Posts Tagged ‘Kelly Clarkson’

Sex & Death
Hot 100 Roundup—11/17/12

Thursday, November 8th, 2012

The Band Perry—“Better Dig Two”
#53

In which the group who jump-started their career with “If I Die Young” goes full bore into country gothic. The woman in “Better Dig Two” not only vows to follow her husband in death, but appears to threaten a murder-suicide if he ever dares to leave her. It’s Miranda Lambert’s “Crazy-Ex Girlfriend” taken to the emotional limit. I wish I could say it was great, but somehow it doesn’t work. The music is menacing, but their pop roots show, and the tone is off in places. They’re trying too hard.

A$AP Rocky featuring Drake, 2 Chainz & Kendrick Lamar—“Fuckin’ Problems”
#73

Normally I could care less about rappers bragging about how often they get laid, but this one works, largely because everybody here, even Drake, is at the top of their form. Drake, in fact, walks away with the record; bragging about his dick must inspire him. I’ll admit Kendrick Lamar sounds a little out of place—this isn’t really his zone—but he makes the best of it anyway.

Chris Brown—“Don’t Judge Me”
#95

With titles like this, you have to wonder why Brown complains so much when anyone brings up Rihanna in interviews. Uh, because you keep bringing her up in your music? Not that this is technically about Rihanna, of course; I’m sure it’s a complete fiction. Besides, it’s about womanizing, not battery. But didn’t the fight with Rihanna start because she was calling Brown on his womanizing? Maybe he should write a song called “The Ballad of Chris and Ri Ri” and get it over with. Whatever. It’s a boring record, anyway.

The Weeknd—“Wicked Games”
#96

The sound is impressive, and so is the voice, but every time I listen to The Weeknd I find myself faced with a supposed soul man who devotes himself to the same misogynistic crap as the hardest rappers, and I suspect that has a lot to do with his appeal. I admit that this time out he confesses his sins, but it’s the sort of manipulative candor that’s designed to make him look deep; even as he admits to taking advantage of you he still expects you to do whatever he wants. He’s soulful, but he’s a con man, and I don’t trust him.

Kelly Clarkson featuring Vince Gill—“Don’t Rush”
#97

Finally a decent song, and better yet, Clarkson takes another step toward fulfilling my dream of her becoming this generation’s Dusty Springfield. Her vocals are stunning: alluring, sexy, self-possessed, and smart. The ’70s easy-listening soul feel is a perfect fit for her. All the ironic yacht rockers should either give up or ask Clarkson to give them lessons—this is what you can do with the style when you put all your heart and soul and brains into it.

Thompson Square—“If I Didn’t Have You”
#98

Of all the mixed pairs in country music, Thompson Square is probably the least interesting: there’s no tension between them, and no sign of passion, either. This isn’t the worst record you’ll ever hear, but it is one of the blandest.

Dierks Bentley—“Tip It On Back”
#99

For a beer drinking song, “Tip It On Back” is surprisingly slow, almost mournful. That makes sense on the opening verse, which is about the travails of life that make you want to get good and drunk on the weekends, but the chorus, oddly, is the same. It doesn’t get any faster or more joyful, just louder. Makes you wonder why he drinks at all.

Fall Breaks and Back to Winter
Hot 100 Roundup—11/3/12

Tuesday, October 30th, 2012

The autumn rush has gone by, or so it seems to me, much faster than usual, and with less effect than expected. Partly this is because it’s been dominated by two artists, Taylor Swift and Mumford & Sons, but also because much of what’s been released hasn’t been that impressive. Swift’s pop experiments are interesting, but many of them have been disappointments, and other highly anticipated records from big names—Rihanna, Bruno Mars, P!nk, Ke$ha—have been passable and nothing more. Whether they’re the fading old guard or suffering a sophomore slump, nobody is making much of an impact. Except Psy, of course. Psy is killing it.

Taylor Swift—“State of Grace”
#13

Musically, “State of Grace” is impressive, and also unexpected. Working with her usual producer, Nathan Chapman, Swift has come up with something that’s so different from her previous forays into pop, including the rest of Red, that it throws her entire future up for grabs. That is, this isn’t country, but it isn’t teen pop, either, and it’s one of the best tracks on the album. It isn’t all that original, but at the same time the U2 connection everybody makes isn’t as direct they imply. The larger influence comes from near Swift’s birthplace, in the sound of Eastern Pennsylvania bands like The Ocean Blue and Riverside. Like too much of Red, however, the simplified lyrical style results in banality more often than not, and only occasionally does the music elevate the words into something more. I doubt this is a musical direction Swift will continue to pursue, but it’s good to know she’s capable of this sort of surprise.

T.I. featuring Lil Wayne—“Ball”
#50

“Ball” is easily T.I.’s best record since he got out of prison, but of course that isn’t saying much. The beat is wonderful—playful and energetic—and though T.I. doesn’t have anything new to say over it, he sounds more alive than he has in years. I wish I could say the same for Lil Wayne, who now appears to be pursuing mediocrity as if it were worthwhile career option. He doesn’t embarrass himself, but he adds nothing.

Kelly Clarkson—“Catch My Breath”
#54

I’ve complained about Clarkson’s mediocre material in the past, so I don’t see the point of doing it again, but why is she singing like Lady GaGa? The timbre and the phrasing are an almost perfect imitation; if the song showed any distinction at all you could easily mistake it for a track that got left off Born This Way. Except GaGa would have made sure the chorus had more punch to it, and would attack it with more intensity (which would be a mistake, but it would be the right kind of mistake). After over a decade, Clarkson has only rarely dared material that’s up to the standard of her vocals, and there’s no reason to think this will ever change. I’ll continue to enjoy her voice, and her personality, but she could be doing a lot more with both.

Jason Aldean—“Night Train”
#92

Aldean’s latest records sound less overdone than his previous singles, and this one ambles easily and inoffensively along . He still likes loud guitars too much, though. Shouldn’t a song called “Night Train” sound like a train, and not like a rolling eighteen-wheeler crushing the romanticism of the lyric like so much roadkill?

Calvin Harris featuring Florence Welch—“Sweet Nothing”
#96

Florence Welch makes this bearable, even enjoyable in spots, but Harris’s inability to create interesting music continues. This is as flat melodically and harmonically as all his records. It may even be worse. The only way you can tell you’ve reached the chorus is a change in Welch’s timbre and the cue provided by the banal drum machine crescendo, along with the sound in general getting louder. But you’d never know it by the music.

Bridgit Mendler—“Ready Or Not”
#98

Like most Disney pop, “Ready Or Not” seems off at first, the sophistication of the melody and arrangement clashing with the goofiness of the lyric and the unpolished, naive quality of the vocals. Eventually it comes together, and though it still might not make complete sense, it does make for enjoyable music. The lack of polish is intentional, of course; the whole idea of Disney pop is to place its audience in a fantasy world where, even though they’re surrounded by surface glamour and the trappings of show business, at heart they’re still the same wide-eyed teenagers they’ve always been. They may be enmeshed, as Mendler is here, in a fantasy where the right guy equals both love and wealth, set to music that places them within calling distance of pop professionals like Bruno Mars or Natasha Bedingfield, but they’re still goofy, gangly teenagers. Their attempts at sophistication are always half tongue-in-cheek, and they’re determined not to lose their sense of innocence and discovery and the strength those things provide. “Ready Or Not” isn’t up to Disney at its best, but it’s another solid record in the same tradition.

For Completists Only

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

Just a quick note to let people know that I’ve finally done something I’ve meant to do for a long time: created a page for the entire current Hot 100, all reviews included. Some of the records have been on the chart for so long that I no longer agree with my original assessment—I like Kelly Clarkson’s “Stronger” a lot more now, for instance—but I’m not going to engage in any historical revisionism; at least not yet. This will be updated as the new reviews are posted, so don’t expect it to be up-to-the-minute, but it’s all there.

The possibility of an archive ordered by artist is also out there, but since it’s a much bigger job I’m not sure when I’ll get to that.

From the Ridiculous To the Sublime
Hot 100 Roundup—7/7/12

Thursday, July 5th, 2012

Maroon 5—“One More Night”
#42

Less irritating than “Payphone”, but also less catchy, with both the band and producer Max Martin running on automatic. Since “Payphone” still hasn’t peaked (God help us), I’m not even sure why they released this. To prove to themselves they can still make hits without guest spots?

Justin Bieber
“Beauty and a Beat” (featuring Nicki Minaj), #72
“Right Here” (featuring Drake), #95

How confident is Justin Bieber in his talent? Confident enough that the two LP tracks with the highest profile guests are pure filler. Minaj gets jokey and suggestive but does nothing special, while Drake tries out a new flow and nails it but doesn’t say much. “Beauty and the Beat” has a great break, but for the most part the music is passable and nothing more. These charted only because of Minaj’s and Drake’s fans, and I’ll bet neither one will be released as an actual single.

Meek Mill featuring Drake—“Amen”
#86

Mill has nothing to say beyond the usual rap bragging, but he’s funnier and more clever about it than most: the line about drinking so much that when he takes a drug test he pees rosé is perfect, as are the lines about building himself a crib with a moat. As for Drake, he’s been using his post-Take Care guest spots to work out new vocal and rhythmic approaches, and so far he hasn’t taken a wrong step. He’s almost unrecognizable here, but he’s also very good, and his rap raises what would have been just an above-average track to a higher level. Not that much higher, mind you, but still an improvement.

Kelly Clarkson—“Dark Side”
#93

Clarkson is in a groove where every record she releases has some magical quality that makes it compelling, if not overwhelming. There’s a sense of both comfortableness and humility in the music she’s making now. After a couple of shaky years she trusts herself, her talent, and her audience more than ever, and it shows. More than any other singer I can think of, she wants to draw her listeners into her world, welcome them and reassure them, even when what she’s singing about is pain and the loss of emotional control. This isn’t a brilliant record, but it’s very, very good, almost as good as “Stronger”. For the moment, at least, Clarkson may be the world’s friendliest, most sublime, and perfect pop star.

Easton Corbin—“Lovin’ You Is Fun”
#100

Corbin, along with Chris Young, Luke Bryan, maybe Blake Shelton, and others, is what I call a country nerd. Goofy, smiling, dedicated, their music is always pleasant and well-crafted, but never strikes a nerve. To me, they’re a country version of the second-level power pop bands of the late ’70s, only instead of The Beatles and The Byrds they grew up on Garth Brooks and George Strait. They have talent, and they mean well, but most of them don’t have the stuff. Corbin is slightly better than the pack, but that isn’t saying much.

Hot 100 Roundup—12/24/11

Monday, January 2nd, 2012

Glee Cast
“We Are Young”, #12
“Survivor/I Will Survive”, #51
“Man In the Mirror”, #76
“ABC”, #88
“Red Solo Cup”, #92

T-Pain featuring Lil Wayne—”Bang Bang Pow Pow”
#48

After the failure of two strong singles a year or so ago, it appears T-Pain has decided to go the more obvious route to revive his career: bigtime guests, obvious samples and/or beats, an avoidance of any subtlety or musical games. So we get straightforward gangsta-party music, with lots of sex, lame raps, gunshots, the works (including Lil Wayne, whose rap I can’t recall at the moment). Because it’s T-Pain, he doesn’t sink a low as others might, but it seems damn low for him. I wonder what happened to the album those earlier singles were from. There’s no sign of them on Revolver, not even the deluxe version.

fun. featuring Janelle Monae—”We Are Young”
#53

A problematic generational anthem. The message goes something like this: “The parties over. Sorry I hurt you. I’ll help you home and we’ll get some sleep and tomorrow we’ll change the world.” Fair enough, but I worry whether the scar he gave his ex is metaphorical or actual. Janelle Monae’s presence is negligible, which is just as well in this case. The melody has a certain lift, but the arrangement is too sparse and the overall effect is hollow. I’ll blame that on the band, not on their generation.

Jake Owen—”Alone With You”
#90

I like the feel of this, and Owen sings it well, but it doesn’t get anywhere near as down in the dumps as it should, and Owen doesn’t seem to be putting up much of a fight against this particular femme fatale. She’s got him whipped, and he sounds too weak to even think about resisting. At the same time, he doesn’t sound like he’s all that turned on by her, either, and if she can’t manage that, what possible power could she have over him? Little details like that are what makes songs come alive, and this doesn’t have them.

Keith Urban—”You Gonna Fly”
#91

I’m beginning to think the only difference between Urban and Rascal Flatts is that there’s only one of him. His sound is a little rougher, to be sure, a little more rock and roll, but that’s like saying that shag is a little rougher than fleece. It’s still designed to be warm and cozy and nothing else.

Kelly Clarkson—”I’ll Be Home for Christmas”
#93

It’s been almost a decade since Clarkson won the first season of American Idol, and you would think she’d have shaken the dust off her heels by now, but every once in a while she still sounds like she’s a contestant. This is overdramatized, oversung, and like too many American Idol competitors, Clarkson seems to have no idea what the song is about. She also throws in a change in the lyric, intentional or not I don’t know, that strips away any sense the song might still have made, even with her singing it. Don’t even get me started on the trumpet solo. A mistake in just about every way.

Waka Flocka Flame featuring Drake—”Round of Applause”
#97

This opens with a loud belch. I find it impossible to listen afterwards. Even among rappers (or rap yellers, in this case) there should be such a thing as dignity. Maybe more so.

Edens Edge—”Amen”
#99

Despite the name of the group and the title of the song, this is not Contemporary Christian Country, or Christian anything aside from the way it uses common pentacostal phrases as a lame joke in the chorus. In the who’ll-be-the-next-Lady-Antebellum sweepstakes (formerly the who’ll-be-the-next-Sugarland sweepstakes), these folks are dead last, with a sound designed to be so soft and sweet and nonthreatening it barely exists. Somehow that makes their use of religious terms even more offensive.

Listen on Spotify

Hot 100 Roundup—11/12/11

Friday, November 18th, 2011

Coldplay featuring Rihanna—”Princess of China”
#20

The grander the statement, the vaguer and more ordinary the music becomes. Rihanna adds nothing, because there’s nothing to be added to. In the context of the album the lyrics might make sense—though I wouldn’t count on that—but on their own they skirt the ridiculous. The hooks and the overall grandeur of the sound just make things worse; it’s all show, no content.

Toby Keith—”Red Solo Cup”
#37

A funny record that both celebrates redneck drinking and skewers it at the same time. It comes dangerously close to a throwaway comedy sketch, but Keith makes sure it’s a real song, and his delivery, both comically and musically, is flawless. Which only increases my sense of frustration. To follow up a record as blinkered and patronizing as “Made In America” with one as friendly yet satiric as this? How many Toby Keiths are their anyway? And couldn’t the good one hang around a little longer?

Bow Wow featuring Lil Wayne—”Sweat”
#48

I like the music, but the raps, especially Bow Wow’s, are pure cliche. As is Wayne’s, except it’s a cliche built on the kind of raps he was doing six or seven years ago. It’s all Wayne, but it’s not a new Wayne. Eventually, the cliches wear out the welcome of the music, and you’re left with nothing.

Justin Bieber featuring Usher—”Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire)”
#58

Not terrible, but Bieber, for all his new found “maturity”, over-vocalizes in a juvenile manner, while Usher leans too heavily on the show-biz warmth he’s a master of. I’ll stick with Nat “King” Cole, thank you very much.

Kelly Clarkson—”What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger)”
#64

I wish I liked this more, but for all of Clarkson’s strengths as a vocalist there isn’t much she can make of this song, which is essentially a gussied up version of “Since You Been Gone”. It doesn’t flow dynamically or build like “Gone” though; it settles in at a certain volume level and stays there, leaving Clarkson with nothing to bounce her vocals off of. Unfortunately, this is the kind of stuff Clarkson seems to like. When she has material that allows her to vary her voice and take advantage of both her timbre and her emotional and vocal range she’s one of the best pop singers around; when she doesn’t she’s just another shouter

Florence + The Machine—”Shake It Out”
#86

I’m impressed by the production, which starts with a big sound that gets even bigger as it goes along, and there’s a kernel of real emotion and a good hook somewhere under all the drums and blare and Florence’s multi-tracked vocals. A lot of people bring up Annie Lennox as a comparison, but this is more like Bonnie Tyler, or what Kate Bush might sound like if she were produced by Jim Steinman. Those aren’t necessarily bad things, but it is a bit of a mess.

Wale featuring Miguel—Lotus Flower Bomb”
#87

Wale can be clever, such as the moment near the end where he sings the vowels (“Ahhh, A, E, I-O-Ooooh”), but too much of this is ordinary, and Miguel adds nothing, including a hook.

The Black Keys—”Lonely Boy”
#91

I can understand the appeal of these guys: they provide straightforward funk ‘n’ roll without all the masculine preening and posturing, and Dangermouse’s production adds enough of a modern touch to keep them from turning into an indie Sha Na Na. But this is still nothing more than basic, well-produced blues-based boogie. And on the intro, which sounds like the soundtrack to Coney Island Hipster Beach Party, they are the indie Sha Na Na.

Kaskade featuring Neon Trees—”Lessons In Love”
#94

Not to be confused with Cascada, of course, or any other dance pop band featuring loud, fuzzy synths and slow climbs up a chromatic scale passed off as solos. I do like the unpolished sound of the vocals, though; they actually keep me listening.

Hunter Hayes—”Storm Warning”
#98

Twenty years old, a former child-actor and already a full-time country hack, you can hear Hayes trying hard to sound like his heroes, who in this case appear to be Rascal Flatts. His phrasing makes him sound like he’s sixteen, though, with a lot to learn in the vocal department. Not to mention the originality department, though I doubt if he’s much interested in that one.

Justin Moore—”Bait A Hook”
#100

Sometimes I have a hard time telling all the Justins and Jasons and Jerrods apart, and this song is one reason why. There’s not a hint of originality or personality in the music, the lyrics (the third country hit in the last three months to emphasize fishing), or the vocals. The occasional hints of sexual jealousy are interesting, but the country chauvinism is strictly by the book and the stereotyping of city boys plain stupid. As anonymous as they come.

Hot 100 Roundup—9/24/11

Monday, October 10th, 2011

Kelly Clarkson—”Mr. Know It All”
#18

What’s most frustrating about Clarkson is her material. She sings this beautifully, and the hook is good, but the groove is old hat and never builds—I kept waiting for the song to take off and it never does. She’s turned into one of the classiest pop singers around, but this is too subdued and tasteful.

Lady Antebellum—”Wanted You More”
#34

The chorus sounds like it was written by kindergartners, and the strings are overbearing and sloppy to boot. Still, if they hadn’t drowned out the wonderful country-funk guitar line that opens the song, this might be bearable. But they did, and it ain’t.

Hugh Laurie—”Police Dog Blues”
#58

The studied perfectionism of the playing is more than just irritating, it highlights this record’s greatest weakness, which is the simple fact that Hugh Laurie can’t sing; not the blues certainly, and probably not anything else, either. If he had played it fast and loose, or as a joke (he used to be a comedian, you know) he might have gotten away with it, but this is stiff and lifeless. I suspect part of the stiffness is the result of an attempt to respect the form, but that’s another part of the problem. You don’t sing the blues with respect, you sing them like you own them, or they own you. Otherwise there’s no point.

Scotty McCreery—”The Trouble With Girls”
#84

Yet another American Idol winner who sounded OK on the show but turns out to have a voice that’s too weak to stand up to modern production. McCreery is young, so maybe his vocal chords will toughen up and match his ambitions, but right now the big arrangements and constant loudness of modern country drown him out and make him sound even more inexperienced than he really is, both as a singer and as a lover. Though God knows he probably doesn’t have much experience as either.

JoJo—”Disaster”
#87

JoJo has a voice, which may be why her producers decided to make this record such a stunning example of decibel overkill. Or maybe they were just trying to cover up the fact that it’s not much of a song. Whatever the case, even at low volumes it’s painful.

The Band Perry—”All Your Life”
#95

I still find the music a little stiff, but these guys have a romantic sensibility that’s second only to Taylor Swift. But whereas Swift’s imagery cascades in breathless wonder, their images are neatly presented in tidily wrapped packages. I prefer Swift, but this has it’s charms.

Chris Brown featuring Ludacris—”Wet The Bed”
#96

I don’t want to sound like a prude, but this is disgusting. Who in their right mind would consider the phrase “I’m gonna make you wet the bed” sexy? But then, Chris Brown has been out of his right mind for a long while now.

Bubbling Under—5/7/11

Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

Incubus—”Adolescents”
#101

Intelligent hard rock that isn’t loaded with pretension is so rare that I’m probably overrating this, and as smart as it is it’s still mired in hard rock’s negative view of the world, with any signs of a sense of humor intentionally removed. All the same, it’s pleasantly melodic without being cloying, never overwrought, and makes a few decent observations about the adolescent mindset. It isn’t a masterpiece, but—and here I speak as someone who instinctively distrusts any band that calls itself Incubus—it’s far better than I would have expected.

Naomi Scott—”She’s So Gone”
#103

This record, yet another standout from the Lemonade Mouth soundtrack, is a blatant Kelly Clarkson rip-off, and I couldn’t care less. Find me another current single that’s as catchy, self-propulsive, lyrically astute, or that makes such a strong case for female self-reliance without being full of worn-out homilies. If you were embarrassed by the way “Friday” stuck in your head against your better judgment (not that you should be, but that’s your problem), try this antidote. Teen pop has never sounded so good.

David Cook—”The Last Goodbye”
#105

Speaking of Kelly Clarkson ripoffs, here’s the distaff side, which in this case means trying to create the same sort of pop hooks while sounding like you just stepped off the Daughtry tour bus. Needless to say, the mixture makes no sense, not that Cook is enough of an artist to make something of it if it did. I doubt he even understands that that’s what he’s doing.

The Asteroids Galaxy Tour—”The Golden Age”
#113

I like sugary Danish pop as much as anybody, but this is almost an object lesson in overkill, guaranteed to rot even the sweetest tooth. Three years old, it’s been making the rounds of TV commercials and soundtracks all over Europe, where this sort of glossy, junky ready-made is accepted as some kind of homage to American pop music (it was even used to promote Mad Men in Denmark, where they apparently can’t tell the America of the 1920s from that of the 1960s). Why it should even come close to being a hit on these shores, where it sounds like something you might hear on a TV show for kids (not tweeners, but little kids), is anyone’s guess. Wait a minute. Does Gossip Girl count as a kids show? Now I get it.

Mary J Blige featuring Diddy and Lil Wayne —”Someone To Love Me (Naked)”
#125

This is the first Blige record I’ve liked in a long time, which is probably because it’s the first one she’s made in years that isn’t devoted to telling us how happy she is. It’s good to get the drama out of your life, but its absence in your material can kill a pop career. The dub reggae is a little soft, but the hook is good, and Diddy and Lil Wayne add just enough to keep the record from becoming too repetitive. Very pleasant all around.

Hot 100 Roundup—5/7/11

Monday, May 16th, 2011

Luke Bryan—”Country Girl (Shake It For Me)”
#22

The intro, especially that throbbing guitar line, shakes pretty well, but after that it’s all by rote. If Bryan actually demonstrated some honest lust, his sexism might be forgivable, but instead he goes on automatic and gets progressively duller.

Beyonce—”Run the World (Girls)”
#33

Based on a Major Lazer sample (aka Diplo and Switch), this is essentially an M.I.A. track with all the third-world references and atmosphere removed, and that loss of texture makes a huge difference. The bare bones sound is as bald and uninteresting as Beyonce’s well-meant lecture on sexual politics. Since this song makes explicit what has been implicit in almost every record she’s made as a solo artist, I assume Beyonce is either running out of patience or running out of ideas, probably both. Either way she’s beating us over the head with a message that was more powerful when it was partially hidden and presented in dramatic terms. “Irreplaceable” is a far greater feminist work than this preachy bore.

Adele—”Turning Tables”
#63

This woman knows how to sing (though not this time), but she doesn’t know how to write a song (or arrange one). When the strings come in you realize her real stock in trade is melodrama, not emotion.

Glee Cast
“Turning Tables” (featuring Gwyneth Paltrow), #66
“All By Myself”, #87

Bridget Mendler
“Breakthrough”, #88
“Somebody”, #89

Two more songs from the Lemonade Mouth soundtrack, and though neither is as good as “Determinate” (which is quickly turning into my favorite pop song of the year), both are far better than one would expect from Disney. It would be easy to say that this is simply Disney doing a better job of keeping up with pop trends than they have in the past, but the fact is that in the last few years it’s pop that has been moving closer to Disney rather than the opposite. Now that Glee has taken over the High School Musical audience (who are, after all, five years older) and Nickelodeon is chasing the latest tweeners, Disney moves on to high school pop-rock, tracking close behind Kelly Clarkson, Katy Perry, and Avril Lavigne, and downplaying the showtune cheeriness that spoiled so much of their earlier music. It’s still derivative as hell, but it’s also right on track with the times. And catchy. Don’t forget catchy.

Jennifer Lopez—”Papi”
#99

Though there’s nothing to indicate it on the credits, this sounds like something Lady GaGa may have cooked up for a b-side and then decided to give away instead. With GaGa singing, this might stand a chance to be both sexy and defiant. Lopez, instead, sounds cheerfully submissive to her man—which is her idea of being sexy—and invites every other woman in the world to join her in her self-degradation. She should ask Luke Bryan to appear in the video—he’d feel right at home.

Hot 100 Roundup—4/16/11

Monday, April 18th, 2011

Wiz Khalifa—”When I’m Gone”
#57

In which Khalifa proudly explains why he doesn’t really give a shit. It’s not “When I’m Gone” as in “I know you’ll miss me but you’ll get by”; it’s “By the time I die I’ll have spent all my money and you guys won’t get jack.” Why? Because he can, that’s why. You don’t honestly believe he thinks about this stuff, do you?

Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo, Afrojack & Nayer—”Give Me Everything”
#60

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/9/11

Sara Ramirez—”The Story”
#69

Having pioneered the commercial endorsement of music in prime time, Grey’s Anatomy finds itself behind the curve and goes Glee on us and lets one of its cast members throw a record together over a weekend and release it for purchase. For all you Katy Perry haters who wonder what she’d sound like without the assistance of Dr. Luke and Max Martin, here’s your answer. I don’t think even Perry would be this off-key on the loud parts, though.

Britney Spears—”I Wanna Go”
#73

I suppose it’s healthy on a personal level that Spears is now making jokes on the same subject she sang so passionately about just a few years ago. It’s good she’s over it, but the loss in both intensity and musical value is obvious. Besides, whenever Spears tries to be funny it always sounds forced. “Lably, lably, lably”, indeed.

Victorious Cast featuring Victoria Justice—”Beggin’ On Your Knees”
#83

Nickelodeon’s campaign to wrest the teenpop crown away from the wounded Disney is so intense that it’s almost fascinating in its own right. It must be expensive, too, bringing in producers like Dr. Luke, Max Martin, and, in this case, Shellback, to boost your chosen teen idols. Too bad those first rate producers are only bringing their second rate material. I mean, did Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkson already reject this, or did Shellback not even bother offering it to them?

YC featuring Future—”Racks”
#86

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/2/11