Posts Tagged ‘Plies’

Hot 100 Roundup—3/12/11

Monday, March 7th, 2011

Jennifer Lopez featuring Pitbull—”On the Floor”
#9
Anyone with any sense knows why this debuted in the top ten. Lopez’s presence on American Idol may, in fact, be the only reason this record was made at all. Some people have already mentioned the irony involved in Lopez coaching singers when she doesn’t have much of a voice herself, but weak vocals are the least of this record’s problems, which is such a blatant grab-bag of current dance floor trends that even Pitbull sounds a little unsure of it. You can’t say Lopez and her producer, RedOne, aren’t up-to-date, but ripping off a track as recognizable as “Stereo Love” when it’s just peaked on the charts is about as daring as this record gets. For anyone who may have wondered whether it was RedOne or Lady Gaga who provided the creative firepower on The Fame, this should answer your questions quite nicely.

Glee Cast
“Don’t You Want Me”, #49
“Blame It (On the Alcohol)”, #55
“Tik Tok”, #61
Back to normal.

Wiz Khalifa featuring Too $hort—”On My Level”
#52
Not a terrible track, but the presence of Too $hort makes me question Khalifa’s judgement. Too $hort is now too old to indulge in stimulants himself, so instead he talks about getting girls loaded so he can have his way with them. What a guy. Is this why some people are raving about Khalifa? Because he’s bringing back “real”, stupidly sexist hip-hop? As if it ever went away.

Adele
“Someone Like You”, #65
“Set Fire To the Rain”, #88
Adele has a voice—when she isn’t blasting like an air raid siren she manages to be both growly and vulnerable, with a touch of hysteria thrown in for good measure—but these are terrible songs, if they can even be graced with the designation of song at all. They’re set pieces for her voice; the lyrical blather serves as nothing but an indicator of what she’s getting so upset about. She’s young yet, so maybe she’ll learn, and when she gets around to making 35 she may even have something to say. But since her sales are encouraging her in the wrong direction, I don’t hold out much hope.

Big Time Rush featuring Snoop Dogg—”Boyfriend”
#79
Snoop teaming up with this Nickelodeon-sponsored boy band has a lot of people shaking their heads, but other than their choice of words and their preferred stimulants (Big Time Rush are high on life, you see), I don’t see much difference. Both have fairly shallow ideas about love and romance, one the result of inexperience, the other the result of too much experience. Snoop, of course, is super cool while BTR gush, but while BTR sees nothing but the stars in their own eyes, Snoop sees nothing but Gucci bags and the size of her thighs. Since they’re both looking for the wrong things, why shouldn’t they search together?

Mike Posner featuring Lil Wayne—”Bow Chicka Wow Wow”
#82
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 2/28/11

DJ Khaled featuring Rick Ross, Plies, Lil Wayne & T-Pain—”Welcome To My Hood”
#90
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 2/28/11

Kirk Franklin—”I Smile”
#97
I’d never heard of Franklin before this, and since he doesn’t actually sing on this track, I thought he was some sort of Prosperity Gospel preacher. But he has a long history on the gospel circuit and seems to be the real thing, though you’d never know it by listening to this happy jingle for Jesus. Not that it blatantly advertises itself as such: for the most part it’s a positivity anthem with a few religious references thrown in. It’s essentially all chorus, and though it seems friendly enough at first, it gets cloying fast, and then it goes on and on and doesn’t leave you alone, like a cheerful bus stop proselytizer who doesn’t recognize the fine line between being friendly and being an irritant. Franklin actually starts out irritating by dedicating the song to “depression, recession, and unemployment”, no doubt for opening desperate people’s hearts to the message of the church. Which is one of the reasons I, and many others, hate the church to begin with.

Joe Nichols—”The Shape I’m In”
#98
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 2/21/11

Aaron Lewis featuring George Jones & Charlie Daniels—”Country Boy”
#100
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 2/21/11

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Bubbling Under—2/28/11

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

DJ Khaled featuring Rick Ross, Plies, Lil Wayne & T-Pain—”Welcome To My Hood”
#102
You don’t tamper with the formula, even if your hooks are getting a little worn and the minor changes you make to the beats don’t fool anybody. This is more of the same, only less; the urgency of Khaled’s first couple of singles is long gone, and now it’s just a bunch of rappers doing the guy a favor. T-Pain’s hook goes nowhere; Rick Ross is slightly above average; Lil Wayne, as usual, gets off the best line (“I talk a lot of shit and I practice what I preach”); and Plies is, much to my surprise, bearable. But what’s the point?

The Avett Brothers—”Head Full of Doubt/Road Full of Promise”
#103
A Grammy approved, elegiac waltz with intensely sincere vocals and lyrics that suggest major trouble but never explain what kind; if this is the best (or only) thing alt-country has to offer, I think I’ll stick to the mainstream.

Mike Posner featuring Lil Wayne—”Bow Chicka Wow Wow”
#107
Posner is a problem. He’s a good producer—this is an interesting mix of hip-hop suggestiveness and rock-based electric-guitar balladry—but what he produces is schmaltz. Even when he’s trying his best to sound like Lil Wayne if Lil Wayne could sing, nothing comes through but the fact that he’s a generally nice guy who’s a complete failure at trying to sound tough. Meanwhile, Lil Wayne talks shit again, and practices what he preaches. As does the guitar solo.

Selena Gomez—”Shake It Up”
#109
Gomez is always better the further away from Disney she gets, and though this theme song for a new series is closer to what she’s done on her own, it’s still a Disney series theme song, which means it’s corny in ways that are definite yet difficult to pin down. Let’s just say that’s it’s totally non-threatening; it doesn’t promise anything but a good time. One that doesn’t involve sex, alcohol, or drugs, that is. It does contain sugar, though—lots and lots of sugar.

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New this week—5/16/10

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

Eminem—”Not Afraid”
#1
I’m happy for Eminem; he sounds stronger, sharper, on top of things. But this is not a good record. His delivery is forced and too consciously aggressive, his mix of scatological philosophizing and sentimentality confusing when it isn’t embarrassing, the hooks are dull, and there isn’t a single moment of wit or humor. Maybe this is a lead-up to something better, but he’s still trying too hard and thinking too much. He sounds like a dry drunk.

3Oh!3 featuring Ke$ha—”My First Kiss”
#9
Hate to admit it, but this one’s growing on me. It gets a certain kind of lust just right, and Ke$ha helps to tamper down some of the more offensive edges of 3Oh!3′s masculine aggression. They’re still crude and simplistic, but as long as they’re playing on a level field and the hooks are catchy enough, I have no problem with that.

Glee Cast
“Total Eclipse of the Heart”, #16
“Run Joey Run”, #61
“Ice Ice Baby”, #74
“Physical”, #89
“U Can’t Touch This”, #92
Campy trash like this week’s selections should be perfect for a show like this, but if they had any fun with these songs on the program you’d never know it by the music. They approach these songs with the same stolid seriousness and Broadway earnestness with which they approach everything else. If that seriousness is intended as a joke, it’s never been funny, but I don’t think it is. As far as I can tell the only joke is: “Look, I’m singing those trashy hits your parents get all nostalgic about.” Only “Ice Ice Baby”, which was half a joke to begin with (in retrospect it may be the greatest rap parody ever), comes across.

Drake—”Find Your Love”
#34
This isn’t great, but it’s the first Drake record I’ve heard where I feel I’m listening to Drake, and not his imitation of somebody else. A step in the right direction, if nothing else.

Young Jeezy featuring Plies—”Lose My Mind”
#35
In a way, it’s good to know that people like Jeezy, and even Plies, are still celebrating the thug—or, as they call it, goon—life. As hip-hop has moved further towards dance-pop, and Euro-dance-pop at that, it’s only right that there’s someone on the charts to remind us of how a lot of people still live. Not that Jeezy and Plies take any of that seriously, and this is as trashy and crude as you might imagine, but it’s also clever (“We drink that rozay til we black out/wake up, drink some more, pass back out”), and they’re representing all the same.

Lee Brice—”Love Like Crazy”
#97
This starts off with so much down-home country syrup, especially in the vocals, that it’s hard not to wonder if it might be intended as parody. Then you get to the second verse, where the clean living, hard working, loving, praying small town southern man sells his one man computer business to Microsoft for big bucks, and suddenly you find yourself somewhere beyond parody, where the brushing of nostalgic country cliches against modern life generates a form of artless surrealism. Brice sings the whole thing straight, and I don’t think it’s intended as a joke, which only makes it weirder. It’s one of those odd moments where worlds collide, garishly, in the place you’d least expect.

Theory Of A Deadman—”All Or Nothing”
#99
I have no idea what a theory of a deadman would be, but these guys do inspire me to suggest a new definition of a deadman: a guy whose greatest ambition in life is to be Nickelback.

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New this week—12/27/09

Saturday, December 26th, 2009

Eminem
“Hell Breaks Loose” (featuring Dr. Dre), #29
“Elevator”, #67
There’s no doubt that these are sharper and more to the point than the tracks on the original version of Relapse—less fussy and more energetic, as well (even Dre sounds fully focused for a change). So even though they’re nothing new in and of themselves, they are promising. Maybe Slim Shady has some life in him yet. Whether or not that’s a a good thing at this stage—or at Eminem’s age—is open to question.

Alicia Keys—”Empire State of Mind (Part II) Broken Down”
#55
The hook is still there, but the verses sound like Keys did a Google search for big city cliches—”concrete jungle”, “melting pot”, women working the streets, etc.—and didn’t bother to come up with a single idea of her own. As for her musical abilities, she’s become one the most irritating keyboard players I’ve ever heard—all meaningless fills and runs, quaranteed to trivialize the rare instances she actually has something to say.

Adam Lambert—”Whataya Want From Me”
#72
As much as I respect and appreciate the way Lambert has faced down his conservative critics, I still find myself stopping short when it comes to his music. The best song on his album is a Lady Gaga reject, and on this P!nk reject he achieves nothing except a decent, mediocre imitation of the original owner. If he’s going to keep fighting for the right to be himself, isn’t it time he actually put himself on record?

Robin Thicke—”Sex Therapy”
#79
Thicke tries hard, and his grooves are sexy and intelligent, an achievement both impressive and rare. But then he gets to the chorus, and I’m sorry, but nobody, nobody in the world, not even the resurrection of Marvin Gaye himself, could convince me that Lesley Gore, or anything that Lesley Gore has ever touched, is sexy. Once Thicke puts his warm and tender hands on “It’s My Party”, the sex therapy ends, the session is over, and all that remains is camp. Maybe for those younger than me, who are less familiar with the original, the effect isn’t as extreme, but as far as I’m concerned there’s no way to take this record seriously after the chorus, and no amount of horny falsetto will ever convice me otherwise.

Usher featuring Plies—”Hey Daddy (Daddy’s Home)”
#94
I had no idea Usher felt he had sunk so low that he had to resort to pairing up with The Worst Rapper In the World®, but here they are all the same. The image created by the chorus, of Usher’s lover with her butt in the air murmuring the title phrase, is bad enough, but then Plies steps in, and it turns out that his idea of eroticism is pouring Kool-Aid on a woman’s back and kissing it off before any of it spills. I just hope “Kool-Aid” isn’t code for something even more disgusting.

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New this week—12/20/09

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

Ludacris—”How Low”
#13
Since Ludacris announced his intention to make more serious records a couple of years back, things have shifted in the pop world. The recession created an audience that wanted anything other than the serious, and Ludacris wisely reverts to his old party persona. He does this, ironically enough, by sampling the most serious of all rap groups, Public Enemy, and making a record more reminiscent of Soulja Boy than anything he’s done before. The result is as silly as you might expect, but not in a particularly entertaining way, and it isn’t funny at all. Maybe that “serious” move was just a sign that he’d run out of ideas and/or jokes.

Glee Cast
“My Life Would Suck Without You”, #51
“Don’t Rain On My Parade”, #53
“You Can’t Always Get What You Want”, #71
“And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”, #94
The songs from the final episode sum up quite nicely everything that’s wrong with Glee as music: bad karaoke (“My Life”); bad Broadway impersonations (“Parade”); bad, meaningless rock covers (apparently no one involved with this show knows what “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” is actually about—why did they even bother with the verses?); and bad, histrionic versions of overrated pseudo-soul screamfests. The world has until April to wise up, but I’m not holding my breath on that one.

Lil Wayne—”On Fire”
#62
Anyone who doubts that rap, if not dead, is at least at a turning point, should give this record a listen. It’s not just that it’s bad (though it surely is), but that it encapsulates a moment of confusion amongst even the greatest rappers about what to do next. Based on this, Lil Wayne’s rock album is gearing up to be the greatest piece of career suicide since Kelly Clarkson’s My December, except apparently nobody has the nerve to tell Wayne it’s a mistake. It’s not surprising that he’d take a downward step—after the creative burst that culminated in Tha Carter III anything he did was bound to be anticlimactic—but this is like walking off a cliff.

Jason DeRulo—”In My Head”
#63
The problem with this record is simple: after playing it half a dozen times, it hasn’t stayed in my head at all. Without Imogen Heap, he’s nothing.

Mary J. Blige—”I Am”
#67
This is nothing new, but it’s a good, solid song, and for the first time in ages Blige sounds comfortable again, wisely relaxing and not overplaying her hand or her pipes. It helps that she’s taking on a role rather than singing as herself. It may not be a masterpiece, but it’s the best single Blige has put out in years.

30 Seconds To Mars—”This Is War”
#72
Imagine if U2 and Pearl Jam got together to make a concept album about global conflict. Now imagine that the album was written not by U2 and Pearl Jam, but Queensryche. No, I wouldn’t want to hear it, either.

Snoop Dogg—”I Wanna Rock”
#80
Ah, here’s the semi-annual Snoop I’ve been waiting for, and as an extra treat it comes with a shout-out to jerkin’. Not as daring as he’s been in the past, but as masterful as ever, and that choir chanting “Snooooop dooogg” in the background makes me laugh every time I hear it.

Chris Brown featuring Plies—”What I Do”
#88
I can’t help wondering if that title wouldn’t make more sense with a question mark at the end, with lyrics reflecting Brown’s dismay at having to work with The Worst Rapper In The World® in order to boost his plummeting commercial potential. And where’s that Akon duet we were promised?

Lifehouse—”Halfway Gone”
#99
That title invites all sorts of easy quips, but the song isn’t worth even that much effort.

George Strait—”Twang”
#100
If there have to be country songs about how wonderful country songs are, I’d rather hear them from Strait than anybody else, if only because he’s made some wonderful country music himself. Trouble is, the idea of country songs about country songs is as worn-out as rock songs about rockin’ out, and nothing Strait can do is going to revive it or make anything new out of it.

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New this week

Monday, September 14th, 2009

Breaking Benjamin—”I Will Not Bow”
#40
Music for fans of 300, of which there are many, I suppose. I just wish I knew what it was they think they’re fighting. Death itself is the most likely answer, hence the defeatism. But it’s a generic defeatism, as untouched by reality and as sentimental as any lovey dovey acoustic strumalong. They should just send out black edged Hallmark cards and get it over with.

Trey Songz featuring Gucci Mane & Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em—”LOL :-) ”
#51
The music is charming—which, with a production team named Fisha & Price, is only what you’d expect—but Trey Songz never has anything interesting to say, Gucci Mane adds nothing, and Soulja Boy sounds like he just got up and is stumbling around the kitchen making a cup of coffee while shouting out whatever comes into his head that seems to rhyme (including a plug for his most recent hit). The music might prevent this from become dated too quickly, if it isn’t already, but don’t bet on it.

Michael Buble—”Haven’t Met You Yet”
#65
Unlike a lot of critics, I didn’t think Sara Bareilles “Love Song” was a bad record, but this blatant rip-off makes it sound like a masterpiece. You’d think a star like Buble would make his theft less obvious, but subtlety doesn’t seem to be his strong suit. You also wouldn’t think that a heartthrob like Buble would have a voice as thin as tissue paper, but you’d be wrong about that, too. In it’s way, the dumbest record of the year, and that’s saying something.

Jesse McCartney featuring T-Pain—”Body Language”
#84
Not much of a song, but it does provide an interesting view into the shifting commercial allegiances of hip-hop. The original featured loud “Hey!”s in the mode of T.I., but McCartney must have decided that imitating a guy doing time for Federal weapons charges might not be a good idea in light of the age of most of his audience, so he brings in the more benign, cartoonish T-Pain, whose “Hey”s are softer and, needless to say, prettily autotuned. At the same time, T-Pain seems to embrace McCartney as the heir to the recently convicted Chris Brown, referring to their newly formed partnership as Nappy Boy and Pretty Boy, the same phrase he used to describe himself and Brown on “Kiss Kiss”. Meanwhile, musically, McCartney continues to try to cross the gap between Brown and Justin Timberlake without noticing the big sign that says “You Can’t Get There From Here”. This is starting to become as complicated as a telenovella.

Luke Bryan—”Do I”
#85
What, you mean whine and cry and bore us to tears for four endless minutes? Yes, you do.

Gucci Mane featuring Plies—”Wasted”
#95
Gucci Mane has done so many guest spots in the last couple of months—making up for time lost to incarceration—that you’d be excused for thinking he must be as big a name as T-Pain or Lil Wayne. But I tend to think that most of those guest spots were offered as a welcome home and as a form of charity. He’s contributed nothing of value to any of the records he’s appeared on, and here he teams up with The Worst Rapper On The Planet™ and demonstrates how little we actually missed while he was in the joint.

Sean Kingston—”Face Drop”
#98
The closest thing to a personal touch on this faceless follow-up to the even more faceless “Fire Burning” is a reference to being overweight—which Kingston sings as impersonally as everything else. A couple of years ago I thought he might have some real talent, but obviously I was wrong.

Whitney Houston—”Million Dollar Bill”
#100
A weird one. With all the youthful brassiness missing from Houston’s voice and her upper register apparently gone for good, even her uptempo celebrations are subdued. The opening verse sounds like a Sade record sped up, and though the rest settles into a respectable early ’80s soul groove, it never quite takes off. But it gets better every time I listen to it, and at times Houston conjures a dignity and grace reminiscent of her cousin Dionne Warwick. At this point in her career, I can’t think of a better model.

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