The Illiterate

Selena Gomez—”Magic”
#61
As seventies power pop staples go, I’ve never thought much of Pilot’s “Magic”. Pristinely produced by Alan Parsons, it’s a stiff Badfinger rip-off, second-rate Beatles twice removed. Compared to this version, however—part of the Wizards of Waverly Place soundtrack, which also includes covers of “Magic Carpet Ride”, “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic”, and “Do You Believe in Magic?”—Pilot are The Beatles. Even though the remake is shorter than the original, it sounds slower, metalish guitars and plodding drums turning it into a boring slog. It would help if Gomez sang as if she weren’t being forced at gunpoint, but it isn’t all her fault—obviously Disney’s producers are only interested in putting out if they’ve got a share of the publishing.

Madonna–”Celebration”
#71
What year is this? Except for the techno touches, this could have been Madonna’s followup to “Holiday” or “Into the Groove”. Aside from the naughty spoken bit (not dirty, mind you, just naughty) she sounds as if she were 22 again. It’s one of the odd realities of pop music careers: if you stick around long enough, even through the lean times, the culture will always come back to where you started.

Whitney Houston—”I Look To You”
#74
With R Kelly channelling Diane Warren as a songwriter, and the arrangement staying safely in tasteful power ballad territory (will someone please put that drummer out of his misery?), this would be a terrible record if it wasn’t for Houston’s voice. To say it sounds lived in would be an understatement—it sounds as if its been plowed under and dredged back up. For a few moments, especially in the second verse, Houston seems ready to take the song over and drag it to church where it belongs, but the banality of the chorus distracts her, and once she’s lost her focus there’s nothing left but cliche. It could be a lot worse, but it could be a lot better.

Muse—”Uprising”
#81
Though Queen and Blondie have been cited as influences, I hear more Gary Glitter (or Battles) and U2. Whatever the case, add it all up and you get INXS in revolutionary mode. Which isn’t a bad thing at all, especially since you can galumph to it.

Jaime Foxx featuring The-Dream, Drake, & Kanye West—”Digital Girl”
#92
Once again, I have a hard time telling Foxx from his counterparts, especially The-Dream (though I have found at least one clue: whichever voice is thinnest, that’s Foxx). This is a pleasant trifle, and Drake is so hot right now it may even be a hit, but “Blame It” it ain’t. (Oh, and another way to tell the players wihtout a program: whoever makes the most references to having sex in the kitchen, that’s Foxx, too.)

Brad Paisley—”Welcome To the Future”
#98
This may be stating the obvious, but in country terms Paisley is a weirdo, and this may be his weirdest yet. Paisley is a weirdo because, for all his traditional trappings, he’s a modernist, as comfortable with technology and urbanity as he is with rusticity. He may be a good old boy, but he isn’t narrow, he isn’t blindly redneck in his vision, and he isn’t stupid. What makes this song so weird is the way it shifts from a shallow good old boy perspective (“Man, isn’t all this modern technology nuts?”) to something more universal and open (“Wow, isn’t it cool we’ve got a black president?”). He proves how smart he is by turning country sentimentality back on itself (how many country songs praising the civil rights movement have you heard?). Plus, he stages a guitar duel with a synthesizer and let’s the synthesizer win. After his last single, “Then”, I was afraid that Paisley was retiring back into comfortable cliche. Turns out he was just softening up the audience before stretching things even further.