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Hot 100 Roundup—1/7/12

Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

Taylor Swift featuring The Civil Wars—“Safe and Sound”
#30
It’s time, I suppose, for Taylor Swift to tweak her sound, but working with T-Bone Burnett—the man who has ruined more good performers than just about any producer I can think of—wasn’t the direction I was hoping for. This isn’t bad, but it’s just an average alt-folk ballad, a genre placement that should scare anyone who cares about Swift’s career. This is a soundtrack cut, so it may not mean much in terms of Swift’s future direction, but it’s worrying all the same. Even at her worst she’s never sounded so ordinary.

Flo Rida featuring Sia—“Wild Ones”
#57
Why did I never notice that Flo Rida has a lisp? No wonder he raps so fast. As for Sia, she seems willing to degrade herself in any way—first David Guetta, now this—if it means becoming the third-rate Robyn she’s always been destined to be.

Young Jeezy featuring Jay-Z & Andre 3000—“I Do”
#61
Not a great track; no one is in top form, but the difference in approach is interesting. Jeezy holds out the promise of marriage, but it’s just a ploy, because all he really wants is to get laid. Jay-Z, needless to say, takes the subject more seriously, maybe too seriously; he sounds as if he were holding himself back, trying to fictionalize his own situation to make it seem more gangsta. Andre 3000, meanwhile, is semi-serious but sounds like he’s still having fun, even while planning yet more headaches for poor Ms. Jackson.

Skrillex—“Scary Monsters And Nice Sprites”
#69
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 8/20/11

Adam Lambert—“Better Than I Know Myself”
#76
Lambert has real talent, but this is a mess. Not only is the arrangement ridiculous, but when he isn’t hitting impressive high notes Lambert’s voice sounds thin and out of place. He loves flash, but he doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself when he’s closer to the ground. And songs that are all flash are hard to come by.

Nicki Minaj—“Stupid Hoe”
#81
A dis track designed to allow Minaj to show off as many of her voices as possible. It’s impressive, if not quite enjoyable, or even coherent. One question: if this is directed at Lil Kim, why does Minaj do a Rihanna impersonation (which finishes with a horrible flat note) near the end? Is there a separate target for each voice? That would be impressive.

Mac Miller—“Knock Knock”
#88
Miller is an average rapper at best—when he talks about being deeper than the water Michael Phelps is in, he does realize that’s only about eight feet, right? But he has the one gift that all party rappers need: he knows how to put a hook together, and to make it unusual enough to get people’s attention in the first place. In other words, he’s an earworm menace. If he ever managed to get on the radio—for now his records are too quirky and filled with obscenities to qualify—he could be dangerous.

V.I.C.—“Wobble”
#94
This is the sort of bubbly pop-rap I’m a sucker for, but it’s so mechanical it wears quickly, and instead of emphasizing the rhythms as it goes on it seems to downplay them, a mistake on any record that has nothing much to say lyrically. I enjoy its lack of pretension, but it’s still a miss.

Listen on Spotify

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Hot 100 Roundup—9/17/11

Monday, October 10th, 2011

Lil Wayne
“Mirror” (featuring Bruno Mars), #16
“Blunt Blowin’”, #33
“MegaMan”, #50
“It’s Good” (featuring Drake & Jadakiss), #79
“How To Hate” (featuring T-Pain), #84
“Nightmares of the Bottom”, #90
“President Carter”, #94
“So Special” (featuring John Legend), #95
A mixture of the competent and the truly terrible (“Mirror” may be the most relentlessly self-pitying piece of gunk I have ever heard), the bright spots on these tracks are so few and far between that they feel like Wayne guest spots on his own album. The problem is not, as some have suggested, that Wayne isn’t trying. He obviously is, as the forced word play and over-stressed puns attest. The problem is that, in reaction to his jail stint, he seems to have changed his working methods, writing his raps instead of working ideas over in his head and spitting them out for the first time in front of a microphone. Putting ideas on paper, as any writer will tell you, allows for all sorts of self-doubt and second guessing, and may result in something being worked over until all signs of life have been drained out of it. The freedom and of-the-moment brilliance of Wayne’s raps has disappeared and been replaced by what I’m sure he considers meaningful and carefully considered but lifeless verbiage. Perhaps he’ll work it out, or maybe his inspiration is truly gone, drained by his pre-prison burst of creativity (there were signs of that even before he was sentenced) or killed by his time in jail. He’ll undoubtedly get a second wind, and maybe the genius will return combined with a growing maturity. But that’s going to take time, and there’s no sign that Wayne is doing anything to make that happen. His infinite sense of confidence may be his greatest weakness right now. I expect to hear great things from him in the future, but I don’t expect them anytime soon.

Beyonce—”Love On Top”
#20
The praise for 4 has been so universal I feel like a curmudgeon for not being more impressed by what I’ve heard, but I’m not. This is one of the better cuts, establishing an excellent late-80s soul groove (with synths that sound like they came off a Wings record), and then building into a joyful chorus that becomes ever more ecstatic through a series of ascending key changes. It’s masterful in almost every way, but somehow, for me at least, it lacks something. My problem is Beyonce’s voice, which is technically perfect but has always struck me as sharp and metallic and too obvious in it’s effects. Listening to her is somewhat like watching Jodie Foster or Meryl Streep act: I’m impressed by the skill and technique, but the way they use them is too transparent—it’s a great performance, and I admire the intelligence behind it, but I never forget for a moment that it is a performance. I appreciate a brilliant facade as much as the next person, but people talk about Beyonce as if she were giving us more than that, and from my perspective she rarely does. There’s no doubt that 4 is a step up from the misguided Sasha Fierce, so much so that people are overrating it—or maybe it’s why I’m underrating it; being better than Sasha Fierce doesn’t seem like much of an accomplishment to me.

David Guetta
“Turn Me On” (featuring Nicki Minaj), #37
“Without You” (featuring Usher), #39
“I just want you to father my young” is a great line, but it’s the only great line Minaj is allowed on “Turn Me On”, which sounds as if it might have been written for Rihanna instead. Meanwhile, “Without You” is an OK song with an oddly happy arrangement on the chorus, which also features one of Usher’s best-ever vocal performances. And so goes the hit-and-miss career of David Guetta, superstar DJ and all-around hack.

Chris Brown featuring Benny Benassi—”Beautiful People”
#43
The music is derivative but great, the lyrics derivative and awful, with Chris Brown lying through his teeth every beat of the way. Brown gets points for being the hip-hop performer who has been most willing to jump with both feet into the Euro-disco whirlpool, but he has done so in service of a personality that is so shallow and hypocritical that he makes world peace and the universality of beauty sound unclean. And when I say hypocritical, I’m not talking about Rihanna—it’s right there in the music and in his voice, in every beat and every breath. This guy cares about nothing but himself, and he’s willing to say or do anything to make you care about him too.

Lady Antebellum—”Dancin’ Away With My Heart”
#50
Another perfectly crafted, mediocre celebration of lost love, which once again focuses nostalgically on the singers’ teen years. Please don’t tell me it’s a concept album.

Young the Giant—”My Body”
#65
Further proof of the power of television, as if anybody needed it. Get a featured spot on the VMAs and you’re guaranteed to make the bottom half of the Hot 100 for a week or two. But even TV couldn’t turn this lame pastiche of Muse and The Killers into a real hit. For that you need something else: talent, novelty, tons of promotion money, anything.

LMFAO—”Sexy and I Know It”
#76
The obvious reference point is Right Said Fred, but I hear some Weird Al in here as well, which is welcome. Now that these guys have finally outed themselves as total comedians (and with a flair for electro at that), maybe some people will realize that their hedonistic shoutouts are at least partly satire and stop accusing them of corrupting our youth. Our youth are already corrupt, LMFAO are just making fun of them for profit. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. And don’t think the youth don’t get the joke; why do you think they’re buying the records?

Flo Rida—”Good Feeling”
#82
The Etta James hook is great, as is the overall sound, but that’s all there is: Rida has nothing to say even if you could understand him, and the hook is repeated so often you get sick of it (you might hold out a bit longer on the dance floor, though). A nice idea, but…

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Hot 100 Roundup—9/10/11

Sunday, September 25th, 2011

Pistol Annies—”Hell On Heels”
#55
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 7/23/11

Martina McBride—”I’m Gonna Love You Through It”
#77
Taking Brad Paisley at his word, McBride serves up a country song about cancer, and doesn’t hesitate to say the C word right up front. She also doesn’t hesitate to layer the record with as much string-laden sentiment as it can hold, and then pours on some more. After her last two singles, and especially “Teenage Daughters”, I thought McBride was going to make something new and interesting out of her career, but it must be harder to break out of that Nashville mold than I thought.

David Guetta featuring Jennifer Hudson—”Night Of Your Life”
#81
It’s bad enough that Guetta is a mediocre DJ, but Hudson is an absolutely hopeless disco singer. You can argue about whether Guetta should be allowed to make records, but there’s no doubt that Hudson shouldn’t be allowed to sing stuff like this.

Steve Holy—”Love Don’t Run”
#90
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 7/2/11

Florence + The Machine—”What the Water Gave Me”
#91
Let me guess: A totally self-absorbed belief in your own pretensions? The Pocket Guide to Romantic Suicide Imagery? A free pass to the nearest Renaissance Faire?

Ronnie Dunn—”Cost of Livin’”
#96
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 8/13/11

Wale featuring Jerimeh & Rick Ross—”That Way”
#98
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 8/27/11

Game—”Martians Vs Goblins”
#100
I assume that this scraped it’s way onto the charts because people wanted to hear Game making rude suggestions about Bruno Mars along with many others. I can’t think of any other reason to listen to it. My only question is whether Lil Wayne actually contributed to this track or Game used a sample. If the latter, that may be the biggest insult on the record.

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Hot 100 Roundup—8/27/11

Thursday, September 22nd, 2011

Drake—”Headlines”
#13
Is this guy capable of doing anything but feel sorry for himself? Fame didn’t turn out to be as much fun as he thought it would be; no one understands him or how hard he works; and there are all these women! Makes you wonder what he got into the business for. It sure wasn’t the music.

Jason DeRulo—”It Girl”
#39
I have mixed feelings about this record, largely because I find myself liking it more than I think I should. Most of DeRulo’s records have been terrible, but this time around he switches up his style, dumping his usual dense, sample based hip-hop for a lighter, more straight-ahead sound. Some say he’s trying to be Bruno Mars, but what I hear is a less desperate, more relaxed version of Chris Brown. In other words, a pleasant, minor talent who doesn’t carry a lot of excess baggage around with him. I doubt he’ll ever do anything great, but at least he isn’t an embarrassment.

Jay-Z & Kanye West
“Who Gon’ Stop Me”, #44
“Niggas In Paris”, #75
I have real difficulties with Watch the Throne. The music is often brilliant, but the lyrics are intentionally paradoxical, full of contradictions and ego-based hyperbole that are hard to work around or excuse. The opening line of “Who Gon Stop Me” is a perfect example: “This is something like the Holocaust/Millions of our people lost”. It’s a powerful statement, and like much of Watch the Throne, it places current events in a deeper historical context. Whether or not that context is fully justified in relation to what most of the tracks are about, however—that is, being rich and living high—is open to question. The overall stance of the album is that the suffering African-Americans have gone through is justification for those who are successful exalting themselves, living as high as they can, and bragging about it as much as possible. It’s hardly a new idea, as they well know; just the title “Niggas in Paris” alone conjures up images of black men and women who were in a position to take advantage of financial independence and the relative racial freedom of Europe and did so to excess: Joe Jackson, Josephine Baker, Sidney Bechet, James Baldwin, and many others. What gets left out of the story are the great majority who don’t have anything to brag about; not just African Americans, but Africans, whites, Latinos, Asians, and the Europeans who make their living serving people like Jay-Z and West and satisfying their needs. Like Jay-Z said in “Empire State of Mind”, “Pity half of y’all won’t make it”, with the unuttered followup, “sucker”, implied in his phrasing. It’s a drug dealer’s mentality, and even if they’re aware of it, and unsure of it, and emphasize the irony of it, it still stinks.

David Guetta featuring Sia—”Titanium”
#66
Guetta wisely lightens up his sound before the bombast takes over completely, and though this is nothing special at least it isn’t openly hostile to anyone with sensitive ears or a working brain. If he had found a singer other than Sia, whose lack of enunciation I find even more irritating here than on her own records, it might have been even better.

Miranda Lambert—”Baggage Claim”
#67
After Revolution I was afraid that Lambert was softening up, and that the woman who had made Crazy Ex-Girlfriend was gone for good. Going by this and the Pistol Annies album, though, that judgement was premature. “Baggage Claim” isn’t a great record: rhythmically it’s a little stiff, and the metaphor gets stretched almost to the breaking point, but it brings back the take-no-prisoners stance that made Lambert famous, with only the slightest lessening of intensity. She may not be as brash as she used to be, but she makes up for it with a sense of confidence that may be even more impressive. She knows what she wants, she knows how to get it, and she knows that she can. My only worry is that she’ll try so hard to make a perfect record that she’ll mistrust her best instincts and stiffen up. That’s was Revolution’s greatest weakness, and you can hear some of that on this record. Still, this sounds like a step in the right direction.

Evanescence—”What You Want”
#68
Keeping up with the times, Amy Lee and her new band mates toss a little Paramore-style melody into their mix, along with an easy to chant along with hook. I like this more than any Evanescence I’ve heard before, and for metal-edged pop (or is that pop-edged metal) this is high caliber. If the whole album sounds like this it could be another Superunknown (which should give you an idea of how much metal I listen to).

T.I. featuring B.o.B.—”We Don’t Get Down Like Y’all”
#78
The change in style—less fuzzy synths, more hard beats—is appreciated, but it’s also a step backwards towards a style he moved beyond years ago. What is new, at least to me, is the blatant homophobia. If people have a problem with Odd Future, what are they going to think of “Listen up, fag bait/them hot pants bad for your prostate.” Maybe he is just a jerk.

Luke Bryan—”Drunk On Love”
#79
Yet another song about a country girl shakin’ it for her man. In rap, women work the pole; in country, the tailgate. Bryan even steals an image from the blues: “Honey drips on the moneymaker”. Country radio programmers must know what that means, but I bet they’ll play it anyway. Pretty slow for yet another version of “Whole Lot of Shakin’”, though. I imagine Bryan intended this as a sexy grind, but since he doesn’t know sexy from a rusty pickup truck, all he gets is the grind.

The Script—”Nothing”
#89
You said it.

Mindless Behavior featuring Diggy—”Mrs. Right”
#97
There have been a lot of good teen rap groups the last couple of years, but this record is so insane, with both the vocals and the beats run through an autotune turned up to 11, that the damn thing never touches the ground. By the end of the first verse you’ve lost your bearings: just where did they expect this to end up? Good for a laugh, but that’s about it.

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Hot 100 Roundup—7/16/11

Wednesday, August 17th, 2011

Javier Colon—”Stitch By Stitch”, #17
Dia Frampton—”Inventing Shadows”, #20
Adam Levine & Javier Colon—”Man In the Mirror”, #45
Blake Shelton & Dia Frampton—”I Won’t Back Down”, #57
Christina Aguilera & Beverly McClellan—”Beautiful”, #74
Vicci Martinez—”Afraid To Sleep”, #78

George Strait—”Here For a Good Time”
#65
Strait has been coasting over his last few singles, but when you’ve absorbed as much craft as he has even coasting sounds more energetic, and certainly more intelligent, than most other country output. This isn’t a masterpiece—too much of it seems automatic—but it has moments, such as the opening line of the second verse, that seem like minor miracles. Strait may be coasting, but he’s coasting in style.

David Guetta featuring Taio Cruz & Ludacris—”Little Bad Girl”
#70
For Guetta, not bad, but Cruz has done better, and Ludacris has done much better. I like the breakdown a lot, but have just about had it with Cruz’s phrasing. I only hope he doesn’t succeed in making pronouncing “air” as “ur” a trend.

Coldplay
“Moving To Mars”, #90
“Major Minus”, #92
Two obvious throwaways filling in the “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” EP, and wouldn’t you know it, it’s the best Coldplay I’ve heard: rough, grounded in real emotion, sonically striking (I even like Chris Martin’s croaky croon). Thematically, though, they’re old hat: spaceflight as a symbol of alienation and paranoid anti-establishment tropes, respectively. “Moving to Mars” may very well be intended as a tribute to Bowie and/or Elton John, and good for Coldplay if it is. If Martin managed to become as good a lyricist as Bernie Taupin, they might be worth listening to more often.

Iyaz featuring Travie McCoy—”Pretty Girls”
#94
Iyaz is as forgettable as they come, and McCoy, usually a black mark on every record that bears his name, is less painful than usual, and therefore also forgettable. As for the song…uh, what was it called again?

Big Sean featuring Wiz Khalifa & Chiddy Bang—”High”
#98
I have nothing against people getting stoned, honest I don’t. But when all they can talk about is weed, especially in a childish, aren’t-I-clever manner like this, I consider investing in paraquat.

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Bubbling Under—7/9/11

Monday, August 15th, 2011

Blaire LeVoir—”Digital Kiss”
#106
The idea for the intro is stolen from Prince (not from a song, but from a segue between songs), the sound from David Guetta or RedOne or some other garish electro producer, and the theme of technologically-assisted passion from, uh, Gary Numan, if not Lost In Space. I would say the lyrics sounded like the fantasies of a sci-fi obsessed twelve-year-old if most twelve-year-olds didn’t show far more understanding of technology than LeVoir ever does. Sex, too.

Avril Lavigne—”Smile”
#114
There’s nothing inherently wrong with Lavigne making teenpop in her mid-twenties. She helped invent the current strain, after all, and many people before her have done the same, and many will after. All the same, this record is inexcusable. There have been lots of songs about women who love men who mistreat them, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard one that sounded as slick as a laminated Hallmark card before, or as clueless. She thinks it’s cute when he slips her roofies. Unhealthy at, or for, any age.

Ledisi—”Pieces Of Me”
#115
Ledisi is a respected jazz singer, but this is cocktail soul at best, and the theme song to a discussion show on the Oprah Winfrey Network at worst. If she were white, her phrasing of “Fo’ sho’” would be derided as minstrelsy. I’m not sure it isn’t.

Kellie Pickler—”Tough”
#119
Even when she was on American Idol I though Pickler had more talent than people gave her credit for, or that she even gave herself credit for, and I still do. Her phrasing, obviously modeled on Dolly Parton, is wonderful, and the song, though not great, isn’t bad either. But Pickler doesn’t seem interested in doing anything but entertain—maybe she doesn’t believe she’s capable of anything else—and her self-doubt show’s through even when she’s acting tough. The result is a record that sounds like it should be fun but never delivers, and that you never once believe.

Matt Nathanson—”Faster”
#124
This is fast, at least for adult-contemporary, and Nathanson’s sense of craft makes it bearable. But when I hear a guy who’s been in the business for nearly twenty years sing about his girl tasting like “sunshine and strawberry bubblegum”, I figure he’s a middling careerist who’s had a lucky fall into a decent hook. The blaring horn arrangement confirms it.

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Hot 100 Roundup—5/21/11

Wednesday, May 25th, 2011

Lady Antebellum—”Just A Kiss”
#7
Definite proof that the near-great “Need You Now” was a fluke. This one, which is both mellow and overwrought in equal measure, concerns grown-up abstinence, and should relieve those who were worried by the drunken booty call of their biggest hit. Never fear; this record contains no sexual tension whatsoever. I’m surprised they can work up enough libido for even a goodnight kiss.

David Guetta featuring Flo Rida & Nicki Minaj—”Where Them Girls At”
#14
What makes Guetta and DJs like him different from his predecessors isn’t just the music, but the culture. Guetta’s followers aren’t blissed out on love and Ecstasy, they’re hard partying drunks, and the music Guetta makes isn’t designed to harmonize with chemically stimulated synapses but to deliver a final, convulsive jolt to dying brain cells, a death rattle with a beat. It’s the techno version of “Boogie Til You Puke”, minus the knowing sense of humor. This is Guetta’s most relentless record yet, and also his lamest. Flo Rida, who has never sounded duller, borrows his vocal flow from Pitbull and his hooks from…well, nowhere, because there aren’t any. But dammit it if Nicki Minaj doesn’t almost save things anyway. It’s worth suffering the rest at least once to hear her go “dee dee dee dee” in a voice that parodies every record Guetta has ever made, his entire aesthetic encapsulated in a few nonsense syllables. I wonder if he noticed.

Bad Meets Evil—”Fast Lane”
#32
I’m not sure which is more impressive, the fact that Royce Da 5’9″ keeps up with Eminem, or that Eminem keeps up with himself. Whatever the case, though this isn’t much beatwise, it’s an amazing display of vocal technique and wordcraft on both sides. Half the time I can’t tell what either one of them is saying, but it all rhymes, and on a record like this that’s all that matters.

Glee Cast
“Go Your Own Way”, #45
“Songbird”, #68
“Don’t Stop”, #79
“Never Going Back Again”, #81
“Dreams”, #92

New Boyz featuring Chris Brown—”Better With the Lights Off”
#61
The New Boyz continue to look for a style, and what I once took for corruption, as they moved further away from their jerkin’ roots, is now beginning to look like constant experimentation. Even with both Chris Brown and Cataracs on board, this is neither jerkin’ nor hip-hop; sounds more like rock run through some sort of techno-rap filter. There are only the slightest hints of the New Boyz’ teen cleverness on display, but the record is good enough it isn’t missed much, and there’s a pleasant shock of recognition when it does appear. I’m not sure if this is a great record, but it’s growing on me.

Avenged Sevenfold—”Not Ready To Die”
#70
More metal bombast, with extra arty touches, so that it goes on for more than seven over-baked minutes. The only interesting part is the intro, which is a direct, uncredited lift from Elton John’s “Funeral For A Friend”. They may not be ready to die, but are they ready to be sued?

Jennifer Lopez featuring Lil Wayne—”I’m Into You”
#72
Pleasant enough for fluff, but that’s all. I continue to be amazed, though, at how Lil Wayne can get off the dirtiest lines and still sound charming and innocent. Who does he think he is, Katy Perry?

Don Omar & Lucenzo—”Danza Kuduro”
#82
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 11/21/10

Dierks Bentley—”Am I the Only One”
#89
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/16/11

Thirty Seconds to Mars—”Closer To the Edge”
#99
I’m sorry, what did you say? I couldn’t hear you you above your ego.

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Hot 100 Roundup—12/5/10

Thursday, December 9th, 2010

Enrique Iglesius featuring Ludacris & DJ Frank E—”Tonight (I’m Fucking You)”
#18
Thanks to Cee-Lo Green, “fuck” appears to be the word of the moment, and Iglesius has as much right to it as any, I suppose. But with his soft, sensitive, sometimes wispy loverman voice, he doesn’t sound all that convincing, and Ludacris is just cashing a check. DJ Frank E, however, engages in some serious fucking with the listeners’ ears. Those random-seeming synthesizer swoops and giggles are the sole reason to pay any real attention to this record. They start to sound calculated after a while, but they liven things up nonetheless.

Glee Cast
“Mary You”, #32
“Just the Way You Are”, #40

Kanye West
“Dark Fantasy” (featuring Teyana Taylor, Nicki Minaj & Bon Iver), #60
“All Of the Lights”, #92
I’m still making up my mind about “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”. There are great things on it, and West has created an interesting amalgam of his earlier style and the stuff he experimented with on his last two albums. There’s no doubt the result is challenging (which is why I still haven’t made up my mind), but I’m not sure it’s as great as people make it out to be. For one thing, it seems to relate the same basic idea over and over again, and then drag out the tracks in ways that don’t always expand the idea so much as minutely modify it. And sometimes it sounds as clunky as the title. I love the chorus on “Dark Fantasy” and how the choir is both beautiful and ragged at the same time, and “All Of the Lights” is so perfect in its structure and lyrical detail that I feel like a jerk for complaining of its obscure message. But for some reason these songs, and the album as a whole, aren’t coming together for me. Maybe they’re not intended to, but that doesn’t mean it’s a success, either.

Diddy – Dirty Money featuring Skylar Grey—”Coming Home
#61
I know it would be more expensive, but if you’re going to cut a track that’s a straight stylistic rip-off of T.I. and Kanye West, shouldn’t you invite them to contribute a verse or two?

Christina Aguilera—”Show Me How You Burlesque”
#70
For me, the intro to this record epitomizes everything that’s wrong with Aguilera. She not only oversings, but overthinks her oversinging. What’s worse, the lyrics have no music or poetry to them, they’re lifeless hunks of words designed solely for Aguilera to belt. The rest is a little better, but not much. Whatever this is, though, it isn’t burlesque. Burlesque is all about the tease; this is the equivalent of some two-bit hot mama thrusting her cleavage into your face and shouting “Does that turn you on, baby?!”

Keri Hilson—”Pretty Girl Rock”
#72
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 11/28/10

David Guetta featuring Rihanna—”Who’s That Chick?”
#73
Bearable for Guetta, mid-level for Rihanna. I do like it’s classic disco vibe: it could be the theme song for some cheesy early-eighties romantic comedy. Though now that I think about it, that’s not much of a compliment, is it?

Nicki Minaj featuring Rihanna—”Fly”
#76
Did I compare Minaj to Cyndi Lauper? Maybe I meant Journey.

Bruno Mars—”Marry You”
#91
It’s irresistible records like this that make you think Mars’s career might amount to something after all. Not only is the music catchy and good-humored, but for the first time since “Nothin’ On You” the lyrics are a perfect match. That’s possibly because he’s not trying to say anything too romantic or serious, which only convinces you that he loves the girl even more. This is so good I don’t even mind that it only made the charts because it was featured on Glee. OK, I do mind, but what the hell.

Ke$ha—”Crazy Beautiful Life”
#93
More homilies and affirmations for drunk party girls. How much you wanna bet the next album includes a ballad?

Billy Currington—”Let Me Down Easy”
#97
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 11/28/10

Sick Puppies—”Maybe”
#100
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 11/21/10

Bubbling Under:

Nicki Minaj featuring Drake—”Moment 4 Life”
#101
Minaj is a talent, but all the evidence points to her having already betrayed it. I haven’t heard Pink Friday yet, but as I understand it half the album is made up of this kind of dreck (which Minaj would rhyme with Drake if she had any sense). Even if it was a better record, though, the simple fact is that this and “Fly” are only making the charts because of the names of the guests. What a depressing business.

Christina Aguilera—”Express”
#102
The mix of brass and electronic fuzz might be interesting if they were actually mixed instead of being consigned to different sections. But that wouldn’t make it a decent song, or prevent Aguilera from shouting to the rooftops.

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/17/10

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

Taylor Swift—”Speak Now”
#8
Another cute fairy tale, a song form at which Swift has become an absolute master. Sassy, funny, and sharply observed as always, only this one is streaked with some real bitterness, including details and descriptions that would be considered, um, mean coming from anyone else. As the title cut from the new album, it obviously serves as justification for the deeper anger that permeates some of the other songs. Like most fairy tales, however, this ends at the point of victory, and says nothing about the aftermath. Which makes me wonder if Swift, both as a character in her songs and as a real person, is ready for the tempest she’s stirring up.

Kanye West featuring Pusha T—”Runaway”
#12
Ever since 808s and Heartbreak, and even more so since his disastrous VMA fuck-up, the main focus of Kanye West’s audience, and certainly the press, has been not his music, but his state of mind. Is he falling apart? Does he regret what he’s done? Will he apologize? Will the new record present a more humble, subdued Yeezy? The answers so far (No. Yes. Sort of. Are you kidding me?) are fascinating in their way, but they distract from the main point, which is the music. In the last three months he’s released two excellent official singles, plus a boatload of good to great tracks as part of the G.O.O.D. Friday download series, and all I read on the blogs and in comment sections is analysis of his emotional ups and downs, as if every new piece of music were nothing more than the latest installment in a soap opera: Kanye West and the Price of Fame or As the Rapper Yearns. Part of this is West’s fault—his self-absorption is far beyond the call of duty of even the most egotistical rappers—but at the same time he’s one of the few whose work lives up to their own hype. And even if the latest records break little new ground—“Power” harks all the way back to The College Dropout, while “Runaway” sounds like an 808s track with some pop sweetening—the ideas he’s already dug up would be enough to fuel any number of lifelong careers. If, that is, he doesn’t drive his into the ground by making music about nothing but himself. It’s a narrowing of the palette that few artists survive, no matter how brilliant they are. I just hope this album gets it all out of his system and he can go on to something else.

Glee Cast
“I Want To Hold Your Hand”, #36
“One Of Us”, #37
“Only the Good Die Young”, #50
“Losing My Religion”, #60
“Papa Can You Hear Me?”, #65
“Bridge Over Troubled Water”, #73
“I Look To You”, #74

P!nk—”Raise Your Glass”
#51
For a Max Martin-produced party record this is surprisingly stiff, never more so than in the throwaway vocal interjections that are supposed to provide that loose, freaky atmosphere (and all the jokes). It’s all far too calculated and machine-tooled, without a single moment left to chance. I don’t know if this is Martin’s fault or P!nk’s, but it sure isn’t freaky.

Bruno Mars—”The Lazy Song”
#82
Dear Bruno Mars: You can be a pop guy with serious undertones, or you can be a serious guy with an instinctive pop sensibility, but you cannot be Jack Johnson with keyboards. Not if you want any respect, that is.

A Rocket To the Moon—”Like We Used To”
#91
One of those records that’s upended by the details guys like this learn to put into their songs in their Songwriting 101 class. Pleading with an ex-girlfriend you caught naked in a car with somebody else fourteen months ago does not make you sensitive or passionate—it makes you a wimp. As does the music and the vocals.

Edward Maya & Vika Jigulina—”Stereo Love”
#93
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/10/10

David Guetta featuring Kid Cudi—”Memories”
#94
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/3/10

Shakira featuring Dizzee Rascal—”Loca”
#98
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/10/10

Bubbling Under

Justin Moore—”How I Got To Be This Way”
#101
By being kicked in the head by a horse, apparently. This explains a lot.

Ne-Yo—”One In a Million”
#102
This is the catchiest and most pop-oriented of the preview singles off Ne-Yo’s new album, which also means it’s the most familiar sounding and the most ordinary. Ne-Yo’s style and class set him apart from almost everybody else on the chart, but they also hold him back somehow. It feels as if he’s not telling us everything he could because he’s afraid of stepping outside of the image he’s concocted for himself. Maybe it’s time for him to be a little less of a gentleman, or at least find an outlet for the tension that stance implies.

Trace Adkins—”This Ain’t No Love Song”
#103
In fact, it’s barely a song at all.

Luke Bryan—”Someone Else Calling You Baby”
#104
Bryan is a decent, mid-level country singer, and this is interesting for being essentially 70s country pop with a more soulful, modern rock setting, The Bellamy Brothers turned up to 11. Past 11, actually, which is the problem.

Willow—”Whip My Hair”
#105
This is far better than anyone had a right to suspect, and surprising, as well. Willow’s voice is literally unbelievable—it’s not just the strength, but the mature phrasing—if I hadn’t already known I never would have suspected her real age; I would have gone for thirty. The track is rougher than you’d think, as well, a poppified mix of electro and crunk that never lets up. Tougher than anything her dad ever did, that’s for sure.

My Darkest Days featuring Ludacris—”Porn Star Dancing”
#106
With Nickleback’s Chad Kroeger as co-writer and co-producer doing his best 3Oh!3 impersonation, the presence of Ludacris helps this record achieve a perfect storm of demographic triangulation. The sheer commercial shamelessness of it almost makes its stripper pole sleaze appealing. Kind of catchy, too.

Lifehouse—”All In”
#108
If it were anybody else turning to poker metaphors to describe their passion, I’d assume they were shooting for a country crossover, but these guys sound like the same old boring rockers they’ve always been. Only without hooks. It doesn’t mean much to go all in if all you’ve got left is a couple of bucks.

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/3/10

Thursday, October 7th, 2010

Glee Cast
“Empire State of Mind”, #21
“Telephone”, #23
“Billionaire”, #28
“Listen”, #38
“What I Did For Love”, #51

Akon—”Angel”
#62
Yet another “I Gotta Feeling” rip, only this time not from someone directly associated with the original record, which is a relief. Akon’s voice may have changed, but his gift for hooks remains, and here he strings enough together to make for a bearable dance record. My only question is whether this is intended as a tribute to Lady GaGa, who has guaranteed Akon a comfortable living even if he never has another hit. Maybe he should just go into promotion and forget this whole making records business. He wouldn’t be the first.

Update: Whoops, there I go forgetting to check the credits again. This was produced by David Guetta, so just ignore that first sentence.

Maroon 5—”Stutter”
#84
Catchier than their previous records off the new album, but in its own way just as stiff and claustrophobia inducing. Their clockwork groove is like a wall they build between the music and whatever emotion is supposedly generating it. Which means they’re either trying too hard or are too tasteful to get really funky. Working with a producer other than the tireless careerist Robert John Lange might help.

Jesse McCartney—”Shake”
#90
A few years ago, Jesse McCartney was the equivalent of Justin Bieber, only with a little more funk and without the hordes of screaming girls. Now he seems to be in limbo. His voice has matured, but his material still has a teenage quality to it (doesn’t everybody’s?) that doesn’t quite match with his voice. I like the telephone gimmick leading into the chorus, and this is catchy and almost funky enough to get by, but the song’s slightly Bieberish quality throws me off. He’s like a solo version of Maroon 5: his heart is in the right place, but his music is too stiff to catch up.

Diddy – Dirty Money featuring Drake—”Loving You No More”
#91
This goes down smooth and easy in the background, but like most muzak, once you get up close you notice how barren it is. And that’s even before Drake clears his throat and starts to rap.

Mike Posner—”Please Don’t Go”
#94
Pleasant but forgettable, which is a step up from his last record, which was brainless (often mistaken for pleasant) and irritating. I like the random electronics on the last verse, but the rest of it is sap. With guys like Posner and Owl City on the scene, the hipness quotient of electronic music is going to nosedive fast, if it hasn’t already.

Bubbling Under:

Zac Brown Band featuring Jimmy Buffett—”Knee Deep”
#101
When Zac Brown sings by himself, he sounds like James Taylor. When he sings with Alan Jackson, he sounds like Alan Jackson. Guess who he sounds like now? And no, despite the presence of the original inspiration, this is not as good as “Toes”.

Bon Jovi—”What Do You Got?”
#102
Ann Powers swears that Bon Jovi is a great arena band, and though I’ve never thought of that as a distinct genre, I’m willing to take her word on it. All the same, should I ever find myself in an arena with Bon Jovi, this song is when I would seize the opportunity to find a bathroom.

Maroon 5 with Lady Antebellum—”Out of Goodbyes”
#103
Apparently anyone who comes in contact with Lady Antebellum turns immediately into another version of Fleetwood Mac, and though the voices don’t blend as magically as Buckingham’s and McVie’s, this has its moments (the line about the “storm brewing in his eyes” is perfectly set). But moments is all it has, and though the playing is as precise as you’d expect, Fleetwood Mac was both precise and passionate, and that makes all the difference.

David Guetta featuring Kid Cudi—”Memories”
#104
Never, ever listen to a song called “Memories”. It’s guaranteed to be sentimental, even when it comes on with garish, hard-edged dance beats and features a vocalist who sounds like he’s coked himself hoarse. In fact, that might be even worse.

Bruno Mars featuring Damian Marley—”Liquor Store Blues”
#105
This doesn’t work, largely because Mars’s overdeveloped pop instinct undercuts whatever sense of “the blues” he may possess, but I’m fascinated by his attempts to show a serious side, or at least some sort of social conscious (this, “Billionaire”, maybe even “Fuck You”). It’s not the sort of thing you find in most masters of lighthearted melodic hooks, and it suggest that if he can ever manage to balance the two, he could become a major artist, instead of just a highly successful one.

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