Posts Tagged ‘The Eagles’

Confessions and Evasions
Hot 100 Roundup—7/28/12

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

Frank Ocean—“Thinkin Bout You”
#85
Even without Ocean’s personal revelations, it’s hard to imagine how much further into the confessional form anyone could go than Channel Orange. His emotional confusion and the yearning that go with it shape and dictate the style and sound of the album, especially on this track, which opens the record and sets the stage for everything to come. He talks about the weather and begins to cry; jokes about the shallowness of his feelings and then admits he’s lying while collapsing on his bed in a single, brilliant line; finally he bares his hopes, his dreams, and his disappointments in a sweet, shaky falsetto that’s beautiful and unsettling, accusatory and pleading. Not a pop record, and its appearance on the Hot 100 may be the result of curiosity as much as quality (and I worry that some people are drawn to him because he reminds them of Drake). But anything that gives attention to a great record is fine by me.

French Montana featuring Rick Ross, Drake, Lil Wayne—“Pop That”
#90
Montana’s raps are so difficult to understand that it’s no surprise that people think he’s making up new words. There could be two or three in every line for all I know. Rick Ross is Rick Ross, which is neither good nor bad. He’s just there, as usual. Which leaves Drake and Lil Wayne, one becoming more ordinary with every rap, and the other trying desperately not to be. Drake sounds more confident than ever, but all that means is that except when he gets off a good line (there are a couple here), he sounds like every other bragging rapper. Meanwhile, Lil Wayne flails around trying to find something that will stick, and comes up with one of the most disgusting sexual images I’ve ever heard. I’m not going to repeat it; you’ll know it when you hear it (I hope).

Thomas Rhett—“Something To Do With My Hands”
#93
The title told me exactly what this would sound like, but it didn’t fill me in on how good it would be. If country is going to be the new rock and roll (or the old rock and roll with more twang and banjos for texture instead of synths) that’s fine with me, especially if the up-and-comers’ tastes in early ’80s rock continue to lean more toward Rockpile than The Eagles or Tom Petty. Like Eric Church, Rhett brings an energy to his music that’s missing from that of most of their peers, and he avoids the sheen of studio perfection that mars so many Nashville versions of rock (compare CHurch and Rhett to Tim McGraw or Kenny Chesney). Rhett is a little more laid back than Church, and sounds like he comes from the more privileged side of the tracks (he should; his father, Rhett Akins, was a minor country star in the late ’90s and still writes hits for others, including Blake Shelton’s “Honey Bee”), but he’s just as good at putting a song together. And in a genre that makes stars of overbearing hacks like Jason Aldean and Brantley Gilbert, he’s another glimmer of hope.

Ed Sheeran—“The A Team”
#95
An old-fashioned piece of singer/songwriter acoustic balladry, with all the flaws inherent in the form. The hushed romanticism sentimentalizes the darkness of the subject—a young girl hooked on opium (at least I assume that’s opium in her pipe; who would sing about a crack addict like this?), forced into prostitution to support her habit, and slowly dying to boot—while the attempts at lyrical profundity and poetry end up trivializing the subject rather than illuminating it. The girl’s face, for instance, is described as “crumbling like pastries”. It’s evocative, but of what is hard to tell. Is her skin flaky? Buttery? Dusted with powdered sugar? And why change the pronoun in the final chorus? Is Sheeran blaming us for this situation he made up? Or is he saying we’re all addicts? Is being simplistic and engaging in faux-profundity another flaw inherent in the singer/songwriter form, or is it just Sheeran?

Train—“50 Ways To Say Goodbye”
#98
Train’s hooks are so simple and obvious you find yourself humming along before they even start (especially, as in this case, when the new chorus sounds so much like the last one). Their beats are so bouncy that some rhythmic spring in your lizard brain sproings along in time no matter how hard your conscious mind tries to shut it off. Lyrically they’re goofy without being witty or challenging, though they do a good enough job at avoiding cliche to keep you listening for whatever nonsense they’ll come up with next. Their records are devoid of any actual emotion other than the desire to write a catchy chorus, even when the song is about a broken relationship, like this one. Even their irony is fake. In other words, they make children’s records for adults (or at least adult—cough—radio). They’ve been doing this for a couple of decades now. I’d admire their commercial acuity and tenacity if I didn’t hate them so much.

Big & Rich—“That’s Why I Pray”
#99
Less than a decade ago, Big and Rich looked like the future of country music. Somehow, though, they never moved forward in the way people hoped they would, and the future they helped to anticipate arrived without them (see above). Now they seem a bit old-fashioned and out of touch. This is an above-average “trust in God” song, but just when you hope they’ll do something different (I would love to hear more from the unemployed guy who tells them not to mention God in his presence), they start pulling out well-worn and outdated ideas that we’ve not only heard too many times before, but are just plain wrong; i.e., teen pregnancy rates have been dropping over the last decade, not going up. Except in the bible belt, of course, where they’ve been trusting in God a little too much.

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Small Miracles
Hot 100 Roundup—3/31/12

Wednesday, April 4th, 2012

Rascal Flatts—“Changed”
#73
What’s happened to these guys? Can a change in label—from the Disney-owned and now defunct Lyric Street to the Nashville giant of independents, Big Machine—make that much difference? Or is it that anyone, no matter what their history, can make good music once in a while? Odds are it’s the second, even if I’d like to think it’s the first, but whatever the case, I have to say it straight out: this is a great record. It’s as if Rascal Flatts had suddenly learned that all those country-pop clichés they’ve been trading in can be used to create truthful, emotional music if you twist them the right way, illuminate them from the inside, and are careful not to overplay your hand. This gets big, like all their records, and the middle eight is a disappointment—just when you hope they’ll dig a little deeper they come out with facile banalities—but overall this is as fine a piece of country gospel as you’ll ever hear. It will be interesting to see what they come up with next.

Neon Trees—“Everybody Talks”
#74
Starting off with a rip of “At the Hop”, the most mechanical of the great early rock records, this proceeds to become at least as mechanical, and even more of a pastiche. When Bruno Mars trades in fifties styles he does so because he lives and breathes them—it may not be original, but it’s organic. These guys, on the other hand, are dabblers playing at cut and paste. But just like “At the Hop”, sometimes being mechanical works; this moves fast and hard, and never lets up. It’s as shallow as they come, but it’s also exciting. Wonder if we’ll hear from them again?

One Direction—“One Thing”
#90
One Direction want to have it both ways: they want their pop to be simple enough to appeal to young girls, but they also want it to be hard and modern enough to appeal to girls who are a few years older. The instrumentation here sounds like it comes off a modern dance floor, but the song also uses pop tricks that are so old they probably seem fresh to anyone under the age of twenty (I haven’t heard the stutter beat they use in the chorus for over a decade, at least). The problem is the modern part of is so heavy-handed and leaden that it kills the older, poppier bits. If they want to last more than six months they (or their handlers) need to come up with better stuff than this.

Eli Young Band—“Even If It Breaks Your Heart”
#91
In the main, the shift in influence in country rock from The Eagles to Tom Petty is an improvement: the songs are faster, the grooves stronger, and the sense of self-satisfaction is more manageable. But even at his best Petty had his own pretensions, to say the least, and most of the bands that are influenced by him tend to lean on his trademark hits rather than his better, more eccentric numbers. They all want to be “The Hardest Part” instead of “American Girl”. Eli Young is no exception, and sings about his early days learning his rock and roll over a backing band that may as well be The Heartbreakers jamming the usual changes. It isn’t terrible, but streaming your personal perspective through clichés doesn’t break the clichés, it reinforces them. Which, come to think of it, is almost exactly what Petty did most of the time.

Young Jeezy featuring Ne-Yo—“Leave You Alone”
#95
Ne-Yo didn’t just write a hook for Jeezy— it sounds like he gave him a whole goddamned song, one that he had a chorus and a bridge for but no verses. This shouldn’t be a surprise; lyrics have always been Ne-Yo’s weakness; he’s melodically gifted, but he has a hard time making words both flow and mean something. What he should do, instead of handing songs to rappers like Jeezy, is find himself a decent lyricist and finish the songs himself. Easier said than done, I know, but this is just sad.

Bella Thorne—“TTYLXOX”
#98
The lyrics would sound dated even if this song had come out two years ago, and the music it draws on is even older, but that could be said of just about every piece of Disney pop, and nothing could stop this from being a joy from start to finish. If that sounds corny, so be it. Real joy is always in short supply on the pop charts, viewed either as manipulative or childish. The only place you normally find it is in music made for tweens and pre-teens, where too often it sounds simplistic or condescending. This is neither. It will never make radio aside from the Disney Channel, and most likely will never hit any real dance floor, which is a greater loss than most people would think. Imagine an ecstasy that isn’t based on sex or chemicals. If you can’t I suppose you should move on to something else, but it’s your loss.

Listen on Spotify

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Hot 100 Roundup—1/28/12

Monday, February 13th, 2012

Train—“Drive By”
#60
There are lots of reasons why I should like Train. Their songs are bouncy and catchy, well-crafted, and even demonstrate some intelligence. Their lyrics, though never great, are generally free of cliché, and have an offhand quality that suggests they don’t take themselves too seriously. Serious or not, however, they still think very highly of themselves, and their sense of superiority and smugness, combined with a complete lack of depth, guarantees that their records will irritate the hell out of me every time. They’re like The Eagles without pretensions, but guess what? That doesn’t make them any better. This record has everything in it that has made them successful, and everything that makes them awful. Did they really think they could get away with that image of their love packed into a garbage bag? Did they think it was cute? For Train, acting like you’re clever is the same thing as being clever, which is just one of the many things they’re wrong about.

Van Halen—“Tattoo”
#67
David Lee Roth has always been the one thing that made Van Halen interesting. Not just for his own lunacy (who else would end a nonsense song about tattoos with a shout out to labor unions?), but for his ability to force the band to play up to it, thereby pulling them out of the sinkhole of hair-metal cliché. Without him they’re just another band with an above-average guitarist (Sammy Hagar is crazy, too, but he’s professionally crazy—he considers it part of his job—whereas Roth is the real thing). This record is a mess, but it’s a joyful mess, as if they couldn’t resist the urge to pack every nutty idea and hook they could think of into it. Not great, but boy do they sound like they’re enjoying themselves.

Snow Patrol—“Called Out In the Dark”
#78
I know Snow Patrol has earned a lot of respect from people with decent taste, but I’ve never heard a reason for it myself, and I hear it even less in this forgettable record. The song may have something to do with the Occupy movement, but the band is either too subtle, or too inexact, to make that clear. It’s U2 meets Radiohead, without the focus of either.

The Wanted—“Glad You Came”
#85
An earworm and a half, with a blatantly obvious double-entendre title hook designed to make the tweenies giggle between ecstatic screams. Already a smash in Britain (one of five top five singles for the band), there are a few clever moments slipped into the dance-pop clichés. I like the verse where each line starts with the last word of the line before it, and overall it isn’t cloying or bland. A perfect record for those who find Taio Cruz or Rihanna a little too hard.

Lana Del Rey—“Video Games”
#91
I wish more of the voluminous commentary on Lana Del Rey focused on what this song is about, because I could use a clue. The general landscape is clear enough: he’s a rebel, he’s the leader of the pack, he’s Johnny Sunshine, she’s never loved a man the way she loves him, etc. The difference is he’s a complete cypher, perhaps by intent, so distant and disinterested that no matter how she throws herself at him—begging, teasing, cajoling, purring—he never reacts. Finally, she decides, or pretends, that she’s won him over anyway, and all is self-deluding bliss. That’s how I read it, anyway. At least that’s the best reason I can come up with for the constant shifts in vocal approach and timbre, and the song’s air of quiet, romantic desperation. That’s giving Del Rey the benefit of the doubt (actually, more than that, it makes her sound like a genius), when it’s possible that the record is a lucky shambles, something that fell together by chance (best previous example: Counting Crows’s “Mr. Jones”). Guess I’ll find out when I listen to the album.

Foster the People—“Don’t Stop (Color On the Walls)”
#97
Born one-hit wonders, I never expected to hear from these guys again. I’m still not sure I have.

MGK featuring Waka Flocka Flame—“Wild Boy”
#98
More a shouting contest than a rap record, and an unfair one, too, because no one outshouts Waka Flocka Flame, except maybe Lil Jon, who isn’t here. I wish he was; he might add some life to this generic hunk of blah.

Listen on Spotify

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Bubbling Under—7/23/11

Thursday, August 18th, 2011

Thompson Square—”I Got You”
#108
Another sign that the most powerful outside influence on country is no longer the Eagles, or even Fleetwood Mac, but Tom Petty. The Hammond organ is the giveaway, along with the occasional elegiac sustained chord sequence. The lyrics, however, are pure cliché (unlike Petty, who’s only banal), and, as usual for modern country, the guitars are way too loud.

Pistol Annies—”Heel On Heels”
#110
The red dirt slide guitar intro is great, and on first hearing I couldn’t imagine any country artist who could rise to its promise. Even though this is far better than average, I still can’t. The lyrics are wonderful—the devil made them smart and they have your credit card to boot—and I like that Miranda Lambert makes no attempt to upstage her colleagues. But this is still a little stiff, and the clapping on the last chorus is a mistake: I think it’s intended to demonstrate feminine solidarity, even in the pursuit of evil, but all it does is soften the sound and atmosphere. They should have tried it with just that ghostly, menacing guitar.

Miguel—”Quickie”
#116
The Wailers-style harmonies leading into the chorus is one of the funniest moments to grace a pop record this year, and overall this pulls off a canny mixture of hip-hop and dub that I find fascinating. The lyrics are pleasantly silly throughout, but the association of true love with near-violent sex is bothersome, even if it’s just part of the joke.

Daddy Yankee featuring Prince Royce—”Ven Commigo”
#118
A Latin rap/dance record that really makes me wish I spoke, or at least understood, Spanish. There’s a stretch in the middle where the staccato rhymes, if the words are on a level to match, are something special, and the occasional moments of English are odd enough (“I’m so hood…like Tiger Woods”) that I wish I understood more. It gets repetitive near the end, but before that it changes up nicely, and has an excellent, scene-setting intro. Makes me wish someone would set up a Latin rap translation site (if there already is one, let me know).

Jerrod Nieman—”One More Drinkin’ Song”
#119
Not to be picky, but shouldn’t the singer of a happy-go-lucky drinking song sound like he actually drinks every once in a while? It’s clever in spots, sometimes too clever, but there isn’t a single moment of spontaneity or recklessness in the entire song. It comes off as nothing more than a stiff genre experiment. Nieman’s a talent, but he may be too much of a perfectionist for his own good.

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Hot 100 Roundup—4/23/11

Tuesday, April 26th, 2011

Blake Shelton—”Honey Bee”
#13
As the rock end of country slowly progresses through the past, it makes the small step from The Eagles to Tom Petty. Shelton makes the transition obvious by cutting what’s essentially a re-write of “Don’t Do Me Like That.” This is an improvement overall, but only slightly. There are too many great country, and country-rock, artists still being ignored by Nashville to take much pleasure in yet another turn toward lazy L.A.

Jason Aldean—”Dirt Road Anthem”
#68
There’s been country-rap before this, of course, but it always felt imitative and obvious. This is the real thing, meaning it intentionally doesn’t sound anything like hip-hop, and defiantly thumbs its nose at urban life. But then, almost all country does that nowadays, and reciting the same old clichés with a slight rhythmic bounce but no melody doesn’t exactly make this record intriguing, even if it does make it a curiosity. What so many outsiders forget about rap is that the vocal rhythms mean something, often something far more important and profound than the words themselves. For Aldean, rapping is just another gimmick; it doesn’t signify anything except clueless resentment.

Ace Hood—”Hustle Hard”
#87
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/2/11

Martin Solveig & Dragonette—”Hello”
#91
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/2/11

Brad Paisley featuring Alabama—”Old Alabama”
#95
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/9/11

Toby Keith—”Somewhere Else”
#100
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 4/16/11

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New this week—5/30/10

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

Miley Cyrus—”Can’t Be Tamed”
#8
Despite the usually sure handed Amato/James Rock Mafia putting this together, and the added controversy of Cyrus’s first “adult” video (i.e., one with bare legs, cleavage, and faux-Fosse dance moves), this isn’t that interesting of a record. There’s something flat and fuzzy about Cyrus’s voice, and the music follows suit. She certainly kisses off Disney, though, despite still being signed to their label. The video is one part of it, but there’s also a clever double-entendre reference to erections, and the words “go to hell” are followed with a digitally garbled voice that sounds like Donald Duck in one of his fits of frustration. Can there be such a thing as mature Disney pop? It will be interesting to find out, but this isn’t quite it.

Glee Cast
“Dream On” (featuring Neil Patrick Harris), #26
“I Dreamed A Dream” (featuring Idina Menzel), #31
“Safety Dance”, #81
“Bad Romance”, #86
“Poker Face”, #100
After two above average weeks (“above average” in the context of Glee, that is), the cast settles back into their usual sub-karaoke torpor. It’s no surprise that Neil Patrick Harris sings rock and roll better than any of the regular cast (who wouldn’t?), but he’s still worse than just about any other decent rock singer you could name. The GaGa covers are particularly awful, for which the production team is as much to blame as the singers: “Bad Romance” sounds like it’s being played by a lounge act, and whoever decided to use the slow version of “Poker Face” did both the singer and GaGa an incredible disservice.

3OH!3—”Touchin’ On My”
#49
This has it’s clever moments, especially the way the censorship bleeps are worked into the arrangement. For the most part, though, it’s the same old obvious, crude nonsense. Just what kind of self-respecting woman would want to *bleep* these guys, anyway?

Avenged Sevenfold—”Nightmare”
#51
I’m sure the band takes its satanist sentiments seriously, but this is the musical equivalent of an 11-year old trying to scare his little sister by turning off the lights, holding a flashlight under his chin, saying “evil” things, and laughing maniacally. It’s cute in a way, but I don’t think cute is what these guys were aiming for.

Muse—”Neutron Star Collision (Love Is Forever)”
#77
I don’t know enough about Muse to know whether they have a sense of humor, or even any brains. If they do, this is a brilliant piece of parody, a vicious, satiric swipe at Twilight fans and all the ridiculous pseudo-mystical, romantic mumbo-jumbo that surrounds the franchise. If they don’t, this is the most godawful, ridiculous record of the year, an unholy merger of U2, The Killers, and Andrew Lloyd Webber that has to be heard to be believed. Unfortunately, since their latest album includes titles such as “United States of Eurasia/Collateral Damage (Excerpt from Nocturne in E-Flat, Op. 9, No. 2)” and “Exogenesis: Symphony, Part 2 (Cross-pollination)”, I suspect the latter. Still good for a laugh, though.

Christina Aguilera featuring Nicki Minaj—”Woohoo”
#79
I’m probably too hard on Aguilera, who really does try to stretch her own and her audiences boundaries, often in ways you’d least expect. But intentions aren’t the same as achievements, she always sounds to me as if she’s trying too hard, and all the risk-taking in the world doesn’t excuse the fact that she’s made a record about cunnilingus that doesn’t for a single moment sound dirty or even sexy. Nicki Minaj, who you would think would loosen things up, falls into lockstep with Aguilera and adds nothing but product placement and a bad Jamaican accent. Couldn’t she at least have offered to go down on Christina herself?

Zac Brown Band—”Free”
#95
Zac Brown is a country traditionalist at heart, which these days apparently means being firmly rooted in 70s folk/rock, traveling the backroads in a van fueled with nothing but love, phrasing like James Taylor, and borrowing ideas from the pre-Michael McDonald Doobie Brothers (who are starting to become as influential as The Eagles). Aren’t these the people Merle Haggard use to complain about?

Gyptian—”Hold You (Hold Yuh)”
#96
I’ve played this record five or six times in the last week. I just played it again. I still can’t remember any of it.

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New this week—12/13/09

Tuesday, December 15th, 2009

Glee Cast—”Last Christmas”
#63
Unlike the other twenty (!!!) songs Glee has put on the Hot 100 this year, this one seems perfectly designed for the sort of bland vocal treatment the show specializes in. It is a Christmas song, after all, and considering how much breathy echo was layered onto Wham!’s original version, it was practically a Glee song already. Except for the intro to “Don’t Stop Believin’” (all the way back in the pilot), this is the best thing they’ve done. And I don’t care if I ever hear it again.

Daughtry—”After You”
#66
Blander even than Nickelback, and therefore less offensive. Also less interesting, which is a kind of negative achievement, I suppose. The only positive is that Chris Daughtry still makes me believe he’s singing to his wife. I just hope she doesn’t fall asleep in the middle of it.

Orianthi—”According To You”
#67
Conceptually, the guitar shredding on this Kelly Clarkson knock-off makes sense. The attitude she gets from her boyfriend is probably much like the attitude she gets from guys who don’t believe women can play lead guitar. Musically, though, it’s as empty and meaningless as most shredding for shredding’s sake, and decidedly out of place in a Kelly Clarkson knock-off. It would also help if she could sing anywhere near as well as she can play.

Nick Jonas & the Administration—”Who I Am”
#73
Anybody who calls this a country move has obviously never heard any country. It’s more like a John Mayer record with leaden lyrics and duller chord changes. Minus the bombast provided by his brothers, Jonas sounds overwrought and out of place, as if he had no idea who he was at all.

Timbaland Featuring Justin Timberlake—”Carry Out”
#75
I hate to get all PC all of a sudden, but I can’t think of anything more sexist than comparing a woman to food that, no matter how tasty it may be, is picked up largely because it demands nothing from the man but ready cash and doesn’t require any messy clean up. You know, like a prostitute? Serves them right that the record’s so dull.

Pitbull featuring Akon—”Shut It Down”
#85
Akon is supposed to provide the hook, but all he does is get in Pitbull’s way. Without him this could be one of the club jams of the year. It was nice of Pitbull to give the poor guy a break, I guess, but I look forward to a remix that’s all Pitbull and his harsh minimalist electronics, and no Akon at all.

Phoenix—”1901″
#90
For the life of me I cannot figure out the appeal of these Frenchmen. To me, they’re The Eagles of indie, inspired by of Montreal instead of Graham Parsons. Apparently their Grammy nomination for Best Alternative Album has generated enough buzz to get them into the Hot 100. Which is interesting, since their appearance on Saturday Night Live earlier this year couldn’t do it. Who knew the Grammies had such influence over alternative fans’ buying habits?

The Script—”Breakeven”
#96
Better than The Fray or OneRepublic, if only because they seem less self-involved and overwrought. But then, how good do you have to be to be better than The Fray or OneRepublic?

Toby Keith featuring Dave Koz, Marcus Miller & Arthur Thompson—”Cryin’ For Me (Wayman’s Song)”
#97
Whatever real emotion may be behind this song (the lyrics have their touching moments) is lost in Keith’s apparent ambition to crossover into Lite Jazz territory. Nothing like expanding that radio outreach.

Timbaland featuring Katy Perry—”If We Ever Meet Again”
#99
Timbaland’s M.O. these days appears to be applying his tried and true production techniques to current hit makers in the hope of not only generating hits but revving his own creative juices. So far, it doesn’t seem to be working on either count. Here he sounds almost desperate in his desire to do something new and interesting. The result is a bunch of cliches jammed together, and not very well either.

Brad Paisley—”American Saturday Night”
#100
Though the comparison may sound odd, it seems to me that Paisley is everything that John Mayer is supposed to be. An intelligent, daring, witty, unbelievably talented songwriter and guitarist (will somebody please put him on a stage with Richard Thompson? please?), who is also humble, self-deprecating, devoid of flash, and refuses to play down to his audience intellectually or emotionally. The difference is that, unlike Mayer, Paisley seems to be totally lacking in self-consciousness—he says what he wants to say, plays what he wants to play, and never for a moment worries about what people think of him. Whether or not this brilliant record, which in theme is the exact opposite of the xenophobic, jingoistic rants that have plagued country music for decades, will be a hit is of absolutely no interest to Paisley. It probably will be. He’ll appreciate it, and find it sort of funny in a way, but it won’t affect his music one way or the other. He takes things so easy that even those who admire him don’t seem to realize that he’s probably the greatest country musician of his generation. Here’s hoping he’s the most influential, as well.

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New this week

Sunday, August 23rd, 2009

Miley Cyrus—”Party In the U.S.A.”
#2
Despite its bouncy, universalist tone, the lyrics of this song reveal it to be nothing more than the usual declaration of egotistical, posturing self-importance. This isn’t a party in the U.S.A., it’s a party in one small part of the U.S.A., namely whatever part of Hollywood Miley Cyrus is currently occupying. Her only gesture to the outside world is inviting everyone else to watch her have fun. It makes sense that she namechecks Jay-Z, since this song shares an attitude with any number of self-aggrandizing rap records, including Jay-Z’s latest. I know it’s too easy to criticize Cyrus as a spoiled celebrity princess, but in this case it’s true.

Disney’s Friends for Change—”Send It On”
#20
The latest emetic power ballad for charity. I advise you to save your money for the compilation album, Now That’s What I Call Philanthropy!

Jason DeRulo—”Watcha Say”
#54
I like the chorus, which serves the double duty of being catchy and telling DeRulo where to stuff his apology for infidelity. You can tell he doesn’t mean it by the way he sings his own name at the beginning of the track. Self-love like that is never satisfied with only one admirer.

Cobra Starship—”Hot Mess”
#64
Twice as many writers and producers as “Good Girls Go Bad”, half the hooks. Since “Good Girls Go Bad” has a lot of hooks, only managing half isn’t a total disaster, though it does expose their overkill for the overcompensation it really is.

Cascada—Evacuate the Dancefloor
#80
Lack of originality can be a blessing, especially in commercial terms. Already a number one across Europe, this is essentially a Lady GaGa track without all that arty baggage and sexual ambiguity attached. It’s overloaded with hooks, too, something GaGa is rarely accused of. Trouble is, it still sounds like GaGa, garish and overwrought. Which is fine if you feel like being pummeled to deaf on the dancefloor. Me, I’ve always preferred more subtle ways of losing my hearing.

Lady Antebellum—”Need You Now”
#85
It never occurred to me until someone at another blog brought it up, but aside from the Eagles, the biggest non-country influence on modern country music is Fleetwood Mac. The rhythm track here is a dead ringer (session guys are good at that sort of thing), but the singers are no match for Christine McVie, and neither are all four of the songwriters. McVie could make seeming truisms and banalities ring with passion and intensity—all these guys can do is make you think, “Oh, that’s nice. Where have I heard this before?”

Britney Spears—”Radar”
#90
This record is more interesting for it’s release history than for itself. Originally on Blackout, for some reason it was included on the bonus version of Circus, and now, for even more intangible reasons, it’s being promoted as a single. It isn’t very good, and it goes on too long, but obviously somebody thinks it can be a hit. And right now somebody else is scouring the song for clues to Britney’s current state of mind. Not me, though, I can’t even pay attention to it all the way through.

Chris Young—”Gettin’ You Home (The Black Dress Song)”
#91
It’s been a long time since I’ve heard a good old county wedded lust song; I was starting to think that all male country singers were bachelors chasing badonkadonk. This isn’t great—the second verse, where Young sings from his wife’s point of view, doesn’t quite work—but it’s sufficiently steamy to get the point across, and old-fashioned enough to sound fresh. It ain’t Charlie Rich, but it ain’t bad.

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It would be just like them to kill the only one who’s done anything interesting

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

Joe Walsh Executed To Keep ‘Eagles Greatest Hits’ Sales Ahead Of ‘Thriller’.

The best part of the joke is that Walsh doesn’t play on that album.

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