Posts Tagged ‘Kelly Clarkson’

New this week—8/22/10

Tuesday, August 24th, 2010

Trey Songz featuring Nicki Minaj—”Bottoms Up”
#22

I was really hoping this would be about ass, maybe with a Funkadelic sample, but it turns out it’s just another dumb song about drinking. Ugly, too, as it seems to present Songz as a wily man about town getting Nicki drunk so he can have his way with her. The only thing that saves it from that fate is the fact that Minaj plays about as unconvincing a drunk as I’ve ever heard. Which doesn’t keep her from being the best thing on the record, for what that’s worth.

Katy Perry—”Circle the Drain”
#58

She sounds like she means it, and in this case her vocal and musical affectations help provide enough distance to keep the record from becoming too overwrought. But it is overwrought, and it isn’t much of a song, and Tricky Stewart’s production, which tries to use hip-hop instrumentation to create a rock and roll effect, doesn’t work. Can’t help but wonder, though, if this is the same relationship she wrote about for Kelly Clarkson’s “I Do Not Hook Up”. Sounds like it went downhill fast.

Zac Brown Band featuring Alan Jackson—”As She’s Walking Away”
#77

When the song starts, Brown phrases like James Taylor, which is what he normally does. Once Alan Jackson steps in, though, suddenly Brown sounds like him. Whatever the reason for this change—homage, lack of his own ideas, blatant pandering—it’s the only interesting thing about this record.

Antoine Dodson & The Gregory Brothers featuring Kelly Dodson—”Bed Intruder Song”
#89

The story behind this record overwhelms the music, which is something of a shame. It isn’t great, but it is different from anything else you’ll hear on the chart, the eccentric (in every way) vocal line guaranteeing a certain fascination even when the record becomes repetitive. Charges of exploitation are understandable, but in this case seem misplaced. Not just because Dodson is getting an even split of the royalties, but because the Gregory Brothers have been so respectful. The record is funny in many ways, but not because the Gregory’s are treating Dodson and his family as a joke. A novelty to be sure, but hardly an exploitation. And if it gets Dodson’s family out of the projects, I’m all for it.

Far*East Movement featuring Cataracs and Dev—”Like a G6″
#92

Solid L.A. minimalist rap, somewhat reminiscent of (or at least noticeably influenced by) jerkin’, good beats, cliche lyrics.
What fascinates me, though, are the racial markers these Asian-Americans lay down. No self-respecting African-American rapper would be caught dead in a Pontiac, and these guys make a point of name-checking Cristal. Did they not get Jay-Z’s memo? Maybe they assumed it didn’t apply to them. Solidarity guys, we need solidarity.

Plain White T’s—”Rhythm of Love”
#96

There must be something wrong with me. I’ve hated everything else the T’s have done (including how they spell their name; it’s Ts, you guys), but I find this charming, even if intentionally lightweight. The secret, I think, is in the way they constantly change up the arrangement—lyrically the song doesn’t go anywhere, but it’s never boring, and when they bring in the background vocals, which remind me of Spanky and Our Gang, I find it irresistible. If they were as clever with words and melodies as they are with arrangements, they might really be something. Based on their past, though, I’m willing to bet this is the best they’ve got in them.

The Ready Set—”Love Like Woe”
#97

J.R. Rotem’s kiddie-pop productions usually have something to recommend them, but not this time. The music is bouncy and bland, the singer anonymous, and the play on words of the title doesn’t work because the music, which doesn’t sound woeful for even a second, never lets you in on the trick—until I looked more closely at the lyrics I assumed that someone involved was mixing up their homonyms. I’m still not sure that they weren’t. Then again, maybe this is intended as a foray into kiddie-pop emo. Or would that be redundant?

Mumford & Sons—”Little Lion Man”
#98

The idea of British folkies making the US pop charts is odd enough that it almost overshadows the song itself, which is pleasant but fairly standard English folk. Kind of reminds me of the Clancy Brothers, which is probably about as far back as most people’s memories of English folk go, even in England (and yes, I know the Clancy’s were Irish—same difference). You can tell it’s modern, though, which is probably why it’s been so successful. First, it’s bouncier and catchier than most real English folk music. Two, they say “fuck”. Three, the lyrics are so personal and obscure that only someone with intimate knowledge of the writer’s life would ever know what the song is actually about. So, folkies yes, but folk music? Uh-uh.

Usher featuring Jay Z—”Hot Tottie”
#100

Despite the presence, yet again, of a guest who outshines his host, this is the first Usher I’ve heard in the last two years that didn’t sound like he was trying to play catch up with pop culture. That may have more to do with Polow Da Don’s production than anything else, but Usher adds his own touches, as does Esther Dean. Jay-Z blows everybody away, of course, but that doesn’t matter, this is still Usher’s best record since mid-decade.

New this week—6/20/10

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Justin Bieber featuring Jaden Smith—”Never Say Never”
#33

I was expecting it to be bad, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this bad. The problem isn’t Bieber, who acquits himself as well as can be expected (it actually helps that he shows so little real emotion), and it isn’t the blandness of the song itself. It isn’t even Jaden Smith, who, despite his heritage, sounds talentless but willing to give it the old middle-school try. But his rap, if it can be called that, is terrible not only in delivery, but in spirit and in message. What it seems to be saying is that if you’re privileged enough to get a guest spot on a Justin Bieber record, then you don’t need to worry about all those people who are bigger and stronger and probably smarter than you are. Which is, of course, the exact opposite of the message presented in the movie. It would be meaningless to accuse the producers of a remake of The Karate Kid of selling-out their principles, but shouldn’t they at least know what they are, or were, once upon a time?

Glee Cast
“Faithfully”, #37
“Over the Rainbow”, #44
“Anyway You Want It/Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’”, #58
“To Sir with Love”, #75
“Bohemian Rhapsody”, #84

“Don’t Stop Believin’” obviously wasn’t enough, so now the makers of Glee (sounds like they should be a division of Proctor & Gamble, doesn’t it?) have decided to revive the entire Journey catalog. If the show didn’t already deserve capital punishment, this would be enough to guarantee termination with extreme prejudice. At least it’s over for a few months. See you in September (and no, that’s not a song suggestion).

Shakira featuring Freshlyground—”Waka Waka (This Time for Africa)”
#43

As nice as it is to find some version of township jive on the American charts after 25 years, this isn’t a very good record. It was obviously done quickly and to order, Shakira doesn’t seem to put much into it, and let’s face it, township jive has run it’s course. Most of the backing here could have been sampled from The Indestructible Beat of Soweto, which was released in 1986. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but there are much fresher African—even just South African—sounds out there. But I have a feeling that for a long time to come, whenever most people think about African music—when they think about it at all, that is—this is the sort of thing they’ll hear in their head. That’s not Shakira’s fault, of course, or Soweto’s, or even Paul Simon’s. It’s a shame, nonetheless.

Christina Aguilera—”Bionic”
#66

Oddly enough, this is not one of the songs that Santigold co-wrote for Bionic the album. Which is just as well, since if she had she would only be repeating herself. It’s an old refrain, but once again I’m impressed by Aguilera’s daring in terms of inspiration and frustrated by her stiffness and oversinging. “So damn bionic” may well be the dumbest lyric of the year, and she sings it as if it were the most important thing she’s ever said.

Ne-Yo—”Beautiful Monster”
#67

There’s a wonderful tension to the verses, but the chorus is an anti-climax, musically and lyrically too simple and old fashioned to fit with the rest, danceable but forgettable. A lot of it sounds like an outtake from Michael Jackson’s Dangerous, and I like Ne-Yo enough that I’m willing to accept this as an MJ tribute and let it pass. Hope he does better next time.

Lil Jon featuring 3OH!3—”Hey”
#70

Lil Jon is no fool. In the four or five years he’s been unable to record due to legal complications, he’s kept a close eye on the obnoxious white guys who have been copping his style, and he’s more than willing to allow them to give him a little push as he gets back on the road. More than a push: 3OH!3 provide not only the hook but also the only real lyric this song possesses. The styles jar a bit, but even though the three of them have probably never been in the same room at the same time, it still works. It’s a softer, friendlier form of crunk, but Lil Jon doesn’t care. He’s seen the future, and he’s riding its coattails.

Train—”If It’s Love”
#90

Occasionally as clever as they think they are—”Flat like an Idol singer/Remember Winger?/I digress”—they’re also more cynical than their romantic tropes would suggest, and when the strings enter near the end you realize that they can pander with the best of them. Second single in a row to mention an eighties one-shot band (it was Mister Mister last time), which may well be another form of pandering. At least they’re willing to age with their audience.

OneRepublic—”Secrets”
#98

The stripped down intro reveals at least one secret—which is that all of Ryan Tedder’s songs seem to based on one of Bach’s solo cello concertos (which would explain their sophisticated yet comfortably familiar facade). The other is the dirty little secret that Tedder won’t admit even to himself: all his songs really do sound the same. Score one for Kelly Clarkson.

New this week—6/6/10

Sunday, June 13th, 2010

Lee DeWyze
“Beautiful Day”, #24
“Hallelujah”, #44h
“The Boxer”, #88

DeWyze won American Idol not because all the tweens voted for the cutest guy, but because the story he lived on the show was better than any backstory anyone else could have come up with. He started as an insecure dweeb and ended up a confident but still humble performer. He had to win; that’s the way these Cinderella stories are supposed to go. He has a decent voice, too, though none of the songs here demonstrate that very well. He obviously doesn’t care much for “Beautiful Day”, but he does seem to have some inkling as to what “Hallelujah” (in it’s third chart appearance this year) is about. “The Boxer”, however, is a disaster. You never mumble a Paul Simon lyric, no matter how bad it is.

Crystal Bowersox—”Up To the Mountain”
#57

Behind the dreads, behind the sunflower tattoo that covers her back and the stupid pushpin piercing under her lips, behind her mature but somehow innocent voice, Crystal Bowersox is one canny performer. I may be the only person in the world who thought her performance of this song on American Idol was terrible, obscuring the melody and losing the song in a maze of vocal flexing and filigree. But Bowersox knew what the Idol audience and judges wanted to hear, so she gave it to them. This studio recording is better, tamer and more to the point. Not as good as Kelly Clarkson’s version from a couple of years ago, but still worthwhile. And her voice is amazing.

Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox—”Falling Slowly”
#66

I hate this song. I don’t care who sings it, or how badly or how well they sing it. I hate this song.

Glee Cast—”Beth”
#72

Shoved off the charts by American Idol this week (an improvement, if a small one), the best Glee can manage is a soppy Kiss cover. Singing bad songs badly does not make them funny, it only makes them worse. Though I don’t expect anyone involved in Glee will ever realize it. I also suspect that they’re not trying to be funny.

Will Young—”Leave Right Now”
#81

What can you say about a guy who in comparison makes James Blunt sound like a great artist? That he should follow his own advice?

Paramore—”The Only Exception”
#90

Over Paramore’s usual thrashing, Hayley Williams sounds intelligent and cool, a slightly wistful cynic standing tall in the midst of emotional confusion. Over an acoustic backdrop, however, she sounds like any other female singer/songwriter with well-crafted lyrics whose sentimental rage turns into a sentimental crush when the right guy walks into the room.

Cali Swag District—”Teach Me How To Dougie”
#91

Not a form of jerkin’, according to them (their jeans aren’t skinny, for one thing), but the impetus is the same: turning hip-hop and rap back into party music. The crosstown rivalry, I suspect, will only be good for both. This is fresh and fun, and its appeal appears to be cross-generational—Jermaine Dupri, of all people, has done a remix. They already talk like the four marketeers, and have started a twitter campaign to get Soulja Boy on another remix. In other words, grab them now, before they’re spoiled. There will be a lot of one-hit wonders in this genre over the next couple of years. This is a good one.

J. Cole—”Who Dat?”
#93

Given time I might come up with an answer, except that all I can ever remember about this song is the question.

Ludacris featuring Trey Songz—”Sex Room”
#98

Ludacris has rarely been as funny as this without cracking an obvious joke, and the groove guarantees that even the porn-movie cliches carry an erotic charge. The groove is so good, in fact, that it allows Trey Songz to hold our attention to the very end without his actually having to come up with a lyric, uttering nothing but a few suggestive phrases and the title. Which only makes it sexier, of course.

Rick Ross featuring Ne-Yo—”Super High”
#100

I lot of people will write this off as a Ghostface rip, but I say, isn’t it time? If Ghostface’s tracks weren’t about pimps, whores, and drug dealers killing each other, and so laced with obscenity that a censored version would be half silence, his blaxsploitation-based grooves would be all over the charts, and probably the radio. As Kanye West might put it, he knows how to cook that crack music. Ross knows nothing but how to brag, and the music lacks the dense intensity of Ghostface, but the groove is so undeniable it would be meaningless to complain. As for Ne-Yo, he contributes his best hook since “So You Can Cry”, and raises the track up yet another level. A great one.

New this week—4/18/10

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

Jack Johnson—”You and Your Heart”
#20

Jack Johnson hates haters. Ooh, he hates those haters. He hates haters because they do hateful things like have standards and because their hearts are somehow disconnected from their bodies. (Jack Johnson’s heart is connected directly to his body, and he’s got the song catalog to prove it.) He hates haters so much he lets his guitar distort—just a little, not too much—and convinces his band to play like they hate haters, too. He almost sounds angry. If those haters keep hating he might just go insane. Let’s try it and see.

Jamie Foxx Featuring Justin Timberlake & T.I.—”Winner”
#28

Like all of Foxx’s hits, this one gets the credits wrong—it should be “T.I. featuring Justin Timberlake and some other guy”. I’d give Foxx credit this time out for rapping in his own voice, except he doesn’t have one (he doesn’t dare imitate anybody who can actually sing or rap without technological aid). He is skillful at getting good material out of his “guests”, though. Timberlake actually sounds interested, and T.I. walks off with the record, which he treats as if it were his latest comeback single. Considering how his first comeback single is doing, it may well be.

B.o.B.—”Don’t Let Me Fall”
#67

Aside from the fact that B.o.B. can’t sing, isn’t it a little early in his career to be trotting out the rap equivalent of a demographic-widening power ballad? That’s the third single, dude. Second single’s supposed to be the damn!-look-at-how-famous-I-am record. You’re getting everything out of order.

Nickelback—”This Afternoon”
#84

Tempo-wise, these guys have only one gear, second, but they seem to think that being loud and gruff makes up for this. It doesn’t. This is all about chilling on a sunny afternoon, but it doesn’t chill, and it isn’t sunny, and it forces me to the conclusion that their deliberate lack of subtlety isn’t a stylistic choice or commercial calculation–they honestly lack the ability to play any other way. I’d almost feel sorry for them if I thought they were smart enough to recognize it.

Miranda Cosgrove—”Kissin U”
#87

For it’s latest foray into the Disney-owned tween pop universe, Nickelodeon brings out the big guns, hiring Dr. Luke to produce what sounds like a Kelly Clarkson reject sung by a teenage girl who’s been listening to too much Ke$ha. Not that Dr. Luke isn’t constantly trying something new; here he experiments with the idea of a chorus that is actually more sluggish than the verses. Needless to say, this isn’t a good idea, but no one involved with this record seems to have noticed that, or to care.

Alicia Keys—”Unthinkable (I’m Ready)”
#88

Wait a minute—how old is Alicia Keys? She must be old enough to not consider sleeping with somebody as “the unthinkable”. Is this written from a teenager’s perspective? The music, all slow-grind and heavy percussion, certainly doesn’t sound like it. If it’s about cheating there’s no sign of that either. Does she have any idea what she’s doing at all?

Breaking Benjamin—”Give Me a Sign (Forever And Ever)”
#97

I’d have a lot more respect for Christian metal if what I heard of it wasn’t so one dimensional. It’s all about suffering and pain, the sonic equivalent of The Passion of the Christ, with flagellation and crucifixion replaced by headbanging and bleeding ears. I suppose it’s meant to be cathartic, but how can it be when they do the same thing over and over again? Apparently, as that model Christian, Jacqueline Susann, put it, once is never enough.

Kelly Clarkson—”All I Ever Wanted”
#99

God, I wish Kelly Clarkson picked better material. She sings this perfectly, but it isn’t much of a song, and though I don’t expect masterpieces four singles into a Clive Davis-managed pop album this should be better than it is. As a more subdued version of the stuff she did on My December I suppose it could be considered a step in the right direction, but the real problem with that album wasn’t musical overkill (though that was a problem) so much as the weakness of the material. Maybe this will grow on me the way “Already Gone” did. But “Already Gone” stayed in one place and drove its point home. The greatest singer in the world couldn’t save a song as confused as this one.

“…it’s got too many notes…”

Friday, February 5th, 2010

Despite the sheer level of bombast and confused—and confusing—showmanship displayed at this year’s Grammy awards, there was nothing about the show that could be considered controversial. In fact, with its largest audience since 2004, the program can be considered, in business terms at least, a stunning success. But where there isn’t controversy, you can be sure that someone in the news business will create some, and sure enough, here comes MTV, that bastion of journalistic integrity, doing their best to maintain what is now a week long debate over Taylor Swift’s inability to hit certain notes in the chorus of “Rhiannon”, and whether that inability invalidates her entire career.

Just to keep the debate humming, and no doubt to keep his client’s name in the papers (as if she needed the publicity), the owner of Swift’s label, Scott Borchetta, gave an interview providing a defense that ran along the lines of the importance of emotion over technical proficiency, and in the process took a swipe at American Idol. This brought out Kelly Clarkson, who quite rightly felt insulted, though she made it clear that her beef was with Borchetta, and not Swift herself. Swift, meanwhile, with wisdom beyond her years, has kept her mouth shut about the whole thing.

What many of those currently following this apparently meaningless debate may not realize is that it isn’t new. For well over a year, country blogs have been full of comments about Swift’s occasionally erratic pitch in live performance, and the debate has moved pretty much along the same lines it has on MTV over the last week: she can’t sing and her music sucks vs. she can too sing vs. she can’t sing but it doesn’t matter because her records are still great.

My own opinion is that despite obvious technical limitations, Swift is still an excellent vocalist, and an even better songwriter. I’m also tempted to say “who cares as long as the records are good?” Except that a lot of people care, and they care for a very important reason: Swift represents the future of country music, and everyone, whether they like it or not, knows it. They also know that that future is going to be a lot different from the present, in ways that many people may not have even realized.

In terms of the current debate, one piece of the future Swift represents is the ultimate collapse, for a time at least, of the cult of the vocalist, which has ruled country for several years now. Listening to the country top ten over the last few years, it’s been impossible not to notice the almost fetishistic attention that is paid to vocals, especially among male singers. Whether it’s the tenor keening of Rascal Flatts, or the craggy baritone of someone like Trace Adkins, vocal perfection and detail is a central part of their records’ appeal. As such, the songs are no longer the point of most country records, but merely the vehicle for various vocal pyrotechnics.

Oddly, less attention seems to be lavished on women’s vocals (women are somewhat out of the picture in country right now, anyway—though they’re making a comeback, there are only nine in the current country top forty—another area where Swift could end up changing things). In the current market, women are required to be either belters or vamps, and little else (the whole redneck woman phase seems to have faded), and the prettier their voices are the better. Carrie Underwood is the obvious reflection of this, and no doubt Swift’s manager was thinking of her when he made his comment about American Idol. The only major exception beside Swift is Miranda Lambert, and even she had to soften her violent ways to finally get to number one; the others are mostly old-timers like Reba McEntire and Martina McBride.

Swift steps away from this completely. Not that her voice isn’t pretty enough, but because her primary focus is on her songs, not her voice. Not that her songs aren’t shaped to her vocal strengths —of course they are. But that’s because she wrote them, not because she chose them to fit her voice or show it off. And this is another area where Swift could have a major impact on current country. When she accepted her first award Sunday night and thanked her record company for letting her put out an album consisting entirely of her own songs, she wasn’t just rambling, she was helping to overturn a major country paradigm. Few country performers, and certainly not teenagers straight out of high school, record their own material, even if they’re capable of writing it. Only major stars who have proved themselves in the marketplace get to do that, and even then few do.

But if Swift does represent sweeping change in the country market, no one in the country establishment is resisting it. They’re well aware that the music has been in the doldrums the last few years, just like the rest of the music industry, only worse. Like every other genre, country album sales are down over 30% the last couple of years, and without the benefit, so far, of catching on digitally to compensate. They desperately need someone like Swift, who, besides selling a lot of records, promises a whole new paradigm for the industry and its audience, something that more traditional performers like Carrie Underwood or Lady Antebellum could never do, despite their sales.

So they’ve given Swift every award they could think of, and more so. Who can blame them? Name another performer who could generate a week of debate among a non-country audience over a couple of bum notes?

New this week—12/20/09

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

Ludacris—”How Low”
#13

Since Ludacris announced his intention to make more serious records a couple of years back, things have shifted in the pop world. The recession created an audience that wanted anything other than the serious, and Ludacris wisely reverts to his old party persona. He does this, ironically enough, by sampling the most serious of all rap groups, Public Enemy, and making a record more reminiscent of Soulja Boy than anything he’s done before. The result is as silly as you might expect, but not in a particularly entertaining way, and it isn’t funny at all. Maybe that “serious” move was just a sign that he’d run out of ideas and/or jokes.

Glee Cast
“My Life Would Suck Without You”, #51
“Don’t Rain On My Parade”, #53
“You Can’t Always Get What You Want”, #71
“And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”, #94

The songs from the final episode sum up quite nicely everything that’s wrong with Glee as music: bad karaoke (”My Life”); bad Broadway impersonations (”Parade”); bad, meaningless rock covers (apparently no one involved with this show knows what “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” is actually about—why did they even bother with the verses?); and bad, histrionic versions of overrated pseudo-soul screamfests. The world has until April to wise up, but I’m not holding my breath on that one.

Lil Wayne—”On Fire”
#62

Anyone who doubts that rap, if not dead, is at least at a turning point, should give this record a listen. It’s not just that it’s bad (though it surely is), but that it encapsulates a moment of confusion amongst even the greatest rappers about what to do next. Based on this, Lil Wayne’s rock album is gearing up to be the greatest piece of career suicide since Kelly Clarkson’s My December, except apparently nobody has the nerve to tell Wayne it’s a mistake. It’s not surprising that he’d take a downward step—after the creative burst that culminated in Tha Carter III anything he did was bound to be anticlimactic—but this is like walking off a cliff.

Jason DeRulo—”In My Head”
#63

The problem with this record is simple: after playing it half a dozen times, it hasn’t stayed in my head at all. Without Imogen Heap, he’s nothing.

Mary J. Blige—”I Am”
#67

This is nothing new, but it’s a good, solid song, and for the first time in ages Blige sounds comfortable again, wisely relaxing and not overplaying her hand or her pipes. It helps that she’s taking on a role rather than singing as herself. It may not be a masterpiece, but it’s the best single Blige has put out in years.

30 Seconds To Mars—”This Is War”
#72

Imagine if U2 and Pearl Jam got together to make a concept album about global conflict. Now imagine that the album was written not by U2 and Pearl Jam, but Queensryche. No, I wouldn’t want to hear it, either.

Snoop Dogg—”I Wanna Rock”
#80

Ah, here’s the semi-annual Snoop I’ve been waiting for, and as an extra treat it comes with a shout-out to jerkin’. Not as daring as he’s been in the past, but as masterful as ever, and that choir chanting “Snooooop dooogg” in the background makes me laugh every time I hear it.

Chris Brown featuring Plies—”What I Do”
#88

I can’t help wondering if that title wouldn’t make more sense with a question mark at the end, with lyrics reflecting Brown’s dismay at having to work with The Worst Rapper In The World® in order to boost his plummeting commercial potential. And where’s that Akon duet we were promised?

Lifehouse—”Halfway Gone”
#99

That title invites all sorts of easy quips, but the song isn’t worth even that much effort.

George Strait—”Twang”
#100

If there have to be country songs about how wonderful country songs are, I’d rather hear them from Strait than anybody else, if only because he’s made some wonderful country music himself. Trouble is, the idea of country songs about country songs is as worn-out as rock songs about rockin’ out, and nothing Strait can do is going to revive it or make anything new out of it.

New this week—12/6/09

Sunday, December 6th, 2009

Lady GaGa
“Telephone” (featuring Beyonce), #30
“Speechless”, #94

Despite it’s honest origins—GaGa says it was inspired by her father’s initial refusal to seek medical treatment for a heart condition—or maybe because of them, “Speechless” is a terrible song. If she was going to pay homage to Elton John, couldn’t she have picked a better album than Blues Moves as a model? “Telephone”, however, is something else, an inspired comic character sketch that’s not only catchy as hell but a lot smarter and deeper than it first appears. Beyonce doesn’t add much—she sounds petulant rather than fed-up, which doesn’t quite fit the song—but she doesn’t hurt, either. And I have to admit I’m impressed by GaGa’s willingness to play the fool—though she does overstep a few times: that Grand Central Station line may be a little too dumb.

Young Money featuring Lloyd—”Bedrock”
#36

I like the chorus and Lloyd’s Mr. Flinstone line, and it’s nice to hear a crew with a female rapper, but that’s about it. Even Lil Wayne sounds less than inspired. It goes on forever, too—what was it The Beastie Boys said about too many rappers?

Susan Boyle
“I Dreamed A Dream”, #62
“Wild Horses”, #98

The story of Susan Boyle holds such fascination that it’s hard not to wonder if the million people who have bought her album so far actually care what it sounds like. Her voice is interesting if only because, for a woman in her forties, it’s surprisingly girlish. Physically she sounds strong and mature, but her phrasing is often that of an adolescent—she’d be perfect for a guest spot on Glee. Her song choices seem eccentric at first, as well—“Wild Horses”, “Daydream Believer”, Madonna, Patti Griffin’s “Up To the Mountain” (which I’m willing to bet she first heard when Kelly Clarkson performed it on American Idol two years ago; her phrasing echoes Clarkson’s almost exactly)—but she reduces the tempo on most of the songs so much that the melodies all but disappear; they all sound like they came from an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical. I’m as touched by Boyle’s story as anyone, but she either doesn’t know, doesn’t care, or doesn’t really understand what most of these songs are about (especially “Wild Horses”, which is incomprehensible vocally—she slurs the lyrics even more than Jagger—and emotionally). The paradox is that if she understood what she was singing about, her story wouldn’t exist. Her well-documented emotional inexperience is at the root of her fairy tale, which would be impossible without it, but it doesn’t make for compelling music.

Beyonce faturing Lady GaGa—”Videophone”
#65

The spaghetti-western intro is a bit much, but for the most part this is Beyonce doing what Beyonce does best: luring young men to their doom. As a Siren no one can touch her, not even Lady Gaga, who shows up somewhere in the middle and contributes nothing but a touch of off-color kinkiness. If Beyonce ever put a whole album of this kind of stuff together, half the country’s male population would explode by the end of the fourth track. I’m surprised she hasn’t tried it.

Glee Cast
“True Colors”, #66
“Imagine”, #67

Awful as usual—to be honest I couldn’t get through a single listening of either one. What may be even worse for the show is that these song choices suggest the writers have already run out of ideas—and they haven’t even finished the first season yet.

Chris Brown—”Crawl”
#68

Brown’s first stage of his career rehabilitation, “I Can Transform Ya”, has stalled on the charts (it’s selling well enough but it’s dying on radio), so here he shifts gears with an attempt at an uplifting power ballad. Clever in it’s way, but nothing you haven’t heard before. Despite it’s universalist tone, however, it seems to be directed not towards the downtrodden of the earth but towards a certain former partner in a collapsed relationship: “We can crawl back to love”, he assures her. I understand his motivation, but you have to wonder just how long Brown’s audience will be willing to watch him squirm. Another single as lame as this and we’ll have our answer.

Timbaland featuring Nelly Furtado & SoShy—”Morning After Dark”
#76

This is a well-crafted piece of nonsense that doesn’t take off the way it should. It sounds like they had a lot of fun making it, but there’s too much going on and the track gets weighed down by trickery. I sure would like to know what “When the cats come out the bats come out to play” means, though.

Birdman featuring Drake & Lil Wayne—”4 My Town (Play Ball)”
#90

I don’t understand why Birdman isn’t a bigger star. He has Lil Wayne’s full support, and his records, though not revolutionary in any way, are inventive and and clever enough to get your full attention, at least as long as the song is playing. They do tend to fade from memory quickly when they’re over, though. This is his best since “Always Strapped”, but at this point I’m not sure that’s going to make much difference, even with Lil Wayne and Drake providing decent guest spots.

Francesca Battistelli—”It’s Your Life”
#95

More helpful homilies layered in pop cliches from a contemporary Christian singer. Not sure what kind of Christian she is, though: on her website she quotes E.M. Forster, who was not only a self-declared humanist, but gay. He also wasn’t Jesus, who isn’t quoted anywhere on the site. She does disrespect Forster somewhat by misspelling his name, but I don’t think that will cut her any slack with the fundamentalist crowd.

Trace Adkins—”All I Ask For Anymore”
#99

Extra-strength country sentimentality with added vocal syrup. I’m sure Adkins is sincere in his way, but the Sunday-school-like chorus is shameless, and when he lowers the baritone boom at the end all I can do is laugh.

Billy Currington—”That’s How Country Boys Roll”
#100

Did you know that country boys like pickup trucks, fishing, chewing tobacco, George Jones, and their mama? Me neither. Thanks for letting us know, Billy. You can go back to the holla now.

All she needs is a copy of Dusty In Memphis

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

I don’t know if Kelly Clarkson is the best singer of her generation, but she certainly has the best voice. Comparisons to Beyonce are ridiculous—Beyonce can’t touch her. I think her only real competition may be another American Idol winner: Carrie Underwood. Underwood, though, really wants to be a country-pop star and chooses cliched, easy material. After over seven years in the limelight it’s obvious that Clarkson doesn’t much care about pop stardom; she wants to sing, and that’s all. You have to appreciate the fact that she just gets up there and belts. She still oversings at times, and she tends to be melodramatic on record, but I become more impressed with “Already Gone” every time I hear it:

And while I’m at it, a word of praise for Reba McEntire, who has obviously been one hell of a mentor.

New This Week

Monday, May 25th, 2009

Eminem—“Beautiful”
#17

The recent interview with Eminem in the New York Times confirms two obvious points about Relapse: one, it came out of a period of intense confusion, depression and self-doubt; two, the Slim Shady stuff was done more from a sense of duty to fans than any real desire to resurrect the persona. Which explains why this record, where Eminem speaks pretty much as himself, is so much superior to the Shady-oriented material that preceded it. I have my doubts about the power ballad intro and outro, but this is a great record. Even clean and sober, though, Eminem finds himself in a difficult position. The Slim Shady stuff is old hat, but he can’t, and shouldn’t, build the next phase of his a career out of down-tempo raps about depression (leave that to the indie kids). He needs something new, something that will probably alienate large sections of his audience. As much as I respect his desire to please his old fans, he may find that they’re another dependency he’ll have to wean himself from. Are their twelve-step programs for adulation addiction?

Jordin Sparks—“Battlefield”
#32

I’ve liked some of Sparks’ earlier records, but the bombast here is too much, with whatever personality and charm she possesses overpowered by thundering drums. Note to songwriters and producers: “Umbrella”-inspired songs with choruses that consist of nothing but the title repeated over and over like an echo are old and overdone. Time for a new trick, please.

Jonas Brothers—“Paranoid”
#37

Critics, and the Brothers themselves, are attributing the darker tones of this record to “maturity” (why, they’re almost a year older than they were when they made their last album!), but it probably has more to do with spending the last few years on the entertainment industry hamster wheel. Since I assume these clean cut boys don’t ingest any substance stronger than caffeine, their paranoia is probably the result of sleep deprivation more than anything else, which would explain why the change of tone is lyrical rather than musical; their machine-tooled pop-punk is as bouncy as ever, and just as unoriginal. If I can be excused an untoward comparison, they’re in roughly the same place The Beatles were in late ‘64/early ‘65: exhausted, but still game. In the Brothers case, though, I don’t think there’s an equivalent to Rubber Soul waiting around the bend, and not just because they don’t smoke dope.

Cobra Starship featuring Leighton Meester—“Good Girls Go Bad”
#76

Coming on the heels of Lady GaGa and 3Oh!3, this single suggests a new trend: bombastic electro-influenced records about women losing (or intentionally throwing away) their inhibitions. This one includes an appearance by a member of the cast of Gossip Girl, which should cement the idea in the minds of culture watchers nicely. If this becomes a hit, there should be a piece in the New York Times Style section before the summer is out.

The Fray—“Heartless”
#79

I’d be more than willing to ignore The Fray if they saved their self-indulgent warbling for their own material, but this act of desecration forces my hand. Say goodbye to Hinder and Nickelback, because these guys are now officially the Worst Band in the World. Question: Does this mean “You Found Me” would sound good if Kanye sang it? Answer: No.

Jessie James—“Wanted”
#87

Many people, including me, complain that country is still lost in the late ’70s, or maybe the early ’80s, but this roaring piece of female raunch is as modern as it gets. That is, it’s main influences aren’t the Eagles or John Mellencamp, but Kelly Clarkson and, especially, Katy Perry. This may sound horrible to you, and it certainly isn’t what most people would call country, but Nashville professionalism and attention to lyrical and musical detail make it more interesting than most of Clarkson’s and Perry’s stuff. Sexier, too–and a lot dirtier.

Darius Rucker—“Alright”
#91

Rucker’s first two country singles possessed the lyrical specificity and detail that makes up for a lot of rote arrangements and fruity singing in Nashville. This one doesn’t. He sounds almost as vague as Hootie.

The Pussycat Dolls featuring Nicole Scherzinger—“Hush Hush”
#96

A terrible record, and when it shifts into “I Will Survive” you can feel the desperation take hold as the Dolls slide back into the oblivion from which they came. The only thing that keeps this from being the worst single of the year is the existence of The Fray.

Trey Songz—“I Need a Girl”
#100

Chris Brown having sabotaged his career, Trey Songz steps into the gap with the oldest trick in the pop book. He needs a girl, and ladies, you could be the one. All you need to do is hollaback, preferably in the form of buying this record, the album, concert tickets, and associated merchandise. Not a bad song, but the blatant pandering is a bit much.

New This Week

Saturday, May 9th, 2009

My intention from now on is to provide short reviews of every record to hit the Hot 100. Most of these will only be a sentence or two. Some, as you can see, will be longer. It all depends on whether I can think of much to say about records I’ve only heard two or three times. Luckily, this week is a pretty good crop. I only count three clunkers among a whole batch of good to near great records, including a couple of potential top tens. Makes it easy to start this whole process off. Here’s hoping next week doesn’t kill it.

Katy Perry–”Waking Up In Vegas”
#65

Nowhere near as titillating as “I Kissed a Girl”, or as catchy as “Hot ‘n’ Cold”, but nowhere near as awful as “Thinking of You”, either. This is a little clunky, and reaches for effects Perry doesn’t know how to pull off yet, but it isn’t horrible, and it offers the same idiosyncratic lyrical quirks that made even “Thinking of You” an interesting listen. I know a lot of people were hoping that Perry would be a one shot, and I thought the same myself at first, but now I think she’s in it for the long haul. I wouldn’t base that judgment on this record alone, but remember she also co-wrote Kelly Clarkson’s “I Do Not Hook Up”, the best song to hit the Hot 100 so far this year.

Fall Out Boy–”America’s Suitehearts”
#78

Yes, Patrick Stump can sing, and, yes, occasionally Pete Wentz gets off a good lyric, but that’s it. The rest is self-important bombast and overkill. Come to think of it, so are Stump’s singing and Wentz’s lyrics most of the time.

Gorilla Zoe–”Echo”
#82

Strange to say, what this most reminds me of, aside from Timbaland’s “Apologize” of course, is the British high-gloss pop-band Prefab Sprout. Those airy synths, the half-spoken, half-sung lyrics, the slight burr in the voice. Paddy McAloon would have made that chorus soar, though, instead of the little sing-songy thing we get here. Still, a good record, and one that demonstrates that Zoe has far more range than I would have guessed from his previous singles.

Maxwell–”Pretty Wings”
#89

More Al Green than even the latest Al Green, this is so subtly crafted and so unassuming even in its massive artistic intentions that what you think of it may depend on how much you’ve missed Maxwell rather than the song itself. It may also depend on how much you’ve missed classic soul horn charts. I say welcome back to both.

Billy Currington–”People Are Crazy”
#90

I like the title hook, but this take on the legend of Howard Hughes and Melvin Dummar is too lacking in relevant detail to get over (though leaving a six-pack on the grave is a nice touch). I suggest renting a copy of Melvin and Howard instead.

Hurricane Chris–”Halle Berry (She’s Fine)”
#91

The only real joke here is how often Chris repeats Berry’s name. The rest is crude celeb fantasies that reduce Berry to just another stripper, which makes me think the only thing they’ve seen Berry in is The Last Boy Scout. But it’s still pretty funny.

Chrisette Michele–”Epiphany”
#92

This is subtle enough to slide right past you at first, but give it a few tries and it grows on you quick. Ne-Yo provides the hook (a great one) and, I’m willing to bet, a lot of advice on how it should be sung. Michele sounds cool and in control, and never oversings or pushes the emotions. Nowhere near as adventurous as Ne-Yo’s own records, but then, the songs Smokey Robinson wrote for others were never as adventurous as the one’s he recorded himself. Ne-Yo isn’t in Smokey territory yet, but he’s getting closer all the time. I have a feeling he’s just hitting his groove.

Toby Keith–”Lost You Anyway”
#97

It wouldn’t make any difference how good I was to her, Toby laments, she’d have left me anyway. That’s ’cause she knows you’re lying, Toby, it’s ’cause she knows you’re lying.

Charlie Wilson–”There Goes My Baby”
#98

I had no idea the prettiest girls hung out at Macy’s, but Charlie Wilson says so, and he was in The Gap Band, and they knew where all the pretty girls were, so it must be true. Oh, and ladies, if you need your hair done, he has a cousin. I’m not sure if this is intended as parody, but Wilson sure sounds like he’s having fun.