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Hot 100 Roundup—1/7/12

Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

Taylor Swift featuring The Civil Wars—“Safe and Sound”
#30
It’s time, I suppose, for Taylor Swift to tweak her sound, but working with T-Bone Burnett—the man who has ruined more good performers than just about any producer I can think of—wasn’t the direction I was hoping for. This isn’t bad, but it’s just an average alt-folk ballad, a genre placement that should scare anyone who cares about Swift’s career. This is a soundtrack cut, so it may not mean much in terms of Swift’s future direction, but it’s worrying all the same. Even at her worst she’s never sounded so ordinary.

Flo Rida featuring Sia—“Wild Ones”
#57
Why did I never notice that Flo Rida has a lisp? No wonder he raps so fast. As for Sia, she seems willing to degrade herself in any way—first David Guetta, now this—if it means becoming the third-rate Robyn she’s always been destined to be.

Young Jeezy featuring Jay-Z & Andre 3000—“I Do”
#61
Not a great track; no one is in top form, but the difference in approach is interesting. Jeezy holds out the promise of marriage, but it’s just a ploy, because all he really wants is to get laid. Jay-Z, needless to say, takes the subject more seriously, maybe too seriously; he sounds as if he were holding himself back, trying to fictionalize his own situation to make it seem more gangsta. Andre 3000, meanwhile, is semi-serious but sounds like he’s still having fun, even while planning yet more headaches for poor Ms. Jackson.

Skrillex—“Scary Monsters And Nice Sprites”
#69
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 8/20/11

Adam Lambert—“Better Than I Know Myself”
#76
Lambert has real talent, but this is a mess. Not only is the arrangement ridiculous, but when he isn’t hitting impressive high notes Lambert’s voice sounds thin and out of place. He loves flash, but he doesn’t seem to know what to do with himself when he’s closer to the ground. And songs that are all flash are hard to come by.

Nicki Minaj—“Stupid Hoe”
#81
A dis track designed to allow Minaj to show off as many of her voices as possible. It’s impressive, if not quite enjoyable, or even coherent. One question: if this is directed at Lil Kim, why does Minaj do a Rihanna impersonation (which finishes with a horrible flat note) near the end? Is there a separate target for each voice? That would be impressive.

Mac Miller—“Knock Knock”
#88
Miller is an average rapper at best—when he talks about being deeper than the water Michael Phelps is in, he does realize that’s only about eight feet, right? But he has the one gift that all party rappers need: he knows how to put a hook together, and to make it unusual enough to get people’s attention in the first place. In other words, he’s an earworm menace. If he ever managed to get on the radio—for now his records are too quirky and filled with obscenities to qualify—he could be dangerous.

V.I.C.—“Wobble”
#94
This is the sort of bubbly pop-rap I’m a sucker for, but it’s so mechanical it wears quickly, and instead of emphasizing the rhythms as it goes on it seems to downplay them, a mistake on any record that has nothing much to say lyrically. I enjoy its lack of pretension, but it’s still a miss.

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Hot 100 Roundup—12/17/11

Tuesday, December 27th, 2011

Glee Cast
“Perfect”, #57
“Girls Just Want To Have Fun”, #59
“I Kissed A Girl”, #66
“I’m the Only One”, #86
“Constant Craving”, #89

Nicki Minaj—”Roman In Moscow”
#64
Not sure what to make of this. It’s so busy you can barely understand the lyrics, and those you do aren’t worth getting excited about. Just over two and a half minutes long, it sounds more like the introduction to something bigger than a standalone single, except the something bigger is a bunch of bonus cuts attached to a “deluxe” edition of Pink Friday. Maybe it’s a commercial.

Grouplove—”Tongue Tied”
#78
Another group of privileged white kids (they met at an art school in Crete) who owe their chart placement to an advertisement for a well-considered, hip product. That being said, I like it. Though it’s about lost teen love, it avoids sentiment; it has a good, early 90′s, pre-Britpop groove, and though cloying in spots it’s never embarrassing. Unless the idea of privileged white kids making bouncy pop music embarrasses you already.

J. Cole featuring Trey Songz—”Can’t Get Enough”
#82
The pseudo-Latin groove is funny, but it’s also stupid, and not in a good way. Cole earned a lot of respect as a promising young rapper in his mix-tape days, but it’s impossible to tell from this which direction that promise pointed, or if it was there at all. As for Trey Songz, I’m not even sure which part is him.

Michael Buble—”It’s Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas”
#96
I like Buble, but when he turns on the syrup, except in the service of sarcastic songs like “Hollywood Is Dead”, he can be unbearable. Not only is this treacle, but by subsuming himself in it Buble drowns every trace of his personality. It may as well be karaoke.

Brad Paisley—”Camouflage”
#100
Brad-Paisley-guitar-solo is one of my favorite country sub-genres right now, and this time it comes not only with a good song attached, but allows other members of the band to stretch out over the changes as well. The music is a pleasure, but the lyrics are problematic. For the most part they’re funny and unpretentious, but then you come to this line: “The Stars and Bars offend some folks/and I guess I see why”. Guess? On his last album Paisley called out the KKK and celebrated the election of an African-American President, and now he has to guess why people are offended by the Confederate flag? And just who are these “some folks”, anyway? There are three possible explanations for this misstep: carelessness (a trait Paisley hasn’t demonstrated much of in the past); pandering (ditto); or this is as deep as his thinking has gone on the matter. Not that anything could excuse it. Oh, and those chord changes everyone solos over with such dexterity? “Dixie”. Southern pride is one thing; thoughtlessness is another matter altogether.

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Hot 100 Roundup—11/5/11

Thursday, November 10th, 2011

Justin Bieber—”Mistletoe”
#11
Just for the season, Bieber steps out of hip-pop into Jason Mraz/Colbie Caillat/Coca-Cola commercial territory. At least I hope it’s just for the season.

Christina Perri—”A Thousand Years”
#74
Perri is actually getting better. This is merely mediocre instead of out and out terrible like “Jar of Hearts”. But then, this is a soundtrack cut, so maybe she wasn’t trying as hard.

Rick Ross featuring Nicki Minaj—”You The Boss”
#84
Did Nicki Minaj really know what was going on when she gave Ross the hook to this piece of sexist, misogynistic tripe? Had she heard the rap, or more importantly, the second female vocal (I’m assuming it isn’t her, and I hope to God I’m right) before she laid down her part? I’m trying very hard to avoid personally insulting Ross, because he may very well just be playing a part, but can I help it if I always imagine that part as Jabba the Hut?

Chris Young—”You”
#85
Not bad for a by-the-numbers country love song; I like the chorus a lot. But there’s nothing special about Young’s voice or his ideas. He just happened to write a half-way decent song this time, is all.

Romeo Santos featuring Usher—”Promise”
#94
Not as delightfully insane as “You”, but odd and pleasant enough. Santos’s voice is so ethereal that almost everything he sings drifts off into the stratosphere, and not even Usher, who sounds a bit out of his depth, can hold him down. I’d love to hear what a production team like Stargate could do with him, but my fear is that the closer he gets to crossing over the more he going to sound like Enrique Iglesias. If he gives Pitbull a guest spot we’ll know it’s over.

Wale featuring Kid Cudi—”Focused”
#97
Blurry.

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/29/11

Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

Snoop Dogg featuring Bruno Mars & Wiz Khalifa—“Young, Wild & Free”
#10
Half good-time dope song, half, thanks to Khalifa, public service message on behalf of marijuana as a mood stabilizer, all charming in its way, but too sleepy and boring in parts. I assume Mars or his pals in The Smeezingtons wrote the hook, though he appears to have buried himself in the mix—a smart move, since Snoop and Khalifa’s rougher, less trained vocals make more sense in this context than Mars’s trademark croon. Hardly a hallmark in any of their careers, but pleasant fluff all the same.

The Fray—“Heartbeat”
#43
It’s a no-brainer that Kings Of Leon would have imitators, but somehow I never expected it to be an already established act. Guess the sloppy vocals and even sloppier ideas seemed like such a perfect fit that The Fray just couldn’t resist. They might have covered their tracks better, though; some of this sounds so much like “Use Somebody” that when it comes up on shuffle I keep thinking it is Kings of Leon. Sometimes I even hit skip before I realize my mistake. Not that I wouldn’t skip it anyway.

Beyonce—“Countdown”
#85
This is as brilliant musically as everyone says it is—even Beyonce’s over-brassiness works in this context—but I’m getting tired of her confusing brand of feminism, which largely consists of the old saw of being a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom. Though she would probably phrase it more along the lines of being a powerful woman in public and a skilled lover in private. Whatever the case, her belief in ultimate sublimation to her man, which goes back to her earliest Destiny’s Child days, is unquestioned. She got out from under her father’s domineering hand in her business life, isn’t it time she got out from under his tired old ideas, as well?

Tyga featuring Drake—“Still Got It”
#89
Though he’s more talented as a vocalist, Tyga strikes me as being a lot like Jamie Foxx: whoever he has guesting on his track, that’s who he sounds like. Drake’s hook is far more interesting than anything Tyga has to say, and the track as a whole is mediocre at best.

Roscoe Dash—“Good Good Night”
#91
Dash is basically a second level version of Soulja Boy—less aggressive, less daring, and far less interesting—but every once in a while he comes up with a good hook, and this is one of them. You’ll forget all about it once it’s over, but at least you’ll enjoy it while it’s on.

Britney Spears—“Criminal”
#92
Though it points in a totally different direction, I enjoy this more than anything Spears has released since “Piece Of Me”. It’s very smart to play down the melodramatic cliché of loving a bad boy with music that sounds not just peaceful, but almost blissful. As “physical” as her love may be (a word that, in this song, covers a lot of emotional ground), it isn’t the rough and tumble that you’d expect, but something more like a day at the spa: both fulfilling and refreshing. Spears may not be the brightest singer in the world, but she does understand sex, which is more than most pop stars can claim.

Katy Perry—“The One That Got Away”
#94
Six singles in, Perry is starting to scrape the ordinary, at least musically. The lyrics, though, are something else. Everyone’s least favorite pop maven presents us with what is essentially an indie-rock romance: they make out to Radiohead and think of themselves as a modern June Carter and Johnny Cash. As it happens, though, she’s the one who’s more forward thinking, which turns her into a pop star while he ends up busking the blues on downtown street corners. Any regrets are nothing more than the usual lip service (Perry is nothing if not a master of formula), but in its way this is more honest than most indie-rock love songs, even if she doesn’t mean a word of it.

Jessie J—“Domino”
#96
A lot of people have been comparing Jessie J to Katy Perry, and not in a good way, but this is the first time the comparison has seemed totally apt. The sound and sensibility is a straight rip-off, but J doesn’t have nearly as much charm as Perry, or as much sense. She doesn’t seem to understand, for example, that being a domino just makes her one of the many women who are lined up to be used by this guy. You have to think about metaphors and similes; you can’t just toss them off because they sound good.

Drake featuring Nicki Minaj—“Make Me Proud”
#97
This isn’t nearly as sexist and condescending as some people have suggested it is, but it is something of a borderline case. The big problem is the title: saying that somebody makes you proud is much more self-directed and self-absorbed than saying that you’re proud of them, which can be a simple compliment. The former suggests that you had something to do with what makes the person so wonderful. But that isn’t the case here. Drake never utters the title line, and instead says “I’m so proud of you”. I’m assuming he changed the title to avoid confusion with The Impressions’ “I’m So Proud” (nobody with any sense dares comparison with Curtis Mayfield). Still, he does go overboard in his praise, to the point where he sounds condescending, and since Minaj is playing it safe—her rap is good but not particularly memorable—he comes off looking something of an ass (what else is new?). I’d be much more forgiving if she had smoked him. But he means well, I’m sure. Also, the music is great, which makes up for a lot.

Evanescence—“Lost In Paradise”
#99
“What You Want” made me hope that Amy Lee was stepping away from the melodramatic bombast that has been her stock in trade from the beginning, but this songs dashes those hopes in grandiose style. It’s all so obvious: from the first notes of the piano you wait for the crash of guitars and orchestra, and though it gets held off longer than usual, it’s exactly like you imagine it, overwrought and dull. And then it goes on for another three minutes.

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/8/11

Wednesday, October 19th, 2011

Rihanna featuring Calvin Harris—”We Found Love”
#16
It’s not as great, but this may be Rihanna’s most enjoyable single since “Umbrella”. That said, I do worry, though it’s not surprising, that she’s still using her relationship with Chris Brown to fuel her inspiration. This is obvious not just from the recently released video, but also from her choice of collaborator. Harris, who had one of his beats copied wholesale without credit by Brown last year, must have gotten a lot of enjoyment out of putting this together. I bet Rihanna called him as soon as the story broke. It also explains the icy feel of the track: it’s a dish served cold.

Glee Cast
“It’s Not Unusual”, #65
“You Can’t Stop the Beat”, #67
“We Got the Beat”, #83

Birdman featuring Nicki Minaj & Lil Wayne—”Y.U. Mad”
#68
Good beat, the usual goodness from Minaj (hell, I’d listen to an entire Nickelback album if she were featured on every cut), and Birdman, though he spouts nothing but cliches, is at least in good form. As for Wayne, his rap is nothing special (for him), but for the first time since he got out of prison he sounds awake. Maybe he needs to toss out a few dozen guest spots to get back to form. Or maybe Minaj pricked his conscious with her “female Weezy” schtick.

Demi Lovato
“Fix a Heart”, #69
“Unbroken”, #98
It’s a credit to Lovato’s talents as a vocalist that she can glide over lines like “I just ran out of band aids” and ridiculous rhymes like “you can bandage the damage” and still make them sound musical. And it’s a credit to her strength as a human being that she can write a song like “Unbroken”, where she reclaims and swears by the emotional openness that got her into trouble in the first place. So maybe she won’t turn into Connie Francis. She still oversings, though, and she still has to find better material and put it together with more care: the techno backing on “Unbroken” doesn’t fit her voice at all.

Jason Aldean—”Tattoos On This Town”
#81
For Aldean, this cliched nostalgia bomb is actually a step up—better this than another overloud power ballad. He’s still terrible, though. And I really wish he’d found another way to approach the verse about swinging out on a rope over the swimming hole; the way he does it now I always expect him to describe a lynching.

Eric Church—”Drink In My Hand”
#96
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 8/13/11

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Hot 100 Roundup—9/17/11

Monday, October 10th, 2011

Lil Wayne
“Mirror” (featuring Bruno Mars), #16
“Blunt Blowin’”, #33
“MegaMan”, #50
“It’s Good” (featuring Drake & Jadakiss), #79
“How To Hate” (featuring T-Pain), #84
“Nightmares of the Bottom”, #90
“President Carter”, #94
“So Special” (featuring John Legend), #95
A mixture of the competent and the truly terrible (“Mirror” may be the most relentlessly self-pitying piece of gunk I have ever heard), the bright spots on these tracks are so few and far between that they feel like Wayne guest spots on his own album. The problem is not, as some have suggested, that Wayne isn’t trying. He obviously is, as the forced word play and over-stressed puns attest. The problem is that, in reaction to his jail stint, he seems to have changed his working methods, writing his raps instead of working ideas over in his head and spitting them out for the first time in front of a microphone. Putting ideas on paper, as any writer will tell you, allows for all sorts of self-doubt and second guessing, and may result in something being worked over until all signs of life have been drained out of it. The freedom and of-the-moment brilliance of Wayne’s raps has disappeared and been replaced by what I’m sure he considers meaningful and carefully considered but lifeless verbiage. Perhaps he’ll work it out, or maybe his inspiration is truly gone, drained by his pre-prison burst of creativity (there were signs of that even before he was sentenced) or killed by his time in jail. He’ll undoubtedly get a second wind, and maybe the genius will return combined with a growing maturity. But that’s going to take time, and there’s no sign that Wayne is doing anything to make that happen. His infinite sense of confidence may be his greatest weakness right now. I expect to hear great things from him in the future, but I don’t expect them anytime soon.

Beyonce—”Love On Top”
#20
The praise for 4 has been so universal I feel like a curmudgeon for not being more impressed by what I’ve heard, but I’m not. This is one of the better cuts, establishing an excellent late-80s soul groove (with synths that sound like they came off a Wings record), and then building into a joyful chorus that becomes ever more ecstatic through a series of ascending key changes. It’s masterful in almost every way, but somehow, for me at least, it lacks something. My problem is Beyonce’s voice, which is technically perfect but has always struck me as sharp and metallic and too obvious in it’s effects. Listening to her is somewhat like watching Jodie Foster or Meryl Streep act: I’m impressed by the skill and technique, but the way they use them is too transparent—it’s a great performance, and I admire the intelligence behind it, but I never forget for a moment that it is a performance. I appreciate a brilliant facade as much as the next person, but people talk about Beyonce as if she were giving us more than that, and from my perspective she rarely does. There’s no doubt that 4 is a step up from the misguided Sasha Fierce, so much so that people are overrating it—or maybe it’s why I’m underrating it; being better than Sasha Fierce doesn’t seem like much of an accomplishment to me.

David Guetta
“Turn Me On” (featuring Nicki Minaj), #37
“Without You” (featuring Usher), #39
“I just want you to father my young” is a great line, but it’s the only great line Minaj is allowed on “Turn Me On”, which sounds as if it might have been written for Rihanna instead. Meanwhile, “Without You” is an OK song with an oddly happy arrangement on the chorus, which also features one of Usher’s best-ever vocal performances. And so goes the hit-and-miss career of David Guetta, superstar DJ and all-around hack.

Chris Brown featuring Benny Benassi—”Beautiful People”
#43
The music is derivative but great, the lyrics derivative and awful, with Chris Brown lying through his teeth every beat of the way. Brown gets points for being the hip-hop performer who has been most willing to jump with both feet into the Euro-disco whirlpool, but he has done so in service of a personality that is so shallow and hypocritical that he makes world peace and the universality of beauty sound unclean. And when I say hypocritical, I’m not talking about Rihanna—it’s right there in the music and in his voice, in every beat and every breath. This guy cares about nothing but himself, and he’s willing to say or do anything to make you care about him too.

Lady Antebellum—”Dancin’ Away With My Heart”
#50
Another perfectly crafted, mediocre celebration of lost love, which once again focuses nostalgically on the singers’ teen years. Please don’t tell me it’s a concept album.

Young the Giant—”My Body”
#65
Further proof of the power of television, as if anybody needed it. Get a featured spot on the VMAs and you’re guaranteed to make the bottom half of the Hot 100 for a week or two. But even TV couldn’t turn this lame pastiche of Muse and The Killers into a real hit. For that you need something else: talent, novelty, tons of promotion money, anything.

LMFAO—”Sexy and I Know It”
#76
The obvious reference point is Right Said Fred, but I hear some Weird Al in here as well, which is welcome. Now that these guys have finally outed themselves as total comedians (and with a flair for electro at that), maybe some people will realize that their hedonistic shoutouts are at least partly satire and stop accusing them of corrupting our youth. Our youth are already corrupt, LMFAO are just making fun of them for profit. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. And don’t think the youth don’t get the joke; why do you think they’re buying the records?

Flo Rida—”Good Feeling”
#82
The Etta James hook is great, as is the overall sound, but that’s all there is: Rida has nothing to say even if you could understand him, and the hook is repeated so often you get sick of it (you might hold out a bit longer on the dance floor, though). A nice idea, but…

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Hot 100 Roundup—5/21/11

Wednesday, May 25th, 2011

Lady Antebellum—”Just A Kiss”
#7
Definite proof that the near-great “Need You Now” was a fluke. This one, which is both mellow and overwrought in equal measure, concerns grown-up abstinence, and should relieve those who were worried by the drunken booty call of their biggest hit. Never fear; this record contains no sexual tension whatsoever. I’m surprised they can work up enough libido for even a goodnight kiss.

David Guetta featuring Flo Rida & Nicki Minaj—”Where Them Girls At”
#14
What makes Guetta and DJs like him different from his predecessors isn’t just the music, but the culture. Guetta’s followers aren’t blissed out on love and Ecstasy, they’re hard partying drunks, and the music Guetta makes isn’t designed to harmonize with chemically stimulated synapses but to deliver a final, convulsive jolt to dying brain cells, a death rattle with a beat. It’s the techno version of “Boogie Til You Puke”, minus the knowing sense of humor. This is Guetta’s most relentless record yet, and also his lamest. Flo Rida, who has never sounded duller, borrows his vocal flow from Pitbull and his hooks from…well, nowhere, because there aren’t any. But dammit it if Nicki Minaj doesn’t almost save things anyway. It’s worth suffering the rest at least once to hear her go “dee dee dee dee” in a voice that parodies every record Guetta has ever made, his entire aesthetic encapsulated in a few nonsense syllables. I wonder if he noticed.

Bad Meets Evil—”Fast Lane”
#32
I’m not sure which is more impressive, the fact that Royce Da 5’9″ keeps up with Eminem, or that Eminem keeps up with himself. Whatever the case, though this isn’t much beatwise, it’s an amazing display of vocal technique and wordcraft on both sides. Half the time I can’t tell what either one of them is saying, but it all rhymes, and on a record like this that’s all that matters.

Glee Cast
“Go Your Own Way”, #45
“Songbird”, #68
“Don’t Stop”, #79
“Never Going Back Again”, #81
“Dreams”, #92

New Boyz featuring Chris Brown—”Better With the Lights Off”
#61
The New Boyz continue to look for a style, and what I once took for corruption, as they moved further away from their jerkin’ roots, is now beginning to look like constant experimentation. Even with both Chris Brown and Cataracs on board, this is neither jerkin’ nor hip-hop; sounds more like rock run through some sort of techno-rap filter. There are only the slightest hints of the New Boyz’ teen cleverness on display, but the record is good enough it isn’t missed much, and there’s a pleasant shock of recognition when it does appear. I’m not sure if this is a great record, but it’s growing on me.

Avenged Sevenfold—”Not Ready To Die”
#70
More metal bombast, with extra arty touches, so that it goes on for more than seven over-baked minutes. The only interesting part is the intro, which is a direct, uncredited lift from Elton John’s “Funeral For A Friend”. They may not be ready to die, but are they ready to be sued?

Jennifer Lopez featuring Lil Wayne—”I’m Into You”
#72
Pleasant enough for fluff, but that’s all. I continue to be amazed, though, at how Lil Wayne can get off the dirtiest lines and still sound charming and innocent. Who does he think he is, Katy Perry?

Don Omar & Lucenzo—”Danza Kuduro”
#82
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 11/21/10

Dierks Bentley—”Am I the Only One”
#89
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/16/11

Thirty Seconds to Mars—”Closer To the Edge”
#99
I’m sorry, what did you say? I couldn’t hear you you above your ego.

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Hot 100 Roundup—5/14/11

Wednesday, May 18th, 2011

Glee Cast
“I Feel Pretty/Unpretty”, #22
“Somewhere Only We Know”, #42
“Born This Way”, #44
“As If We Never Said Goodbye”, #80

Javier Colon—”Time After Time”
#65
So Glee and American Idol aren’t enough, but now I have to review this crap, too? Colon has a voice, alright, but he has no real idea of how to sing with it—he’s all affectation and sentimentality. The arrangement is terrible, as well—the lines and phrases are broken up with no consideration for meaning or sense, turning a good song into a pile of sticky glop. Until I hear different, that’s what I think of The Voice in general, and may we never cross paths again.

Duck Sauce—”Barbra Streisand”
#89
This is about as predictable as dance music gets, and once they’ve recited the title and brought in the vocal hook, you know exactly what this record is going to do and where it’s going to go: nothing and nowhere. The non sequitur of the title is the only interesting thing about it, and even as a joke it’s only funny about one and a half times. By the third time around you’re struggling to pay attention.

Foster the People—”Pumped Up Kicks”
#96
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/2/11

Nicki Minaj—”Super Bass”
#98
This isn’t Minaj at her best or most outrageous, but it isn’t Minaj at her most sentimental and cringeworthy, either, the side of her personality I was afraid was taking over. In pop terms it’s may be best thing she’s done: a clever and meaningless piece of fluff, with a great hook and hilarious word play. Which doesn’t mean it lacks bite. Congratulating her man for being in touch with his feminine side is as sharp a slap at male rap culture as you can get, and even if she’s being sarcastic it’s a great line. Especially since Minaj’s feminine side, and the way she plays it, is the scariest thing about her.

Jana Kramer—”Whiskey”
#99
A wonderful song, and Kramer, whose voice reminds me of Dolly Parton, sings it perfectly. Which makes this an appropriate time to lament country music’s continuing inability to keep the goddamn volume down. The band is so loud it all but drowns out the funniest and cleverest lines of the song, which also happen to be its emotional center. Kramer’s too gifted a singer to be overshadowed in this way, and maybe the best thing she could do for herself, since she already has an ear for material, is find a producer who knows how to set that material properly.

Maroon 5—”Never Gonna Leave This Bed”
#100
The groove is impressive as always, but it’s still automatic, and Adam Levine’s egotism just won’t go away, even when he’s pleading. A line like, “Fake it, fake it, I’ll take whatever I can get” may sound as if he’s being brutally honest with himself, but what it really means is that he doesn’t care whether the woman is having a good time or not as long as he’s getting some. He also doesn’t help his case by waking her up in the middle of the night to tell her he’s not going to leave her. Like she asked. What a selfish little fuck.

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Hot 100 Roundup—3/19/11

Tuesday, March 15th, 2011

Britney Spears—”Till the World Ends”
#20
Not only better than “Hold It Against Me”, but almost the equal of the best of Blackout. The breakdown is as amazing and mesmerizing as it’s intended to be, and if she ultimately has nothing to say that isn’t going to keep anyone from dancing. She may not have gained any new knowledge from all she went through, but she found a sharp new sound, and that may be enough.

Foo Fighters—”Rope”
#70
Production matters. This is no better or worse than any other Foo Fighters’ song, but Butch Vig’s production adds a clarity, focus, and energy that have been missing from their last few records. They have nothing important to pass on but more rage, but now at least their rage sounds authentic.

Gorilla Zoe featuring Lil Jon—”Twisted”
#77
It’s always good to hear Lil Jon, even if all he does is shout “Okay!”, and I’ve found Gorilla Zoe’s earlier records interesting at the very least, and this is no exception. He makes good use of electronic effects, and occasionally comes up with a decent turn of phrase. But for the most part he’s a crunkier and less frenetic version of Flo Rida, with fewer hooks. And no amount of Lil Jon’s shouting is ever going to make him anything else.

The Band Perry—”You Lie”
#80
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 3/12/11

Chris Medina—”What Are Words”
#83
If this helps Medina and his fiancée in their situation then I guess I’m all for it, but that doesn’t change the fact that the way their story was presented on American Idol was the worst sort of media exploitation. It also doesn’t make Medina a decent singer or this anything but a terrible record. There are far better ways to help people than making charity records, but you’ll never convince the record industry of that.

Big Sean featuring Chris Brown—”My Last”
#89
It’s getting hard for me to tell the various Drake’s apart. This one has a stronger voice and a smoother flow. He’s also cruder, if such a thing is possible. He has no other distinguishing traits.

Nicki Minaj—”Did It On’em”
#92
If there has to be hashtag rap, let it all be like this. Minaj is always at her best when she’s pissed, even when she isn’t trading up her voices the way she does on Kanye West’s “Monster”. The fact that she isn’t fooling around here must mean she’s really mad. I wouldn’t want to cross her, that’s for sure.

Mary Mary—”Walking”
#97
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 2/13/11

Willow—”21st Century Girl”
#99
Willow actually sounds closer to her age here than on “Whip My Hair”, and though this lacks the novelty value I think it’s a better record. I don’t even hold the fact that the chorus is a reworking of Nelly Furtado’s “Promiscuous” against it. In fact, it’s kind of cute.

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Hot 100 Roundup—2/13/11

Thursday, February 17th, 2011

Dr. Dre featuring Eminem & Skylar Grey—”I Need a Doctor”
#5
This seemingly heartfelt but confusing tribute to Dr. Dre might be touching if it were an Eminem record, or even a Skylar Grey record. But it’s not, so we’re faced with what is basically a paean to Dr. Dre from Dr. Dre himself, produced and co-written by Dre and released under his name. For all we know, the whole thing was his idea from the beginning. Eminem’s rap is so plainspoken that you can’t help but think that he means every word, though that doesn’t make it sound very exciting. Dre, meanwhile, provides some old-hat beats (no, not old-school), and a rap which, after thanking Eminem for his praise, heaps scorn on everyone—that is, the “faggots”—who ever doubted him. Fuck you, too, Doc.

Chris Brown featuring Lil Wayne & Busta Rhymes—”Look At Me Now”
#11
Though he may be rehabilitated, Brown’s ego still far exceeds his grasp. As much as I disliked his teenage falsetto, his mature voice is worse, lacking any character or personality whatsoever, especially when he uses it to make stupid dick jokes. Lil Wayne’s contribution is nothing to get excited about. Which leaves Busta Rhyme’s demonstration of breath control as the only interesting thing about this record. Nice to hear he’s still got it.

Glee Cast
“Need You Now”, #72
“Thriller/Heads Will Roll”, #75
“Bills, Bills, Bills”, #79

3 Doors Down—”When You’re Young”
#81
They start off sounding like Darius Rucker, than turn into Daughtry with Nickelback touches. Do these guys know how to cover all the bases or what?

The Lonely Island featuring Nicki Minaj—”The Creep”
#82
It takes real effort to turn Nicki Minaj into just another unfunny singer/rapper on an over-arranged comedy record, and you can feel the strain. You’re comedians guys; it’s not your job to make real music. Mediocrity isn’t funny.

Jessie J featuring B.O.B.—”Price Tag”
#88
A mixture of Natasha Bedingfeld, VV Brown, and Lily Allen, with all the appropriate vocal inflections and musical hooks, only with less to say (even than Bedingfeld, who trades in nothing but self-help these days). Dr. Luke provides the hooks, all of which sound vaguely familiar, either from his own productions or other sources. All the same, I welcome this record. Not because it’s good itself (though it isn’t bad), but because it may open the door for others who are better. It may also shut them down, but that’s the chance we’ll have to take.

Panic! At the Disco—”The Ballad of Mona Lisa”
#89
So beautifully produced and arranged—and catchy, too—that you might end up feeling that you know what it’s about. Let me know if you do, will you? If you can convince me that it isn’t just a misogynistic rant, all the better. What do you think that exclamation point stands for, anyway?

Mumford & Sons—”The Cave”
#99
Just like Panic! At the Disco, these guys are masters at creating records that you swear you understand until you actually try to put that understanding into words. I have nothing against vague emotions, but if you’re going to cram this many words into your songs they should connect in some way to some idea somewhere, and not just be a bundle of pseudo-folk-wisdom tropes.

Bubbling Under:

Mary Mary—”Walking”
#107
Elementary gospel music—almost literally; the second verse sounds like the soundtrack to a short film on Sesame Street. I like the application of religion to the everyday, and the fact that they don’t mention Jesus until the very end, but the music itself is too everyday, and this could use a little Christlike passion. Not bad, but not exciting.

El DeBarge featuring Faith Evans—”Lay With You”
#112
If you’re going to engage in ’80s nostalgia, this is the way to do it, with somebody who’s actually from the ’80s and who, even after years on the sidelines, doesn’t seem to have lost the touch. It isn’t progress, but it sure sounds good.

Tinie Tempah featuring Eric Turner—”Written In the Stars”
#117
Like his fellow newcomers to the states Jay Sean and Taio Cruz, Tempah is already a huge star in the UK, but in his case it’s difficult to understand why. His not a terrible rapper, and I like his dancehall touches, but otherwise there’s nothing to distinguish him besides his accent, which makes him unusual here but ten-pence-a-dozen in the UK. The song is ordinary, as well. And God help me, I never want to hear Eric Turner breathe again; he sounds like he’s having an asthma attack.

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