Posts Tagged ‘Justin Bieber’

New this week—3/14/10

Wednesday, March 17th, 2010

Justin Bieber—”Never Let You Go”
#21
The most irritating thing about Justin Bieber may be something over which he has no real control: all his records sound the same. He may have talent, but he either possesses such a narrow emotional range that his handlers don’t dare let him express himself, or they have such a narrow idea of what a pop record should be that they can’t take advantage of whatever talent Bieber does possess. The first is a possibility, but I lean toward the second explanation: this is such an obvious retread of Chris Brown’s “Forever” that you wonder if anyone in Bieber’s camp has a single original idea.

Jason DeRulo—”Ridin’ Solo”
#33
Did anybody involved in this record notice how irritating DeRulo’s voice is on the chorus? Did they think it would serve as a kind of hook? Or make up for the fact that nothing else about this record is even vaguely interesting? If so, they were wrong.

Usher featuring Nicki Minaj—”Lil Freak”
#43
Somehow I don’t think Stevie Wonder ever imagined anyone using part of “Livin’ for the City” as background music for an orgy, but I guess we should give Usher a break—he’s got to get over the grief of his divorce somehow.

Avril Lavigne—”Alice”
#71
I long ago resigned myself to the use of Alice in Wonderland as a Rorschach blot for anyone low on ideas who needs a little creative boost, but that only excuses Tim Burton. This is straight cash-in and a terrible record by any standard. The only notable thing about it is that it definitively marks the moment when Lavigne gave up on doing anything new and decided to copy those who have followed in her wake—in this case, Paramore. Even another soppy ballad would be better than this.

Kenny Chesney—”Ain’t Back Yet”
#73
If you define country as music based on the nostalgia of people in their thirties to mid-forties for the pop music of their early teen years, then this is a country record. But even by those standards it isn’t a good country record, just a loud one (with horns, to boot). Gossip hounds, however, will eat up the apparent reference to Renee Zellweger in the last verse.

Godsmack—”Cryin’ Like A Bitch!!”
#74
The exclamation points in the title tell you everything you need to know about this record. Think of them as sudden bursts of guitar and you can pretend you’ve already heard the song without the painful experience of actually listening to it.

Three 6 Mafia Vs Tiesto with Sean Kingston and Flo Rida—”Feel It”
#78
If the artist lineup didn’t tip you off to how desperate these guys are for another hit, the music sure would. Most egregious moment: when Flo Rida comes on, the beat switches to an approximation of “Low”. Even worse, that’s the only part of the record that makes any sense. The rest is a confused mess.

Danny Gokey—”My Best Days Are Ahead of Me”
#78
I never saw Gokey on American Idol, but it’s easy to understand why he was voted off—the only thing thinner than his voice is his material.

La Roux—”Bulletproof”
#92
With all the Eurodisco influence on the charts it’s nice to see the real thing making some headway. Already a number one in the UK, though I doubt it will make it as far here—it’s not brash and straightforward enough for American tastes. I find it a trifle thin and stiff myself, but it’s still better than about 85% of anything else on the charts.

Chris Young—”The Man I Want to Be”
#98
As shameless as self-pitying country gets, this is essentially the male version of Carrie Underwood’s “Jesus Take the Wheel”, only worse, because you can’t help suspecting that all Young really wants is his woman back. What he should really be praying for is better material.

Steel Magnolia—”Keep On Lovin’ You”
#99
Because Lady Antebellum just isn’t enough Sugarland for the country/pop market.

Eric Church—”Hell On the Heart”
#100
Church is the kind of guy who believes old-fashioned things like simple, catchy melodies, short songs (this one clocks in at 2:45, shorter than both his previous singles, only one of which is over three minutes), and strict stereo separation. He also gets better with each record. But he isn’t that good yet. Cliches keep popping up in his lyrics, and thematically there’s nothing that separates him from a few thousand other good ol’ boys. He also has a tendency to sprinkle his interviews with references to how much better he is than everybody else. I like this record, and I hope he gets better, but I’m not holding my breath.

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New this week—2/21/10

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

Artists for Haiti—”We Are the World 25: For Haiti”
#2
Whatever else might be said, good or bad, about the original “We Are the World”, at least it was of its time. This new version, despite the urgency of the cause, or perhaps because of it, isn’t. Even more than the original it sounds self-serving and self-congratulatory, and though some have made a big deal of the addition of rappers to the mix, after 25 years their presence is neither surprising nor significant—if anything they make the record sound more dated. What is surprising is the anonymity of it all. On first listen the only voice I recognized was Justin Bieber’s, and after a few more go-rounds I’ve only been able to pick up on a few of the others. It’s not that the singers aren’t trying to be distinctive—if there’s such a thing as a melisma overdose this record could induce it—but they’ve all switched into sincere balladry mode and are trying their best to appear humble (in the most self-aggrandizing way), which tends to make them all sound alike. Let’s face it, ego is one of the driving forces of pop music, and successfully feeding it is as close as most pop stars get to emotional and intellectual achievement; without it they’re nothing.

Iyaz—”Solo”
#43
Second single, and he now sounds even more like Sean Kingston than the first time out. Which doesn’t make this bad, it just means that you’ve heard it before, and better.

General Larry Platt—”Pants On the Ground”
#46
A not very funny—not to mention years out of date—soundbite repeated obsessively for three and a half-minutes. I’m sure the General is a lovable old coot, and I hope he enjoys his five minutes of fame, but the best that can be said for this is that it’s better than William Hung.

Rihanna—”Rude Boy”
#64
Better than “Hard”, but only just. Considering Rihanna’s well-publicized personal history, the “treat me rough” message, though consensual and reciprocal, leaves a sour taste. I don’t want to go so far as to accuse her of capitalizing on her misfortunes, but I’m beginning to think the entirety of Rated R was a mistake.

Lloyd Banks featuring Juelz Santana—”Beamer, Benz, or Bentley”
#76
Banks is more than a second-rate 50 Cent, but not that much more, and he’s a lot cruder. He’s also a little behind the times: this sounds like a nostalgic flashback to 2004, back when cars and stacks could still impress all on their own.

Monica—”Everything To Me”
#82
An old-fashioned, unambitious soul number that never rises above its nostalgic impetus. Which is just a fancy way of saying it’s dull.

Waka Flacka Flame—”O Let’s Do It”
#95
There’s a part of me that’s glad somebody’s still making drug-dealer rap—the life exists, after all, and someone besides Ghostface Killah should be documenting it (though I doubt anyone else could be as good at it). So I appreciate the lyrical content. I just wish the music were better, or more connected to its subject matter, instead of this off-the-rack beat.

Kellie Pickler—”Didn’t You Know How Much I Loved You”
#99
Sweet and charming she may be, but Pickler’s talent is in the medium range, and ballads like this are beyond her. Of course, no one with above-average talent would choose material as generic as this to begin with.

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New this week—1/31/10

Sunday, January 31st, 2010

Taylor Swift—”Today Was a Fairytale”
#2
As songwriting, this is rehash; Swift has gone over the same ground many times before, though this pares the idea down to its basics in an appealing way. The real appeal, though, lies in the fact that, even more than the bonus tracks on the deluxe edition of Fearless, this clears away the production clutter that was that album’s greatest weakness. With every record Swift seems to have a clearer idea of what she’s aiming at and how best to attain it. She may be not just the biggest pop star of the moment, but also the smartest.

Justin Bieber featuring Ludacris—”Baby”
#5
Catchy and sweet, and even Ludacris keeps it clean (though it’s impossible for him to sound as innocent as Bieber does). Bieber is still doing a young Michael Jackson imitation and little else, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially with hooks as catchy as this.

Jay-Z, Bono, The Edge & Rihanna—”Stranded (Haiti Mon Amour)”
#16
Despite Jay-Z’s confused attempt at making sense of tragedy and Bono’s meaningless plea for volunteers (who would only confuse things by this point) this is better than anyone had a right to expect. Jay keeps the song at groundlevel by emphasizing specific realities and personal loss, while Bono and Rihanna soar on the chorus. Jay-Z’s and Bono’s egos are incapable of not pushing their own agendas, but the overall effect manages to cancel both out. One of the few benefit records I’ve heard that may be worth listening to after the fact.

Justin Timberlake & Matt Morris featuring Charlie Sexton—”Hallelujah”
#48
This performance has a lot to recommend it, but I still find it irritating that “Hallelujah” has become the go-to song for anyone who wants to sound seriously spiritual and sincere, the same role previously played by “Amazing Grace” and “People Get Ready”. The problem is that “Hallelujah” isn’t really about spirituality so much as it uses spiritual imagery and Biblical references—David and Bathsheba, Samson and Delilah—as metaphors for the irresistible, baffling powers of love and lust. Cohen was singing about love and lust and music as acts of God, but not the kind of acts, like Haiti, to which that phrase normally refers. He wasn’t channeling the Book of Job, he was channeling The Song of Solomon. Timberlake and Morris sing beautifully—I especially like the way their voices seem to break and strain as they reach for the final notes, as if singing “hallelujah” in these circumstance was both the hardest and most important thing one could do—but the song doesn’t mean what they try to make it mean, and in this context it’s confusing more than anything else.

Lady Antebellum—”Our Kind of Love”
#80
Better than the last two singles-of-the-week, not as good as the first two, which adds up to mediocre.

Rihanna—”Redemption Song”
#81
Rihanna has a voice, and she wisely keeps this rough and tries her best to focus on the emotion, but she isn’t much of a singer, and the song is beyond her. It would be unfair to compare her to Marley, and this is a hard song to sing under any circumstances, much less under the time constraints she was working with here, but this sounds unsure and amateurish. And the background, except for the guitar part lifted largely from Marley’s original, is pure mush.

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New this week—11/29/09

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

John Mayer
“Half of My Heart” (featuring Taylor Swift), #25
“Heartbreak Warfare”, #100
What bothers me about these records, both above average in execution, emotion, and intelligence—especially “Heartbreak Warfare”—is Mayer’s apparent inability not to wear his influences on his sleeve. “Half Of My Heart” not only borrows the easy heartbeat groove of Fleetwood Mac, but is layered with an almost embarrassingly accurate imitation of Lindsey Buckingham’s guitar, while “Heartbreak Warfare” is a barely disguised rewrite of U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.” Considering the subject matter of both songs, the borrowing makes sense, but it also makes me wonder if Mayer has any musical identity that he truly feels is his own. Maybe “Half Of My Heart” is a reference to his music as well as his love life.

Glee Cast
“Lean On Me”, #50
“Don’t Stand So Close To Me/Young Girl”, #64
“I’ll Stand By You”, #73
“Endless Love”, #78
Welcome, to paraphrase Dylan, to the old folks home in the high school. For anyone who didn’t already believe that boomer culture is a dead issue, Glee is the ultimate proof—or the final nail. These kids aren’t singing their parent’s music, after all, they’re singing their grandparent’s music. There’s a certain amount of wit, I suppose, in pairing The Police with Gary Puckett and the Union Gap (though it’s unfair—not even Sting deserves to be chained to such deathless smarm), but the joke is lost in the blank earnestness of the performance. This might as well be Sing Along with Mitch or The Lawrence Welk Show for a new generation—once meaningful standards reduced to a level even lower than muzak. As glad as I am that Bill Withers and Chrissie Hynde will never have to work again unless they want to, they deserve better. We all deserve better. Even the people who actually buy this crap deserve better.

Alicia Keys—”Try Sleeping With A Broken Heart”
#58
Even at her best, and this is close, Alicia Keys makes what might be called R&B for home schoolers. She gets all the details right, down to the smallest nuance, but her music lacks the give and take, the rough and tumble of actual human contact, and it’s full of a self-importance bred of isolation. It’s as if she were building a museum of her emotions, displayed on pedestals behind glass, with dark velvet curtains and perfect lighting and little explanatory plaques for our edification.

Justin Bieber
“Down To Earth”, #79
“Bigger”, #94
“First Dance” (featuring Usher). #99
Four of the songs from his eight-track EP already having charted as singles, it only makes sense that the three others that are available as individual downloads (the eighth is technically an “album only” bonus cut) should chart as well. The first two are even blander than the singles, but “First Dance”, at least lyrically, is something else again. It’s the prom, you see, and there’s no one else on the dance floor, and their are no chaperones, and… “I promise I’ll be gentle, I know we gotta do it slowly” Bieber croons in his most seductive 15-year-old tones. “I couldn’t ask for more, we’re rockin’ back and fourth,” he says later, and then assures the young thing that “our parents will never know”. If both consenting partners are under age, is it still considered statuatory rape? And people think Adam Lambert is controversial.

Rihanna featuring Jeezy—”Hard”
#80
It is hard, and it gets even harder with Jeezy’s rap, which, unlike so many guest spots, lifts the song to a higher level, and is immediately followed by Rihanna’s best-ever vocal performance. She sounds so enraged she’s incoherent. Better this than the self-pity and mixed messages of “Russian Roulette”, not to mention the rest of Rated R.

Melanie Fiona—”It Kills Me”
#88
Like Jazmine Sullivan, Fiona sounds as if she’s immersed in early ’70s soul, specifically of the Chi-Lites variety. She’s more emotionally restrained than Sullivan, though, her music less zaftig, so to speak. Which makes her a little less interesting and more generic, at least in ’70s terms. Today, the sound of this record stands out, but back in ‘73 it would have been lucky to make top 30 on the R&B chart.

50 Cent—”The Invitation”
#97
The good news is that 50 Cent sounds interested again—this is as tough and angry as it ought to be. The bad news is that he’s still 50 Cent, and apparently the only way he could revive his interest was by going over the same ground he and thousands of others have worn down already. Not bad for retro-gangsta, but it doesn’t go anywhere, largely because it never had anywhere to go in the first place.

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Here they come

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

Is it just my imagination, or is pop music starting to become important again? Not important important, you understand. Not aesthetically important, maybe not even culturally important, but important enough that people are starting to pay attention again, get riled up again, get upset again. In the last week, Adam Lambert has stirred up enough controversy to make the national news, Justin Bieber’s tweener fans nearly rioted in Long Island, and everybody who had an award to give gave it to Taylor Swift. On top of this, the CMA awards got their best ratings in four years, and the AMAs their best in seven.

Meanwhile, Miley Cyrus, who struggled to get out of the Disney Ghetto for years, has now been in the top ten for over three months—if it wasn’t for the Black Eyed Peas she’d have been number one for at least a third of that time. BEP’s own album, The E.N.D., with it’s stripped-down, electronic, minimalist sound, was something totally new, at least for them and most of their audience, and yet the singles still managed to hold the number one spot for half the year. And since their reign has ended, we’ve had a different number one every week (some of those were repeaters, but no record has managed to stay on top for more than one week at a time). The audience is itchy. They still want records that are recognizably pop, but they want new pop—and often, decidedly eccentric pop.

In the summer of 2008, I began to wonder if the bottom hadn’t fallen out of pop music. I still think I was right. But now we’re starting to see the next generation crawl up from the ruins, charting their own path onward and upward. For the moment, the torchbearer appears to be Lady GaGa, who has been all over television the last week or so (if they could have found some way to sneak her onto the CMAs, I’m sure they would have). “Bad Romance” is the pop record and video of the year, if only because it marks the point at which the old guard is replaced with the new. You can almost hear the collective sigh from the record labels.

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As Jed Leland might say, “Oh, brother!”

Friday, November 20th, 2009

The idea of 3,000 tweeners and their parents charging an Abercrombie Kids store to get a glimpse of a fifteen-year-old pop star would seem to be either an image from a long-ago past or the stuff of pop-culture satire, except it just happened in Long Island. One seriously hurt, the police called in, the whole event cancelled, and hours afterwards girls will still hanging out in the mall waiting for their object of affection to show up. I haven’t followed Justin Bieber’s YouTube career, just listened to his singles as they came out, but obviously his fan base is more obesessed than the blandness of the records themselves would lead you to believe. Somebody needs to remind me of the last time teenage girls nearly rioted over a pop star. I tell you, it’s beginning to feel more like the mid-fifties every day, and we all know where that led.

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New this week–11/15/09

Sunday, November 15th, 2009

Justin Bieber—”Favorite Girl”
#26
The new tactic of releasing a song a week in the leadup to an album makes sense if 1) you’re trying to build anticipation for the new work of a major star (as in Carrie Underwood); or 2) the songs become progressively more interesting or of higher quality. I find it hard to believe that you can build curiosity and anticipation in an audience when each record is even more bland than the one before it. Bieber has his appeal, and the publicity push behind him is massive, but he was thin gruel to begin with and gets thinner every time out. You can only dilute this stuff for so long before it becomes nothing at all.

Jay Sean Featuring Sean Paul & Lil Jon—”Do You Remember”
#27
Bouncy, catchy, and totally forgettable, this three-for-one deal’s only purpose is as a commercial for the participants’ careers: it capitalizes on Jay Sean’s recent number one by repeating its sound almost exactly; it provides Sean Paul with actual hit potential, something his own records can’t seem to manage anymore (his last single tanked so quickly most people didn’t even notice it was there); and, finally, it reminds everybody that Lil Jon still exists. This last is achieved by Lil Jon yelling in the background every time there’s a gap in the main vocal, like the runt of a litter trying to get the attention of the big dogs—apparently the producer’s weren’t prepared to give him room for a verse of his own.

Jason Aldean—”The Truth”
#91
Country singers are always trying to act sincere, but it’s rare to hear one come across this vulnerable. The guy really does sound lost, and somehow Aldean pulls this off without easy sentimentality or overplaying his hand. It helps that he maintains a certain ambiguity—we never do discover the whole truth. Instead of drawing us in with cheap emotional tricks, he creates a mystery. The music is a little on the bland side, but this is a very smart, moving record.

Rob Thomas—”Someday”
#93
“Hell, maybe someday, we’ll figure all this out,” Rob opines. Not with bland cliches and woozy philosophizing, you won’t. Besides, don’t all those hired angels in the background make it hard to concentrate?

Jake Owen—”Eight Second Ride”
#95
This is a decent song ruined by the sort of homey, down to earth detail that’s supposed to make country music special. The chorus opens wth a good double entendre (”I ain’t never seen a country boy with tires on his truck this high”), and then follows with an image so disgusting that the last thing you want to hear is a description of how the rest of the evening goes. Owen seems to think the alliteration of “Climb on up but watch the cup that I spit my dip inside” is erotic as well as clever. No doubt there are women who feel the same way. They deserve each other.

Glee Cast—”Defying Gravity”
#99
I’m beginning to think the real joke of Glee is that these high school kids take the awful songs they sing so badly so seriously. Bringing Broadway showtunes to prime-time television is a worthwhile endeavor, but not if you’re going to pick songs as bland as this and sing them as if amateurishness was a sign of personal honesty and emotional sincerity. With a song as dumb as this, sincerity is the last thing you want to convey—it makes you sound like an idiot.

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New this week—11/8/09

Sunday, November 8th, 2009

Lady GaGa—”Bad Romance”
#9
Though I still have a lot of doubts about Lady GaGa, there’s no arguing with a chunk of nonsense as entertaining as this. She makes up for a dearth of hooks on her previous singles by putting five or six here, most of them stolen, the whole driven by constant shifts in vocal timbre that serve as hooks of their own. Better yet, the Madonna influence is now aural as well as conceptual. I don’t buy her love-as-disease schtick, but her flirtation with decadence sounds more convincing, and less misogynistic, than it did before. She might just be as smart as she says she is.

Taylor Swift
“Jump Then Fall”, #10
“Untouchable”, #19
“The Other Side of the Door”, #23
“Superstar”, #26
“Come In With the Rain”, #30
It’s a sign of Swift’s growing confidence and skill that her leftovers, though none are as good as the best cuts on the original Fearless, are all of above-average quality. It’s also good to see her willingness to trim back the arrangements; for the most part these are simpler, less involved, and less cluttered than the album tracks. Her gift for hooks and for melody lines that perfectly mirror the onrush of emotional energy that typifies adolescent romance remains remarkable, and if she sometimes repeats herself (no doubt some of these were left off Fearless originally because they were superseded by better realizations of the same basic idea), she has a right—she’s perfected a vision of teenage romantic yearning that is both personal and universal, and no one could blame her for running with it. And for those who doubt the taste of the mass audience, it’s worth noting that these are charting roughly in order of quality. I would rate “The Other Side of the Door” higher than “Untouchable”, but otherwise it looks like her fans got it exactly right.

50 Cent featuring Ne-Yo—”Baby By Me”
#31
Great Ne-Yo hook, above-average beats, and 50 Cent wisely keeps his softcore porn flow in line with the music and never forces his hand. So, overall, not bad. He should be careful what he says, though. How long before some deranged fan comes calling, claiming that 50 Cent knocked her up and demanding the million bucks he promised her?

Justin Bieber—”Love Me”
#37
This is brainless fluff, even more brainless than the Flo Rida and Sean Kingston tracks it’s patterned on. I still appreciate the fact that Bieber is a fifteen year-old who actually sounds like a fifteen year-old, but this copycat nonsense isn’t going to get him anywhere.

Carrie Underwood—”Undo It”
#87
Underwood likes to claim that she’s pushing the envelope in country pop, and if plugging hip-hop styled vocals over bouncy Neil Young derived rhythms with lyrics that roughly echo Lucinda Williams is pushing the envelope, I suppose she’s right. It’s a lot more pop than country, though, and it would be a lot better if it wasn’t so shrill. Doesn’t anyone in Nashville know how to produce records anymore?

Shinedown—”If You Only Knew”
#92
This has a nice chorus, but like all bands of this ilk, they overplay and overemphasize and kill any grace or lyricism their songs might contain. They particularly like to do this when they realize they’ve written a nice chorus, just to show how proud of themselves they are.

Gucci Mane featuring Usher—”Spotlight”
#93
Usher’s hook is a throwaway, and, beside letting us know that he favors ladies who don’t wear panties, Gucci Mane has nothing to say. It must be a relief to know they can still make the charts on name recognition.

Omarion featuring Gucci Mane—I Get It In
#99
Former loverboy Omarion now has a voice as rough as Gucci Mane’s (what has he been doing with himself, you wonder), and apparently a mind to match. Gucci himself, meanwhile, would like to reiterate that he favors ladies who don’t wear panties. Are you listening, ladies? He’s only going to tell you twice.

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New this week

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

Britney Spears—”3″
#1
There’s no doubt now that Spears is back in full control of her career, and the playful tease of this record even suggests that she’s enjoying herself again. But compared to songs like “Gimme More” or “Piece of Me”, both released when her life seemed to be in freefall, this is remarkably tame, and the echoes of their sound here suggests a reliance on formula. The truth is she’s working ground that others—Lady Gaga, especially—have already laid claim to with more sense of daring and style than Spears is now willing, or capable, of putting out. She can still titillate her old fans, obviously, and there are still enough of them to debut this at number one, but you have to wonder how long she can work this particular plot and make it pay before she, or her fans, get bored with it.

Justin Bieber—”One Less Lonely Girl”
#16
I like the feel of this, which is surprisingly reminiscent of early Michael Jackson, but the song doesn’t go anywhere on it’s own, and Bieber lacks the chops to move it anyplace special. Still, this is a lot better than his first single, and makes me wonder if Bieber has more talent (or at least better handlers) than I first gave him credit for.

Glee Cast
“It’s My Life/Confessions Part II”, #30
“Halo/Walking On Sunshine”, #40
For the first time you can actually hear the joke, not only through the silliness of the mash-ups themselves, but in the performance—that last high note on “Halo” could kill small animals. The Bon Jovi/Usher mix is so seamless it reveals the essential meaninglessness of both (which is more to Usher’s detriment than Bon Jovi’s—at this point who expects a Bon Jovi song to mean anything?). The Beyonce/Katrina and the Waves mix is a little rougher, but speeding up “Halo” is an improvement over the original (or it would be if the performance were better), since it removes all the bombastic nonsense Ryan Tedder is so fond of and cuts down on the near-religious awe Beyonce’s original wallowed in. Neither of these is worth listening to more than twice, mind you, but they’re still a big improvement over what came before.

Chris Brown featuring Lil Wayne and Swizz Beats—”I Can Transform Ya”
#52
This may seem like an odd choice for a comeback single, but it’s probably a smart move commercially for Brown to toughen up his sound—no one at this moment in time is going to buy him as a romantic balladeer or pop crooner, so a strong dance record makes sense. Swizz Beats comes up with a distinctive sound for the record, too, machine-like but swinging at the same time. Trouble is, Brown’s voice isn’t really suited for this type of material (I’m not sure his voice is suited for any kind of material, actually), and Lil Wayne, who has been omnipresent for three years now, is starting to sound tired and bored, if not quite boring.

T.I.—”Hell of a Life”
#54
Surprisingly upbeat, and even funny in spots, with an arrangement that, with it’s keyboard filigree and horns, literally approaches the baroque. As wrong-headed as he obviously sometimes is, it’s hard not to like T.I., even on records as overdone as this. Can you really blame a guy who’s heading off for jail for pulling out all the stops?

OneRepublic—”All the Right Moves”
#58
Having cornered the power ballad market, Ryan Tedder and his cohorts now set their sights on Coldplay via this pseudo-revolutionary blather. Written before they were stinking rich, I assume. I like the drum sound, though.

Ke$ha—”TiK ToK”
#79
The latest in what is now an undeniable trend: mindless party records about getting blotto (hey, times are hard out there). This is Lady Gaga without the artistic pretension, or 3Oh!3 without the sexism, or Katy Perry without the burlesque, or Cobra Starship without the male perspective or…well, you name ‘em. She seems to be more in control than most. She also sounds like she’s having a lot of fun. But does she really want all her men to look like Mick Jagger? In which decade would you be talking about, sweetie?

Creed—”Rain”
#91
Just to prove how sensitive they are they bring out the acoustic guitars, slow the tempo, and shelve the dramatic shifts in rhythm and dynamics. They still persist in fantasizing about destroying the world, though, a catastrophe which only they, like Noah, would survive. This is the problem with religious rock ‘n’ roll: it emphasizes the worst apocalyptic instincts of both.

Brooks & Dunn featuring Billy Gibbons—”Honky Tonk Stomp”
#97
To celebrate their upcoming professional divorce, B&D bring in a guy from ZZ Top to croak out the title hook and to add some very loud, very non-country guitar behind their good-old boy, wild man boasting. Why do I have a feeling I’m not going to miss them very much?

LMFAO featuring Lil John—”Shots”
#98
The butt end, so to speak, of the “let’s all get wasted” wedge that has forced itself into pop culture the last year or so. Like the Lil John of crunk legend, this is so blatant and so honest in it’s expression of drunken lust that it’s almost charming. Well, until you get to this, that is: “The ladies love us/when we pour shots/They need an excuse/to suck our cocks.” FYI, these guys, who are signed to will.i.am’s label, now have three records in the Hot 100. Is everybody in the music business drunk?

Birdman featuring Drake & Lil Wayne—”Money To Blow”
#100
“We goin be alright if we put Drake on every hook,” says Lil Wayne. Yeah, but first you’ve got to have a hook.

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New this week

Saturday, July 18th, 2009

Hannah Montana
“He Could Be the One” #10
“I Wanna Know You” (featuring David Archuleta) #74
“Ice Cream Freeze (Let’s Chill)” #87
Miley Cyrus, either as Hannah Montana or as herself, is the living definition of bubblegum: pretty and pink and shiny on the outside, nothing but air on the inside. The difference this time out is that at least one of these songs is bubblegum of a very high quality. “He Could Be the One” is instantly catchy, though it’s appeal fades just as fast, and “Ice Cream Freeze” is a needless remake of “Hoedown Throwdown”, coming less than two months after it’s predecessor left the charts. “I Wanna Know You”, however, is simply a great pop song (I recommend the solo version over this one; Archuleta’s voice doesn’t blend well with Cyrus’s, and his American Idol-style overkill almost ruins the song). Compared to most Disney pop it’s surprisingly subdued, without the tinny, forced brightness of so many of their records, and Cyrus never once plays it cute. Besides, how many pop records feature a tuba?

Mariah Carey–”Obsessed”
#11
With The-Dream and Tricky Stewart handling the production, this is a good record, though derivative of a lot of what they’ve done before. I like the way Carey uses her voice these days (she saves the churchy stuff for the end), and her relaxed, kiss my ass attitude. But there’s still something slightly stiff and inhuman about her, a feeling that’s emphasized by her belief that being a corporation is better than being a mom and pop and that holding a press conference is better than having a conversation. She thinks big, and there’s an unbridgeable distance between her and the real world that infects every note she sings.

Paramore–”Ignorance”
#67
Less catchy than “Misery Business” or “That’s What You Get”, less dumb pop-metal than “Decode”, this comes close to striking the balance I hope they’re looking for. Sometimes the music is too automatic, but Hayley Williams’ matter-of-fact, take no bullshit lyrics get better all the time. If only their riffs were as sharp and to the point.

Lupe Fiasco featuring Matthew Santos–”Shining Down”
#93
All of Fiasco’s stuff is a little off kilter–which is part of his appeal–but this one is especially weird. Not so much for Fiasco’s rap, though it does take self-admiration a little further than most, but for Santos, who can’t seem to decide which ego-driven rock singer he wants to imitate most: Bono? Chris Martin? Axl? Michael Hutchence? And while he’s making up his mind, I’m still waiting for that guitar arpeggio to turn into “Hotel California”.

Justin Bieber–”One Time”
#95
An Usher-approved 13 year-old white Canadian, Bieber got his start doing Chris Brown covers on YouTube. But except for the occasional patch of teenage warble his voice is so technically worked over here that you’d never guess his age. Not bad, but when he talks to his shorty you do wonder just how old she might be.

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