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Hot 100 Roundup—10/31/10

Thursday, November 4th, 2010

Taylor Swift—”Mean”
#11
The idea that this record is intended as an assault on music critics in general, or even specific ones who I won’t mention by name, strikes me as ridiculous. So ridiculous, in fact, that I wonder if those suggesting it have actually listened to the song. The real target, as made obvious in both the lyrics and, most importantly, the traditional bluegrass sound, is the country audience itself, and especially those of a certain bent (though Swift never sinks so low as to actually call them rednecks) who fill the comment sections of country web sites with misspelled and grammatically incorrect attacks on Swift’s technical abilities. In other words, she’s taking on what is often spoken of as the heart of the country audience, the rural, “true” Americans who make sure no country singer ever dares step out of line, and telling them to shut the hell up. Teenage rebellion being essentially unheard of in the country charts, most critics seem not to recognize it when they hear it, especially when it’s hidden behind a lovely tune and cheery sarcasm. Swift is not only better than most everybody else, she may be better than anyone dared hope. And she’s still growing.

Katy Perry—”Firework”
#57
I cut Perry a lot of slack, and she’s capable of doing wonderful things, but only when she’s not being serious about it, or taking herself as some sort of image for youth. This is a stylistic mess, bland and irritating at the same time, with vocals that sound like she’s attempting a Steve Perry imitation. It’s as if Journey had tried to write a rave anthem.

Hannah Montana featuring Iyaz—”Gonna Get This”
#66
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/24/10

Willow—”Whip My Hair”
#78
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/17/10

Kanye West featuring Jay-Z, Rick Ross, Bon Iver & Nicki Minaj—”Monster”
#79
Kanye may think of himself as a monster, but he isn’t capable of sounding like one, no matter how hard he tries. Ditto Rick Ross, who sounds lost. The Bon Iver coda is an interesting surprise, suggesting deeper ideas that are never quite fleshed out. Nicki Minaj’s vocal contortions are fascinating, but they get old fast, and she doesn’t say much. All of which leaves Jay-Z in control of the record, especially when he brings it to a full halt announcing that he never gets enough love (this is after bragging about killing anyone who gets in his way). It’s a bit too much of a set piece to be believable or revealing, but it’s a hilarious shock all the same.

Kings Of Leon—”The End”
#82
This is the first record I’ve heard from these guys that makes a case for their reputation, or at least their record sales. Opening up their sound reveals an emotional center and does a better job of suggesting they possess real feelings than all their bombastic declarations. Mind you, it may all be by rote, but at least they’ve found a more skillful way of faking it.

Rihanna featuring Drake—”What’s My Name?”
#83
Drake, with his stupid, phoned-in ancient sex jokes, is as irritating as ever, but once he’s finished, this dancehall-inflected mid-tempo jam is the return to Rihanna’s old dance-pop style that she’s been advertising. Only now it’s informed by a sharper and darker sensibility, and a deeper emotional resonance. The mechanical, producer’s toy quality of her vocals has disappeared, and if she doesn’t have much to say, at least she sounds like a complete human being.

T-Pain featuring Rick Ross—”Rap Song”
#89
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/24/10

My Darkest Days featuring Ludacris—”Porn Star Dancing”
#90
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/17/10

Lloyd—”Lay It Down”
#91
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/24/10

The Black Keys—”Tighten Up”
#93
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/24/10

Natasha Bedingfield—”Strip Me”
#95
The martial drum sound tips you off to the presence of Ryan Tedder, trying his best to turn this into another “Halo”, but the rest of the record, for better or worse, is all Bedingfield. Once upon a time she tried to set Shelley and Keats to a hip-hop beat; now it seems her only literary inspiration is collections of daily affirmations. At the same time she sounds royally pissed off, most likely at her record company, if not at the world in general. Despite the somewhat daring chorus, she isn’t doing anything here she hasn’t done before. She remains an odd, puzzling disappointment.

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/24/10

Friday, October 29th, 2010

Taylor Swift—”Back To December”
#6
The problem with most pop and country ballads isn’t that they’re slow and lugubrious (though they often are), but that they’re so damned predictable. You can see every turn in the melody and lyric (if there are any turns, which is another problem) coming before you’ve even gotten through the solemn piano intro. Not this one. Almost effortlessly, Swift generates the drama a good ballad is supposed to contain. She can pack more words into a line without sounding like she’s overdoing it than anyone in the business, and the melody, which bounces up and down like a heartbeat on the chorus, goes places no other country balladeer would ever consider. She constantly comes up with lyrical details that sound lived in rather than looked up, and unlike most of Swift’s previous records, the ending is ambiguous and avoids another fairy tale conclusion. Though how any man with sense could say no to her is beyond me.

Glee Cast
“Lucky”, #27
“River Deep, Mountain High”, #41
“Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy”, #48
“Don’t Go Breaking My Heart”, #50
“Sing!”, #87
“Le Jazz Hot”, #94

Nelly featuring T-Pain and Akon—”Move That Body”
#54
Since Nelly has already made his comeback I can’t call this “three attempted comebacks on a single record”, but that sure is what it sounds like. Nelly is all right, and Akon is Akon, but T-Pain has never sounded duller, auto-tuning the only thing that makes him identifiable. Live by the plug-in, die by the plug-in.

Sugarland—”Little Miss”
#80
Sugarland suffers from what I’ve always thought of as Jackson Browne Syndrome. Crafty, catchy, and intelligent as they obviously are, too often their music seems totally detached from their lyrics, and on a song like this, when the lyrics aren’t clear, it’s virtually impossible to discover what the damn thing is about. Feelings, I guess, nothing more than feelings.

Darius Rucker—”This”
#83
Another ordinary celebration of the ordinary from the king of same. Though it’s possible to admire his consistency, if it isn’t a rut it sure ain’t a groove.

Trace Adkins—This Ain’t No Love Song”
#100
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 10/17/10

Bubbling Under:

T-Pain featuring Rick Ross—”Rap Song”
#103
It’s probably unfair to compare T-Pain to The-Dream—The-Dream is a kind of genius, whereas T-Pain is a guy who had one brilliantly inspired idea and whose inspiration is fading fast—but if I’m going to listen to a song about making love to other people’s music, I’ll stick to “Kelly’s 12 Play”. Aside from a clever, if somewhat aged, Kanye joke, and the tasteless suggestion of having sex to Straight Outta Compton, this contains nothing to distinguish it from a lot of other auto-tuned slow jams. And has Rick Ross ever sounded more out of place than he does here? Did they just lift his rap from another record and stick it in?

Lloyd—”Lay It Down”
#105
Lloyd’s made some strong records over the last couple of years, but unlike Trey Songz, who was in a similar position until he finally broke a few months ago, Lloyd hasn’t been as lucky on the charts. And now it sounds as if he’s getting desperate, because this song is seriously insane. Vocally it’s all over the place, crooning here, yelping there, auto-tuned and stretched like a rubber band in the chorus, and ending, God help us all, with yodeling. He sounds like he’s having a great time, but the rest of us are left scratching our heads. It gets your attention, but where exactly is this all supposed to end? And will anybody else be around when it does?

My Chemical Romance—”Only Hope For Me Is You”
#106
This is strong and catchy, but it goes on too long and gets dangerously close to Linkin Park territory. There’s such a thing as coming on too strong. Trust your sense of humor, guys, it hasn’t failed you yet.

The Black Keys—”Tighten Up”
#110
Danger Mouse’s production makes this more than just a late-’60s funk/rock homage, but not much more, and the vocals and lyrics take you right back to Grand Funk Railroad territory. And if there’s any band who’s reputation doesn’t need a positive reassessment, it’s Grand Funk Railroad. Queen was bad enough.

Big Time Rush—”Til I Forget About You”
#111
Catchier and more mature than their first single, but still nothing to get excited about, even if you’re thirteen. In fact, they may have matured just enough to put themselves into demographic limbo.

Hannah Montana featuring Iyaz—”Gonna Get This”
#112
Despite the credit to Hannah Montana rather than Miley Cyrus, this is not Disney pop. Disney pop doesn’t exist anymore. Partly this is because Disney pop has become more mature and up-to-date, but largely it’s because pop music itself has taken a giant step in the direction of Disney. There’s now no noticeable difference between the two. No doubt this was Disney’s plan all along, though it does make you wonder how they’ll distinguish any stars they try to create in the future from the mass. As for this record, it’s pretty good, nearly as good as anything Miley Cyrus has put out under her own name, though not as good as the best stuff she did as Hannah Montana. Since there’s no real difference between the two anymore, I suppose it’s as good a time as any to end it.

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Hot 100 Roundup—10/10/10

Wednesday, October 13th, 2010

Glee Cast
“Toxic”, #16
“The Only Exception”, #26
“I’m A Slave 4 U”, #52
“Stronger”, #53
“Baby One More Time”, #54
“Me Against the Music”, #56

Lil Wayne
“Gonorrhea” (featuring Drake), #17
“What’s Wrong With Them” (featuring Nicki Minaj), #42
“I Am Not a Human Being”, #65
“Bill Gates”, #75
“Hold Up” (featuring T Streets), #102
“That Ain’t Me (featuring Jay Sean), #105
A half-dozen throwaways from a great artist who, before he went to jail, had stretched himself way too thin in terms of both performances and ideas. Admittedly, the rock and roll is better than Rebirth, but what kind of recommendation is that?

Pitbull featuring T-Pain—”Hey Baby (Drop It To the Floor)”
#51
What puts Pitbull over for me is the dry, confident, good-humored quality of his vocals. This is why it’s odd to see him partnering up with T-Pain, who, in comparison, sounds determined to hide himself behind his effects, almost as if he were afraid to have his real voice heard. The fact that T-Pain’s last two singles bombed and he’s been missing from the charts for most of the year only adds to the sense of desperation. T-Pain’s presence also means that Pitbull has to fill the track with more noise than usual, as opposed to the minimal club bangers of the past, where his own voice stood out. This is one of those misbegotten match-ups where the result emphasizes the weakness of both artists. They’re better off on their own.

Nicki Minaj—”Right Thru Me”
#74
It’s interesting that Minaj, who comes on so tough on other people’s records, seems such a romantic softy on her own. This has slightly harder edges than “Your Love”, but those are only there to cover up how unimaginative the rest of this sentimental goo is. More and more she reminds me of Cyndi Lauper: an eccentric and possibly major talent who turns out to be a blandly ordinary sentimentalist at heart. I hope I’m wrong, but this record points in that direction.

My Chemical Romance—”Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)”
#77
There’s a lot to love about this record: MCR’s wit, intensity, and sense of craft combine so perfectly that they even get away with the pretentious spoken bit in the middle. But the middle is where they’re stuck. Smarter than Green Day, not quite as smart as Jack White, and funnier than either, they’ve sworn allegiance to a style that can be fun and forceful but that’s culturally meaningless at best, nostalgic and sentimental (in a loud, revolutionary way) at worst. There’s a reason the country market has finally embraced rock and roll; it isn’t a threat to anybody anymore.

Bruno Mars—”Grenade”
#81
Mars is a talented guy, but this is a lousy record—near hysterical at times, too cool at others, and packed wall-to-wall with meaningless, fluffy noise. It’s pop only in the sense of pandering to the most basic audience desires while leaving room for nothing but Mars’s ego, which gets bigger with every record. He’s a master of the tried and true, but I’m beginning to doubt if he’s anything more than that.

Marsha Ambrosius—”Hope She Cheats On You (With a Basketball Player”)
#88
Great title, but unfortunately Ambrosius knows it, and repeats it endlessly on the fade, until the bitterness gets stifled by a lack of imagination and her desire to show off her pipes. She doesn’t sound mad, she sounds smug. This is the sort of thing Alicia Keys would come up with if she thought she had a sense of humor.

Bubbling Under:

Shakira featuring Dizzee Rascal—”Loca”
#101
A lesson in the diminishing returns of dance albums. This is OK, but it’s nowhere near as good as “She Wolf”, and too much of it sounds like Shakira is just going through the motions. That goes for Dizzee Rascal, too. (Note: Billboard actually lists the Spanish language version of this song on the chart, but as the English version is outselling it by an order of ten on iTunes, I’m assuming that was a mistake.)

Jeremih featuring Ludacris—”I Like”
#104
Though the ballad w/rap genre has had its moments, it’s overstayed its welcome, and I really wish it would go away. This is a good, more sophisticated follow-up to “Birthday Sex” until Ludacris adds his two cents. He’s like a rude parent barging in on a couple of teenagers making out on the couch and delivering some thinly veiled lewd suggestions before he leaves. He means well, but it kills the mood completely. Jeremih’s already had a top ten record; does he really need that much help via name recognition to get another one?

Kenny Chesney—”Live a Little”
#106
Chesney apparently spent his year off from touring listening to The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” and trying to think of a way to incorporate that sound into a country song. He couldn’t do it, so he just tacks his version onto the intro and outro of an ordinary country-rocker and pretends he’s doing something new and exciting. He’s not fooling me, though.

Edward Maya & Vika Jiguilina—”Stereo Love”
#107
A lush euro-disco chanson, complete with accordion. A pleasant trifle, at least until the repetitiveness of it starts to weight it down. You keep expecting that accordion melody to go somewhere when all it does is repeat. As a disco novelty, though, I like it a lot more than “We No Speak Americano”

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The year so far

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

According to almost everyone, 2010 has been a great year in just about every genre: alternative, country, hip-hop, techno—great records have been popping up everywhere, from both new and old artists, with a full schedule of promising releases to come.

But if that’s true, and for the most part I think it is, not much of that greatness has been showing up on the pop chart, or if it has it’s come and gone so fast it’s barely been noticed. At least four of my favorite records this year, “Super High”, “Love King”, “I’m Single”, and “Reverse Cowgirl”, disappeared from the chart after a week or two. Others, such as Jay-Z’s “On To the Next One” struggled to climb into the top 30, and then dropped quickly once they reached their peak.

Mind you, if what you’re looking for is party music, you can’t do much better than most of the records that made the top ten this year. Straight ahead rhythms uncomplicated by any sense of hesitancy or messy emotion have dominated the market, with only top drawer sellers like Rihanna and Eminem daring anything that requires much thought on the part of the audience. I like a lot of the records that have made the top ten so far this year, but I can think of only one or two that will have any long lasting effect. Party music is designed to be ephemeral, so that’s hardly a criticism, just a recognition of the way things are, and are likely to remain for some time.

Most of what I consider the best of the year so far comes from a little further down the charts, though of course that’s no guarantee of durability. Even I was surprised, though, that my number one would turn out to be the darkest record to make the charts this year, a record so full of bad feeling that it dropped off the charts after a single week and has been ignored by just about everybody. Who’d have thought I could feel alone in praising a Lil Wayne single?

As for the worst, it should be pointed out that this list does not include any of the Glee Cast singles, which are not only terrible but should never have been released in the first place. If I had included them, they would have occupied all ten places and then some. At one point, I considered making “Ice Ice Baby” both the worst and best single of the year, but that was just cynicism. I feel better now, honest.

The Best So Far (in approximate order of preference)

1. Lil Wayne – I’m Single
2. The-Dream – Love King
3. Cali Swag District – Teach Me How To Dougie
4. The Black Eyed Peas – Rock That Body
5. Rick Ross featuring Ne-Yo – Super High
6. Selena Gomez and the Scene – Naturally
7. Jay-Z featuring Swizz Beats – On To the Next One
8. Miranda Lambert – The House That Built Me
9. Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys – Empire State of Mind
10. T-Pain – Reverse Cowgirl

The Worst (in alphabetical order)

1. Alpha Rev – New Morning
2. Artists for Haiti – We Are the World 25
3. Justin Bieber featuring Jaden Smith – Never Say Never
4. Dirty Heads featuring Rome of Subllime with Rome – Lay Me Down
5. David Guetta featuring Fergie and LMFAO – Gettin’ Over You
6. Avril Lavigne – Alice
7. Muse – Neutron Star Collision (Love Is Forever)
8. Christina Perri – Jar of Hearts
9. Mike Posner – Cooler Than Me
10. Shiny Toy Guns – Major Tom

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New this week—4/4/10

Thursday, April 8th, 2010

Sean Kingston & Justin Bieber—”Eenie Meenie”
#30
This is more Kingston than it is Bieber, and just enough of both to render it meaningless. Peeling back the garishness that has decorated Kingston’s more recent singles only reveals how lacking they are in anything resembling a hook, and mixing in Bieber’s usual pablum provides the final push toward total mediocrity. Any charm Kingston may have possessed is gone; now he’s just another dancehall-pop hack. As for Bieber, he’s never been charming. Being charming requires a personality.

T-Pain—”Reverse Cowgirl”
#75
I can understand why people write T-Pain off, but more and more I’m beginning to think he’s some kind of genius. This isn’t his most insane record (that’s still “Chopped ‘n’ Skrewed”) but it may be his funniest, and it’s at a level of musical sophistication that jokesters like 3Oh!3 and LMFAO can only dream of. All its best jokes are musical rather than lyrical (he was beaten to most of his rodeo metaphors a long time ago, anyway), and without a single swear word it’s dirty as hell. Based on the title alone, I can’t imagine it will get much radio play, but it’s bound to be a ringtone favorite. Yee-hah!

Young Money—”Roger That”
#86
The best Young Money track so far, and the second best hip-hop comedy record of the week, and that’s not a put down. Nicki Minaj does a killer Lil Wayne impersonation, while Wayne himself spends a good deal of his time giggling. The guy in the middle (do I really need to waste my time looking up his name?) is at least tolerable. The beat is insane, the raps as dirty as they want to be, and if the whole isn’t a as great as its parts, at least it doesn’t waste them.

Jaron And The Long Road To Love—”Pray For You”
#87
From the first organ note you can see the joke coming, and though keeping the music country-lovesong straight is probably intended to be satirical, in reality it drags the humor down. It doesn’t help that Jaron didn’t bother to write a third verse, either. Jokes are supposed to build, not just repeat themselves.

Luke Bryan–”Rain Is A Good Thing”
#91
Because it leads to sex, of course. Doesn’t everything in uptempo good ol’ boy country? This is better than most, though; catchy as hell, and doesn’t throw in too many cliches. I could, however, do without the self-satisfied chortle; sounds way too calculated.

Justin Bieber—That Should Be Me”
#92
This awful record makes me wonder if Bieber isn’t, in reality, Usher’s revenge on all the fickle teenage fans who have turned to younger pastures over the last couple of years. But then, those are the fans who have put this record on the chart—it isn’t being promoted as a single, it’s just an album track that the Bieberfreaks (or maybe their mothers) have decided to give extra attention. Maybe I’m just being cynical—but not half as cynical as Usher.

Martina McBride—”Wrong Baby Wrong”
#95
This isn’t bad: nice Stones inspired riff at the beginning, and I like the idea of a mother’s advice song from the mother’s point of view. It gets too tame about halfway through, though, and it goes on too long. McBride should pay more attention to Eric Church or Luke Bryan: for a song like this, three minutes is all you need. The rest is just showing off.

Miranda Lambert—”The House That Built Me”
#98
I’m always wary of this sort of country sentimentality—when country singers talk about “finding” themselves, it almost always means a return to their smalltown, family roots, a confession of their sinful, straying ways, and a nostalgia that’s sure to turn into bathos, usually accompanied by a healthy dollop of strings and some whining steel guitar. But even taking those reservations into account, this is a perfect record. There are no strings or steel guitar to be found, and Lambert’s understated vocal drives home more real emotion than any amount of Nashville oversinging. It helps that the song is the best example of its kind you’ll ever hear: the two-part chorus is stunning in its impact, and if the verse about mama and papa building their house doesn’t bring you close to tears, nothing ever will. Lambert didn’t write this, but it proves that even when she’s not falling back on alt-country standbys (Patti Griffin, John Prine, etc.), she has an unerring ear for good material. Which means she’s going to be a star for a long, long time. Boy, do we need her.

Colbie Caillat—”I Never Told You”
#99
I’ve badmouthed Caillat a lot in the past, and this isn’t a great record, but it’s made me realize who and what she really is: the twenty-something, SoCal version of Taylor Swift. She’s not as lyrically inventive as Swift, too often she falls back on cliches, and despite the title of her first hit, she’s nowhere near as bubbly—but her point of view, her romantic sensibilities, and her sense of taste and (if I can use this term) musical decorum, are almost exactly the same (there’s a reason Swift performed with Stevie Nicks, after all). The main differences are of age and geography. While Swift optimistically negotiates the fresh hell of a Nashville high school with fairy tale visions of romance, Caillat faces the ages-old Southern California disconnect of the messiness of emotional and sexual reality while living in a physical paradise. Both seem almost untouched by the real world, when the truth is that both know it all too well, and are shaping their own version of the perfect escape. Swift is the greater artist of the two, but Caillat may very well surprise us somewhere down the line.

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Saddest headline of the day

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

“T-Pain Says Lil Wayne’s Jail Time Put T-Wayne Album On Hold”

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New this week—2/28/10

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

Christopher Wilde
“Hero”, #57
“StarStruck” #77
“Something About the Sunshine” (with Anna Margaret), #81
Christopher Wilde, in case you’re not a connoiseur of the Disney Channel, is the name of the fictional teen heart-throb in Disney’s latest made-for-TV tweener extravaganza, StarStruck. The actor who does the singing here is Sterling Knight, who the folks at Disney are no doubt hoping will become a real heart-throb. As Disney soundtracks go, these three songs are above average, less cutesy than the Hannah Montana or High School Musical numbers, without all the cloying lyrical uplift. They’re also more mature. “StarStruck” includes a line about girls who want to take Christopher out on a date and make him holler, which in the Disney universe is as close as you can get to an NC-17 rating. Disney is obviously beginning to realize that the audience for its teen fantasies is older than it was when High School Musical debuted four years ago. Those tweeners are into their mid- to late-teens now, and they want a little romance, and even a suggestion of sex, with their song and dance. But even though these are more adult than the standard Disney fare, they’re also not up to the best of the non-soundtrack material that Disney artists like Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Aly & AJ have put out the last couple of years. “Starstruck” moves along nicely, but it has nothing new to say about fame (Lady GaGa would seem to have a lock on that theme at the moment), and though I like the bouncy/stretchy sound effects on “Something About the Sunshine”, it’s obvious they’re there to hide its other weaknesses. So I’ll give Disney an A for effort and for upping their game, but only a B for the results.

k.d. lang—”Hallelujah (Vancouver Winter 2010 Version)”
#61
A few weeks ago I was complaining about Justin Timberlake’s attempt to recontextualize this song after the earthquake in Haiti. But this, performed by Lang at the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics (and what a celebratory piece of work it is!) is even worse. Verse by verse, Lang drains every ounce of meaning out of the song, and then bathes the final chorus in one of the most banal string arrangements I’ve ever heard. Even at the peak of her popularity I thought Lang was overrated, but I never thought she’d get as bad this.

DJ Khaled featuring T-Pain, Ludacris, Snoop Dogg & Rick Ross—”All I Do Is Win”
#64
The frustrating thing about DJ Khaled (aside from his fuzzy, overloaded, melodramatic beats) is that he’s a one-idea man. That doesn’t need to be a detriment—a lot of DJs have made great records with less than an idea—but Khaled’s depends entirely on the guests he finagles into rapping on his productions. The result is an often irritating variation in quality, not just from record to record, but within each record itself. In this case, he gets a mediocre but passable hook from T-Pain, a slightly above-average rap from Ludacris, and an unintelligible, below-average rap from Rick Ross. Then, just as you’re getting ready for the wind-down of another tepid Khaled production, Snoop Dogg steps up to the mike, and in four lines blows a hole in the middle of the record. I’m not familiar enough with Snoop’s stuff to know whether he’s used these lines before—all I know is they’re better than anything else I’ve heard Snoop come up with, and just about any other rapper I can think of, as well. It’s not just a matter of the shock of Snoop’s laid-back style compared to the others’, either, because every time I listen to this record that verse seems even more powerful, more portentous, more menacing. The only thing I can compare it to is Lil Wayne’s rap on Khaled’s “We’re Takin’ Over” a couple of years ago. Exactly why Khaled’s productions should be so inspirational to these guys I have no idea. Maybe there’s more to those beats than I’m picking up on.

Usher—”There Goes My Baby”
#71
The best thing Usher has done in years (he appears to have been listening to a lot of Ne-Yo and Maxwell), but still far short of whatever mark he’s aiming for. Whoever or whatever made him decide to cut short the middle-eight, which would have brought the song to a higher level, should be booted out of his entourage, or his head, as quickly as possible.

3Oh!3 featuring Neon Hitch—”Follow Me Down”
#89
You knew once they stopped being offensive they’d be boring, right?

Mariah Carey featuring Nicki Minaj—”Up Out My Face”
#100
Over the last few years Carey has been making the best music of her career (not a great leap, I know)—just in time for her audience to dry up and everyone under the age of 25 to start ignoring her. Judging by this record, which is only slightly above average but which she obviously had a great time making, and by reports of her recent concert appearances, she doesn’t really care. Good for her. That’s the sort of attitude that could make her even better.

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New this week

Friday, October 30th, 2009

Glee Cast
“Sweet Caroline”, #34
“Bust A Move”, #93

The cover of Neil Diamond’s hoary old chestnut does a pretty good job of puncturing Diamond’s self-importance, if only because the singer is incapable of the sort chest thumping fullness of voice that Diamond was born to. But as to whether the joke was intentional or not, I have no idea. As for “Bust A Move”, it’s their most surprising cover yet, but it’s also easy, and stinks of demographic as opposed to satiric or comic intentions. I mean, if they really wanted to play against their white bread atmosphere, why not “Mama Said Knock You Out” or “Fight The Power”?

Adam Lambert—”Time for Miracles”
#50
As ghastly as every other movie soundtrack ballad, only, as befits a movie about the end of the world, even more over-the-top. I would love to know who’s responsible for the string arrangement, which hovers between mindless overkill and stunning self-parody.

Snoop Dogg featuring The-Dream—”Gangsta Luv”
#57
I was expecting this to be another of Snoop’s biennial greats like “Drop It Like It’s Hot” or “Sensual Seduction”. Instead it’s a very ordinary jam from The-Dream (who’s become almost as bereft of ideas as Jermaine Dupri), with Snoop sounding even sleepier than usual. He really doesn’t care, anymore, does he?

Tim McGraw—”Southern Voice”
#61
Another country list song, distinguished only by the weirdness of its choices: the first verse starts naturally enough with Hank Williams, and then moves through Hank’s grandson to Chuck Berry, William Faulkner, Aretha (not from the south, but what the hell), Dolly, and Rosa Parks before ending with Scarlet O’Hara. Although he namechecks “Hickory Wind” he doesn’t mention Graham Parsons by name, and he makes sure to keep his Christian audience on board by mentioning his gold cross and ending the list with Billy Graham. He manages to sneak Pocahantas on there, as well. This may set some sort of record for how many demographics can be genuflected to in a single song.

T-Pain—”Take Your Shirt Off”
#80
I was put off by this at first—I generally prefer my T-Pain more subtle (as subtle as he gets, anyway), and this struck me as a mindless Lil Jon knock-off. Except Lil Jon never managed tracks as frenetic or musically complicated as this, and though he can get ruder he’s isn’t any funnier. Where crunk jumped up and down in place, this motivates forward at high speed, stops and jumps up and down, and then motivates again. As party music it’s just about perfect, and party music seems to be all that anyone wants these days.

Trey Songz featuring Drake—”I Invented Sex”
#90
In overall tone, this follows along in the tradition of “Bed” and “Birthday Sex”, only this is more sophisticated and less funny, and also, to my ears at least, a lot sexier. This version, featuring Drake, tops Drake’s version, featuring Trey Songz. Songz voice has just the right vulnerable, self-effacing quality to get over, whereas Drake sounds a little full of himself, a bit crass. Even on a song as excellent as this, I like him less everytime I hear him.

Carrie Underwood—”Temporary Home”
#92
This is why a lot of people hate country music—sticky and sentimental, with a religious message tacked onto the end that, instead of adding a level of hope, cheapens the suffering of the characters in the song. Come to think of it, this is why a lot of people hate religion, too.

Owl City—”Vanilla Twilight”
#95
If this isn’t the vanishing point that indie infantilism has been moving toward these last few years then I’m Winnie the Pooh and his jar of honey too. “Pour me a cup of atmosphere”, the singer (who’s also the band) whimpers in a voice that would make any intelligent five year old squeamish, and you’ll excuse me for wishing he’d choke on it. And from what I’ve heard, all the indie crowd, when faced with such damning evidence of the hole they’ve been digging themselves the last few years, can come up with in way of defense is “He’s just ripping off The Postal Service.” Exactly.

Darius Rucker—”History In the Making”
#99
I appreciate Rucker because unlike most male country singers he doesn’t waste a lot of time whooping it up and overplaying his love of God and country or treat his voice like some sort of icon whose every shift of timbre and craggy intonation is designed to make women quake in their Daisy Dukes and cowboy boots. He’s just an ordinary guy singing about ordinary things in an at times very ordinary way. He’s nothing to get excited about, but he isn’t an irritant, either. If that sometimes makes him dull, as it does here, then so be it.

Rihanna—”Russian Roulette”
#100
I’m unsure what to make of this record. Even if you assume it’s meant as a metaphor for abusive relationships, on first listen the song is as terrifying as it was no doubt intended to be, metaphor or no. But on repeated listening the effect not only lessens, which is to be expected, but drains away almost completely. The problem, as always, is Rihanna’s voice, which conveys no real feeling or emotion—she barely sounds as if she has a life to lose. That could be part of the point, I suppose, but it creates a distance in the song that becomes impossible to breach and ultimately deprives it of any meaningful impact. And impact, I think, was exactly what she was looking for.

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New this week

Monday, September 14th, 2009

Breaking Benjamin—”I Will Not Bow”
#40
Music for fans of 300, of which there are many, I suppose. I just wish I knew what it was they think they’re fighting. Death itself is the most likely answer, hence the defeatism. But it’s a generic defeatism, as untouched by reality and as sentimental as any lovey dovey acoustic strumalong. They should just send out black edged Hallmark cards and get it over with.

Trey Songz featuring Gucci Mane & Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em—”LOL :-) ”
#51
The music is charming—which, with a production team named Fisha & Price, is only what you’d expect—but Trey Songz never has anything interesting to say, Gucci Mane adds nothing, and Soulja Boy sounds like he just got up and is stumbling around the kitchen making a cup of coffee while shouting out whatever comes into his head that seems to rhyme (including a plug for his most recent hit). The music might prevent this from become dated too quickly, if it isn’t already, but don’t bet on it.

Michael Buble—”Haven’t Met You Yet”
#65
Unlike a lot of critics, I didn’t think Sara Bareilles “Love Song” was a bad record, but this blatant rip-off makes it sound like a masterpiece. You’d think a star like Buble would make his theft less obvious, but subtlety doesn’t seem to be his strong suit. You also wouldn’t think that a heartthrob like Buble would have a voice as thin as tissue paper, but you’d be wrong about that, too. In it’s way, the dumbest record of the year, and that’s saying something.

Jesse McCartney featuring T-Pain—”Body Language”
#84
Not much of a song, but it does provide an interesting view into the shifting commercial allegiances of hip-hop. The original featured loud “Hey!”s in the mode of T.I., but McCartney must have decided that imitating a guy doing time for Federal weapons charges might not be a good idea in light of the age of most of his audience, so he brings in the more benign, cartoonish T-Pain, whose “Hey”s are softer and, needless to say, prettily autotuned. At the same time, T-Pain seems to embrace McCartney as the heir to the recently convicted Chris Brown, referring to their newly formed partnership as Nappy Boy and Pretty Boy, the same phrase he used to describe himself and Brown on “Kiss Kiss”. Meanwhile, musically, McCartney continues to try to cross the gap between Brown and Justin Timberlake without noticing the big sign that says “You Can’t Get There From Here”. This is starting to become as complicated as a telenovella.

Luke Bryan—”Do I”
#85
What, you mean whine and cry and bore us to tears for four endless minutes? Yes, you do.

Gucci Mane featuring Plies—”Wasted”
#95
Gucci Mane has done so many guest spots in the last couple of months—making up for time lost to incarceration—that you’d be excused for thinking he must be as big a name as T-Pain or Lil Wayne. But I tend to think that most of those guest spots were offered as a welcome home and as a form of charity. He’s contributed nothing of value to any of the records he’s appeared on, and here he teams up with The Worst Rapper On The Planet™ and demonstrates how little we actually missed while he was in the joint.

Sean Kingston—”Face Drop”
#98
The closest thing to a personal touch on this faceless follow-up to the even more faceless “Fire Burning” is a reference to being overweight—which Kingston sings as impersonally as everything else. A couple of years ago I thought he might have some real talent, but obviously I was wrong.

Whitney Houston—”Million Dollar Bill”
#100
A weird one. With all the youthful brassiness missing from Houston’s voice and her upper register apparently gone for good, even her uptempo celebrations are subdued. The opening verse sounds like a Sade record sped up, and though the rest settles into a respectable early ’80s soul groove, it never quite takes off. But it gets better every time I listen to it, and at times Houston conjures a dignity and grace reminiscent of her cousin Dionne Warwick. At this point in her career, I can’t think of a better model.

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New this week

Sunday, July 12th, 2009

Colbie Caillat–”Falling For You”
#12
Less like “Bubbly” and more like Sheryl Crow, which is both a surprise and an improvement. In fact, this is so catchy, pleasant, and unpretentious it’s actually better than Crow. Lot’s of help from her father, I bet, though he’ll never turn her into Christine McVie.

Boys Like Girls–”Love Drunk”
#46
What is there to say about punk pop like this besides “Here’s another one”? They’re less misogynistic than the All-American Rejects, less wholesome than the Jonas Brothers, less interesting than either and slicker than both. Louder, too, which is not an improvement.

Sean Paul–”So Fine”
#61
Keeping pace with the minimalist trend, Sean Paul trims down his usually overbearing sound, which has the interesting effect of moving him closer to the dancehall scene he originally came from. He has nothing to say but how good you look when you dance, but at least he does it over beats that actually make you want to get out on the floor.

Jay Sean featuring Lil Wayne–”Down”
#72
In which Lil Wayne expands his already enormous empire by guesting on a record that sounds like Flo Rida run through some kind of teen pop converter, the whole bouncing along as if it were lighter than air. Not only does Wayne turn on the charm for his guest rap, he highlights his generosity by not taking a writing credit. Does he do these things for a flat fee now?

Selena Gomez & Demi Lovato–”One and the Same”
#82
The theme song to a new Disney series–apparently a very loud and unoriginal Disney series. Is there any other kind?

Mary Mary featuring Kierra “KiKi” Sheard–God In Me
#91
You don’t need to be conversant in the growing controversy regarding “Prosperity Gospel” to be concerned by the, er, theological underpinnings of this record. The lady here is fly, rich, beautiful, well-dressed, and spends her evenings on her knees, and with it’s borrowed hip-hop arrangement you’d be excused for thinking, as I did on first hearing, that she’s a high-classed call girl excessively devoted to her pimp. Since the vocals are in roughly the same range as T-Pain, with a lot of autotuning, it’s easy to hear this as being sung from the pimp’s point of view. On closer listening, you realize that the song isn’t about a prostitute at all, but a woman who has been amply rewarded by God for her religious devotion. Those who, unlike me, already knew who Mary Mary were wouldn’t make the same mistake, and I doubt that the ambiguity is intentional. It’s still there, though, a result of flying a little too close to contemporary pop, not to mention embracing a gospel whose ultimate appeal doesn’t seem that much different from, say, drug dealing.

Blake Shelton–”I’ll Just Hold On”
#98
The obvious ’70s soul influence (especially the Chi-Lites-like guitar) sets this slightly apart from the usual country love ballad, but only slightly. Like a lot of modern country it’s syrupy, overproduced, and way too loud. Nice hook, but that and the guitar aren’t enough to save it.

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