Posts Tagged ‘Linkin Park’

WTF?
Hot 100 Roundup—7/14/12

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

Owl City & Carly Ray Jepsen—“Good Time”
#18
Adam Young, better known as Owl City, should not try to be David Guetta (especially if he’s going to sing), and Carly Rae Jepsen, who, despite “Call Me Maybe”, still needs to establish herself as a career artist, shouldn’t be trying to help him. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard a record that sounded like such an obvious cash-in on the part of everyone involved. From Young I don’t expect anything better, but “Call Me Maybe” is going to be in the top ten for the rest of the summer, and it’s way too soon to indulge in such an obvious ploy to keep Jepsen in the public eye. I also hear she’s working with Ryan Tedder. In a recent article in Billboard, Jepsen’s manager, Scooter Braun, was quoted as telling her that her life wasn’t going to be much fun for awhile. Doesn’t look like it’s going to be much fun for her audience, either.

Maroon 5—“Wipe Your Eyes”
#80
Despite, or perhaps because of his second career as judge/mentor on The Voice, Adam Levine has become the most irritating, if not the worst singer of our time. Here, with the assistance of producer J.R. Rotem, he emphasizes this fact by singing, via sample, with one of the best vocalists in the world, Mariam Doumbia of the Malian duo Amadou & Mariam. Rotem and Levine compound the mistake by using one of the duo’s greatest songs, the ethereal and mysterious “Sabali” (co-written and produced by Damon Albarn of Blur and Gorillaz; it may be the best piece of music he’s ever been connected with). The result is almost sad. Levine is so outclassed he doesn’t even try; his voice is hoarse and he sounds exhausted and depressed. If, by some chance, this results in “Sabali” getting the attention it deserves, then I guess this record’s existence will be good for something. But otherwise it’s not much more than a sour joke, one that even I can’t bring myself to laugh at. (Note: At least according to the Billboard listing, Doumbia, her writing partner Marc Antoine Moreau, and Albarn aren’t given a songwriting credit for this record; so maybe Levine’s vocal comeuppance is exactly what he deserves.)

Nero—“Promises”
#81
More pop than Skrillex (who has done a remix), but still identifiably dubstep (whatever that means by now), this is notable only for the fact that it’s a real song, and not just a beat with some vocals thrown on top of it. They may even have written the song before they came up with the beat, but judging by the way it stops and starts and stalls as it stumbles along, I assume not. It’s not a very good song, and if it wasn’t for the music (and the record’s placement in a TV commercial) no one in the U.S. would have noticed it. It did debut at number one in England, but it was a slow week.

Wale featuring Rick Ross, Meek Mill & T-Pain—“Bag of Money”
#93
What a generous guy Rick Ross is. Here, after giving Wale a brief guest spot on one of his many tracks, Ross turns around and allows Wale to release it under his own name, letting a little of that Rozay magic rub off on him as he struggles to establish a career (based on his rap here, he needs all the help he can get). Mind you, Ross knew this wasn’t a great track, and that it wouldn’t be a huge hit, even with T-Pain autotuning (or T-Paining I guess it’s now called—not to be confused with trepanning though the effect is often the same) in the background. Generosity has it’s limits.

Linkin Park—“Lost In the Echo”
#95
For Linkin Park, not bad. The lyrics lack their usual vague generalization and overbearing pretentiousness, and the music continues to modernize their sound without turning it into novelty dubstep. Not great, of course, but at least it isn’t laughable.

BTR—“Windows Down”
#97
Nickelodeon has tried every way to make Big Time Rush into real stars rather than just tween faves. They’ve given them top production and decent songs, got Snoop Dogg to do a guest spot, dressed them up in suits like Il Divo, everything. Here, they get modernized, their name shortened to BTR (already the name of one of their albums), and pointed roughly toward the same musical territory as The Wanted and One Direction. It doesn’t work, largely because the song is too busy and complicated (is anything on the radio simpler than the stuff The Wanted sing? They make nursery rhymes sound baroque), but also because, as singers, the members of BTR are undistinguished. You can’t create pop stars out of nothing, after all, or at least nothing but looks.

Zac Brown Band—“The Wind”
#99
This is better than most of Zac Brown’s stuff not only because it’s fast, but because it’s so loose. He lets the band show off in the best possible way, and the record not only zooms but swings (maybe Brown’s been listening to some Kentucky Colonels in between the Jimmy Buffett and James Taylor). And, for the first time I’ve heard, Brown sings like himself instead of one of his heroes. Turns out he doesn’t have much vocal personality of his own, which explains a lot.

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Sincerely Uninspired
Hot 100 Roundup—5/19/12

Wednesday, May 16th, 2012

B.o.B. featuring Taylor Swift—“Both of Us”
#18
Well-meaning, well-crafted sincerity, devoid of any deep emotion. Swift’s hook is gorgeous, and B.o.B., despite the clichéd lyric, gets a certain intensity into his voice, but not even the most talented pop artists could make much of such generic sentiments. As the success of “We Are Young” suggests, we’re going to get a lot more of what I call “get together” music in the near future, which is a good thing overall. But fun. had the sense to include some specific personal details in their anthem; this is just B.o.B. and Swift wishing the world well and signing off. I expect more from both of them, especially Swift.

Carrie Underwood—“Blown Away”
#66
Is Linkin Park writing Underwood’s songs now? Because that’s what this reminds me of more than anything else. I know she has good intentions and is trying to do something serious (the obvious precursor is Garth Brooks’s “The Thunder Rolls”), but the record starts too big and then never really builds; it just goes on, without giving you enough detail to justify the overwrought arrangement. I appreciate Underwood’s willingness to experiment, but she’s either trying too hard or being misled. Couldn’t she get her pal Brad Paisley to produce an album for her? She could use his sense of proportion.

Juliet Simms—“It’s A Man’s, Man’s, Man’s World”
#70

Glee Cast—“Shake It Out”
#71

Jana Kramer—“Why Ya Wanna”
#97
Kramer’s traditionalism is refreshing, but her songs aren’t. This is fine, but it’s also ordinary, and it lacks something to give it a kick and allow her real personality to come through. Though I like Kramer better, in its own way this is as mechanical as Lady Antebellum.

The Band Perry—“Postcard From Paris”
#100
This shares all the strengths of the band’s previous singles—the clever turns of phrase, the melodic grace, the youthful romanticism—only in a milder form, and in a way that makes them feel rote. But then, this is the fifth single from their first LP, so it’s understandable if the inspiration seems pale this time out. Where’s that new album?

Listen on Spotify

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Good Records From Bad People
Hot 100 Roundup—5/5/12

Tuesday, May 8th, 2012

Maroon 5 featuring Wiz Khalifa—“Payphone”
#3
The sheer hackery of this record is revealed by the very elements that are designed to disguise it. That is, the subject matter itself—just mentioning payphones these days is guaranteed to get people’s attention: “Who uses those, anymore?”—and the expletives in the chorus, which in the era of “Fuck You” sound as false and clichéd as moon June spoon. And I hope never to hear Adam Levine’s falsetto again. The most irritating and possibly the worst record of the year; certainly the worst to make top ten.

Linkin Park—“Burn It Down”
#30
As long as they’re driven by decent hooks and can be taken as metaphors for personal drama, I can just stand Linkin Park’s apocalyptic scenarios. When the music drones loudly like this, however, and when their need to say something important overwhelms any sense of proportion they may possess, they’re unbearable. This is only half way to unbearable, but that’s far enough for me.

Mac Miller—“Loud”
#53
A mixtape cut, which means Miller’s turn from old-timey samples to electronics may not mean anything in the long run. Not that Miller’s records mean anything, anyway. He’s isn’t a terrible rapper, but he sure isn’t a great one, and he has nothing original to say. He does have diamonds on his chain, though. No, really, he has diamonds on his chain.

Rick Ross featuring Drake & French Montana—“Stay Schemin’”
#58
I find the slow motion chorus intriguing, and Drake is rapping better than ever, but this sounds exactly like what it is: a mixtape track that got enough attention from fans and bootleggers, largely because of Drake, that the label decided to issue it as a single. In other words, a rip-off. But hell, why shouldn’t an otherwise free track make you some money off of those who aren’t in on game while at the same time thwarting those pesky bootleggers who had the idea first? That’s what scheming’s all about, isn’t it?

Kanye West featuring DJ Khaled—“Way Too Cold”
#86
What may be most fascinating about Kanye West right now is how unpredictable he’s become. Most artists at this point in their career start to smooth things out: their music becomes more polished, which many often mistake for maturity, capitalizing on their strengths while limiting experimentation to those ideas that can easily be folded into an existing sound. West appears to be doing the opposite: his records are getting rougher and more outrageous every time out. He seems to be running on pure instinct. The result is throwaway tracks like this, a fast moving, unpolished rant that builds and builds and gives you the feeling that it could get even bigger. Until, that is, DJ Khaled steps up to the mike and starts reading the names of Chicago neighborhoods off a gazetteer. Without Khaled, this is a near perfect record. I would have been happy to hear that great beat bump along for the last minute and a half without any more raps at all. Did West owe the guy a favor or something?

Chris Brown—“Sweet Love”
#89
I go back and forth on this one. Brown’s vocal is as irritating as he’s ever been (is there anyone in pop who sounds more self-satisfied?), but the music is amazing: brash and energetic, with a lilt that adds a pleasant and unexpected romantic tinge to the whole. It’s messy, but it works. Couldn’t producer Polow Da Don have given this beat to somebody else? Anybody else?

Toby Keith—“Beers Ago”
#95
After demonstrating, on “Red Solo Cup”, how a country beer-drinking song should go, Keith now focuses on the subject of country teen nostalgia, which once again features beer. It’s almost as if he’s presenting a masters class on how to rejuvenate tired country themes. Rule number 1: include as much realistic and humorous detail as possible. Rule number 2: don’t lose count of your beers.

Gotye—“Eyes Wide Open”
#96
It’s not fair to make a judgment after only two singles, but this record helps to confirm my belief that Gotye is the Gerry Rafferty of our era: a talented, intelligent, well-meaning guy who has his flashes of inspiration but isn’t a genius, and who will make a number of enjoyable but unimpressive records and one or two great ones. He’s already made a great one. If he’s lucky he’s got one more left. This isn’t it.

John Legend featuring Ludacris—“Tonight (Best You Ever Had)”
#97
If this had been released five years ago, I would say that Legend was talented but a couple of years behind the times. Now I’m not sure what to say, except that Ludacris is even further behind.

Future—“Same Damn Time”
#100
A lot of this is fairly standard Atlanta rap, and Future, though he has something of a gift for words, doesn’t have that much different to say from everybody else (two girls at once? amazing!). The vocals, however, are something else. He goes from straight shouting to a flow obviously based on T.I. to electronically stretching his voice to the breaking point. If you’re not listening closely, it sounds like he has lousy breath control, and maybe the idea was to recreate the sound of someone trying to speak while their lungs are full of smoke. Which isn’t all that meaningful of an idea, either, and though I’m willing to give him credit for possibly trying to get at something more important, I have no clue as to what that would be.

Listen on Spotify

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Hot 100 Roundup—6/18/11

Tuesday, July 5th, 2011

Coldplay—”Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall”
#29
Producer Brian Eno continues to toughen them up musically, but the lyrics are as self-obsessed as ever. This one posits romantic revolution for record nerds, where sitting in your room and listening to daring and difficult music is a rebellious act that ends in you raising your fist against something or other somewhere out in the real world. And then you feel sorry for yourself. Not even Eno can ring the sentimentality out of crap as earnest and determined as this.

Pitbull featuring Chris Brown—”International Love”
#59
On the chorus, Chris Brown’s idea of international appears not to extend beyond the continental U.S. The hook is catchy, though, and Pitbull makes up for Brown’s narrowness with an itinerary that starts in Rumania (where a pair of sisters offer themselves to him) and includes Lebanon and most of South America. Compared to his last couple of appearances, Pitbull sounds rejuvenated, especially near the end, when he switches effortlessly between English and Spanish. His voice is his main attraction, but Pitbull doesn’t get near enough credit for his rapping, which is fluid not only linguistically but rhythmically. I find his eurodisco-based beats a bit heavy-handed, but that’s what a club banger is supposed to be.

Beyonce—”Best Thing I Never Had”
#84
Though she tries hard, too hard, to separate herself from the norm, Beyonce fits perfectly into one standard mold: the mid-career pop artist desperate to be taken seriously. Her attempts to break free are, in fact, a symptom of the problem. This is terrible in almost every way: over-arranged, melodramatic, badly sung (when Beyonce wants to sound angry she tends to bellow), with lyrics whose artlessness may be designed to counteract the dramatic production but only succeed in exacerbating the problem. By the time she shouts out “Sucks to be you right now” it’s impossible not to wonder what the hell she was thinking when she recorded this. That she was doing something different and daring, I bet.

Linkin Park—”Iridescent”
#86
I can’t stand these guys, but they are entertaining. This may be the funniest hard rock record since Queensryche’s “Silent Lucidity”, though it doesn’t come close to Queensryche’s preening, pretentious stupidity. It doesn’t even set a record for cliches, since just about any romantic lyricist could beat them in a walk. For sheer boilerplate existential despair, though, no one can touch them, and the first verse, which I feel a duty to quote in full, is a masterpiece:

You were standing in the wake of devastation
And you were waiting on the edge of the unknown
And with the cataclysm raining down
Insides crying “Save me now”
You were there, impossibly alone

It’s even funnier when Mike Shinoda sings it.

Trey Songz featuring Drake—”Unusual”
#90
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 6/4/11

Rodney Atkins—”Take A Back Road”
#92
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 5/21/11

Victorious Cast featuring Victoria Justice—”Best Friend’s Brother”
#93
I love the bridge, like the chorus, but could care less about the verses, which are standard, streamlined punk-pop. All the same, Nickelodeon is getting better at mining the Disney-pop model, and Justice, who has a co-writing credit, may be a real talent. Especially if she wrote that bridge.

Andy Grammer—”Keep Your Head Up”
#94
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 6/11/11

Rej3ctz—”Cat Daddy”
#97
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/23/11

Trace Adkins—”Just Fishin’”
#98
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 5/21/11

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/24/10

Friday, October 29th, 2010

Taylor Swift—”Back To December”
#6
The problem with most pop and country ballads isn’t that they’re slow and lugubrious (though they often are), but that they’re so damned predictable. You can see every turn in the melody and lyric (if there are any turns, which is another problem) coming before you’ve even gotten through the solemn piano intro. Not this one. Almost effortlessly, Swift generates the drama a good ballad is supposed to contain. She can pack more words into a line without sounding like she’s overdoing it than anyone in the business, and the melody, which bounces up and down like a heartbeat on the chorus, goes places no other country balladeer would ever consider. She constantly comes up with lyrical details that sound lived in rather than looked up, and unlike most of Swift’s previous records, the ending is ambiguous and avoids another fairy tale conclusion. Though how any man with sense could say no to her is beyond me.

Glee Cast
“Lucky”, #27
“River Deep, Mountain High”, #41
“Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy”, #48
“Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”, #50
“Sing!”, #87
“Le Jazz Hot”, #94

Nelly featuring T-Pain and Akon—”Move That Body”
#54
Since Nelly has already made his comeback I can’t call this “three attempted comebacks on a single record”, but that sure is what it sounds like. Nelly is all right, and Akon is Akon, but T-Pain has never sounded duller, auto-tuning the only thing that makes him identifiable. Live by the plug-in, die by the plug-in.

Sugarland—”Little Miss”
#80
Sugarland suffers from what I’ve always thought of as Jackson Browne Syndrome. Crafty, catchy, and intelligent as they obviously are, too often their music seems totally detached from their lyrics, and on a song like this, when the lyrics aren’t clear, it’s virtually impossible to discover what the damn thing is about. Feelings, I guess, nothing more than feelings.

Darius Rucker—”This”
#83
Another ordinary celebration of the ordinary from the king of same. Though it’s possible to admire his consistency, if it isn’t a rut it sure ain’t a groove.

Trace Adkins—This Ain’t No Love Song”
#100
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/17/10

Bubbling Under:

T-Pain featuring Rick Ross—”Rap Song”
#103
It’s probably unfair to compare T-Pain to The-Dream—The-Dream is a kind of genius, whereas T-Pain is a guy who had one brilliantly inspired idea and whose inspiration is fading fast—but if I’m going to listen to a song about making love to other people’s music, I’ll stick to “Kelly’s 12 Play”. Aside from a clever, if somewhat aged, Kanye joke, and the tasteless suggestion of having sex to Straight Outta Compton, this contains nothing to distinguish it from a lot of other auto-tuned slow jams. And has Rick Ross ever sounded more out of place than he does here? Did they just lift his rap from another record and stick it in?

Lloyd—”Lay It Down”
#105
Lloyd’s made some strong records over the last couple of years, but unlike Trey Songz, who was in a similar position until he finally broke a few months ago, Lloyd hasn’t been as lucky on the charts. And now it sounds as if he’s getting desperate, because this song is seriously insane. Vocally it’s all over the place, crooning here, yelping there, auto-tuned and stretched like a rubber band in the chorus, and ending, God help us all, with yodeling. He sounds like he’s having a great time, but the rest of us are left scratching our heads. It gets your attention, but where exactly is this all supposed to end? And will anybody else be around when it does?

My Chemical Romance—”Only Hope For Me Is You”
#106
This is strong and catchy, but it goes on too long and gets dangerously close to Linkin Park territory. There’s such a thing as coming on too strong. Trust your sense of humor, guys, it hasn’t failed you yet.

The Black Keys—”Tighten Up”
#110
Danger Mouse’s production makes this more than just a late-’60s funk/rock homage, but not much more, and the vocals and lyrics take you right back to Grand Funk Railroad territory. And if there’s any band who’s reputation doesn’t need a positive reassessment, it’s Grand Funk Railroad. Queen was bad enough.

Big Time Rush—”Til I Forget About You”
#111
Catchier and more mature than their first single, but still nothing to get excited about, even if you’re thirteen. In fact, they may have matured just enough to put themselves into demographic limbo.

Hannah Montana featuring Iyaz—”Gonna Get This”
#112
Despite the credit to Hannah Montana rather than Miley Cyrus, this is not Disney pop. Disney pop doesn’t exist anymore. Partly this is because Disney pop has become more mature and up-to-date, but largely it’s because pop music itself has taken a giant step in the direction of Disney. There’s now no noticeable difference between the two. No doubt this was Disney’s plan all along, though it does make you wonder how they’ll distinguish any stars they try to create in the future from the mass. As for this record, it’s pretty good, nearly as good as anything Miley Cyrus has put out under her own name, though not as good as the best stuff she did as Hannah Montana. Since there’s no real difference between the two anymore, I suppose it’s as good a time as any to end it.

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Hot 100 Roundup—9/26/10

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

Kings of Leon—Radioactive
#37
The music takes off from the title, the guitars and percussion echoing the sound of Geiger counters, but the lyrics seem to be about something else entirely, something vaguely spiritual. They’re so vague, in fact, that it’s impossible to tell what’s going on or what any of it means. All I can be sure of is that these guys really want to be Pearl Jam. So much so that I can’t help but wonder if this wasn’t inspired by Eddie Vedder’s version of “My City In Ruins”.

Trey Songz—“Can’t Be Friends”
#74
In which Trey regrets the fact that he’s irresistible to women and so good at sexing them up because he finds it impossible to be friends with a woman once he’s had her and can’t have her anymore. There are probably many women in the world who would be flattered by this self-serving horseshit. Until, that is, they realized it was just his way of talking them back into bed. Amazing what a throbbing, sympathetic string arrangement can do to hide your true intentions.

Keith Urban—“Put You In A Song”
#82
Though I’ve heard some evidence that Urban can be better, this time he sounds like a one-man Rascal Flatts. His throwaway exclamations at the ends of lines are particularly irritating. He sounds like he’s already working the crowd in Branson.

Yolanda Be Cool & Dcup—“We No Speak Americano”
#83
Cartoon music which may or may not have some political intent. Already a huge hit in Europe, where this sort of danceable pop candy has always been ridiculously popular. It gets old fast.

Miguel featuring J. Cole—“All I Want Is You”
#91
I like the trip-hop beats and the ethereal quality of the chorus, and until J. Cole steps up to the mike this is a good record. But Cole ruins it for me by indulging in one the stupidest trends in current hip-hop: self-annotated raps. As soon as he says “Trying to celebrate my independence day (Will Smith)” he loses me, and even the good lines about his girlfriend forcing him to apologize twice don’t quite make up for it. Something else we can blame on Kanye, I guess.

Reba —“Turn On Your Radio”
#94
Give her credit: Reba knows how to keep up with the times, and the vocal on this piece of feisty feminism wipes the floor with its inspiration, Carrie Underwood. What it lacks is Underwood’s brassy tastelessness (in country terms, that is), which implies not just youth but true anger. When Reba’s voice turns bitter she sounds like a long-time pro doing her best for the song, but you know she thinks it’s just a good joke and nothing else. Underwood’s lack of depth is part of what makes the basic emotions in her songs believable, but Reba’s too old to be that shallow.

Linkin Park—“Waiting For the End”
#96
Musical craftsmanship matters, and whether it’s the band’s or Rick Rubin’s, it makes this record more listenable than it deserves to be. “This is not what I had planned” from someone who is either dying or expecting to be killed may be one of the dumbest lines to hit the Hot 100 this year, especially the way Mike Shinoda sings it. All that money, all that time and effort and yes, talent, and they still hold the intellectual point of view of a thirteen year-old. Either that or they’re intentionally pandering to thirteen year-olds, which would almost be better.

Eric Church—“Smoke a Little Smoke”
#97
I’ve seen signs that Church doesn’t get much respect from country aficionados, but though the sound of his records is somewhat overblown (but then, in country, whose isn’t?) I like the throwaway quality of his lyrics and melodies, and his sense of proportion—at just over three minutes, compared to his earlier records this is almost an epic. He knows how to sneak ideas into a song, as well; it isn’t until the middle eight that you realize he’s blunting himself out because his girl dumped him. He’s also more blatant about dope than most country singers, at least the ones that get on the radio. There are even psychedelic echo effects. Good stuff.

Wiz Khalifa—“Black and Yellow”
#100
Good hook, but then you expect that from a Stargate produced track. The rapping isn’t bad, either, but it isn’t anything you haven’t heard before, and better.

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New this week—8/15/10

Monday, August 16th, 2010

Taylor Swift—”Mine”
#3
After two albums chronicling teenage life and daydreams, as Swift nears 21 she has no choice but to move on to a more adult perspective. Problem is she’s had no real adult life to write about (unless touring and promotion count), so the details here, though they sound authentic enough, carry no emotional resonance–they’re just the imaginings of an astute and intelligent songwriter who’s still learning her craft. The result is technically flawless but stiff and lifeless. I can’t see Swift ever turning into a hack, but she’s got some real living to do before she can fulfill the promise of her first two records.

Linkin Park—”The Catalyst”
#35
I can’t say for sure that this is the worst record ever made—I’d have to wade through too much dreck to find out—but it sure is close. Loud boys with loud toys and no brains.

Sean Kingston featuring Nicki Minaj—”Letting Go (Dutty Love)”
#46
If Kingston has to change it’s better he go dancehall than anything else, and this is far less irritating than his last couple of singles. But even if you give Nicki Minaj credit for name-checking Hugh Hefner and rastafari in the same line, it isn’t terribly exciting

Jay Sean featuring Nicki Minaj—”2012 (It Ain’t the End)”
#50
When your music is this generic it’s not a good idea to dare comparisons to Prince, who has owned this particular theme for almost thirty years. Though it’s tempting to think that records like this may have been exactly what the Mayans were talking about.

Katy Perry—”Not Like the Movies”
#53
Released as a pre-album teaser (“Look! There’s a ballad, too!”), and we can only hope that it never qualifies as an actual single. I appreciate Perry’s daring, but if she’s going to be this hokey and over the top she needs a beat. Let’s face it, sincerity, even feigned sincerity, does not become her.

Daughtry—”September”
#94
I’m not sure which is the bigger surprise: that Daughtry is still milking their second album, or that some people are still buying it. At least Nickelback’s songs have hooks.

The Script—”The Man Who Can’t Be Moved”
#96
The last verse, where the singer fantasizes about becoming famous for camping out on a street corner waiting for his girl to come back, is clever, but it doesn’t come close to saving the song, which is as generic and musically unimaginative as they come. Do these guys call themselves The Script because they think they’re writing one, or because they’re following one?

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New This Week

Saturday, May 30th, 2009

As everybody knows, this is American Idol week on the Hot 100. Before last year, this would have meant that whatever lamentable ballad had been foisted on the winner would debut at number one, and that yet another version of the same ballad sung by the runner-up would debut somewhere further down the chart. Last year, however, Idol cut a deal with iTunes that resulted in numerous performances, by the winner and the losers, being made available for a limited time immediately after the finale. Last year, this gave David Cook 11 Hot 100 debuts in one week. This year, with the competition a little closer, winner Kris Allen and runner-up Adam Lambert split the prize, with five debuts for Allen and four for Lambert, and not a single one landing in the top ten.

Rather than bore you and/or drive myself crazy writing separate reviews for each entry, I thought it best to handle them in a bunch, and then get on with the rest of this week’s debuts, of which there are eight, including two from another television/iTunes goldmine, Glee. I should also mention that I didn’t watch American Idol this season, and have heard nothing from these guys until now, so my perspective is fresh, or at least as fresh as someone with my jaundiced viewpoint of Idol to begin with can be.

Kris Allen:
No Boundaries #11
Heartless #16
Ain’t No Sunshine #37
Apologize #66
Falling Slowly #94

Adam Lambert:
Mad World #19
A Change Is Gonna Come #56
No Boundaries #72
One #82

First things first: Adam Lambert was robbed. Kris Allen is a decent singer, but he evinces precious little personality, and, like too many Idol singers, he often seems to be unsure what the songs he performs are about. Hence his version of “Ain’t No Sunshine”, which is OK until he gets to the repeated “I knows”. He treats them as something to be gotten over with, instead of what they are: the emotional center of the song. His one advantage (which also happens to be one of Lambert’s weaknesses), is that he doesn’t oversing. This makes his performances of “Falling Slowly” and “Heartless” more than bearable, even with their weak arrangements. It’s also worth pointing out that though Allen’s version of Heartless is nowhere near as good as the original, it’s miles better than The Fray’s, and proves conclusively that it’s a great song. The idea of it becoming a standard seems far fetched to me, though—the lyrics are too idiosyncratic, tuned to West’s oversized ego and personality. Allen sounds a little silly singing them.

As for Lambert, he has the better voice, the sharper sensibility, and more of that rock and roll attitude. Which means he oversings, overplays his hand at times, picks more pretentious material, and depends too much on his personality to get his songs over. But he can sing, and does a far better job with the awful “No Boundaries” than Allen does. His biggest weakness is a tendency to mistake slurring his words together for being soulful, as if every line were just another opportunity to lay on some melisma. This doesn’t ruin his version of “A Change Is Gonna Come”, but it makes the song mean less than it might, even with the amazing falsetto he puts on at the end.

In defense of both, the Idol producers, as usual, have come up with some of the most deathless arrangements in history (though the Sade-like backing on “Heartless” is nice). Simon Cowell is always accusing singers of sounding Karaoke. Has he listened to the band lately?

Glee Cast—Don’t Stop Believin’
#4
The first forty seconds or so, where Journey meets Steve Reich in a high school choir room, are brilliant. Once the band enters, though, it becomes just another damn cover of that same damn Journey song. Here’s hoping that once the series—I haven’t seen it, but it sounds like High School Musical for fans of Election—goes into regular rotation, the producers will pay more attention to the first forty seconds here than the remaining three minutes. Bad songs brilliantly arranged; that would be a first for television, wouldn’t it?

Linkin Park—New Divide
#6
Oddly enough, Linkin Park’s apocalyptic metaphors and musical bombast make more sense when they’re singing about broken relationships than they do when they’re singing about actual apocalypse. They’re a perfect match for a certain brand of teenage emotional self-seriousness, and I suppose they deserve respect for so effectively pushing those buttons. But facts are facts: these guys haven’t been teenagers for over a decade, their music is boring, and, as in most apocalyptic scenarios, there are some buttons that should never be pushed.

David Cook—Permanent
#24
I have no idea what this song is supposed to be about, and neither does Cook. At least there’s nothing about his singing that suggests he does. Don’t blame him for that, though. Considering the quality of the song, I’ll bet he doesn’t want to know.

Rob Thomas—Her Diamonds
#42
This record revolves around an interesting concept: a guy watching his girl cry and having no idea what to do to help her. Except the focus is all on how that makes Thomas feel, the music bears no relation to the lyrics, and when Thomas sings that everything will be fine if she finds some delight you can’t help but assume he thinks he’s the one to provide it. Then the female background vocals come in, and you realize why the girl is crying: she’s just discovered that the guy she’s living with is actually Carly Simon.

Charice—Note To God
#44
This fifteen year-old definitely has a voice—for sheer volume her final note has to be heard to be believed. But if I wrote a note to God, it would consist of a single, simple message: Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop.

Black Eyed Peas—Imma Be
#50
Maura over at Idolator has predicted that this will be the jam of the summer, but I have my doubts. More likely it will be the point where all the fans who have been enjoying the ride since Elephunk jump off the bus. “Boom Boom Pow” could be thought of as a novelty record, with club shout-outs that anyone could yell along to, but this represents a deeper step into the digital minimalism wilderness, and as amazing as some of it sounds, I have a feeling a lot of people won’t care to follow along (I barely care to follow along myself). This didn’t get the radio build up “Boom Boom Pow” did, so its relatively low debut may not mean much, but if the whole album sounds like this, the Peas may discover they’ve invested a little too much faith in the willingness of their fans to follow them anywhere.

Eminem—Insane
#85
I’m assuming this made it onto the charts on sales, because I can guarantee you no radio station in the country would dare play it. It’s as if Eminem had found a way to set Naked Lunch to music, only without the relative comfort of knowing it’s an opium-induced fantasy. The only reassuring thing about this record is the emotional distance the music maintains. It’s the only song from Relapse I’ve heard where the lightness of the beats makes sense—set these lyrics to music that matched and it would be almost impossible to listen to. I just wish I could be assured that it’s selling for its quality, and not just as a novelty.

Glee Cast—Rehab
#98
If the opening of their cover of “Don’t Stop Believin’” demonstrates what can be done right by a vocal group, even with a bad song, this demonstrates everything that can be done wrong with a great one. The musical style may be different, but in approach this is barely a half step away from the lamest folk groups of the early sixties or Sing Along With Mitch. I know this is partly intended as satire, but I’m not sure that’s how most of the audience is taking it, and I fear endless follow-ups. And if, as some believe, Amy Winehouse is already minstrelsy, what the hell is this?

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