe Beyonce’s original wallowed in. Neither of these is worth listening to more than twice, mind you, but they’re still a big improvement over what came before.

Chris Brown featuring Lil Wayne and Swizz Beats—”I Can Transform Ya”
#52
This may seem like an odd choice for a comeback single, but it’s probably a smart move commercially for Brown to toughen up his sound—no one at this moment in time is going to buy him as a romantic balladeer or pop crooner, so a strong dance record makes sense. Swizz Beats comes up with a distinctive sound for the record, too, machine-like but swinging at the same time. Trouble is, Brown’s voice isn’t really suited for this type of material (I’m not sure his voice is suited for any kind of material, actually), and Lil Wayne, who has been omnipresent for three years now, is starting to sound tired and bored, if not quite boring.

T.I.—”Hell of a Life”
#54
Surprisingly upbeat, and even funny in spots, with an arrangement that, with it’s keyboard filigree and horns, literally approaches the baroque. As wrong-headed as he obviously sometimes is, it’s hard not to like T.I., even on records as overdone as this. Can you really blame a guy who’s heading off for jail for pulling out all the stops?

OneRepublic—”All the Right Moves”
#58
Having cornered the power ballad market, Ryan Tedder and his cohorts now set their sights on Coldplay via this pseudo-revolutionary blather. Written before they were stinking rich, I assume. I like the drum sound, though.

Ke$ha—”TiK ToK”
#79
The latest in what is now an undeniable trend: mindless party records about getting blotto (hey, times are hard out there). This is Lady Gaga without the artistic pretension, or 3Oh!3 without the sexism, or Katy Perry without the burlesque, or Cobra Starship without the male perspective or…well, you name ‘em. She seems to be more in control than most. She also sounds like she’s having a lot of fun. But does she really want all her men to look like Mick Jagger? In which decade would you be talking about, sweetie?

Creed—”Rain”
#91
Just to prove how sensitive they are they bring out the acoustic guitars, slow the tempo, and shelve the dramatic shifts in rhythm and dynamics. They still persist in fantasizing about destroying the world, though, a catastrophe which only they, like Noah, would survive. This is the problem with religious rock ‘n’ roll: it emphasizes the worst apocalyptic instincts of both.

Brooks & Dunn featuring Billy Gibbons—”Honky Tonk Stomp”
#97
To celebrate their upcoming professional divorce, B&D bring in a guy from ZZ Top to croak out the title hook and to add some very loud, very non-country guitar behind their good-old boy, wild man boasting. Why do I have a feeling I’m not going to miss them very much?

LMFAO featuring Lil John—”Shots”
#98
The butt end, so to speak, of the “let’s all get wasted” wedge that has forced itself into pop culture the last year or so. Like the Lil John of crunk legend, this is so blatant and so honest in it’s expression of drunken lust that it’s almost charming. Well, until you get to this, that is: “The ladies love us/when we pour shots/They need an excuse/to suck our cocks.” FYI, these guys, who are signed to will.i.am’s label, now have three records in the Hot 100. Is everybody in the music business drunk?

Birdman featuring Drake & Lil Wayne—”Money To Blow”
#100
“We goin be alright if we put Drake on every hook,” says Lil Wayne. Yeah, but first you’ve got to have a hook.

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