Posts Tagged ‘Ludacris’

Hot 100 Roundup—9/24/11

Monday, October 10th, 2011

Kelly Clarkson—”Mr. Know It All”
#18

What’s most frustrating about Clarkson is her material. She sings this beautifully, and the hook is good, but the groove is old hat and never builds—I kept waiting for the song to take off and it never does. She’s turned into one of the classiest pop singers around, but this is too subdued and tasteful.

Lady Antebellum—”Wanted You More”
#34

The chorus sounds like it was written by kindergartners, and the strings are overbearing and sloppy to boot. Still, if they hadn’t drowned out the wonderful country-funk guitar line that opens the song, this might be bearable. But they did, and it ain’t.

Hugh Laurie—”Police Dog Blues”
#58

The studied perfectionism of the playing is more than just irritating, it highlights this record’s greatest weakness, which is the simple fact that Hugh Laurie can’t sing; not the blues certainly, and probably not anything else, either. If he had played it fast and loose, or as a joke (he used to be a comedian, you know) he might have gotten away with it, but this is stiff and lifeless. I suspect part of the stiffness is the result of an attempt to respect the form, but that’s another part of the problem. You don’t sing the blues with respect, you sing them like you own them, or they own you. Otherwise there’s no point.

Scotty McCreery—”The Trouble With Girls”
#84

Yet another American Idol winner who sounded OK on the show but turns out to have a voice that’s too weak to stand up to modern production. McCreery is young, so maybe his vocal chords will toughen up and match his ambitions, but right now the big arrangements and constant loudness of modern country drown him out and make him sound even more inexperienced than he really is, both as a singer and as a lover. Though God knows he probably doesn’t have much experience as either.

JoJo—”Disaster”
#87

JoJo has a voice, which may be why her producers decided to make this record such a stunning example of decibel overkill. Or maybe they were just trying to cover up the fact that it’s not much of a song. Whatever the case, even at low volumes it’s painful.

The Band Perry—”All Your Life”
#95

I still find the music a little stiff, but these guys have a romantic sensibility that’s second only to Taylor Swift. But whereas Swift’s imagery cascades in breathless wonder, their images are neatly presented in tidily wrapped packages. I prefer Swift, but this has it’s charms.

Chris Brown featuring Ludacris—”Wet The Bed”
#96

I don’t want to sound like a prude, but this is disgusting. Who in their right mind would consider the phrase “I’m gonna make you wet the bed” sexy? But then, Chris Brown has been out of his right mind for a long while now.

Hot 100 Roundup—7/16/11

Wednesday, August 17th, 2011

Javier Colon—”Stitch By Stitch”, #17
Dia Frampton—”Inventing Shadows”, #20
Adam Levine & Javier Colon—”Man In the Mirror”, #45
Blake Shelton & Dia Frampton—”I Won’t Back Down”, #57
Christina Aguilera & Beverly McClellan—”Beautiful”, #74
Vicci Martinez—”Afraid To Sleep”, #78

George Strait—”Here For a Good Time”
#65

Strait has been coasting over his last few singles, but when you’ve absorbed as much craft as he has even coasting sounds more energetic, and certainly more intelligent, than most other country output. This isn’t a masterpiece—too much of it seems automatic—but it has moments, such as the opening line of the second verse, that seem like minor miracles. Strait may be coasting, but he’s coasting in style.

David Guetta featuring Taio Cruz & Ludacris—”Little Bad Girl”
#70

For Guetta, not bad, but Cruz has done better, and Ludacris has done much better. I like the breakdown a lot, but have just about had it with Cruz’s phrasing. I only hope he doesn’t succeed in making pronouncing “air” as “ur” a trend.

Coldplay
“Moving To Mars”, #90
“Major Minus”, #92

Two obvious throwaways filling in the “Every Teardrop Is a Waterfall” EP, and wouldn’t you know it, it’s the best Coldplay I’ve heard: rough, grounded in real emotion, sonically striking (I even like Chris Martin’s croaky croon). Thematically, though, they’re old hat: spaceflight as a symbol of alienation and paranoid anti-establishment tropes, respectively. “Moving to Mars” may very well be intended as a tribute to Bowie and/or Elton John, and good for Coldplay if it is. If Martin managed to become as good a lyricist as Bernie Taupin, they might be worth listening to more often.

Iyaz featuring Travie McCoy—”Pretty Girls”
#94

Iyaz is as forgettable as they come, and McCoy, usually a black mark on every record that bears his name, is less painful than usual, and therefore also forgettable. As for the song…uh, what was it called again?

Big Sean featuring Wiz Khalifa & Chiddy Bang—”High”
#98

I have nothing against people getting stoned, honest I don’t. But when all they can talk about is weed, especially in a childish, aren’t-I-clever manner like this, I consider investing in paraquat.

Redefining country

Tuesday, June 7th, 2011

A good track with Ludacris on it. Didn’t know they still made those.

HT: Andy Hutchins

Hot 100 Roundup—12/5/10

Thursday, December 9th, 2010

Enrique Iglesius featuring Ludacris & DJ Frank E—”Tonight (I’m Fucking You)”
#18

Thanks to Cee-Lo Green, “fuck” appears to be the word of the moment, and Iglesius has as much right to it as any, I suppose. But with his soft, sensitive, sometimes wispy loverman voice, he doesn’t sound all that convincing, and Ludacris is just cashing a check. DJ Frank E, however, engages in some serious fucking with the listeners’ ears. Those random-seeming synthesizer swoops and giggles are the sole reason to pay any real attention to this record. They start to sound calculated after a while, but they liven things up nonetheless.

Glee Cast
“Mary You”, #32
“Just the Way You Are”, #40

Kanye West
“Dark Fantasy” (featuring Teyana Taylor, Nicki Minaj & Bon Iver), #60
“All Of the Lights”, #92

I’m still making up my mind about “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”. There are great things on it, and West has created an interesting amalgam of his earlier style and the stuff he experimented with on his last two albums. There’s no doubt the result is challenging (which is why I still haven’t made up my mind), but I’m not sure it’s as great as people make it out to be. For one thing, it seems to relate the same basic idea over and over again, and then drag out the tracks in ways that don’t always expand the idea so much as minutely modify it. And sometimes it sounds as clunky as the title. I love the chorus on “Dark Fantasy” and how the choir is both beautiful and ragged at the same time, and “All Of the Lights” is so perfect in its structure and lyrical detail that I feel like a jerk for complaining of its obscure message. But for some reason these songs, and the album as a whole, aren’t coming together for me. Maybe they’re not intended to, but that doesn’t mean it’s a success, either.

Diddy – Dirty Money featuring Skylar Grey—”Coming Home
#61

I know it would be more expensive, but if you’re going to cut a track that’s a straight stylistic rip-off of T.I. and Kanye West, shouldn’t you invite them to contribute a verse or two?

Christina Aguilera—”Show Me How You Burlesque”
#70

For me, the intro to this record epitomizes everything that’s wrong with Aguilera. She not only oversings, but overthinks her oversinging. What’s worse, the lyrics have no music or poetry to them, they’re lifeless hunks of words designed solely for Aguilera to belt. The rest is a little better, but not much. Whatever this is, though, it isn’t burlesque. Burlesque is all about the tease; this is the equivalent of some two-bit hot mama thrusting her cleavage into your face and shouting “Does that turn you on, baby?!”

Keri Hilson—”Pretty Girl Rock”
#72

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 11/28/10

David Guetta featuring Rihanna—”Who’s That Chick?”
#73

Bearable for Guetta, mid-level for Rihanna. I do like it’s classic disco vibe: it could be the theme song for some cheesy early-eighties romantic comedy. Though now that I think about it, that’s not much of a compliment, is it?

Nicki Minaj featuring Rihanna—”Fly”
#76

Did I compare Minaj to Cyndi Lauper? Maybe I meant Journey.

Bruno Mars—”Marry You”
#91

It’s irresistible records like this that make you think Mars’s career might amount to something after all. Not only is the music catchy and good-humored, but for the first time since “Nothin’ On You” the lyrics are a perfect match. That’s possibly because he’s not trying to say anything too romantic or serious, which only convinces you that he loves the girl even more. This is so good I don’t even mind that it only made the charts because it was featured on Glee. OK, I do mind, but what the hell.

Ke$ha—”Crazy Beautiful Life”
#93

More homilies and affirmations for drunk party girls. How much you wanna bet the next album includes a ballad?

Billy Currington—”Let Me Down Easy”
#97

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 11/28/10

Sick Puppies—”Maybe”
#100

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 11/21/10

Bubbling Under:

Nicki Minaj featuring Drake—”Moment 4 Life”
#101

Minaj is a talent, but all the evidence points to her having already betrayed it. I haven’t heard Pink Friday yet, but as I understand it half the album is made up of this kind of dreck (which Minaj would rhyme with Drake if she had any sense). Even if it was a better record, though, the simple fact is that this and “Fly” are only making the charts because of the names of the guests. What a depressing business.

Christina Aguilera—”Express”
#102

The mix of brass and electronic fuzz might be interesting if they were actually mixed instead of being consigned to different sections. But that wouldn’t make it a decent song, or prevent Aguilera from shouting to the rooftops.

Hot 100 Roundup—10/31/10

Thursday, November 4th, 2010

Taylor Swift—”Mean”
#11

The idea that this record is intended as an assault on music critics in general, or even specific ones who I won’t mention by name, strikes me as ridiculous. So ridiculous, in fact, that I wonder if those suggesting it have actually listened to the song. The real target, as made obvious in both the lyrics and, most importantly, the traditional bluegrass sound, is the country audience itself, and especially those of a certain bent (though Swift never sinks so low as to actually call them rednecks) who fill the comment sections of country web sites with misspelled and grammatically incorrect attacks on Swift’s technical abilities. In other words, she’s taking on what is often spoken of as the heart of the country audience, the rural, “true” Americans who make sure no country singer ever dares step out of line, and telling them to shut the hell up. Teenage rebellion being essentially unheard of in the country charts, most critics seem not to recognize it when they hear it, especially when it’s hidden behind a lovely tune and cheery sarcasm. Swift is not only better than most everybody else, she may be better than anyone dared hope. And she’s still growing.

Katy Perry—”Firework”
#57

I cut Perry a lot of slack, and she’s capable of doing wonderful things, but only when she’s not being serious about it, or taking herself as some sort of image for youth. This is a stylistic mess, bland and irritating at the same time, with vocals that sound like she’s attempting a Steve Perry imitation. It’s as if Journey had tried to write a rave anthem.

Hannah Montana featuring Iyaz—”Gonna Get This”
#66

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/24/10

Willow—”Whip My Hair”
#78

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/17/10

Kanye West featuring Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Bon Iver & Nicki Minaj—”Monster”
#79

Kanye may think of himself as a monster, but he isn’t capable of sounding like one, no matter how hard he tries. Ditto Rick Ross, who sounds lost. The Bon Iver coda is an interesting surprise, suggesting deeper ideas that are never quite fleshed out. Nicki Minaj’s vocal contortions are fascinating, but they get old fast, and she doesn’t say much. All of which leaves Jay-Z in control of the record, especially when he brings it to a full halt announcing that he never gets enough love (this is after bragging about killing anyone who gets in his way). It’s a bit too much of a set piece to be believable or revealing, but it’s a hilarious shock all the same.

Kings Of Leon—”The End”
#82

This is the first record I’ve heard from these guys that makes a case for their reputation, or at least their record sales. Opening up their sound reveals an emotional center and does a better job of suggesting they possess real feelings than all their bombastic declarations. Mind you, it may all be by rote, but at least they’ve found a more skillful way of faking it.

Rihanna featuring Drake—”What’s My Name?”
#83

Drake, with his stupid, phoned-in ancient sex jokes, is as irritating as ever, but once he’s finished, this dancehall-inflected mid-tempo jam is the return to Rihanna’s old dance-pop style that she’s been advertising. Only now it’s informed by a sharper and darker sensibility, and a deeper emotional resonance. The mechanical, producer’s toy quality of her vocals has disappeared, and if she doesn’t have much to say, at least she sounds like a complete human being.

T-Pain featuring Rick Ross—”Rap Song”
#89

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/24/10

My Darkest Days featuring Ludacris—”Porn Star Dancing”
#90

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/17/10

Lloyd—”Lay It Down”
#91

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/24/10

The Black Keys—”Tighten Up”
#93

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/24/10

Natasha Bedingfield—”Strip Me”
#95

The martial drum sound tips you off to the presence of Ryan Tedder, trying his best to turn this into another “Halo”, but the rest of the record, for better or worse, is all Bedingfield. Once upon a time she tried to set Shelley and Keats to a hip-hop beat; now it seems her only literary inspiration is collections of daily affirmations. At the same time she sounds royally pissed off, most likely at her record company, if not at the world in general. Despite the somewhat daring chorus, she isn’t doing anything here she hasn’t done before. She remains an odd, puzzling disappointment.

Hot 100 Roundup—10/17/10

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

Taylor Swift—”Speak Now”
#8

Another cute fairy tale, a song form at which Swift has become an absolute master. Sassy, funny, and sharply observed as always, only this one is streaked with some real bitterness, including details and descriptions that would be considered, um, mean coming from anyone else. As the title cut from the new album, it obviously serves as justification for the deeper anger that permeates some of the other songs. Like most fairy tales, however, this ends at the point of victory, and says nothing about the aftermath. Which makes me wonder if Swift, both as a character in her songs and as a real person, is ready for the tempest she’s stirring up.

Kanye West featuring Pusha T—”Runaway”
#12

Ever since 808s and Heartbreak, and even more so since his disastrous VMA fuck-up, the main focus of Kanye West’s audience, and certainly the press, has been not his music, but his state of mind. Is he falling apart? Does he regret what he’s done? Will he apologize? Will the new record present a more humble, subdued Yeezy? The answers so far (No. Yes. Sort of. Are you kidding me?) are fascinating in their way, but they distract from the main point, which is the music. In the last three months he’s released two excellent official singles, plus a boatload of good to great tracks as part of the G.O.O.D. Friday download series, and all I read on the blogs and in comment sections is analysis of his emotional ups and downs, as if every new piece of music were nothing more than the latest installment in a soap opera: Kanye West and the Price of Fame or As the Rapper Yearns. Part of this is West’s fault—his self-absorption is far beyond the call of duty of even the most egotistical rappers—but at the same time he’s one of the few whose work lives up to their own hype. And even if the latest records break little new ground—“Power” harks all the way back to The College Dropout, while “Runaway” sounds like an 808s track with some pop sweetening—the ideas he’s already dug up would be enough to fuel any number of lifelong careers. If, that is, he doesn’t drive his into the ground by making music about nothing but himself. It’s a narrowing of the palette that few artists survive, no matter how brilliant they are. I just hope this album gets it all out of his system and he can go on to something else.

Glee Cast
“I Want To Hold Your Hand”, #36
“One Of Us”, #37
“Only the Good Die Young”, #50
“Losing My Religion”, #60
“Papa Can You Hear Me?”, #65
“Bridge Over Troubled Water”, #73
“I Look To You”, #74

P!nk—”Raise Your Glass”
#51

For a Max Martin-produced party record this is surprisingly stiff, never more so than in the throwaway vocal interjections that are supposed to provide that loose, freaky atmosphere (and all the jokes). It’s all far too calculated and machine-tooled, without a single moment left to chance. I don’t know if this is Martin’s fault or P!nk’s, but it sure isn’t freaky.

Bruno Mars—”The Lazy Song”
#82

Dear Bruno Mars: You can be a pop guy with serious undertones, or you can be a serious guy with an instinctive pop sensibility, but you cannot be Jack Johnson with keyboards. Not if you want any respect, that is.

A Rocket To the Moon—”Like We Used To”
#91

One of those records that’s upended by the details guys like this learn to put into their songs in their Songwriting 101 class. Pleading with an ex-girlfriend you caught naked in a car with somebody else fourteen months ago does not make you sensitive or passionate—it makes you a wimp. As does the music and the vocals.

Edward Maya & Vika Jigulina—”Stereo Love”
#93

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/10/10

David Guetta featuring Kid Cudi—”Memories”
#94

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/3/10

Shakira featuring Dizzee Rascal—”Loca”
#98

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/10/10

Bubbling Under

Justin Moore—”How I Got To Be This Way”
#101

By being kicked in the head by a horse, apparently. This explains a lot.

Ne-Yo—”One In a Million”
#102

This is the catchiest and most pop-oriented of the preview singles off Ne-Yo’s new album, which also means it’s the most familiar sounding and the most ordinary. Ne-Yo’s style and class set him apart from almost everybody else on the chart, but they also hold him back somehow. It feels as if he’s not telling us everything he could because he’s afraid of stepping outside of the image he’s concocted for himself. Maybe it’s time for him to be a little less of a gentleman, or at least find an outlet for the tension that stance implies.

Trace Adkins—”This Ain’t No Love Song”
#103

In fact, it’s barely a song at all.

Luke Bryan—”Someone Else Calling You Baby”
#104

Bryan is a decent, mid-level country singer, and this is interesting for being essentially 70s country pop with a more soulful, modern rock setting, The Bellamy Brothers turned up to 11. Past 11, actually, which is the problem.

Willow—”Whip My Hair”
#105

This is far better than anyone had a right to suspect, and surprising, as well. Willow’s voice is literally unbelievable—it’s not just the strength, but the mature phrasing—if I hadn’t already known I never would have suspected her real age; I would have gone for thirty. The track is rougher than you’d think, as well, a poppified mix of electro and crunk that never lets up. Tougher than anything her dad ever did, that’s for sure.

My Darkest Days featuring Ludacris—”Porn Star Dancing”
#106

With Nickleback’s Chad Kroeger as co-writer and co-producer doing his best 3Oh!3 impersonation, the presence of Ludacris helps this record achieve a perfect storm of demographic triangulation. The sheer commercial shamelessness of it almost makes its stripper pole sleaze appealing. Kind of catchy, too.

Lifehouse—”All In”
#108

If it were anybody else turning to poker metaphors to describe their passion, I’d assume they were shooting for a country crossover, but these guys sound like the same old boring rockers they’ve always been. Only without hooks. It doesn’t mean much to go all in if all you’ve got left is a couple of bucks.

Hot 100 Roundup—10/10/10

Wednesday, October 13th, 2010

Glee Cast
“Toxic”, #16
“The Only Exception”, #26
“I’m A Slave 4 U”, #52
“Stronger”, #53
“Baby One More Time”, #54
“Me Against the Music”, #56

Lil Wayne
“Gonorrhea” (featuring Drake), #17
“What’s Wrong With Them” (featuring Nicki Minaj), #42
“I Am Not a Human Being”, #65
“Bill Gates”, #75
“Hold Up” (featuring T Streets), #102
“That Ain’t Me (featuring Jay Sean), #105

A half-dozen throwaways from a great artist who, before he went to jail, had stretched himself way too thin in terms of both performances and ideas. Admittedly, the rock and roll is better than Rebirth, but what kind of recommendation is that?

Pitbull featuring T-Pain—”Hey Baby (Drop It To the Floor)”
#51

What puts Pitbull over for me is the dry, confident, good-humored quality of his vocals. This is why it’s odd to see him partnering up with T-Pain, who, in comparison, sounds determined to hide himself behind his effects, almost as if he were afraid to have his real voice heard. The fact that T-Pain’s last two singles bombed and he’s been missing from the charts for most of the year only adds to the sense of desperation. T-Pain’s presence also means that Pitbull has to fill the track with more noise than usual, as opposed to the minimal club bangers of the past, where his own voice stood out. This is one of those misbegotten match-ups where the result emphasizes the weakness of both artists. They’re better off on their own.

Nicki Minaj—”Right Thru Me”
#74

It’s interesting that Minaj, who comes on so tough on other people’s records, seems such a romantic softy on her own. This has slightly harder edges than “Your Love”, but those are only there to cover up how unimaginative the rest of this sentimental goo is. More and more she reminds me of Cyndi Lauper: an eccentric and possibly major talent who turns out to be a blandly ordinary sentimentalist at heart. I hope I’m wrong, but this record points in that direction.

My Chemical Romance—”Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)”
#77

There’s a lot to love about this record: MCR’s wit, intensity, and sense of craft combine so perfectly that they even get away with the pretentious spoken bit in the middle. But the middle is where they’re stuck. Smarter than Green Day, not quite as smart as Jack White, and funnier than either, they’ve sworn allegiance to a style that can be fun and forceful but that’s culturally meaningless at best, nostalgic and sentimental (in a loud, revolutionary way) at worst. There’s a reason the country market has finally embraced rock and roll; it isn’t a threat to anybody anymore.

Bruno Mars—”Grenade”
#81

Mars is a talented guy, but this is a lousy record—near hysterical at times, too cool at others, and packed wall-to-wall with meaningless, fluffy noise. It’s pop only in the sense of pandering to the most basic audience desires while leaving room for nothing but Mars’s ego, which gets bigger with every record. He’s a master of the tried and true, but I’m beginning to doubt if he’s anything more than that.

Marsha Ambrosius—”Hope She Cheats On You (With a Basketball Player”)
#88

Great title, but unfortunately Ambrosius knows it, and repeats it endlessly on the fade, until the bitterness gets stifled by a lack of imagination and her desire to show off her pipes. She doesn’t sound mad, she sounds smug. This is the sort of thing Alicia Keys would come up with if she thought she had a sense of humor.

Bubbling Under:

Shakira featuring Dizzee Rascal—”Loca”
#101

A lesson in the diminishing returns of dance albums. This is OK, but it’s nowhere near as good as “She Wolf”, and too much of it sounds like Shakira is just going through the motions. That goes for Dizzee Rascal, too. (Note: Billboard actually lists the Spanish language version of this song on the chart, but as the English version is outselling it by an order of ten on iTunes, I’m assuming that was a mistake.)

Jeremih featuring Ludacris—”I Like”
#104

Though the ballad w/rap genre has had its moments, it’s overstayed its welcome, and I really wish it would go away. This is a good, more sophisticated follow-up to “Birthday Sex” until Ludacris adds his two cents. He’s like a rude parent barging in on a couple of teenagers making out on the couch and delivering some thinly veiled lewd suggestions before he leaves. He means well, but it kills the mood completely. Jeremih’s already had a top ten record; does he really need that much help via name recognition to get another one?

Kenny Chesney—”Live a Little”
#106

Chesney apparently spent his year off from touring listening to The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” and trying to think of a way to incorporate that sound into a country song. He couldn’t do it, so he just tacks his version onto the intro and outro of an ordinary country-rocker and pretends he’s doing something new and exciting. He’s not fooling me, though.

Edward Maya & Vika Jiguilina—”Stereo Love”
#107

A lush euro-disco chanson, complete with accordion. A pleasant trifle, at least until the repetitiveness of it starts to weight it down. You keep expecting that accordion melody to go somewhere when all it does is repeat. As a disco novelty, though, I like it a lot more than “We No Speak Americano”

New this week—6/6/10

Sunday, June 13th, 2010

Lee DeWyze
“Beautiful Day”, #24
“Hallelujah”, #44h
“The Boxer”, #88

DeWyze won American Idol not because all the tweens voted for the cutest guy, but because the story he lived on the show was better than any backstory anyone else could have come up with. He started as an insecure dweeb and ended up a confident but still humble performer. He had to win; that’s the way these Cinderella stories are supposed to go. He has a decent voice, too, though none of the songs here demonstrate that very well. He obviously doesn’t care much for “Beautiful Day”, but he does seem to have some inkling as to what “Hallelujah” (in it’s third chart appearance this year) is about. “The Boxer”, however, is a disaster. You never mumble a Paul Simon lyric, no matter how bad it is.

Crystal Bowersox—”Up To the Mountain”
#57

Behind the dreads, behind the sunflower tattoo that covers her back and the stupid pushpin piercing under her lips, behind her mature but somehow innocent voice, Crystal Bowersox is one canny performer. I may be the only person in the world who thought her performance of this song on American Idol was terrible, obscuring the melody and losing the song in a maze of vocal flexing and filigree. But Bowersox knew what the Idol audience and judges wanted to hear, so she gave it to them. This studio recording is better, tamer and more to the point. Not as good as Kelly Clarkson’s version from a couple of years ago, but still worthwhile. And her voice is amazing.

Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox—”Falling Slowly”
#66

I hate this song. I don’t care who sings it, or how badly or how well they sing it. I hate this song.

Glee Cast—”Beth”
#72

Shoved off the charts by American Idol this week (an improvement, if a small one), the best Glee can manage is a soppy Kiss cover. Singing bad songs badly does not make them funny, it only makes them worse. Though I don’t expect anyone involved in Glee will ever realize it. I also suspect that they’re not trying to be funny.

Will Young—”Leave Right Now”
#81

What can you say about a guy who in comparison makes James Blunt sound like a great artist? That he should follow his own advice?

Paramore—”The Only Exception”
#90

Over Paramore’s usual thrashing, Hayley Williams sounds intelligent and cool, a slightly wistful cynic standing tall in the midst of emotional confusion. Over an acoustic backdrop, however, she sounds like any other female singer/songwriter with well-crafted lyrics whose sentimental rage turns into a sentimental crush when the right guy walks into the room.

Cali Swag District—”Teach Me How To Dougie”
#91

Not a form of jerkin’, according to them (their jeans aren’t skinny, for one thing), but the impetus is the same: turning hip-hop and rap back into party music. The crosstown rivalry, I suspect, will only be good for both. This is fresh and fun, and its appeal appears to be cross-generational—Jermaine Dupri, of all people, has done a remix. They already talk like the four marketeers, and have started a twitter campaign to get Soulja Boy on another remix. In other words, grab them now, before they’re spoiled. There will be a lot of one-hit wonders in this genre over the next couple of years. This is a good one.

J. Cole—”Who Dat?”
#93

Given time I might come up with an answer, except that all I can ever remember about this song is the question.

Ludacris featuring Trey Songz—”Sex Room”
#98

Ludacris has rarely been as funny as this without cracking an obvious joke, and the groove guarantees that even the porn-movie cliches carry an erotic charge. The groove is so good, in fact, that it allows Trey Songz to hold our attention to the very end without his actually having to come up with a lyric, uttering nothing but a few suggestive phrases and the title. Which only makes it sexier, of course.

Rick Ross featuring Ne-Yo—”Super High”
#100

I lot of people will write this off as a Ghostface rip, but I say, isn’t it time? If Ghostface’s tracks weren’t about pimps, whores, and drug dealers killing each other, and so laced with obscenity that a censored version would be half silence, his blaxsploitation-based grooves would be all over the charts, and probably the radio. As Kanye West might put it, he knows how to cook that crack music. Ross knows nothing but how to brag, and the music lacks the dense intensity of Ghostface, but the groove is so undeniable it would be meaningless to complain. As for Ne-Yo, he contributes his best hook since “So You Can Cry”, and raises the track up yet another level. A great one.

New this week—5/2/10

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

Glee Cast
“Like A Prayer”, #27
“Borderline/Open Your Heart”, #72
“Like A Virgin”. #87
“4 Minutes”, #89

Madonna has taken a lot of criticism for her voice over the years—lack of strength, lack of range, lack of flexibility, yada yada yada—but that doesn’t mean just anybody can sing her songs. Exactly the opposite, in fact; her songs are so carefully designed to take advantage of the strengths of her voice and hide its weaknesses that they’re nearly impossible for anyone else to bring off—especially non-singers like the Glee Cast. When I say non-singers I don’t mean that they don’t have decent voices, or aren’t capable of hitting the notes, I mean quite literally that they don’t sing—they act. There’s a huge difference between singing a song and acting a song. Acted songs tend to have less depth, fewer emotional shades, less, to put it simply, musicality. In theater, in movies, on television, acting a song is fine, because there are so many other things going on, but for listening in isolation, in the home, or even through earbuds on the bus, they’re mostly flat, one-dimensional, banal, and obvious in all the worst ways. The main reason Glee’s music is so bad, and why I find it so infuriating, is that for the most part they’re taking songs designed for singing and acting them and then releasing them as records as if they were actually in the business of making music rather than TV. I’m probably taking it much too seriously, but these records are consistently terrible, and I find it maddening. Hearing these folks sing is almost as painful as watching Madonna act.

B.o.B. featuring T.I. & Playboy Tre—”Bet I”
#72

B.o.B. has talent, but if he keeps releasing records where he’s outshown by his guests no one’s ever going to notice. T.I. may be B.o.B.’s mentor, but he sounds like he doesn’t even know, or care, whose record this is. He’s so happy to be out of jail and working again you could ask him to contribute a verse to a remix of the Glee Cast’s “Bust A Move” and he’d probably say yes.

Shontelle—”Impossible”
#88

I like the way the melody takes little twists and turns, adding a level of emotional vulnerability, but in the end those twists don’t take you anywhere and it turns into just another hip-hop ballad. Nice try, though.

Reba—”I Keep On Loving You”
#90

Classy as country gets, and the first verse is brilliant (even in country you don’t get too many references to Job these days). The second verse isn’t brilliant at all, though, and after that the chorus gets repeated a few too many times. Reba’s voice, thicker with age, and with more emotional depth as a result, almost carries it through, but by the end you’ve had more than enough.

Tim McGraw—”Still”
#91

McGraw’s latest sop to family, country, and god. I appreciate his experimentation in terms of instrumentation and arrangement, but the song itself is dull as dirt. And what’s with the last verse, where McGraw thanks God that his church is still there for him to go to? Did the Taliban threaten to blow it up? Did liberals threaten to close it down? Or did Tim’s own sinful ways keep him from its doors? Leaving a question like that hanging just isn’t fair.

Ciara featuring Ludacris—”Ride”
#93

The unfortunate truth about Ciara’s records, at least since she decided to become a “class” act, is that, well-crafted and carefully thought out as they may be, they’re also boring. This is the worst offender so far. As for Ludacris, though he’s still capable of being funny (check out the remix of The-Dream’s “Love King”), here he’s just crude.

New this week—3/7/10

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

Ludacris featuring Nicki Minaj—”My Chick Bad”
#46

Notable mainly for containing the first Tiger Woods joke to make the Hot 100. When Ludacris is doing his rapid fire spitting over something loud and boisterous, his tastelessness goes down fairly easy. When he slows himself down like this, his crudity—not just in his humor, but in his flow—shines through.

Taio Cruz featuring Ludacris—”Break Your Heart”
#53

Already a number one in the UK (and now in the US), and it’s easy to see why. The rough formula appears to be a mix of Akon and Chris Brown over a euro-techno beat, with the lilting tenor vocals that are so popular right now (i.e. B.O.B, Jay-Z-s “Forever Young”, anything by Drake). Ludacris adds nothing, but he doesn’t detract either. In commercial pop terms, it’s a classic. It’s sheer fluff (the music has nothing whatever to do with the lyrical message of the song), but it goes down easy, catchy enough to get your attention, short enough that you’ll want to hear it again once it does, and after a third listen it will be playing in your head forever. And when it does finally fade away, there’ll be something just like it to replace it with.

Kris Allen—”Let It Be”
#63

I suppose I could give Allen points for trying to make something new out of this warhorse, but removing the melody is not the way to go about it. I know everyone’s tired of hearing it, but there is something majestic, yet humble, about that tune, and without it the lyrics are close to meaningless. Not that anyone notices what “Let It Be” is about anymore, anyway. Why else would they use a song about peaceful resignation as a call to action?

Trey Songz—”Neighbors Know My Name”
#88

I tend to think of this as a follow-up to J. Holliday’s “Bed” or Jeremih’s “Birthday Sex”, but it’s more polished, and its humor is more intentional (I think) than those two. It’s also funnier—and sexier. If you never thought the day would come that you’d laugh at a soul singer crooning the word “headboard”, you were wrong.

Matisyahu—”One Day”
#90

Well-meaning pap, and limp well-meaning pap, at that. Produced by the same team who created B.O.B.’s “Nothin’ On You”, who turn on the bland this time around, and co-written by Akon, who’s trying to collect as many well-meaning karma points as he can before his next album comes out. But the real weakness is the singer, who has all the technical gifts and none of the force or spirit of the Jamaican dancehall singers he imitates so assiduously (Barrington Levy would eat this guy for breakfast). Though I hesitate to suggest it, this comes perilously close, in my mind, to minstrelsy.

Yo Gotti featuring Lil Wayne—”Women Lie, Men Lie”
#93

Another attempt to recreate that “A Milli” magic with an endlessly repeating, weird-sounding vocal hook. Almost works, too. But this is the only record I can think of where Lil Wayne simply disappears from memory once the track is over. The best joke is when Gotti starts exaggerating his list of possessions—he doesn’t sound that different from most other rappers. Of course, I always assume they’re lying, anyway; it’s hardly necessary to drive the point home.

Joe Nichols—”Gimmie That Girl”
#98

This is catchy enough and fiery enough near the end that it could almost be mistaken for some alt-country track from the early 80s. Once you hear that Moore likes his woman barefoot and in the kitchen, though, you’ll know you’re still in good-ol’ traditional Nashville (where the early 80s is about as far into alt-country as anyone cares to go). Thank the Lord for small favors: at least she’s not pregnant (yet).

Justin Moore—”Backwoods”
#100

Having covered the small town USA cliches on, er, “Small Town USA”, Moore heads out to the backwoods for another hootin’ hollerin’ mess o’ stuff you’ve already heard too many times before. I assume “I Love My Wife and Kids”, “Have I Told You About My Personal Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ (Who Doesn’t Mind If I Get Rowdy Once In a While)?”, and a cover of “America, Fuck Yeah!” are just around the corner.