The Illiterate

Lady GaGa—”Bad Romance”
#9
Though I still have a lot of doubts about Lady GaGa, there’s no arguing with a chunk of nonsense as entertaining as this. She makes up for a dearth of hooks on her previous singles by putting five or six here, most of them stolen, the whole driven by constant shifts in vocal timbre that serve as hooks of their own. Better yet, the Madonna influence is now aural as well as conceptual. I don’t buy her love-as-disease schtick, but her flirtation with decadence sounds more convincing, and less misogynistic, than it did before. She might just be as smart as she says she is.

Taylor Swift
“Jump Then Fall”, #10
“Untouchable”, #19
“The Other Side of the Door”, #23
“Superstar”, #26
“Come In With the Rain”, #30
It’s a sign of Swift’s growing confidence and skill that her leftovers, though none are as good as the best cuts on the original Fearless, are all of above-average quality. It’s also good to see her willingness to trim back the arrangements; for the most part these are simpler, less involved, and less cluttered than the album tracks. Her gift for hooks and for melody lines that perfectly mirror the onrush of emotional energy that typifies adolescent romance remains remarkable, and if she sometimes repeats herself (no doubt some of these were left off Fearless originally because they were superseded by better realizations of the same basic idea), she has a right—she’s perfected a vision of teenage romantic yearning that is both personal and universal, and no one could blame her for running with it. And for those who doubt the taste of the mass audience, it’s worth noting that these are charting roughly in order of quality. I would rate “The Other Side of the Door” higher than “Untouchable”, but otherwise it looks like her fans got it exactly right.

50 Cent featuring Ne-Yo—”Baby By Me”
#31
Great Ne-Yo hook, above-average beats, and 50 Cent wisely keeps his softcore porn flow in line with the music and never forces his hand. So, overall, not bad. He should be careful what he says, though. How long before some deranged fan comes calling, claiming that 50 Cent knocked her up and demanding the million bucks he promised her?

Justin Bieber—”Love Me”
#37
This is brainless fluff, even more brainless than the Flo Rida and Sean Kingston tracks it’s patterned on. I still appreciate the fact that Bieber is a fifteen year-old who actually sounds like a fifteen year-old, but this copycat nonsense isn’t going to get him anywhere.

Carrie Underwood—”Undo It”
#87
Underwood likes to claim that she’s pushing the envelope in country pop, and if plugging hip-hop styled vocals over bouncy Neil Young derived rhythms with lyrics that roughly echo Lucinda Williams is pushing the envelope, I suppose she’s right. It’s a lot more pop than country, though, and it would be a lot better if it wasn’t so shrill. Doesn’t anyone in Nashville know how to produce records anymore?

Shinedown—”If You Only Knew”
#92
This has a nice chorus, but like all bands of this ilk, they overplay and overemphasize and kill any grace or lyricism their songs might contain. They particularly like to do this when they realize they’ve written a nice chorus, just to show how proud of themselves they are.

Gucci Mane featuring Usher—”Spotlight”
#93
Usher’s hook is a throwaway, and, beside letting us know that he favors ladies who don’t wear panties, Gucci Mane has nothing to say. It must be a relief to know they can still make the charts on name recognition.

Omarion featuring Gucci Mane—I Get It In
#99
Former loverboy Omarion now has a voice as rough as Gucci Mane’s (what has he been doing with himself, you wonder), and apparently a mind to match. Gucci himself, meanwhile, would like to reiterate that he favors ladies who don’t wear panties. Are you listening, ladies? He’s only going to tell you twice.