Posts Tagged ‘The Black Eyed Peas’

Hot 100 Roundup—8/13/11

Thursday, August 25th, 2011

Kreayshawn—”Gucci Gucci”
#82

Normally I would applaud a catchy record that satirizes status seeking, and especially hip-hop’s fascination with high-fashion brands. The problem is that Kreayshawn’s targets aren’t rich rappers, they’re the poor who are taken in and taken advantage of by the rap world’s tireless product placement. In other words, she’s a snob whose putdown of “basic bitches” is as heartless as the comments on the poor you hear at Tea Party rallies. Maybe she should get a gig on Fox News.

Rascal Flatts featuring Natasha Bedingfield—”Easy”
#87

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 7/30/11

Rihanna—”Cheers (Drink To That)”
#91

It’s unfair to make career judgments about an artist based on the sixth single off an album that’s been out for nearly a year, but it’s hard not to wonder what’s going on. This isn’t Rihanna’s worst single; that would be her previous record, “Man Down”. It may even be better than the record before that, “California King Bed”. But it still makes three stinkers in a row. I’m glad she’s getting a break after an intense two years, but pumping out one sub-par record after another isn’t buying time, it’s killing her career. Better to disappear for a year and come back refreshed. Records like this just make things worse.

The Black Eyed Peas—”Don’t Stop the Party”
#93

Shifting into cruise control is one way to keep the party going, I suppose, but this is the sound of a band that’s learned all the tricks and can apply them in their sleep. It’s not terrible, though; it isn’t even embarrassing. Which is another way of saying it doesn’t show much energy or inspiration. And without energy and inspiration these guys barely exist. No wonder they’re going on hiatus.

Adele—”Rumour Has It”
#96

This is the first Adele record I’ve heard that comes close to justifying the praise she’s been receiving, but all it says to me is that she can be good, not that she’s the savior of “authentic” pop music. It helps that this is pure girl-group, and that she’s more interested in delivering a sonic wallop than in baring her soul. In fact, the soul-baring bit in the middle eight is the worst part of the song. Like most people, she’s better at putting on an act than being “authentic”. As she gets older maybe she’ll own up to it.

Craig Campbell—”Fish”
#97

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 7/30/11

Matt Nathanson—”Faster”
#99

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 7/9/11

Jerrod Nieman—”One More Drinkin’ Song”
#100

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 7/23/11

Hot 100 Update—2/28/11

Monday, February 28th, 2011

Katy Perry featuring Kanye West—”E.T.”
#28

Perry is justifiably famous—or infamous, depending on how you look at it—for working all sorts of sexual innuendo into her music without ever sounding lewd or crude. Her double entendres always sound innocent, if such a thing is possible, and squeaky clean. Apparently, Kanye West thought something should be done about this, because his rap is as crude as it could possibly be, and will only throw fuel on the growing argument over his apparent misogyny. We’ve always known that he knew how to make a record; now we know how easily he can spoil one, too.


New Boyz featuring The Cataracs & Dev—”Backseat”
#37

This goes a long way towards rehabilitating New Boyz, who I worried had been completely corrupted by the industry on their last single. Their raps are bouncy and energetic again, and their youth gives them an edge over the competition. All the same, this record belongs to The Cataracs, and though it’s good it’s not as good as they’ve been in the past. It’s fresher than most of the other rap on the charts, though. I’ve been loving the stuff coming out of Los Angeles lately, and this is another one.

Glee Cast
“Baby”, #47
“Sing”, #49
“Take Me Or Leave Me”, #51
“Somebody To Love”, #62

I know, I swore I wasn’t going to review anymore of this stuff, but I did say that I would make an exception if they ever did anything interesting, and since putting out decent music qualifies, as far as Glee is concerned, as doing something interesting, I felt it was only fair to mention it. Especially since it’s not just one decent recording, but all four. None of these are great, and all the usual flaws—weak singing, simplistic arrangements, a tendency towards show tune coyness—still apply, but somehow they seem to be less glaring in this week’s batch. In fact, this is easily the best week Glee has ever had. On the Justin Bieber numbers the usual weaknesses are actually an advantage—the songs seem more human, less fine-tuned and calculated, and hence more emotional. If anything, these versions help to point out the biggest problem with Bieber: that his singing conveys no feeling whatsoever, not even innocence or naivete, just a blank nothingness. And for those Bieber haters who still found themselves being sucked in by “Baby”, now you know why: it’s a great song. As for “Sing”, even My Chemical Romance fans would have to admit that the chorus makes a lot more sense sung by a choir, even if the lead vocals are weak.

Justin Bieber—”Born To Be Somebody”
#74

Since he recently changed his hairstyle, I’m hoping this will be the last gasp of the old, mid-adolescence Bieber, and that after this he’ll at least move on to high school. In the meantime, see above.

Chris Young—”Tomorrow”
#86

Some country critics think that Young has a lot of promise, but I can’t see it. His voice is fine, but this is the third single in a row that has demonstrated a smarm and manipulative shamelessness that strikes me as glaringly obvious. This time, he goes back for one last booty call before dumping his girlfriend (his wife?). Apparently in country you can get away with this sort of sexist hypocrisy as long as you sound unhappy while you do it.

Tinie Tempah featuring Eric Turner—”Written In the Stars”
#91

Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 2/13/11

The Black Eyed Peas—”Just Can’t Get Enough”
#92

I appreciate their attempt to mix the ’80s pop they grew up on with the “future” they created on their last album, but so far the results have been disappointing. This song doesn’t build at all, it just shifts gears two-thirds of the way through, and not in an appealing way. That electric DJ voice is getting truly irritating and, unlike many others, this is not a band I’m easily irritated by.

Space is the place

Wednesday, January 12th, 2011

Virginia Heffernan, who has never met a modern technology scare-mongering story she hasn’t embraced, writes in the New York Times about the latest study linking hearing loss and headphone use. Except, according to the abstract in The Journal of the American Medical Association, that’s not what the study says. It does say that hearing loss among teenagers appears to have increased, but it makes no conclusions about the cause, and, according to another review of the study, says that “Hearing loss was not associated with ear infections, use of firearms, or self-reported noise exposure” (my italics). That’s no problem for Heffernan: she simply cites “many” unnamed “researchers” who support the position she’d apparently taken before she read any of the research (one important point of the study that she doesn’t mention is that hearing loss is higher among teenagers who live below the poverty line, which would suggest other environmental causes besides headphone and earbud use). With that unverified support, she considers herself free to editorialize to her heart’s content: “…it’s amazing that the intensely engineered frankensounds that hit our eardrums when we listen to iPhones are still called music.”

Though it’s important to point out to Heffernan that those sounds are called music because they are music (you know, organized noise and all that), in some ways I understand and almost agree with her point of view. I use headphones a lot, but I find them frustrating because they limit and often destroy the spacial impact music possesses when played in the open air, an effect that no set of headphones I’ve ever heard has been able to recreate. They’re great for concentration, and for shutting out the outside world, but something is definitely lost. I still remember how revelatory it was to hear Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop” on the stereo after listening to it on headphones for a couple of months. The way stereo space was used on the record added to its weirdness in ways that the headphone experience couldn’t replicate; that was the first time I realized how great the record really was. On headphones, every record you hear may as well be in mono (a fact that some artists, such as The Black Eyed Peas, take advantage of: The E.N.D. may as well be in mono—there’s almost no stereo separation at all).

I’m not really an audiophile, but the loss of not just sound but spacial quality marks a major difference between the way recorded music sounds now and how it did in the past. I’ve even seen surveys that suggest that people who have grown up in the iPod era prefer the sharp, tinny sound of earbuds over the fuller sound you get from stereo speakers. How representative that is, I have no idea, but it could be part of the reason for the success of artists like Ke$ha, whose music is based on that sound, and the growing popularity of dubstep, which takes as much advantage of virtual space as the real thing. What I haven’t seen is any sort of survey on how much time people actually spend listening to earbuds or headphones as opposed to actual speakers (even if only on their computers). If anyone has seen such numbers, point them out to me. Contrary to what Heffernan seems to believe, I don’t think headphones are going to make us all deaf, but they may very well change the way music sounds, and how we respond to it. That’s the real story.

Hot 100 Roundup—11/21/10

Saturday, November 27th, 2010

Glee Cast
“Teenage Dream”, #8
“Start Me Up/Living On a Prayer”, #31
“Stop! In the Name of Love/Free Your Mind”, #38
“One Love (People Get Ready)”, #41

The Black Eyed Peas—“The Time (Dirty Bit)”
#12

Since I didn’t listen to radio much in the late ’80s, the use of one of the more irritating hits of that period doesn’t bother me as much as it does some others (besides, will.i.am, with far less of a voice, still sings it better than Bill Medley did), but there’s no doubt that this record represents the group running in place, if not retreating a bit. This is nearly as good as anything on The E.N.D., but it doesn’t break any new ground (unless you consider letting Fergie play diva over minimalist dance grooves a step forward). The E.N.D., whatever you think about the music, was undoubtedly one of the more daring albums of the last few years in terms of a band remaking it’s sound and image, so it shouldn’t be a surprise if the Peas spin their wheels a bit this time out.

Kid Cudi
“Marijuana”, #54
“Scott Mescudi Vs. the World”, #92

These are good records—moody, reflective, self-absorbed but intelligent and with little evidence of self-pity. They’re only on the chart, though, because of 1) the tile; and 2) the presence of Cee-Lo Green. In other words, curiosity. Whether or not the audience is paying attention to what these songs, with their honest consideration of substance dependence, actually mean, is open to question. But Cudi deserves respect for putting the message out there.

Lupe Fiasco—“The Show Goes On”
#57

I like the sound of this, but it doesn’t really go anywhere. And I liked the sound a lot more when T.I. did it five years ago.

Jeremih featuring 50 Cent—“Down On Me”
#67

I like the music: a catchy pop mix of dancehall, dubstep, and hip-hop. But 50 Cent’s presence is a waste in more ways than one—even when he isn’t mumbling he utters nothing but cliches. Jeremih himself starts off shaky, but evens out once he gets to the hook. An interesting change of pace, but an uncertain one.

Lady Antebellum—“Hello World”
#70

When they sing about love, Lady Antebellum play it subdued and classy; they’re not great, but it’s a welcome change from the usual over-arranged country blather. Here, though, they’re delivering a message to the world, and they pull out all the stops and pump all the pedals at once. To compound their sins, their obvious inspiration is R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts”, both the song and the video, an exemplar of emotional intensity and restraint they warp and curdle for the purposes of their own soft-headed sentimentality before the end of the first verse. If this is how country music is going to move into the ‘90s, I prefer they stay where they are.

Jason Derulo—“What If”
#76

A power ballad written and produced by J.R. Rotem. Think about that for a minute.

Ke$ha—“Cannibal”
#77

Tastelessness can be a virtue in pop music, but only if you’re funny, or if you’re being tasteless about subjects people are (secretly) attracted to. This isn’t funny, and the cannibal demographic is, as I understand it, somewhat limited. It’s like a big budget version of a zombie movie–the effects are more expensive but somehow less impressive, and all the insane amateurism has been taken out and replaced with studio gloss, resulting in something that’s not only gross but boring.

Twista featuring Chris Brown—“Make A Movie”
#94

Fresh from his bunker, where it’s always 2003, Twista does his best to revive his video-porn fantasies, just like the good old days. Someone should take him aside and explain the difference between being retro and being in a rut.

Bubbling Under:

Sick Puppies—“Maybe”
#101

“Maybe I’m a dreamer/Maybe I’m misunderstood…” What else do you expect from a band that rose to fame via the “Free Hugs” movement? Yuck.

Train—“Marry Me”
#104

Having softened up the AC demographic with two kinda cute, uptempo ditties, Train goes in for the sentimental kill. Chances are, this will be in the AC top ten for the next year. I’ve only listened to it once and I’m already sick of it.

Don Omar & Lucenzo—“Danza Kurduro”
#105

Since I can’t understand the words (and even with a translation would probably miss subtleties that only native speakers would pick up), I’m not a good judge of this record. The music, though, sounds ordinary—the arrangement too busy, the production too harsh. Until I know better, I think I’ll stick with Pitbull.

Eric Benet—“Sometimes I Cry”
#106

This retro-soul number has it’s attributes: it’s not a bad song, and the arrangement has a nice, mid-’90s Prince feel to it. But Benet’s falsetto gets old fast, and when he strains it near the end that’s all you hear: no emotion, just strain.

The year so far, ctd.

Monday, July 26th, 2010

When I was doing my half-year summation last week, an idea struck me that I didn’t have time to include. As I said there, the apparent greatness of the year overall hasn’t made much of an impression on the pop charts, at least not in terms of individual records. As the old saying goes, though, a rising tide lifts all boats, and though I think it’s fair to say that there have been few great records on the Hot 100 this year, the quality, overall, has risen.

Quality, however, may not be the right word; freshness may be closer to the truth. Since the crash and burn of the summer of 2008, there has been a slow but steady revitalization. Pop music sounds different than it did three years ago. On the top forty charts, the touchstones are obvious. With Lady GaGa and the revamped Blacked Eyed Peas leading the way, followed by 3Oh!3, Ke$ha, and quickly adapting older artists like Rihanna and Jay-Z, electronica in one form or another has become a staple on the pop charts, to the point where even Disney stars like Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez are jumping on the bandwagon (to be fair to Disney, Aly & AJ were actually ahead of the curve on this). At the same time, the pop embrace of electronica has forced those in the electronic music scene itself to up their game and look for new ideas to separate them from the mainstream (a process aided by the cross-pollination provided by DJ podcasts like those found at Resident Advisor, XLR8R, and Fact Magazine—check out Michaelangelo’s piece in the Guardian for an overview). At the same time, thanks to its exposure on the charts, electronica is garnering an ever-expanding fan base of more adventurous pop listeners.

Hip-hop and rap have also been reflecting the inspiration provided by electronic music. Unlike pop, however, the major changes are coming from smaller scenes outside the mainstream. While stars like T.I. and DJ Khaled fill their records with ever more baroque permutations of fuzzy synths, the whole of hip-hop is being remade from underneath by teenagers with lap tops. From Soulja Boy Tell’em in Mississippi to the jerkin’ movement in LA to Cali Swag District’s “Teach Me How To Dougie”, which puts an LA spin on a dance movement originating in Dallas, the movement in one form or another has gone nationwide. All that laptop rap needs now is an independently-minded genius to blow it wide open (Soulja Boy and New Boyz, unfortunately, have already been absorbed by the old guard).

Beyond the influence of electronica (and yes, I know that phrase is out of date, but find me another that covers the whole spectrum), other genres are being revamped as well, especially country. Up until a couple of years ago, country was ruled by good ol’ boys like Toby Keith and Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney, who sang, for the most part, about only one thing: how good it is to be a good ol’ boy. In the last two years, though, women have come back strong: Gretchen Wilson started the ball rolling, with Miranda Lambert following closely behind, then Carrie Underwood (whose “Before He Cheats” provided the ultimate kiss off to the good ol’ boy genre), with Kellie Pickler, Sugarland, Lady Antebellum, Rory and Joey, and a host of others quickly occupying the landscape. In a category all their own are Taylor Swift and Brad Paisley, who have brought an intelligent, charming, good-humored sensibility back to country that it’s been missing for over a decade. The good ol’ boys are still around, but their voices are muted. Many of them are trying to meet the women half way, and the result has been a batch of pleasant, if not always brilliant records that feel far more down to earth and human.

Interesting changes have taken place on the indie and alternative scenes as well, but for the moment none of those have been turning up in the pop charts. Not that that isn’t a possibility. As far as I can tell, the only major difference in sound between Ke$ha and Sleigh Bells is the mix: Ke$ha mixes her distorted electronic explosions down and her voice up; Sleigh Bells does the opposite. They may be on different paths, but they’re heading in the same direction. Everybody is. And somewhere down the road is a convergence point that’s going to blow everybody away.

The year so far

Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

According to almost everyone, 2010 has been a great year in just about every genre: alternative, country, hip-hop, techno—great records have been popping up everywhere, from both new and old artists, with a full schedule of promising releases to come.

But if that’s true, and for the most part I think it is, not much of that greatness has been showing up on the pop chart, or if it has it’s come and gone so fast it’s barely been noticed. At least four of my favorite records this year, “Super High”, “Love King”, “I’m Single”, and “Reverse Cowgirl”, disappeared from the chart after a week or two. Others, such as Jay-Z’s “On To the Next One” struggled to climb into the top 30, and then dropped quickly once they reached their peak.

Mind you, if what you’re looking for is party music, you can’t do much better than most of the records that made the top ten this year. Straight ahead rhythms uncomplicated by any sense of hesitancy or messy emotion have dominated the market, with only top drawer sellers like Rihanna and Eminem daring anything that requires much thought on the part of the audience. I like a lot of the records that have made the top ten so far this year, but I can think of only one or two that will have any long lasting effect. Party music is designed to be ephemeral, so that’s hardly a criticism, just a recognition of the way things are, and are likely to remain for some time.

Most of what I consider the best of the year so far comes from a little further down the charts, though of course that’s no guarantee of durability. Even I was surprised, though, that my number one would turn out to be the darkest record to make the charts this year, a record so full of bad feeling that it dropped off the charts after a single week and has been ignored by just about everybody. Who’d have thought I could feel alone in praising a Lil Wayne single?

As for the worst, it should be pointed out that this list does not include any of the Glee Cast singles, which are not only terrible but should never have been released in the first place. If I had included them, they would have occupied all ten places and then some. At one point, I considered making “Ice Ice Baby” both the worst and best single of the year, but that was just cynicism. I feel better now, honest.

The Best So Far (in approximate order of preference)

1. Lil Wayne – I’m Single
2. The-Dream – Love King
3. Cali Swag District – Teach Me How To Dougie
4. The Black Eyed Peas – Rock That Body
5. Rick Ross featuring Ne-Yo – Super High
6. Selena Gomez and the Scene – Naturally
7. Jay-Z featuring Swizz Beats – On To the Next One
8. Miranda Lambert – The House That Built Me
9. Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys – Empire State of Mind
10. T-Pain – Reverse Cowgirl

The Worst (in alphabetical order)

1. Alpha Rev – New Morning
2. Artists for Haiti – We Are the World 25
3. Justin Bieber featuring Jaden Smith – Never Say Never
4. Dirty Heads featuring Rome of Subllime with Rome – Lay Me Down
5. David Guetta featuring Fergie and LMFAO – Gettin’ Over You
6. Avril Lavigne – Alice
7. Muse – Neutron Star Collision (Love Is Forever)
8. Christina Perri – Jar of Hearts
9. Mike Posner – Cooler Than Me
10. Shiny Toy Guns – Major Tom

New this week—5/9/10

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

Glee Cast
“One Less Bell To Answer/A House Is Not a Home” (featuring Kristin Chenoweth), #53
“Beautiful”, #61
“Fire”, #64
“A House Is Not a Home”, #70
“Home” (featuring Kristin Chenoweth), #90

Though the rest of this week’s crop is made up of the usual sub-par versions of overly-familiar pop songs, I need to be fair and admit that Kristin Chenoweth’s take on “One Less Bell To Answer” (at least the first three minutes of it) is easily the best thing Glee has produced yet. But I also need to point out that in keeping with the show’s growth as a marketing tool, the song is a cross-promotion for the Broadway revival of the Burt Bacharach/Hal David/Neil Simon musical Promises Promises, in which Chenoweth stars. “One Less Bell” wasn’t part of the original show, but has been added to the new production. In other words, it isn’t technically a Glee song at all (by the sound of it, the arrangement was taken straight from the musical), thereby keeping the show’s unbroken record of awfulness intact.

The Black Eyed Peas—”Rock That Body”
#62

It’s too late to convince the haters, of course, but this is my favorite track from The E.N.D. It rocks, it discos, it punks, it calypsos, and it turns Fergie into the pure special effect she was born to be.

Shakira—”Gypsy”
#65

Not as profoundly silly as “She Wolf”, but it has its moments. “I might steal your clothes and wear them if they fit me” isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when I think of gypsies, but that only makes the line jump out even more. Sexy and silly at the same time—a pretty neat trick.

B.o.B. featuring Rivers Cuomo—”Magic”
#83

As bizarre as this pairing may seem, I have to admit that there’s something both wonderful and ridiculous about Cuomo bragging about his flow, especially on a chorus that’s livelier than anything Weezer themselves have done in years. As for B.o.B., once again he gets lost somewhere in the background. Maybe that’s where he belongs. I respect him more for his realizing it.

Mike Posner featuring Big Sean—”Cooler Than Me”
#85

I liked the chorus the first time I heard it, but by the time Posner had rambled through it in his self-satisfied sing-song for the fourth time, with nothing but a mediocre rap to break the pattern, I was already bored with it. Now I don’t care if I ever hear it again.

Jerrod Neimann—”Lover, Lover”
#89

Country has been weird lately, and I mean that in the best possible way. Though loud, good ol’ boy country hair metal hasn’t gone away, there are a whole bunch of sort-of newcomers on the scene who seem to take a more traditional, slightly laid-back approach (they all tend to cite George Strait as their biggest influence). Neimann has been hanging around in Nashville for almost fifteen years, put out a couple of albums on independent labels, wrote a few songs that found a place on big name LPs (Garth Brooks, Chris LeDoux), and now here he is with his first major label single. Lyrically it’s nothing special, but the music, which mixes both soul and country-gospel influences, is wonderful. It isn’t perfect—it gets too soft at the end and starts to drift into early Doobie Brothers territory—but it’s another pleasant surprise in a genre that two years ago was as predictable as they come.

Big Time Rush—”Halfway There”
#93

Another attempt by Nickelodeon to seize some of the tween-pop landscape that Disney has already conquered. They don’t seem to be making the same investment in songwriting, though; even the worst songs on the High School Musical soundtracks were better than this. Maybe someone should tip these kids off to Zeno’s Paradox so they can get out while they have the chance.

David Guetta & Chris Willis featuring Fergie and LMFAO—”Gettin’ Over You”
#95

Up until now, I’ve never been sure what, aside from the occasional rap, Apl.De.Ap and Taboo actually contributed to The Black Eyed Peas. Now, after hearing this garish mess and Usher’s will.i.am-produced “OMG”, I finally have an answer: they tell will.i.am and Fergie when to stop. If only somebody else would.

Alpha Rev—”New Morning”
#100

A couple of weeks ago I suggested that there wasn’t a single song on the Hot 100 that was worse than anything by the Glee Cast. That is no longer true.

Here they come

Wednesday, November 25th, 2009

Is it just my imagination, or is pop music starting to become important again? Not important important, you understand. Not aesthetically important, maybe not even culturally important, but important enough that people are starting to pay attention again, get riled up again, get upset again. In the last week, Adam Lambert has stirred up enough controversy to make the national news, Justin Bieber’s tweener fans nearly rioted in Long Island, and everybody who had an award to give gave it to Taylor Swift. On top of this, the CMA awards got their best ratings in four years, and the AMAs their best in seven.

Meanwhile, Miley Cyrus, who struggled to get out of the Disney Ghetto for years, has now been in the top ten for over three months—if it wasn’t for the Black Eyed Peas she’d have been number one for at least a third of that time. BEP’s own album, The E.N.D., with it’s stripped-down, electronic, minimalist sound, was something totally new, at least for them and most of their audience, and yet the singles still managed to hold the number one spot for half the year. And since their reign has ended, we’ve had a different number one every week (some of those were repeaters, but no record has managed to stay on top for more than one week at a time). The audience is itchy. They still want records that are recognizably pop, but they want new pop—and often, decidedly eccentric pop.

In the summer of 2008, I began to wonder if the bottom hadn’t fallen out of pop music. I still think I was right. But now we’re starting to see the next generation crawl up from the ruins, charting their own path onward and upward. For the moment, the torchbearer appears to be Lady GaGa, who has been all over television the last week or so (if they could have found some way to sneak her onto the CMAs, I’m sure they would have). “Bad Romance” is the pop record and video of the year, if only because it marks the point at which the old guard is replaced with the new. You can almost hear the collective sigh from the record labels.

Question: Do you hate the Black Eyed Peas? Why?

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

This is a subject that has been preying on my mind for a while now, but something about Nathan Rabin’s AV Club piece on the most recent episode of Saturday Night Live has made it difficult to think about anything else (I mean that literally—I find myself waking up in the middle of the night with this going through my head). It isn’t the piece as a whole, but one particular paragraph that bothers me:

But the ultimate mark of desperation was that Lorne Michaels and the gang allowed Black Eyed Peas to perform three fucking songs. Three fucking songs! It’s bad enough that a show that once upon a time exposed audiences to Frank Zappa, Ricky Jay and Loudon Wainwright III had one of the worst, most obnoxious groups in existence as its musical guest. But to let Will.I.Am and his three fashion-victim stooges perform more songs than just about any act in Saturday Night Live’s thirty-five year history is just inexcusable.

I’m not going to spend time defending the Black Eyed Peas (at least not now, though I have a feeling I’m going to get to that sooner or later), but it seems to have become a point of pride among certain writers to not only put BEP down but to do so in the most aggressively vicious terms they can conjure up. This happens in conversation, as well—mention BEP and reactions will usually range from rolling eyes to primal screams. This isn’t a recent phenomenon, either—long before BEP took control of the number one spot on the charts, they were being attacked with a surprisingly intense virulence.

I fully understand people hating a band’s music, or their image, or even their personalities. What I don’t understand is why this band in particular generates such an incredible level of ire. I consider them harmless fun, sometimes good, sometimes bad, almost always interesting. But their detractors seem to consider them more than just bad, they think they’re evil, a symbol of everything that’s wrong with pop music.

So I’d like to put forward a simple question, maybe even a childish one: why? What is it about BEP, the music they make, the image they present, the philosophy they put forward, whatever, that makes them so hateful? Take as much space in the comments as you want, and feel free to vent your spleen in full. But also be prepared to justify you’re opinions. Comments like “Because they suck,” or “Because Fergie is a skank,” aren’t going to cut it. Even if you don’t hate them, but think you have a clue as to why they’re hated, feel free to contribute. Just be nice about it, OK? At least to each other.

New This Week

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Drake featuring Kanye West, Lil Wayne & Eminem—”Forever”
#8

The beat is rote, the raps display a high amount of craft but little inspiration, and the air of self-congratulation is so thick it’s a wonder anyone else can breathe when these guys are in the room, but that’s not what makes this record so offensive. What’s makes this record so offensive is Drake, who lies through his teeth every damn minute of it. Exactly when did a guy who was a regular cast member on a successful TV series from the time he was fifteen shovel shit at the mall? When he was signing autographs on promotional tours? Or was that an episode of DeGrassi High he somehow confused with real life the way Ronald Reagan used to argue government policy by reminiscing about movies he’d been in? And when Drake says “nothing was done for me” what exactly does he mean? He’s got Lil Wayne for a mentor, he’s got a father who’s a well-respected session drummer, and his uncle is Larry Graham, formerly of Sly and the Family Stone and Graham Central Station, one of the most influential bass players in the history of funk and R&B. None of them lent him a hand or showed him a few chops or opened the occasional door or offered a few words of advice? Ever? I realize it’s accepted in the rap world to emphasize and exaggerate your hard knock past, but inventing one out of whole cloth strikes me as going way too far.

Drake featuring Lil Wayne & Young Jeezy—”I’m Going In”
#40

Drake has nothing to say, Lil Wayne sounds uninspired and repeats himself, and Young Jeezy says “motherfucker” a lot. This is a statement of purpose?

Leona Lewis—”Happy”
#50

Weird lyrics; they seem defensive, as if they were trying to justify the metaphorical excesses of her first hit, “Bleeding Love”. Maybe somebody suggested to Ryan Tedder he’d gone a little too far last time. Whatever the case, this is, thankfully, less self-abusive than “Bleeding” (or at least less graphic), and the chorus, surprisingly enough, almost lives up to the title. If Lewis wasn’t trying so hard to be the new Mariah Carey this might even be tolerable.

Kid Cudi featuring MGMT & Ratatat—”Pursuit of Happiness (Nightmare)”
#59

It opens with Cudi (or at least his “lonely stoner” persona) rolling a joint, ends with a booze and dope fueled hangover, and in between ruminates, without relying too heavily on banalities, on a stoner lifestyle that sounds half fun and games and half self-medicated chronic depression. In other words, an interesting record, but also a trifle boring. The sound effects provided by Ratatat and MGMT are far less interesting than the borrowed dubstep of “Day ‘n’ Nite”; if this is the kind of music the guy listens to on a regular basis, it’s no wonder he doesn’t want to get out of bed

LMFAO—”La La La”
#61

Their borrowed lover man moves and borrowed techno are far less entertaining than their borrowed offensiveness (see “I’m In Miami Bitch”). Which wasn’t all that entertaining to begin with.

Mariah Carey—”I Want To Know What Love Is”
#66

In a way I feel sorry for Carey. After mounting her comeback and making the best music of her career over her last two albums (which wouldn’t be saying much, I know, execpt that there was truly excellent material on both records), she finds the ground shifting under her feet once again. The modern R&B she mastered so effortlessly had peaked with Usher over a year before her comeback album, and her older, massively successful style has been usurped by the likes of Leona Lewis, who gushes over-the-top sentimentality in a way Carey wouldn’t think to do now. And so, after a few flop singles and a couple of hits that were nowhere near the overwhelming sellers she’s used to, Carey goes back to the safety position of the power ballad (and a hoary old 80′s classic power ballad at that—”classic” in this case meaning a Foreigner song that everyone has heard to death already), unleashes her pipes at the upper limit of her range (though only near the end and deep in the mix, thank God), and generally pulls out all the commercial stops, and still the best she can get for a debut is number 66. The shame of it is that until this takes off for the Church of Our Lady Mariah of the Golden Larynx it shows more maturity and subtlety and soulfullness than any ballad she’s ever recorded. It’s not a great song, but for awhile she almost makes something great out of it—until, that is, she feels the need to ignore the song completely and massage her audience with her voice.

The Black Eyed Peas—”Meet Me Halfway”
#75

Like it or not, Fergie’s feigned soulfulness is a kind of home truth for a lot of fans out there, and I for one think that the Peas’ resistance to polishing up their singing is an attribute, certainly commercially if not always artistically. They appear to have no aesthetic principals at all, yet also come across as both friendly and likeable. This could be nothing but commercial calculation, but since they were pretty much like that even when they weren’t selling any records (and since “My Humps”, which is obviously the pattern for a lot of the new album, took them as much by surprise as anyone), I doubt it. They may well have fallen on this formula by accident, but who can fault them for running with it? Like it or not, they’re producing something that’s truly new, and they’ve convinced an army of fans to go along with them.

Bon Jovi—”We Weren’t Born To Follow”
#90

No, you were born to endlessy repeat yourself. And you’re good at it.

The All-American Rejects—”I Wanna”
#95

There’s actually a fairly nifty, if totally unoriginal, song under all the ego flashing, and under the influence of the remasters I detect a similarity in structure, melody and rhythm to the Rubber Soul era Beatles. But the Beatles usually knew how to keep their egos from getting in the way of their music (at least most of the time), something I doubt these guys will ever learn. To them, flaunting their ego is the music.

Carrie Underwood—”Cowboy Casanova”
#96

Always hip to the latest fab trends, Underwood harkens to the success of Katy Perry, mines some bubble-glam rhythms from the seventies, and even dresses up in a glittery drum-majorette jacket for the cover (or icon, or whatever you call it these days). It’s nice to see Nashville paying attention to a different part of the seventies, even if they still remain lost in that decade. The lyrics are generic, and this doesn’t hit as hard as “Before He Cheats”, but I suspect good clean fun like this is the best we can ever expect from Underwood.

Alice In Chains—”Check My Brain”
#99

I have one question: did they distort those guitars the old-fashioned way, by playing with the tape reels, or did they auto-tune them? Also, is it just my imagination, or is this song actually about how nice it is to live in California? I’m probably missing some ironic or cynical lyrical clue, but I can’t bring myself to listen closely enough to find out. Those guitars give me too much of a headache.