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Hot 100 Roundup—4/30/11

Saturday, May 7th, 2011

Lady Gaga—”Judas”
#10
I was preparing a long critique of this record, but after another listen and a more concentrated perusal of the lyrics I decided it wasn’t worth the trouble. “Judas” is such a confused mess that whatever message Gaga is trying to get across is lost in the rehashed disco, rehashed Abba, and rehashed “Bad Romance”. Whether she seized upon the idea of Judas as symbol or allegory (of what?), or as justification (of whose sins?) is impossible to tell (I lean toward Judas representing fame, or maybe the record industry, but the song itself doesn’t provide any clues). She may well be talking to herself more than anybody else, and though her moral confusion is interesting up to a point, it isn’t what I would call fascinating. Gaga may be an instinctual genius, and at the artistic and intellectual level she’s achieved a sort of middlebrow perfection, but if she wants to go any higher—and she does—she’s going to need to think things out a little more, and I’m not sure she’s capable of that.

Kelly Rowland featuring Lil Wayne—”Motivation”
#55
Sex is an everyday feature on the pop charts, but true eroticism is rare. Soul crooners like Ne-yo and Lloyd come close, but you’d have to go much further back to find anything comparable to this, which is guaranteed to make you either melt into a puddle or stand up at attention, depending on your gender/preference. Lil Wayne is in top form, keeping his rap focused and throwing in some subtle cunnilingus references. For the most part, though, this record is all Rowland’s, and after various miscues and less than stellar guest appearances since the demise of Destiny’s Child, she deserves it.

Game featuring Lil Wayne—”Red Nation”
#62
So Lil Wayne gets to appear on both the best and the worst debuts of the week. Can’t say he’s hasn’t got all his bases covered.

Chris Brown—”She Ain’t You”
#90
With it’s sample from “Human Nature” this is being pegged as a Michael Jackson tribute, which makes me wonder why Brown sounds so much like Stevie Wonder on the first verse. Whatever the case, this is well below even Brown’s recent output, much less his models. Sounds a lot like the junk he put out as a teenager.

Hot Chelle Rae—”Tonight Tonight”
#93
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/16/11

Bridgit Mendler—”Determinate”
#94
Just when it looked like Disney was going to allow Nickelodeon to claim the tween-pop crown, they come roaring back with new singers, a relatively new production team (TWIN, a pair of Swedes who have worked together for nearly a decade without having any big hits), and a sound that is both more mature and overtly powerful than much of the Disney pop that preceded it. Even the rap is OK, or at least not embarrassing. And “determinate” itself seems such a perfect pop term I’m surprised it hasn’t been used before.

Jake Owen—”Barefoot Blue Jean Night”
#96
The production is a surprise, at least for a country record, but the song itself isn’t. No doubt the arrangement is intended to make up for that, though it may also be intended to cover up the relative weakness of Owen’s voice, which can be expressive but isn’t as rich as many of his contemporaries. It doesn’t quite work, but I appreciate the experimentation.

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Hot 100 Roundup—4/16/11

Monday, April 18th, 2011

Wiz Khalifa—”When I’m Gone”
#57
In which Khalifa proudly explains why he doesn’t really give a shit. It’s not “When I’m Gone” as in “I know you’ll miss me but you’ll get by”; it’s “By the time I die I’ll have spent all my money and you guys won’t get jack.” Why? Because he can, that’s why. You don’t honestly believe he thinks about this stuff, do you?

Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo, Afrojack & Nayer—”Give Me Everything”
#60
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/9/11

Sara Ramirez—”The Story”
#69
Having pioneered the commercial endorsement of music in prime time, Grey’s Anatomy finds itself behind the curve and goes Glee on us and lets one of its cast members throw a record together over a weekend and release it for purchase. For all you Katy Perry haters who wonder what she’d sound like without the assistance of Dr. Luke and Max Martin, here’s your answer. I don’t think even Perry would be this off-key on the loud parts, though.

Britney Spears—”I Wanna Go”
#73
I suppose it’s healthy on a personal level that Spears is now making jokes on the same subject she sang so passionately about just a few years ago. It’s good she’s over it, but the loss in both intensity and musical value is obvious. Besides, whenever Spears tries to be funny it always sounds forced. “Lably, lably, lably”, indeed.

Victorious Cast featuring Victoria Justice—”Beggin’ On Your Knees”
#83
Nickelodeon’s campaign to wrest the teenpop crown away from the wounded Disney is so intense that it’s almost fascinating in its own right. It must be expensive, too, bringing in producers like Dr. Luke, Max Martin, and, in this case, Shellback, to boost your chosen teen idols. Too bad those first rate producers are only bringing their second rate material. I mean, did Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkson already reject this, or did Shellback not even bother offering it to them?

YC featuring Future—”Racks”
#86
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/2/11

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Bubbling Under—4/9/11

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

Owl City featuring Shawn Chrystopher—”Alligator Sky”
#105
Shawn’s Chrystopher’s B.o.B. impersonation does a good job of beefing up Owl City’s usual wimpiness, and the music sounds tougher and more strenuous. The lyrics are the same old fluffy nonsense, though—I can buy the title as a description of a certain kind of cloud-studded sky, but I have no idea what that image actually signifies—and Adam Young’s vocals simper even more than usual. He sounds like a text-to-speech sample, only with less humanity.

Pitbull featuring Ne-Yo, AfroJack & Nayer—”Give Me Everything”
#7
Overwrought and underwritten, this record represents a low point for everyone involved, including AfroJack and Nayer, neither of whom I’ve ever heard of. Ne-Yo, who’s been having a lousy year, at least in commercial terms, provides the dullest hook I’ve ever heard from him. Pitbull, meanwhile, who’s been having an incredible year, sounds exhausted, almost burnt out, and the charming subtlety of his voice turns into a raspy, demanding car horn. Time for everybody to take a vacation.

Brad Paisley featuring Alabama—”Old Alabama”
#119
Leave it to Paisley to create a tribute track that far outstrips the people he’s supposedly paying tribute to. The worst moment of this record, in fact, the point where it turns from realistic country lust into sweet and sticky sentimentality, is when it’s namesakes make their appearance. Fortunately Paisley ignores them, turns up the tempo, and goes out on a high speed hoedown that outstrips not just Alabama, but everybody else in the business as well. It’s rude of Paisley to show up his elders like that, but since he only tolerates them so he can get laid, can you really blame him?

Reba—”If I Were a Boy”
#123
A terrible mistake, not because Reba can’t do justice to the song, but because it’s too young for her (it’s too young for Beyonce, as well, but not by so much that she can’t get away with it). You can hear the age and experience in Reba’s voice, and it’s impossible to believe that someone at that level of maturity would think about men in this way. She sounds like a cougar bemoaning the unfaithfulness of a younger man, which is an image too unwholesome to take pleasure in or evoke much in the way of sympathy. It is, in fact, kind of icky, especially with Reba attached to it. I never thought this was a particularly great song to begin with, but coming from Reba it seems bizarre.

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Hot 100 Roundup—2/6/11

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011

LMFAO featuring Lauren Bennett & GoonRock—”Party Rock Anthem”
#78
I have no idea who GoonRock are or is, but I’ll assume they’re responsible for the beat, which isn’t bad—a somewhat derivative mix of Pitbull and The Black Eyed Peas with some decent hiccups and hooks of their own thrown in. I have no idea who Lauren Bennett is, either, and her vocals are so ineffectual I doubt I ever will. Not as ineffectual as the supposed leaders of this romp, however. LMFAO aren’t the worst rappers in the world, but their voices are so lacking in distinction and personality they may as well not be on the track at all.

Rise Against—”Help Is On the Way”
#89
Though it’s nice to hear music about the recent travails of New Orleans and the gulf coast, this is not the sort of music that is going to make anybody think much about it or make them angry enough to do anything. The band provides all the anger and leaves no room for anyone else’s. The speed-metal bombast is ritualistic and meaningless. They make no attempt to tell a story; the lyrics are nothing but a batch of obvious and cliched images. Worst of all, their egos get in the way. Instead of ending the song where they should, with the shouts of “It never came!”, they insist on yet another full chorus, just to demonstrate their chops and remind you of how angry they are. Help like this nobody needs.

New Hollow—”Boyfriend”
#98
Catchy, though not always in the right places, and too loud, this is what power pop—which was always as much about beauty and incisiveness as it was about speed and wit—has come to. It sounds like they decided to pack all their good ideas (most of them stolen) into a single record, and I seriously doubt if they have more. Not horrible, but shapeless and lacking any kind of charm.

Trey Songz—”Love Faces”
#100
The problem with Trey Songz is that while he’s sometimes very good, he’s never great, and often his records are serviceable and nothing more. This is fine as background music, but it lacks anything that would make you want to listen closely—the smooth gentlemanliness of Ne-Yo, the musical originality of The-Dream, the batshit craziness of R. Kelly. It’s safe music for safe sex, and though there’s nothing wrong with that, in the end it gets dull.

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Hot 100 Roundup—11/7/10

Thursday, November 11th, 2010

Ke$ha—“We R Who We R”
#1
Far too reminiscent of “Tik Tok”, only with half the jokes, half the hooks, and a lot less appeal, which leaves you with almost nothing at all. A sop to her fans, and an obvious one, at that.

Taylor Swift
“Sparks Fly”, #17
“Innocent”, #27
“The Story Of Us”, #41
“Dear John”, #54
“Better Than Revenge”, #56
“Haunted”, #63
“Last Kiss”, #71
“Enchanted”, #75
“Never Grow Up”, #84
“Live Long”, #85
What I’m about to say may sound petty, as if I’m just looking for something to criticize in the face of the almost universal adoration of Swift and Speak Now. But it needs to be said. These are all good songs, some of them excellent (though none as good as the preview singles that have come out over the last month), and Swift performs them with an intelligence and emotion that few can match. All the same, this is one of the worst produced pop albums I’ve ever heard. Whether it’s the production itself, the arrangements, or the fact that they’ve been mastered at too high a volume, most of these tracks sound over-loud and shrill, lacking dynamics and bottom, and I find it impossible to listen to more than three or four at a time. This may not be Swift’s fault. Even though she’s credited as co-producer she may not have had a lot of control over the final mastering process, which is 90% of the problem. My worry is that it’s all intentional, that the shiny sound is meant to be a match for Swift’s shiny dresses and golden hair and the whole fairytale aura she surrounds herself—or at least her career—in. She may be more of a Stevie Nicks imitator than most of those who champion her would care to admit. She writes wonderful songs, and the fairytale imagery and plot-lines are disappearing from her lyrics, which is a good sign, but you have to listen past the production in order to hear them. Time for a new producer, if not a re-think of her entire musical approach.

Chris Brown—“Yeah XXX”
#33
This is, admittedly, Brown’s best record since “Forever”, but of course that’s not saying much. Once you’ve made a record like “Douches” “Deuces”, there’s no way to go but up. The only interesting thing about this record is the fact that, considering Brown was once a hip-hop star, it isn’t hip-hop at all. It’s more like a heavily edited early ’90s hardcore dance track, and when I say heavily edited I mean one with all the hooks removed.

Rascal Flatts—“I Won’t Let Go”
#72
It’s hard not to be impressed by an act that’s been as successful as this one has been at rewriting other people’s hits. Last time it was Loggins and Messina’s “Your Mama Don’t Dance”; this time, for a change of pace, it’s The Pretenders’s “I’ll Stand By You”. They barely even bother changing the chorus, just the title. It’s like a karaoke contest where you get to make up your own lyrics as you go along.

Kid Cudi—“Mr. Rager”
#77
Easily Cudi’s best record since “Day ‘n’ Night”, and about roughly the same thing—getting wasted—only from a different perspective. The lonely stoner of the earlier song got wasted to get away from his problems; “Mr. Rager” suggests getting wasted is the problem, though it wisely doesn’t say so straight out. Cudi may be too subtle, though. The record lacks any real tension or sense of emotion, as if the guy were already wiped out and not just considering the possibility. If Mr. Rager is intended to be some sort of Pied Piper, it doesn’t work. There’s no suggestion that anything is being risked, that anything can be lost. I understand what Cudi is getting at, but somehow it doesn’t work.

Ne-Yo—“One In A Million”
#97
Reviewed in Bubbliing Under, 10/17/10

Luke Bryan—“Someone Else Calling You Baby”
#100
Reviewed in Bubbliing Under, 10/17/10

Bubbling Under:

Chris Young—“Voices”
#101
This and the earlier “The Man I Want To Be” paint Young as a concerned, spiritual soul, yearning to live up to an image of manhood taken straight from the Bible, age-old rural wisdom, and whatever his management and record label say will make him a star. All artists pander to their audience to some extent, but Young jumps in with both feet, and he’s a master at it. Either that or this steaming pile of crap is proof that the voices in his head don’t give him a single original idea, or even tell him to choose decent songs.

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/17/10

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

Taylor Swift—”Speak Now”
#8
Another cute fairy tale, a song form at which Swift has become an absolute master. Sassy, funny, and sharply observed as always, only this one is streaked with some real bitterness, including details and descriptions that would be considered, um, mean coming from anyone else. As the title cut from the new album, it obviously serves as justification for the deeper anger that permeates some of the other songs. Like most fairy tales, however, this ends at the point of victory, and says nothing about the aftermath. Which makes me wonder if Swift, both as a character in her songs and as a real person, is ready for the tempest she’s stirring up.

Kanye West featuring Pusha T—”Runaway”
#12
Ever since 808s and Heartbreak, and even more so since his disastrous VMA fuck-up, the main focus of Kanye West’s audience, and certainly the press, has been not his music, but his state of mind. Is he falling apart? Does he regret what he’s done? Will he apologize? Will the new record present a more humble, subdued Yeezy? The answers so far (No. Yes. Sort of. Are you kidding me?) are fascinating in their way, but they distract from the main point, which is the music. In the last three months he’s released two excellent official singles, plus a boatload of good to great tracks as part of the G.O.O.D. Friday download series, and all I read on the blogs and in comment sections is analysis of his emotional ups and downs, as if every new piece of music were nothing more than the latest installment in a soap opera: Kanye West and the Price of Fame or As the Rapper Yearns. Part of this is West’s fault—his self-absorption is far beyond the call of duty of even the most egotistical rappers—but at the same time he’s one of the few whose work lives up to their own hype. And even if the latest records break little new ground—“Power” harks all the way back to The College Dropout, while “Runaway” sounds like an 808s track with some pop sweetening—the ideas he’s already dug up would be enough to fuel any number of lifelong careers. If, that is, he doesn’t drive his into the ground by making music about nothing but himself. It’s a narrowing of the palette that few artists survive, no matter how brilliant they are. I just hope this album gets it all out of his system and he can go on to something else.

Glee Cast
“I Want To Hold Your Hand”, #36
“One Of Us”, #37
“Only the Good Die Young”, #50
“Losing My Religion”, #60
“Papa Can You Hear Me?”, #65
“Bridge Over Troubled Water”, #73
“I Look To You”, #74

P!nk—”Raise Your Glass”
#51
For a Max Martin-produced party record this is surprisingly stiff, never more so than in the throwaway vocal interjections that are supposed to provide that loose, freaky atmosphere (and all the jokes). It’s all far too calculated and machine-tooled, without a single moment left to chance. I don’t know if this is Martin’s fault or P!nk’s, but it sure isn’t freaky.

Bruno Mars—”The Lazy Song”
#82
Dear Bruno Mars: You can be a pop guy with serious undertones, or you can be a serious guy with an instinctive pop sensibility, but you cannot be Jack Johnson with keyboards. Not if you want any respect, that is.

A Rocket To the Moon—”Like We Used To”
#91
One of those records that’s upended by the details guys like this learn to put into their songs in their Songwriting 101 class. Pleading with an ex-girlfriend you caught naked in a car with somebody else fourteen months ago does not make you sensitive or passionate—it makes you a wimp. As does the music and the vocals.

Edward Maya & Vika Jigulina—”Stereo Love”
#93
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/10/10

David Guetta featuring Kid Cudi—”Memories”
#94
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/3/10

Shakira featuring Dizzee Rascal—”Loca”
#98
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/10/10

Bubbling Under

Justin Moore—”How I Got To Be This Way”
#101
By being kicked in the head by a horse, apparently. This explains a lot.

Ne-Yo—”One In a Million”
#102
This is the catchiest and most pop-oriented of the preview singles off Ne-Yo’s new album, which also means it’s the most familiar sounding and the most ordinary. Ne-Yo’s style and class set him apart from almost everybody else on the chart, but they also hold him back somehow. It feels as if he’s not telling us everything he could because he’s afraid of stepping outside of the image he’s concocted for himself. Maybe it’s time for him to be a little less of a gentleman, or at least find an outlet for the tension that stance implies.

Trace Adkins—”This Ain’t No Love Song”
#103
In fact, it’s barely a song at all.

Luke Bryan—”Someone Else Calling You Baby”
#104
Bryan is a decent, mid-level country singer, and this is interesting for being essentially 70s country pop with a more soulful, modern rock setting, The Bellamy Brothers turned up to 11. Past 11, actually, which is the problem.

Willow—”Whip My Hair”
#105
This is far better than anyone had a right to suspect, and surprising, as well. Willow’s voice is literally unbelievable—it’s not just the strength, but the mature phrasing—if I hadn’t already known I never would have suspected her real age; I would have gone for thirty. The track is rougher than you’d think, as well, a poppified mix of electro and crunk that never lets up. Tougher than anything her dad ever did, that’s for sure.

My Darkest Days featuring Ludacris—”Porn Star Dancing”
#106
With Nickleback’s Chad Kroeger as co-writer and co-producer doing his best 3Oh!3 impersonation, the presence of Ludacris helps this record achieve a perfect storm of demographic triangulation. The sheer commercial shamelessness of it almost makes its stripper pole sleaze appealing. Kind of catchy, too.

Lifehouse—”All In”
#108
If it were anybody else turning to poker metaphors to describe their passion, I’d assume they were shooting for a country crossover, but these guys sound like the same old boring rockers they’ve always been. Only without hooks. It doesn’t mean much to go all in if all you’ve got left is a couple of bucks.

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New this Week—8/1/10

Monday, August 2nd, 2010

Katy Perry—”Teenage Dream”
#20
What makes this a perfect pop record isn’t its sound, which is fairly standard Dr. Luke/Max Martin (the most disappointing thing about it is that it starts exactly like “My Life Would Suck Without You”) or Perry’s voice (though those who say she can’t sing should note the sense of yearning she injects into the words “live forever”), it’s the perspective. It isn’t a song about being a teenager, it’s a song about love and lust making you feel like a teenager, an idea that everyone, no matter what their age, can appreciate. In other words, it’s a new version of “Like a Virgin”, with it’s double entendre replaced by a milder kinkiness (since he makes her feel like a teenager, she’s going to dress like one for him) and a suggestion of stability (the reference to multiple Valentines suggests they’ve been together for a while, though I suppose that may be romantic projection). According to Perry, this record was worked over and over again in the studio, as she fought with her producers to get exactly what she wanted. It was worth it.

Bruno Mars—”Just the Way You Are”
#43
A pleasant voice and a gift for hooks are one thing, but what really sets Mars apart from his contemporaries is his sheer shamelessness and lack of what might be called mature taste. If he wants to write a song that’s essentially a Valentine’s card, then he’s going to go all the way with it and make sure it has all the trimmings. Comparing him to Billy Joel in this case is obvious, but not far from the truth, either. He doesn’t go too far, though, just balancing on the edge of sentiment and hokum. Some may say he falls in, but I appreciate his youthful willingness to be corny. His effects are obvious, and his music is designed to go down easy, but he’s goodhearted and open enough that those aren’t major detriments—yet. Once he’s a star, and this record will probably make him one if he isn’t already, we’ll see how he holds up. I suspect he has more reserves of talent and strength than a lot of people give him credit for, and an ego to match. Which doesn’t mean that within a year he won’t be completely unbearable; so enjoy this pleasing fluff while you can.

Ne-Yo—”Champagne Life”
#75
Ne-Yo’s music gets better and better—sexy, stylish, sophisticated, but never smarmy. He’s like the George Clooney of R&B: his self-confidence, which never turns into mindless brag, is central to his appeal, and he’s smart enough to be funny about it. The joke about his handclaps being sexier than other people’s is perfect. This doesn’t really go anywhere, it’s an exercise in style more than anything else, but it’s a great record all the same. He says straight out that his job is to make it look easy, and he does.

Rick Ross featuring Drake & Chrisette Michelle—Aston Martin Music
#98
Whatever else one might think of Ross, he knows how to put a beat together, or at least knows how to choose one, which in rap these days is all that matters. This is silky smooth and as shiny as its namesake. Ross’s raps, though, are all cliche, and often—in this case, at least—cruder than they need to be. Chrisette Michelle sounds too ethereal to be on the same record with lines like “I love a nasty girl who’ll swallow what’s on the menu”. As for Drake, he acquits himself better than expected, though every time he mentions being “caught in the life” I find myself snorting in disgust at the privileged little twit.

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The year so far

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

According to almost everyone, 2010 has been a great year in just about every genre: alternative, country, hip-hop, techno—great records have been popping up everywhere, from both new and old artists, with a full schedule of promising releases to come.

But if that’s true, and for the most part I think it is, not much of that greatness has been showing up on the pop chart, or if it has it’s come and gone so fast it’s barely been noticed. At least four of my favorite records this year, “Super High”, “Love King”, “I’m Single”, and “Reverse Cowgirl”, disappeared from the chart after a week or two. Others, such as Jay-Z’s “On To the Next One” struggled to climb into the top 30, and then dropped quickly once they reached their peak.

Mind you, if what you’re looking for is party music, you can’t do much better than most of the records that made the top ten this year. Straight ahead rhythms uncomplicated by any sense of hesitancy or messy emotion have dominated the market, with only top drawer sellers like Rihanna and Eminem daring anything that requires much thought on the part of the audience. I like a lot of the records that have made the top ten so far this year, but I can think of only one or two that will have any long lasting effect. Party music is designed to be ephemeral, so that’s hardly a criticism, just a recognition of the way things are, and are likely to remain for some time.

Most of what I consider the best of the year so far comes from a little further down the charts, though of course that’s no guarantee of durability. Even I was surprised, though, that my number one would turn out to be the darkest record to make the charts this year, a record so full of bad feeling that it dropped off the charts after a single week and has been ignored by just about everybody. Who’d have thought I could feel alone in praising a Lil Wayne single?

As for the worst, it should be pointed out that this list does not include any of the Glee Cast singles, which are not only terrible but should never have been released in the first place. If I had included them, they would have occupied all ten places and then some. At one point, I considered making “Ice Ice Baby” both the worst and best single of the year, but that was just cynicism. I feel better now, honest.

The Best So Far (in approximate order of preference)

1. Lil Wayne – I’m Single
2. The-Dream – Love King
3. Cali Swag District – Teach Me How To Dougie
4. The Black Eyed Peas – Rock That Body
5. Rick Ross featuring Ne-Yo – Super High
6. Selena Gomez and the Scene – Naturally
7. Jay-Z featuring Swizz Beats – On To the Next One
8. Miranda Lambert – The House That Built Me
9. Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys – Empire State of Mind
10. T-Pain – Reverse Cowgirl

The Worst (in alphabetical order)

1. Alpha Rev – New Morning
2. Artists for Haiti – We Are the World 25
3. Justin Bieber featuring Jaden Smith – Never Say Never
4. Dirty Heads featuring Rome of Subllime with Rome – Lay Me Down
5. David Guetta featuring Fergie and LMFAO – Gettin’ Over You
6. Avril Lavigne – Alice
7. Muse – Neutron Star Collision (Love Is Forever)
8. Christina Perri – Jar of Hearts
9. Mike Posner – Cooler Than Me
10. Shiny Toy Guns – Major Tom

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New this week—6/20/10

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Justin Bieber featuring Jaden Smith—”Never Say Never”
#33
I was expecting it to be bad, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this bad. The problem isn’t Bieber, who acquits himself as well as can be expected (it actually helps that he shows so little real emotion), and it isn’t the blandness of the song itself. It isn’t even Jaden Smith, who, despite his heritage, sounds talentless but willing to give it the old middle-school try. But his rap, if it can be called that, is terrible not only in delivery, but in spirit and in message. What it seems to be saying is that if you’re privileged enough to get a guest spot on a Justin Bieber record, then you don’t need to worry about all those people who are bigger and stronger and probably smarter than you are. Which is, of course, the exact opposite of the message presented in the movie. It would be meaningless to accuse the producers of a remake of The Karate Kid of selling-out their principles, but shouldn’t they at least know what they are, or were, once upon a time?

Glee Cast
“Faithfully”, #37
“Over the Rainbow”, #44
“Anyway You Want It/Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’”, #58
“To Sir with Love”, #75
“Bohemian Rhapsody”, #84
“Don’t Stop Believin’” obviously wasn’t enough, so now the makers of Glee (sounds like they should be a division of Proctor & Gamble, doesn’t it?) have decided to revive the entire Journey catalog. If the show didn’t already deserve capital punishment, this would be enough to guarantee termination with extreme prejudice. At least it’s over for a few months. See you in September (and no, that’s not a song suggestion).

Shakira featuring Freshlyground—”Waka Waka (This Time for Africa)”
#43
As nice as it is to find some version of township jive on the American charts after 25 years, this isn’t a very good record. It was obviously done quickly and to order, Shakira doesn’t seem to put much into it, and let’s face it, township jive has run it’s course. Most of the backing here could have been sampled from The Indestructible Beat of Soweto, which was released in 1986. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but there are much fresher African—even just South African—sounds out there. But I have a feeling that for a long time to come, whenever most people think about African music—when they think about it at all, that is—this is the sort of thing they’ll hear in their head. That’s not Shakira’s fault, of course, or Soweto’s, or even Paul Simon’s. It’s a shame, nonetheless.

Christina Aguilera—”Bionic”
#66
Oddly enough, this is not one of the songs that Santigold co-wrote for Bionic the album. Which is just as well, since if she had she would only be repeating herself. It’s an old refrain, but once again I’m impressed by Aguilera’s daring in terms of inspiration and frustrated by her stiffness and oversinging. “So damn bionic” may well be the dumbest lyric of the year, and she sings it as if it were the most important thing she’s ever said.

Ne-Yo—”Beautiful Monster”
#67
There’s a wonderful tension to the verses, but the chorus is an anti-climax, musically and lyrically too simple and old fashioned to fit with the rest, danceable but forgettable. A lot of it sounds like an outtake from Michael Jackson’s Dangerous, and I like Ne-Yo enough that I’m willing to accept this as an MJ tribute and let it pass. Hope he does better next time.

Lil Jon featuring 3OH!3—”Hey”
#70
Lil Jon is no fool. In the four or five years he’s been unable to record due to legal complications, he’s kept a close eye on the obnoxious white guys who have been copping his style, and he’s more than willing to allow them to give him a little push as he gets back on the road. More than a push: 3OH!3 provide not only the hook but also the only real lyric this song possesses. The styles jar a bit, but even though the three of them have probably never been in the same room at the same time, it still works. It’s a softer, friendlier form of crunk, but Lil Jon doesn’t care. He’s seen the future, and he’s riding its coattails.

Train—”If It’s Love”
#90
Occasionally as clever as they think they are—”Flat like an Idol singer/Remember Winger?/I digress”—they’re also more cynical than their romantic tropes would suggest, and when the strings enter near the end you realize that they can pander with the best of them. Second single in a row to mention an eighties one-shot band (it was Mister Mister last time), which may well be another form of pandering. At least they’re willing to age with their audience.

OneRepublic—”Secrets”
#98
The stripped down intro reveals at least one secret—which is that all of Ryan Tedder’s songs seem to based on one of Bach’s solo cello concertos (which would explain their sophisticated yet comfortably familiar facade). The other is the dirty little secret that Tedder won’t admit even to himself: all his songs really do sound the same. Score one for Kelly Clarkson.

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New this week—6/6/10

Sunday, June 13th, 2010

Lee DeWyze
“Beautiful Day”, #24
“Hallelujah”, #44h
“The Boxer”, #88
DeWyze won American Idol not because all the tweens voted for the cutest guy, but because the story he lived on the show was better than any backstory anyone else could have come up with. He started as an insecure dweeb and ended up a confident but still humble performer. He had to win; that’s the way these Cinderella stories are supposed to go. He has a decent voice, too, though none of the songs here demonstrate that very well. He obviously doesn’t care much for “Beautiful Day”, but he does seem to have some inkling as to what “Hallelujah” (in it’s third chart appearance this year) is about. “The Boxer”, however, is a disaster. You never mumble a Paul Simon lyric, no matter how bad it is.

Crystal Bowersox—”Up To the Mountain”
#57
Behind the dreads, behind the sunflower tattoo that covers her back and the stupid pushpin piercing under her lips, behind her mature but somehow innocent voice, Crystal Bowersox is one canny performer. I may be the only person in the world who thought her performance of this song on American Idol was terrible, obscuring the melody and losing the song in a maze of vocal flexing and filigree. But Bowersox knew what the Idol audience and judges wanted to hear, so she gave it to them. This studio recording is better, tamer and more to the point. Not as good as Kelly Clarkson’s version from a couple of years ago, but still worthwhile. And her voice is amazing.

Lee DeWyze and Crystal Bowersox—”Falling Slowly”
#66
I hate this song. I don’t care who sings it, or how badly or how well they sing it. I hate this song.

Glee Cast—”Beth”
#72
Shoved off the charts by American Idol this week (an improvement, if a small one), the best Glee can manage is a soppy Kiss cover. Singing bad songs badly does not make them funny, it only makes them worse. Though I don’t expect anyone involved in Glee will ever realize it. I also suspect that they’re not trying to be funny.

Will Young—”Leave Right Now”
#81
What can you say about a guy who in comparison makes James Blunt sound like a great artist? That he should follow his own advice?

Paramore—”The Only Exception”
#90
Over Paramore’s usual thrashing, Hayley Williams sounds intelligent and cool, a slightly wistful cynic standing tall in the midst of emotional confusion. Over an acoustic backdrop, however, she sounds like any other female singer/songwriter with well-crafted lyrics whose sentimental rage turns into a sentimental crush when the right guy walks into the room.

Cali Swag District—”Teach Me How To Dougie”
#91
Not a form of jerkin’, according to them (their jeans aren’t skinny, for one thing), but the impetus is the same: turning hip-hop and rap back into party music. The crosstown rivalry, I suspect, will only be good for both. This is fresh and fun, and its appeal appears to be cross-generational—Jermaine Dupri, of all people, has done a remix. They already talk like the four marketeers, and have started a twitter campaign to get Soulja Boy on another remix. In other words, grab them now, before they’re spoiled. There will be a lot of one-hit wonders in this genre over the next couple of years. This is a good one.

J. Cole—”Who Dat?”
#93
Given time I might come up with an answer, except that all I can ever remember about this song is the question.

Ludacris featuring Trey Songz—”Sex Room”
#98
Ludacris has rarely been as funny as this without cracking an obvious joke, and the groove guarantees that even the porn-movie cliches carry an erotic charge. The groove is so good, in fact, that it allows Trey Songz to hold our attention to the very end without his actually having to come up with a lyric, uttering nothing but a few suggestive phrases and the title. Which only makes it sexier, of course.

Rick Ross featuring Ne-Yo—”Super High”
#100
I lot of people will write this off as a Ghostface rip, but I say, isn’t it time? If Ghostface’s tracks weren’t about pimps, whores, and drug dealers killing each other, and so laced with obscenity that a censored version would be half silence, his blaxsploitation-based grooves would be all over the charts, and probably the radio. As Kanye West might put it, he knows how to cook that crack music. Ross knows nothing but how to brag, and the music lacks the dense intensity of Ghostface, but the groove is so undeniable it would be meaningless to complain. As for Ne-Yo, he contributes his best hook since “So You Can Cry”, and raises the track up yet another level. A great one.

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