Posts Tagged ‘Shakira’

Rage, Real and Imagined
Hot 100 Roundup—7/21/12

Wednesday, July 18th, 2012

P!nk—“Blow Me (One Last Kiss)”
#58
P!nk’s persona, the pop diva with the heart of a riot grrrl, can create interesting tensions in her music, but sometimes it forces her to overplay her hand. This is a step up from songs like her pre-maternity leave self-help ballad “Fuckin’ Perfect”, but she tries too hard. The song is already tough enough without the double entendre title parenthesis or the ear-piercing pitch of the “shit day” section. It’s not that I don’t believe that P!ink has shit days, it’s that the whole section is overkill and seems designed to do nothing more than give her a chance to swear and remind everyone how down-to-earth she is. Without it, despite it’s worrying 90s feel (guitar line courtesy U2, vocal harmonies on the verses courtesy Liz Phair), it would be a much better song. As it is, it’s slightly above-average and nothing more.

Tim McGraw—“Truck Yeah”
#69
Not a great song, but there’s no doubt McGraw is re-energized now that he’s free of Curb Records. Anyone who thinks Emotional Traffic wasn’t pure contractual obligation should listen to how fired up McGraw sounds here. He’ll come up with better material, but as an announcement of liberation this isn’t bad. Also, the image of McGraw rocking out to Lil Wayne is pleasing in all sorts of ways (though I do wonder how you do that).

DJ Khaled featuring Kanye West & Rick Ross—“I Wish You Would”
#78
Having decided that drunken award show ramblings and all-caps Twitter rants are damaging not only to his reputation but his self-respect, West has wisely decided to express his vehemence and air his frustrations on his records instead. The result, so far, has been a succession of singles in which his anger, instead of being diminished by expression, has grown, as if each record was feeding off the one that preceded it. “Mercy”, “Theraflu/Way Too Cold/Cold” (the succession of titles alone gives you an idea of how focused West’s rage has become), and now “I Wish You Would”, are all rants directed at anyone who has ever gotten in West’s way or dared to consider themselves his equal (excepting, of course, his mentor Jay-Z). Each has been more bitter and pointed than the one that came before. The most brilliant part of this campaign has been his using the bombastic, rap brag production of DJ Khaled as his base, taking the already prominent anger of the form and amping it to the breaking point. Rick Ross does his best to keep up, but he’s out of his league, and Khaled’s best contribution, aside from the beat, is a brief interjection expressing amazement at the majestic vehemence of West’s rap. West is working out so much aggression that I fully expect his next album to be full of laid back soul ballads and Chi-Lites samples. Then again, if he keeps up like this, it may end up as an album length equivalent to the intro of “(For God’s Sake) Give More Power To the People”.

Trey Songz featuring T.I.—“2 Reasons”
#97
It’s nice to hear Songz breaking out of the soul ballad niche he’s come close to exhausting and being trapped in, and T.I.’s trying out a new flow and voice is a relief, as well (he’s barely recognizable as his old self). This is nothing but a goof, and suffers from not going far enough into the inanity that drives it, but I like it more every time I hear it, and it may turn out to be a keeper.

Pitbull featuring Shakira—“Get It Started”
#99
What a mess. Pitbull’s willingness to try just about anything is one of his greatest strengths, but here he comes out with a start and stop dance track that doesn’t make sense even when it’s banging. Shakira’s presence adds to the mystery. This sounds like two incomplete productions slapped together in the hope that the marquee names on the label will make the accumulated trash a hit anyway.

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Bubbling Under—7/2/11

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

Christina Grimmie—”Liar Liar”
#103
This, coming after Christina Perri, is almost enough to make me think that no one named Christina should be allowed to make records. Granted, this is only mediocre, while Perri’s “Jar of Hearts” is unbearable, but it’s hard not to think that Grimmie got signed for her name and her geek-girl looks rather than her music.

Shakira featuring Pitbull—”Rabiosa”
#117
The crazier Shakira gets on record the more I like her, but despite the title this is nowhere near as rabid as it should be. Even then it’s too stylish for Pitbull, who thrives in rougher surroundings. He’s out of place here, while Shakira sounds as if she’s going through the motions and nothing more. This has its moments, but not nearly enough.

Steve Holy—”Love Don’t Run”
#119
Mediocrity seems to be the watchword this week. This isn’t embarrassing as far as country love ballads go, but it’s nothing special either. Because the song never tips us off as to exactly what’s being discussed, it feels unfinished, not only as a song, but emotionally. How can we possibly understand how strong his love is if we don’t know what it is that it isn’t running away from? Pop songs shouldn’t make you ask questions as convoluted as that.

New Hollow—”Airplanes”
#120
Other than proving that “Airplanes” works as rock and roll as well as hip-hop, I don’t see much point to this record. I bet someone like Jason Aldean could make it work as country, too. So?

Alexandra Stan—”Mr. Saxobeat”
#125
More euro-disco nonsense. Irritating not just for itself, but because there must be far better euro-disco that isn’t being imported (aside from what ends up backing Pitbull and Chris Brown, that is), and I’d much rather hear that than this corny pablum. Though I’d be happy to play it to anyone who still believes European culture is more sophisticated than ours.

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Bubbling Under—4/16/11

Wednesday, April 20th, 2011

Jennifer Lopez featuring Lil Wayne—”I’m Into You”
#101
I like this better than “On the Floor”, even though it’s less forward looking in style. But that’s only because I like Shakira, who Lopez blatantly imitates here, better than Pitbull. Lil Wayne adds nothing, which I’m hoping doesn’t become a habit.

Toby Keith—”Somewhere Else”
#112
Self-doubt may be the exact opposite of what Toby Keith is famous for, but he is sure is good at faking it. Helps that he’s such a craftsman: this record isn’t exactly profound, but it’s perfectly put together. He’s no genius; he’s just a journeyman.

Dierks Bentley—”Am I the Only One”
#117
No, Dierks, you’re not the only one. I’m sure somebody else must have ripped off the tune of The Lovin’ Spoonful’s “Jug Band Music” before this (and who knows where John Sebastian found it). They just weren’t so blatant about it.

Martina McBride—”Teenage Daughters”
#118
I’ve never paid much attention to McBride, but maybe I should, because this is a great record, low-key and warm in a way most Nashville singles aren’t these days. It’s a little too long, and I don’t think there was any real reason to repeat the intro at the end, but, with the exception of Sunny Sweeney, it’s still the best country record I’ve heard this year. The middle eight is perfect: “They’re beautiful, wild and free/Everything we wish we could be/But they’re still crazy”. I hope McBride continues down this road; it’s exactly where she should be.

Hot Chelle Rae—”Tonight Tonight”
#123
Another bunch of privileged white boys form a band, with the twist that this time they’re from Nashville–their fathers are all successful songwriters and/or session men. The results don’t sound all that special, though: clean-cut punk-pop with a heavy Cars influence. They could be stars on Nickelodeon or the Disney channel anytime they want.

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/17/10

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

Taylor Swift—”Speak Now”
#8
Another cute fairy tale, a song form at which Swift has become an absolute master. Sassy, funny, and sharply observed as always, only this one is streaked with some real bitterness, including details and descriptions that would be considered, um, mean coming from anyone else. As the title cut from the new album, it obviously serves as justification for the deeper anger that permeates some of the other songs. Like most fairy tales, however, this ends at the point of victory, and says nothing about the aftermath. Which makes me wonder if Swift, both as a character in her songs and as a real person, is ready for the tempest she’s stirring up.

Kanye West featuring Pusha T—”Runaway”
#12
Ever since 808s and Heartbreak, and even more so since his disastrous VMA fuck-up, the main focus of Kanye West’s audience, and certainly the press, has been not his music, but his state of mind. Is he falling apart? Does he regret what he’s done? Will he apologize? Will the new record present a more humble, subdued Yeezy? The answers so far (No. Yes. Sort of. Are you kidding me?) are fascinating in their way, but they distract from the main point, which is the music. In the last three months he’s released two excellent official singles, plus a boatload of good to great tracks as part of the G.O.O.D. Friday download series, and all I read on the blogs and in comment sections is analysis of his emotional ups and downs, as if every new piece of music were nothing more than the latest installment in a soap opera: Kanye West and the Price of Fame or As the Rapper Yearns. Part of this is West’s fault—his self-absorption is far beyond the call of duty of even the most egotistical rappers—but at the same time he’s one of the few whose work lives up to their own hype. And even if the latest records break little new ground—“Power” harks all the way back to The College Dropout, while “Runaway” sounds like an 808s track with some pop sweetening—the ideas he’s already dug up would be enough to fuel any number of lifelong careers. If, that is, he doesn’t drive his into the ground by making music about nothing but himself. It’s a narrowing of the palette that few artists survive, no matter how brilliant they are. I just hope this album gets it all out of his system and he can go on to something else.

Glee Cast
“I Want To Hold Your Hand”, #36
“One Of Us”, #37
“Only the Good Die Young”, #50
“Losing My Religion”, #60
“Papa Can You Hear Me?”, #65
“Bridge Over Troubled Water”, #73
“I Look To You”, #74

P!nk—”Raise Your Glass”
#51
For a Max Martin-produced party record this is surprisingly stiff, never more so than in the throwaway vocal interjections that are supposed to provide that loose, freaky atmosphere (and all the jokes). It’s all far too calculated and machine-tooled, without a single moment left to chance. I don’t know if this is Martin’s fault or P!nk’s, but it sure isn’t freaky.

Bruno Mars—”The Lazy Song”
#82
Dear Bruno Mars: You can be a pop guy with serious undertones, or you can be a serious guy with an instinctive pop sensibility, but you cannot be Jack Johnson with keyboards. Not if you want any respect, that is.

A Rocket To the Moon—”Like We Used To”
#91
One of those records that’s upended by the details guys like this learn to put into their songs in their Songwriting 101 class. Pleading with an ex-girlfriend you caught naked in a car with somebody else fourteen months ago does not make you sensitive or passionate—it makes you a wimp. As does the music and the vocals.

Edward Maya & Vika Jigulina—”Stereo Love”
#93
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/10/10

David Guetta featuring Kid Cudi—”Memories”
#94
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/3/10

Shakira featuring Dizzee Rascal—”Loca”
#98
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/10/10

Bubbling Under

Justin Moore—”How I Got To Be This Way”
#101
By being kicked in the head by a horse, apparently. This explains a lot.

Ne-Yo—”One In a Million”
#102
This is the catchiest and most pop-oriented of the preview singles off Ne-Yo’s new album, which also means it’s the most familiar sounding and the most ordinary. Ne-Yo’s style and class set him apart from almost everybody else on the chart, but they also hold him back somehow. It feels as if he’s not telling us everything he could because he’s afraid of stepping outside of the image he’s concocted for himself. Maybe it’s time for him to be a little less of a gentleman, or at least find an outlet for the tension that stance implies.

Trace Adkins—”This Ain’t No Love Song”
#103
In fact, it’s barely a song at all.

Luke Bryan—”Someone Else Calling You Baby”
#104
Bryan is a decent, mid-level country singer, and this is interesting for being essentially 70s country pop with a more soulful, modern rock setting, The Bellamy Brothers turned up to 11. Past 11, actually, which is the problem.

Willow—”Whip My Hair”
#105
This is far better than anyone had a right to suspect, and surprising, as well. Willow’s voice is literally unbelievable—it’s not just the strength, but the mature phrasing—if I hadn’t already known I never would have suspected her real age; I would have gone for thirty. The track is rougher than you’d think, as well, a poppified mix of electro and crunk that never lets up. Tougher than anything her dad ever did, that’s for sure.

My Darkest Days featuring Ludacris—”Porn Star Dancing”
#106
With Nickleback’s Chad Kroeger as co-writer and co-producer doing his best 3Oh!3 impersonation, the presence of Ludacris helps this record achieve a perfect storm of demographic triangulation. The sheer commercial shamelessness of it almost makes its stripper pole sleaze appealing. Kind of catchy, too.

Lifehouse—”All In”
#108
If it were anybody else turning to poker metaphors to describe their passion, I’d assume they were shooting for a country crossover, but these guys sound like the same old boring rockers they’ve always been. Only without hooks. It doesn’t mean much to go all in if all you’ve got left is a couple of bucks.

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/10/10

Wednesday, October 13th, 2010

Glee Cast
“Toxic”, #16
“The Only Exception”, #26
“I’m A Slave 4 U”, #52
“Stronger”, #53
“Baby One More Time”, #54
“Me Against the Music”, #56

Lil Wayne
“Gonorrhea” (featuring Drake), #17
“What’s Wrong With Them” (featuring Nicki Minaj), #42
“I Am Not a Human Being”, #65
“Bill Gates”, #75
“Hold Up” (featuring T Streets), #102
“That Ain’t Me (featuring Jay Sean), #105
A half-dozen throwaways from a great artist who, before he went to jail, had stretched himself way too thin in terms of both performances and ideas. Admittedly, the rock and roll is better than Rebirth, but what kind of recommendation is that?

Pitbull featuring T-Pain—”Hey Baby (Drop It To the Floor)”
#51
What puts Pitbull over for me is the dry, confident, good-humored quality of his vocals. This is why it’s odd to see him partnering up with T-Pain, who, in comparison, sounds determined to hide himself behind his effects, almost as if he were afraid to have his real voice heard. The fact that T-Pain’s last two singles bombed and he’s been missing from the charts for most of the year only adds to the sense of desperation. T-Pain’s presence also means that Pitbull has to fill the track with more noise than usual, as opposed to the minimal club bangers of the past, where his own voice stood out. This is one of those misbegotten match-ups where the result emphasizes the weakness of both artists. They’re better off on their own.

Nicki Minaj—”Right Thru Me”
#74
It’s interesting that Minaj, who comes on so tough on other people’s records, seems such a romantic softy on her own. This has slightly harder edges than “Your Love”, but those are only there to cover up how unimaginative the rest of this sentimental goo is. More and more she reminds me of Cyndi Lauper: an eccentric and possibly major talent who turns out to be a blandly ordinary sentimentalist at heart. I hope I’m wrong, but this record points in that direction.

My Chemical Romance—”Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)”
#77
There’s a lot to love about this record: MCR’s wit, intensity, and sense of craft combine so perfectly that they even get away with the pretentious spoken bit in the middle. But the middle is where they’re stuck. Smarter than Green Day, not quite as smart as Jack White, and funnier than either, they’ve sworn allegiance to a style that can be fun and forceful but that’s culturally meaningless at best, nostalgic and sentimental (in a loud, revolutionary way) at worst. There’s a reason the country market has finally embraced rock and roll; it isn’t a threat to anybody anymore.

Bruno Mars—”Grenade”
#81
Mars is a talented guy, but this is a lousy record—near hysterical at times, too cool at others, and packed wall-to-wall with meaningless, fluffy noise. It’s pop only in the sense of pandering to the most basic audience desires while leaving room for nothing but Mars’s ego, which gets bigger with every record. He’s a master of the tried and true, but I’m beginning to doubt if he’s anything more than that.

Marsha Ambrosius—”Hope She Cheats On You (With a Basketball Player”)
#88
Great title, but unfortunately Ambrosius knows it, and repeats it endlessly on the fade, until the bitterness gets stifled by a lack of imagination and her desire to show off her pipes. She doesn’t sound mad, she sounds smug. This is the sort of thing Alicia Keys would come up with if she thought she had a sense of humor.

Bubbling Under:

Shakira featuring Dizzee Rascal—”Loca”
#101
A lesson in the diminishing returns of dance albums. This is OK, but it’s nowhere near as good as “She Wolf”, and too much of it sounds like Shakira is just going through the motions. That goes for Dizzee Rascal, too. (Note: Billboard actually lists the Spanish language version of this song on the chart, but as the English version is outselling it by an order of ten on iTunes, I’m assuming that was a mistake.)

Jeremih featuring Ludacris—”I Like”
#104
Though the ballad w/rap genre has had its moments, it’s overstayed its welcome, and I really wish it would go away. This is a good, more sophisticated follow-up to “Birthday Sex” until Ludacris adds his two cents. He’s like a rude parent barging in on a couple of teenagers making out on the couch and delivering some thinly veiled lewd suggestions before he leaves. He means well, but it kills the mood completely. Jeremih’s already had a top ten record; does he really need that much help via name recognition to get another one?

Kenny Chesney—”Live a Little”
#106
Chesney apparently spent his year off from touring listening to The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” and trying to think of a way to incorporate that sound into a country song. He couldn’t do it, so he just tacks his version onto the intro and outro of an ordinary country-rocker and pretends he’s doing something new and exciting. He’s not fooling me, though.

Edward Maya & Vika Jiguilina—”Stereo Love”
#107
A lush euro-disco chanson, complete with accordion. A pleasant trifle, at least until the repetitiveness of it starts to weight it down. You keep expecting that accordion melody to go somewhere when all it does is repeat. As a disco novelty, though, I like it a lot more than “We No Speak Americano”

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South Africa

Saturday, July 24th, 2010

A while back, reviewing Shakira’s “Waka Waka”, I wrote about my disappointment with the lack of attention for newer music from South Africa. Over at The Daily Beast, Michaelangelo has provided an overview of what I was talking about. A great place to start for those who are unfamiliar.

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New this week—6/20/10

Monday, June 28th, 2010

Justin Bieber featuring Jaden Smith—”Never Say Never”
#33
I was expecting it to be bad, but I wasn’t expecting it to be this bad. The problem isn’t Bieber, who acquits himself as well as can be expected (it actually helps that he shows so little real emotion), and it isn’t the blandness of the song itself. It isn’t even Jaden Smith, who, despite his heritage, sounds talentless but willing to give it the old middle-school try. But his rap, if it can be called that, is terrible not only in delivery, but in spirit and in message. What it seems to be saying is that if you’re privileged enough to get a guest spot on a Justin Bieber record, then you don’t need to worry about all those people who are bigger and stronger and probably smarter than you are. Which is, of course, the exact opposite of the message presented in the movie. It would be meaningless to accuse the producers of a remake of The Karate Kid of selling-out their principles, but shouldn’t they at least know what they are, or were, once upon a time?

Glee Cast
“Faithfully”, #37
“Over the Rainbow”, #44
“Anyway You Want It/Lovin’ Touchin’ Squeezin’”, #58
“To Sir with Love”, #75
“Bohemian Rhapsody”, #84
“Don’t Stop Believin’” obviously wasn’t enough, so now the makers of Glee (sounds like they should be a division of Proctor & Gamble, doesn’t it?) have decided to revive the entire Journey catalog. If the show didn’t already deserve capital punishment, this would be enough to guarantee termination with extreme prejudice. At least it’s over for a few months. See you in September (and no, that’s not a song suggestion).

Shakira featuring Freshlyground—”Waka Waka (This Time for Africa)”
#43
As nice as it is to find some version of township jive on the American charts after 25 years, this isn’t a very good record. It was obviously done quickly and to order, Shakira doesn’t seem to put much into it, and let’s face it, township jive has run it’s course. Most of the backing here could have been sampled from The Indestructible Beat of Soweto, which was released in 1986. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but there are much fresher African—even just South African—sounds out there. But I have a feeling that for a long time to come, whenever most people think about African music—when they think about it at all, that is—this is the sort of thing they’ll hear in their head. That’s not Shakira’s fault, of course, or Soweto’s, or even Paul Simon’s. It’s a shame, nonetheless.

Christina Aguilera—”Bionic”
#66
Oddly enough, this is not one of the songs that Santigold co-wrote for Bionic the album. Which is just as well, since if she had she would only be repeating herself. It’s an old refrain, but once again I’m impressed by Aguilera’s daring in terms of inspiration and frustrated by her stiffness and oversinging. “So damn bionic” may well be the dumbest lyric of the year, and she sings it as if it were the most important thing she’s ever said.

Ne-Yo—”Beautiful Monster”
#67
There’s a wonderful tension to the verses, but the chorus is an anti-climax, musically and lyrically too simple and old fashioned to fit with the rest, danceable but forgettable. A lot of it sounds like an outtake from Michael Jackson’s Dangerous, and I like Ne-Yo enough that I’m willing to accept this as an MJ tribute and let it pass. Hope he does better next time.

Lil Jon featuring 3OH!3—”Hey”
#70
Lil Jon is no fool. In the four or five years he’s been unable to record due to legal complications, he’s kept a close eye on the obnoxious white guys who have been copping his style, and he’s more than willing to allow them to give him a little push as he gets back on the road. More than a push: 3OH!3 provide not only the hook but also the only real lyric this song possesses. The styles jar a bit, but even though the three of them have probably never been in the same room at the same time, it still works. It’s a softer, friendlier form of crunk, but Lil Jon doesn’t care. He’s seen the future, and he’s riding its coattails.

Train—”If It’s Love”
#90
Occasionally as clever as they think they are—”Flat like an Idol singer/Remember Winger?/I digress”—they’re also more cynical than their romantic tropes would suggest, and when the strings enter near the end you realize that they can pander with the best of them. Second single in a row to mention an eighties one-shot band (it was Mister Mister last time), which may well be another form of pandering. At least they’re willing to age with their audience.

OneRepublic—”Secrets”
#98
The stripped down intro reveals at least one secret—which is that all of Ryan Tedder’s songs seem to based on one of Bach’s solo cello concertos (which would explain their sophisticated yet comfortably familiar facade). The other is the dirty little secret that Tedder won’t admit even to himself: all his songs really do sound the same. Score one for Kelly Clarkson.

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New this week—5/9/10

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

Glee Cast
“One Less Bell To Answer/A House Is Not a Home” (featuring Kristin Chenoweth), #53
“Beautiful”, #61
“Fire”, #64
“A House Is Not a Home”, #70
“Home” (featuring Kristin Chenoweth), #90
Though the rest of this week’s crop is made up of the usual sub-par versions of overly-familiar pop songs, I need to be fair and admit that Kristin Chenoweth’s take on “One Less Bell To Answer” (at least the first three minutes of it) is easily the best thing Glee has produced yet. But I also need to point out that in keeping with the show’s growth as a marketing tool, the song is a cross-promotion for the Broadway revival of the Burt Bacharach/Hal David/Neil Simon musical Promises Promises, in which Chenoweth stars. “One Less Bell” wasn’t part of the original show, but has been added to the new production. In other words, it isn’t technically a Glee song at all (by the sound of it, the arrangement was taken straight from the musical), thereby keeping the show’s unbroken record of awfulness intact.

The Black Eyed Peas—”Rock That Body”
#62
It’s too late to convince the haters, of course, but this is my favorite track from The E.N.D. It rocks, it discos, it punks, it calypsos, and it turns Fergie into the pure special effect she was born to be.

Shakira—”Gypsy”
#65
Not as profoundly silly as “She Wolf”, but it has its moments. “I might steal your clothes and wear them if they fit me” isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when I think of gypsies, but that only makes the line jump out even more. Sexy and silly at the same time—a pretty neat trick.

B.o.B. featuring Rivers Cuomo—”Magic”
#83
As bizarre as this pairing may seem, I have to admit that there’s something both wonderful and ridiculous about Cuomo bragging about his flow, especially on a chorus that’s livelier than anything Weezer themselves have done in years. As for B.o.B., once again he gets lost somewhere in the background. Maybe that’s where he belongs. I respect him more for his realizing it.

Mike Posner featuring Big Sean—”Cooler Than Me”
#85
I liked the chorus the first time I heard it, but by the time Posner had rambled through it in his self-satisfied sing-song for the fourth time, with nothing but a mediocre rap to break the pattern, I was already bored with it. Now I don’t care if I ever hear it again.

Jerrod Neimann—”Lover, Lover”
#89
Country has been weird lately, and I mean that in the best possible way. Though loud, good ol’ boy country hair metal hasn’t gone away, there are a whole bunch of sort-of newcomers on the scene who seem to take a more traditional, slightly laid-back approach (they all tend to cite George Strait as their biggest influence). Neimann has been hanging around in Nashville for almost fifteen years, put out a couple of albums on independent labels, wrote a few songs that found a place on big name LPs (Garth Brooks, Chris LeDoux), and now here he is with his first major label single. Lyrically it’s nothing special, but the music, which mixes both soul and country-gospel influences, is wonderful. It isn’t perfect—it gets too soft at the end and starts to drift into early Doobie Brothers territory—but it’s another pleasant surprise in a genre that two years ago was as predictable as they come.

Big Time Rush—”Halfway There”
#93
Another attempt by Nickelodeon to seize some of the tween-pop landscape that Disney has already conquered. They don’t seem to be making the same investment in songwriting, though; even the worst songs on the High School Musical soundtracks were better than this. Maybe someone should tip these kids off to Zeno’s Paradox so they can get out while they have the chance.

David Guetta & Chris Willis featuring Fergie and LMFAO—”Gettin’ Over You”
#95
Up until now, I’ve never been sure what, aside from the occasional rap, Apl.De.Ap and Taboo actually contributed to The Black Eyed Peas. Now, after hearing this garish mess and Usher’s will.i.am-produced “OMG”, I finally have an answer: they tell will.i.am and Fergie when to stop. If only somebody else would.

Alpha Rev—”New Morning”
#100
A couple of weeks ago I suggested that there wasn’t a single song on the Hot 100 that was worse than anything by the Glee Cast. That is no longer true.

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New this week—11/22/09

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

Shakira featuring Lil Wayne—”Give It Up To Me”
#58
With Timbaland producing, this starts off sounding like a Nelly Furtado record, but after Lil Wayne’s short, sweet rap, Shakira takes over, and actually manages to reduce both Wayne and Timbaland to the status of sidemen. She’s a force of nature, but with Timbaland repeating his old production tricks in the background, this doesn’t rise anywhere near the giddy heights of “She Wolf”. It’s also depressingly submissive: “…put me in a cage and lock me away and I’ll play the games that you want me to play.” That may be a reference to her record company forcing her to make this after the relative commercial disappointment of “She Wolf”, but that’s not the Shakira anybody wants, and I can’t see this doing any better.

OneRepublic—”Good Life”
#69
Is this what Radiohead would sound like if they were a self-satisfied, self-serious, American pop band? Is that something we even want to think about?

Yo Gotti—”5 Star Chick”
#79
The old-school gangstas’ love of women who have actual jobs—aside from stripping—continues. This one, when she isn’t servicing Gotti sexually or drinking his champagne, is going to real estate school. Or is she a teacher? Or a nurse? Oh, I get it, Gotti’s got a whole harem of women with day jobs. Except he doesn’t, because he says he still has to meet this woman. Or maybe he just means yours. Whatever the case, he certainly covers the theme from all the angles. Gotti having wrapped up this subject (no pun intended), old school gangstas may have to start searching for another type of woman completely. I know, how about ones they legally support? Uh, no, I guess not.

Trey Songz—”Say Aah”
#81
Pleasant enough, but too long, and Trey Songz, for all his obvious skills, always reminds of somebody better. He’s the living definition of a mid-level talent, and this is a mid-level song.

Adam Lambert—”For Your Entertainment”
#84
Straight out of the box, Lambert is easily the oddest of the American Idol alumni to hit the charts, but this record, for all it’s forthright sado-masochistic references, is still pretty tame. It’s like a TV arranger’s idea of the Scissor Sisters, with all the musical brashness smoothed over, and more reminiscent of hair metal than disco. The lyrics are crude, as well, even if they’re intended as a metaphor for Lambert’s coming out after playing nicey-nice on Idol. He sounds like a gigolo for pampered, masochistic housewives.

Anya Marina—”Whatever You Like”
#88
Formula: Sarcastic indie-cover of hip-hop hit, sung in breathy little-girl’s voice, with original gender references retained to achieve maximum irony/kinky suggestiveness. Intended Result: Satiric send-up of rap sexism and self-satisfaction. Actual Result: Pop-porn for pedophiles. Conclusion: Yuck.

Josh Turner—”Why Don’t We Just Dance”
#99
The syrup in Turner’s voice is so thick it almost overwhelms the song, which is clever, charming, just sexy enough, and determinedly lightweight. If this had been released ten years ago it would be just another piece of formulaic country, but coming amidst today’s overwrought barn-burners it’s a pleasant diversion. Turner may not have the easy—sometimes too easy—command of George Strait, but his heart’s in the right place, and he tries harder.

Timbaland featuring The Fray and Esthero—”Undertow”
#100
This is promising for the first two minutes. The song isn’t that strong, but Timbaland’s subdued, pained vocal on the first verse, and the gorgeous warmth of Esthero’s on the second, suggest that maybe it will turn into something worthwhile. In the second half, though, it becomes just another Fray record, albeit one with classier and more restrained production—which only serves to underscore how weak the song is. At least “Apologize”, as awful as it was, had hooks.

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New this week

Thursday, July 23rd, 2009

Shakira—“She Wolf”
#34
If you’re going to go retro disco, Shakira says, go all the way–and she does. The sheer silliness of this record is dazzling. The bubbling bass line, the funk guitar, the distorted vocals, the panting, the strings. She even sings in a voice reminiscent of the phonetic pronunciation of German disco. And the lyrics, translated from Spanish, sound like bad subtitles. “Darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy.” “I’m starting to feel just a little abused/like a coffee machine in an office.” “Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent.” She wolf, my ass, Shakira’s turned herself into something even better: the love child of Abba and Boney M.

OneRepublic with Sara Bareilles—“Come Home”
#80
The most hilariously awful record of 2009. The giggles start on the very first line—“Hello world, I hope you’re listening”—and when Ryan Tedder slips into his falsetto I totally lose it. Bareilles does her part as well, with a “yeah” that’s a perfect parody of singer-songwriter faux soulfulness. The laughs continue to the very end, where Tedder and Bareilles exchange urgent “come homes” and the piano finishes with a grace chord that’s the ultimate mixture of meaningless sentiment and pop smarm. Granted, the joke may sour a bit when this shows up in the repertoire of endless American Idol contestants, but for the moment it’s the best laugh the Hot 100 has given me all year. Flight of the Conchords couldn’t have done it any better.

Drake featuring Trey Songz—“Successful”
#89
This is smart, funny, and honest, but it also sounds, at first, like a mix tape goof that came off better than anyone had anticipated. The pivot point is Drake’s “I suppose”, which sound like nothing but lyrical filler at first, but ultimately provides the sense of self-doubt that drives the record and makes it something deeper than the usual “I want money” rap. Successful? What does that mean?

Jason Mraz—“If It Kills Me”
#92
If you overplay cute it curdles, and when your only talent is a certain offhand charm, it’s best not to go on for four and half minutes and overload your arrangement with strings. It makes you look even shallower than you really are.

Daughtry—“You Don’t Belong”
#95
The problem with post-grunge overkill is that what it usually kills is the emotion that inspired the song in the first place. This time, somehow, it doesn’t. I’d make no case for this being a great song, but whatever frustrations it’s meant to express come across despite its flaws. I don’t know if it’s the changes in vocal texture, the weird breaks in the meter, or just the way Daughtry shouts “No!” at the beginning of each chorus, but as one dimensional as the emotion may be, at least it’s there. That’s a hell of a lot more than you can say for Nickelback.

Darryl Worley—“Sounds Like Life To Me”
#99
Loaded with all sorts of homey details, just like a good country song is supposed to be, and yet it still sounds as phony as a three dollar bill. Not only does this not sound like life, it doesn’t sound like much of anything at all. But then, how many variations on “Shit Happens” can you produce and still make it register?

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