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Hot 100 Roundup—11/14/10

Wednesday, November 17th, 2010

Tim McGraw—”Felt Good On My Lips”
#26
This sounds sexier than most country, and I like the way McGraw changes up the meaning of the title line as he goes along; all very professional. Like a lot of country, though, the lines that are supposed to provide detail and a bit of humor tend to sound forced and out of place; he devotes so much time and energy to describing a mixed drink it’s impossible not to snort. Then it all ends with nothing more than a goodnight kiss. It might make a good joke song if McGraw upped the tempo, or a good romance song if you got the feeling there was the least possibility of romance. As it is, it’s nothing.

Ke$ha—”Sleazy”
#51
The chorus, with its echoes of both classic girl groups and post-punk girl bands, is enough to carry the rest of the song, which is hedonistic without being greedy, a smart move. Is she trying to reclaim “sleazy” the same way the riot grrrls tried to reclaim “slut”? It didn’t work the first time, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth trying again.

Nicki Minaj featuring Eminem—”Roman’s Revenge”
#56
Oddly enough, this otherwise awful record appears to mark the return of Eminem’s sense of humor. Needless to say, it’s a highly offensive sense of humor, and the laughs aren’t boffo, but he sounds even more on top of things here than he did on Recovery. Minaj, meanwhile, is completely out of her league (Lil Wayne must have been taking it easy on her), and the only good thing about her fake British accent is that it comes after all of Eminem’s bits so you can turn the damn thing off without feeling you’re going to miss something. The less said about Minaj’s choosen name for her alter ego, Roman Zolanski, the better. Slim Shady she ain’t.

Pitbull—“Bon Bon”
#61
“We No Speak Americano” hasn’t come close to finishing its chart run, but that doesn’t stop Pitbull from jumping aboard, and good for him. His perfect timing and sense of humor make the song both more bearable and may even give it some meaning, though since yo no hablo español, I couldn’t say what that would be. Chances are he’s just trying to pick up a girl.

Kenny Chesney—”Somewhere With You”
#67
There are hints of something deep and dark in the lyrics, maybe even a dose of reality, but Chesney delivers it all with his usual well-oiled aplomb, and by the end the record has turned into another one of his lady-pleasing “I wanna sleep with you tonight” songs. Even when he’s trying to be thoughtful the guy can’t resist shameless pandering.

T.I. (featuring Chris Brown)—”Get Back Up”
#70
It’s a surprise that not only is T.I.’s latest apology (or would this be his first?) is so light-hearted, it’s also so lightweight in terms of sound. You’d never know he had a care in the world, a feeling Chris Brown, even with his own history, only enlarges (I’ve never cared for him as a lead, but he’s a great background singer). T.I. is still harping on the haters, but at least he’s picking out the right haters, and not throwing insults out scattershot. I suspect the softness of the sound is an attempt to make him look like a nicer and more thoughtful guy than he may actually be, but at least he seems to be thinking about it.

Ricky Martin featuring Joss Stone—”The Best Thing About Me Is You”
#74
I bet this sounds better in Spanish. And I bet if I spoke Spanish I would think it sounds better in English. I’m glad Ricky Martin came out, but that doesn’t mean I want him to come back.

New Hollow—”Sick”
#86
Wannabe teen sensations steal their song structure from “Creep”, their riffs from The Who, their lyrical ideas from Mudhoney, and their overall vibe from, uh, The Records? Not The Records of “Starry Eyes”, unfortunately. More The Records of “Teenarama”, which isn’t bad, but isn’t great, either. I could do without the hurling sound effect at the end, but this is growing on me. They may not have enough sense to know how tasteless the idea of this song is, but I bet they wouldn’t care if they did. Who says power pop is dead?

Chris Young—”Voices”
#89
Reviewed in Bubbling Under, 11/7/10

Jason Aldean with Kelly Clarkson—”Don’t You Wanna Stay”
#93
Good singer hooks up with great singer, and together they sing a terrible song and let the arrangement drown out their voices. I couldn’t care less about what Aldean does, but Clarkson deserves better, and there’s no reason to believe she’ll ever go out and get it or even realizes it exists. Her weakness for power ballads appears to be authentic, just like her voice. What a depressing combination.

Toby Keith—”Bullets in the Gun”
#97
This is overwrought and too reliant on cliches, but it’s nice to know that there’s at least one guy in Nashville who’s willing to keep some sort of edge in his songs and doesn’t make pretty in the face of all the women who want to bash in his headlights and gun him down with a shotgun. Despite his jingoistic sins in the past, he make no apologies, knows his own strengths, and refuses to retreat from the masculine turf he’s been plowing his whole career. Hell, he may be the only real man left in town.

Rock Mafia—”The Big Bang”
#98
A weird one. Forget their Disney pedigree for a moment and just listen to this thing: the vocals, Tim James electrically modified so that in some moments he sounds like Amy Winehouse and in others as if he were computer-generated, are odd enough, but the overall sound is an even stranger throwback to sixties movie music, albeit a little funkier. It could be a rejected James Bond theme from 30 years ago. The lyrics, which compare the jolt of lust to the creation of the universe, are out there, too. Then there’s the whistling. Maybe Disney provided them with the one thing many artists don’t realize they need: a leash.

Blake Shelton—”Who Are You When I’m Not Looking”
#99
First line, over gentle acoustic guitar and light brushes on the drums: “My oh my, you’re so good lookin’/Hold yourself together like a pair of bookends”. After an opening like that the song has no choice but to get better, and it does, but not much better. I think I’ve asked this before but I’ll ask it again: what does Miranda Lambert see in this guy, anyway?

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Money the only morality

Friday, October 1st, 2010

How do you commit the most heinous fucking crime you can in full public view and still maintain the support of the top players in your game? Have a number one R&B hit, that’s how, and they’ll all come running to do the remix. Yes, it’s less tasteless than the original, but who gives a shit? Fuck ‘em all.

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The year so far, ctd.

Monday, July 26th, 2010

When I was doing my half-year summation last week, an idea struck me that I didn’t have time to include. As I said there, the apparent greatness of the year overall hasn’t made much of an impression on the pop charts, at least not in terms of individual records. As the old saying goes, though, a rising tide lifts all boats, and though I think it’s fair to say that there have been few great records on the Hot 100 this year, the quality, overall, has risen.

Quality, however, may not be the right word; freshness may be closer to the truth. Since the crash and burn of the summer of 2008, there has been a slow but steady revitalization. Pop music sounds different than it did three years ago. On the top forty charts, the touchstones are obvious. With Lady GaGa and the revamped Blacked Eyed Peas leading the way, followed by 3Oh!3, Ke$ha, and quickly adapting older artists like Rihanna and Jay-Z, electronica in one form or another has become a staple on the pop charts, to the point where even Disney stars like Miley Cyrus and Selena Gomez are jumping on the bandwagon (to be fair to Disney, Aly & AJ were actually ahead of the curve on this). At the same time, the pop embrace of electronica has forced those in the electronic music scene itself to up their game and look for new ideas to separate them from the mainstream (a process aided by the cross-pollination provided by DJ podcasts like those found at Resident Advisor, XLR8R, and Fact Magazine—check out Michaelangelo’s piece in the Guardian for an overview). At the same time, thanks to its exposure on the charts, electronica is garnering an ever-expanding fan base of more adventurous pop listeners.

Hip-hop and rap have also been reflecting the inspiration provided by electronic music. Unlike pop, however, the major changes are coming from smaller scenes outside the mainstream. While stars like T.I. and DJ Khaled fill their records with ever more baroque permutations of fuzzy synths, the whole of hip-hop is being remade from underneath by teenagers with lap tops. From Soulja Boy Tell’em in Mississippi to the jerkin’ movement in LA to Cali Swag District’s “Teach Me How To Dougie”, which puts an LA spin on a dance movement originating in Dallas, the movement in one form or another has gone nationwide. All that laptop rap needs now is an independently-minded genius to blow it wide open (Soulja Boy and New Boyz, unfortunately, have already been absorbed by the old guard).

Beyond the influence of electronica (and yes, I know that phrase is out of date, but find me another that covers the whole spectrum), other genres are being revamped as well, especially country. Up until a couple of years ago, country was ruled by good ol’ boys like Toby Keith and Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney, who sang, for the most part, about only one thing: how good it is to be a good ol’ boy. In the last two years, though, women have come back strong: Gretchen Wilson started the ball rolling, with Miranda Lambert following closely behind, then Carrie Underwood (whose “Before He Cheats” provided the ultimate kiss off to the good ol’ boy genre), with Kellie Pickler, Sugarland, Lady Antebellum, Rory and Joey, and a host of others quickly occupying the landscape. In a category all their own are Taylor Swift and Brad Paisley, who have brought an intelligent, charming, good-humored sensibility back to country that it’s been missing for over a decade. The good ol’ boys are still around, but their voices are muted. Many of them are trying to meet the women half way, and the result has been a batch of pleasant, if not always brilliant records that feel far more down to earth and human.

Interesting changes have taken place on the indie and alternative scenes as well, but for the moment none of those have been turning up in the pop charts. Not that that isn’t a possibility. As far as I can tell, the only major difference in sound between Ke$ha and Sleigh Bells is the mix: Ke$ha mixes her distorted electronic explosions down and her voice up; Sleigh Bells does the opposite. They may be on different paths, but they’re heading in the same direction. Everybody is. And somewhere down the road is a convergence point that’s going to blow everybody away.

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New this week—6/27/10

Sunday, July 4th, 2010

Drake
“Up All Night” featuring Nicki Minaj, #49
“9 AM In Dallas”, #57
“Fireworks” featuring Alicia Keys, #71
“Fancy” featuring T.I. & Swiss Beatz, #99
Approached in bulk, Drake’s tracks achieve a definite if subliminal groove that is, at first, both attractive and of a certain clinical interest. The same can be said of his raps, which are straightforward and plainspoken. But if you’re going to be this plainspoken you’d better make sure you have something to say and have some poetry hidden in there somewhere. Drake has neither, and after a few plays his minimal grooves become boring. When Drake says he wants to be a real artist, I believe him, but I believe him even more when he expresses doubts about his talent. His honesty may get him somewhere eventually, but it hasn’t yet.

Disturbed—”Another Way To Die”
#81
Environmental metal: it’s not quite an oxymoron, but it sure doesn’t make much sense.

3Oh!3—”Double Vision”
#89
When you limit your musical palette as much as these guys do—they don’t write new melodies or rhythms for each record, they just switch rhyme schemes—the smallest change or addition can come as a surprise. Here, they add a few pleasant harmonies and suddenly sound almost as upbeat and friendly as The Beach Boys. They should be careful, though: too many cracks in their obnoxious facade and they’ll start to get boring.

Soulja Boy Tell’em—”Pretty Boy Swag”
#90
Not so much a change in style as a change in speed, and a smart move. The slow, deliberate, teasing pace makes Soulja Boy sound more mature without diminishing the feeling that’s he’s still just a teenager having a great time with something he loves. That’s almost enough to make him important, even if all he raps about is how cool he is.

Bobby Brackins featuring Ray J—”143″
#91
Ray J seems to make his living now attaching himself to young rappers, where he applies his seductive crooning, reminds everybody of his biggest hit, and smooths out any rough spots that would make these records interesting. Though I’m not sure Brackins would be interesting even without him.

The Dirty Heads featuring Rome—”Lay Me Down”
#93
Unbelievable. A Jack Johnsonish acoustic reggae ballad with a plot that is basically a rehash of The Getaway—the movie version, that is, where the beautiful young couple get away with robbery and murder to spend the rest of their lives having sex on the beach, as opposed to Jim Thompson’s original novel, which had an ending so depressing, ironic, and horrifying that even Sam Peckinpah didn’t have the nerve to serve it up on screen. You should read it, if only to understand me when I wish The Dirty Heads a less final but somewhat similar fate.

Jaheim—”Finding My Way Back”
#93
If this was 1973, this would probably be a big regional R&B hit in Baltimore or Chicago, like The Whatnauts or some of the lesser Chi-Lites singles. It’s 2010, though, and what would have been second-tier in the ’70s is just an oddity now. If Jaheim is going to mine the past, he should go all the way, like Raphael Saadiq. Or he should at least get better songs.

Rodney Atkins—”Farmer’s Daughter”
#96
Notable only for the way Atkins sings, especially the first verse. His backwoods accent is so heavily played and calculated—not a single drawl out of place—that it becomes a kind of minstrelsy; good ol’ boy whiteface, if you will.

Craig Morgan—”This Ain’t Nothin’”,
#97
You need to walk a pretty fine line to pull off country sentimentality. Do it right, the way Miranda Lambert does on “The House That Built Me” and you can produce a powerful record despite the required cliches and homilies. One bad line, though, can tip you over into bathetic camp. This song has three or four bad lines, one of them in the chorus, so it gets repeated over and over again, and another in the second verse that wouldn’t be out of place in a South Park parody.

Blake Shelton—”All About Tonight”
#98
There are two things I find interesting about Blake Shelton. One is his release schedule, where he’s experimenting with putting out half an album every few months (this is the lead single from his second “six-pack”); and the other is that he’s engaged to Miranda Lambert, who outclasses him in every way I can think of. His music doesn’t interest me at all.

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New this week—6/13/10

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Drake featuring Lil Wayne—”Miss Me”
#15
It’s hard to determine whether Drake is the real thing or not—or anything at all, for that matter. His inability to shake his influences and come forth as himself is a major problem—first time I listened to this I thought his rap was Wayne’s. His self-consciousness has it’s charms (though not when it’s converted into beats), but it could quickly turn into a detriment if he isn’t careful. Sounding unsure of what you’re getting yourself into isn’t exactly the best concept to build a career around. Neither is the pronouncement that “life isn’t a rehearsal” when you sound like you’re still doing warm-ups.

Taio Cruz
“Dynamite”, #26
“Dirty Picture” (featuring Ke$ha), #96
Just to ask the obvious question, shouldn’t a song called “Dynamite” sound explosive? This sure doesn’t. On the other hand, “Dirty Picture” does sound dirty. It also sounds unclean, though that may just be a matter of personal taste.

T.I.
“Got Your Back” (featuring Keri Hilson), #38
“Yeah Ya Know (Takers)”, #44
“Got Your Back” is surprisingly warm and affectionate, suggesting real love, something that T.I. has never managed, or for that matter ever really tried, before. He also seems to be breaking out of his tendency to overpack his arrangements (if there’s such a thing as baroque rap, T.I. makes it)—compared to his last few singles shows admirable restraint, it’s few lose threads tied up quite nicely by Keri Hilson. I just wish someone could have done the same for “Yah Ya Know”.

Nicki Minaj—”Your Love”
#51
With her day-glo wigs and cosplay fashion style, it’s no surprise that Minaj’s idea of romanticism comes out sounding like Sailor Moon in the hood. It’s an interesting idea, but it doesn’t quite gel, and it gets confusing. One minute she’s talking about the guy’s stacks and the next she’s dreaming about samurai and geishas who speak Thai somewhere up in the sky, and then she tops it all by turning into Supergirl. She may be on to something, but this is both too obvious and too obscure to get over.

Glee Cast
“Good Vibrations”, #69
“Another One Bites the Dust”, #79
“Tell Me Something Good”, #87
“Loser”, #93
“It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World”, #95
Two more white rap songs from the crew (three if you count “Loser”), and the joke, which worked on “Ice Ice Baby”, has paled considerably. The less said about “Tell Me Something Good” and “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” the better.

3Oh!3—”Deja Vu”
#75
This makes two songs from these guys I actually kind of like, but whether that means they’ve improved or my tastes have collapsed under the constant barrage of electro synths I can’t say. It’s worth noting, though, that this is the first of their songs to suggest that the party party world they inhabit is starting to bore them a little. Is that maturity or exhaustion? Who knows?

Billy Currington—”Pretty Good At Drinking Beer”
#83
Currington’s last single was an overwrought string of country cliches. This is cliche bound as well, but it’s also clever, and not overwrought at all. As an argument for being a lard-ass, it’s even charming.

Little Big Town—”Little White Church”
#94
They’ve learned enough from Miranda Lambert to be tough and honest, and enough from Sugarland to be cheerful and spunky even while laying down the law. Too bad they haven’t learned enough from either to write more than a passable lyric, though putting “not gonna have your baby” in the list of things she won’t do until he marries her is still a jolt.

VV Brown—”Shark In the Water”
#97
I’ve already expressed my admiration for Brown, who appeals to me not only for her upbeat sound but for the range of her musical references and influences. Here she steals from both Paul McCartney and Lou Reed, while making explicit the thread of near hysterical paranoia that runs through many of her songs. It’s also nice to see that, unlike most of her UK peers, she’s managed her US chart debut without depending on an American rapper to give her a commercial leg up. Here’s hoping she gets the attention she deserves.

Neon Trees—”Animal”
#100
What decade is this again?

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New this week—5/23/10

Thursday, May 27th, 2010

Katy Perry featuring Snoop Dogg—”California Gurls”
#2
Unlike some, I’m offended by neither the title nor the spelling, both of which are representatives of a culture that has long since lost it’s power and has already been replaced. Problem is, this is too stodgy and tasteful to make the cut. It must be odd for Perry to realize that in less than two years her place as leading female provocateur has been usurped two or three times over. Melting popsicles isn’t going to cut it anymore. As for Snoop, his investment in ultimate cool is no longer paying dividends, and he sounds as if he knows it.

Glee Cast
“Jessie’s Girl”, #23
“One”, #60
“The Boy Is Mine”, #76
“Lady Is A Tramp”, #81
“Rose’s Turn”, #93
The closer the Glee Cast gets to contemporary music, I thought, the better they should sound. Having grown up with it, they’re bound to have a better idea of how it should be sung. And sure enough, “Jessie’s Girl” and “The Boy Is Mine” both sound like the vocalists actually know what their singing about, while “Lady Is a Tramp” is as horrible as you might imagine. “One” doesn’t work, but more because of the lame arrangement than the singing (it’s ridiculous to complain about oversinging on a U2 song; that’s what they’re for). Broadway, however, will always win out with these guys; it’s what they’re trained for, and “Rose’s Turn” is easily the best of this week’s batch. Not that that’s saying much.

Charice featuring Iyaz—”Pyramid”
#56
I could say that this is a major step up from Charice’s first single, but since “Note To God” was the worst record of last year not made by the Glee Cast, anything would be an improvement. Even generic pap like this.

Lil Wayne—”I’m Single”
#82
Since he’s currently in prison, it makes sense that Lil Wayne’s best single since “A Milli” should be layered with ever deeper levels of guilt and remorse, even if a weapons rap isn’t quite as guilt inducing as the infidelity documented here. The way Wayne twists the usual rap pornography, and even his now patented giggle, into something regretful and forlorn is beyond anything he’s done before, and I can’t think of a single record of his in which the emotions are so basic and so bare. Just like T.I., facing a year in the slammer seems to have focused Lil Wayne in ways he hadn’t anticipated. Unlike T.I., Wayne is a genius, and he goes far beyond T.I.’s bragging about how strong he’ll be when his time in jail is over. Wayne may be stronger when he gets out, as well, but he may also be someone totally different. I just hope he doesn’t get religion.

Enrique Iglesias featuring Pitbull—”I Like It”
#89
Another former superstar enlists the help of a hotter, more contemporary talent to boost his career, and ends up in support of his supposed guest. Pitbull is on a roll right now, and this has it’s moments, but just like Usher’s “OMG”, shaping a guest’s trademark sound to the star’s requirements results in something bloated and off-kilter. A vast improvement over “Do You Know? (The Ping Pong Song)”, but what wouldn’t be?

Justin Bieber—”Somebody To Love”
#98
For what it’s worth, this is Bieber’s best record. Which is only to say that it’s passable. Now he’s sixteen, Bieber’s Chris Brown imitation has a little more heft to it, but it’s still an imitation.

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New this week—5/2/10

Thursday, May 6th, 2010

Glee Cast
“Like A Prayer”, #27
“Borderline/Open Your Heart”, #72
“Like A Virgin”. #87
“4 Minutes”, #89

Madonna has taken a lot of criticism for her voice over the years—lack of strength, lack of range, lack of flexibility, yada yada yada—but that doesn’t mean just anybody can sing her songs. Exactly the opposite, in fact; her songs are so carefully designed to take advantage of the strengths of her voice and hide its weaknesses that they’re nearly impossible for anyone else to bring off—especially non-singers like the Glee Cast. When I say non-singers I don’t mean that they don’t have decent voices, or aren’t capable of hitting the notes, I mean quite literally that they don’t sing—they act. There’s a huge difference between singing a song and acting a song. Acted songs tend to have less depth, fewer emotional shades, less, to put it simply, musicality. In theater, in movies, on television, acting a song is fine, because there are so many other things going on, but for listening in isolation, in the home, or even through earbuds on the bus, they’re mostly flat, one-dimensional, banal, and obvious in all the worst ways. The main reason Glee’s music is so bad, and why I find it so infuriating, is that for the most part they’re taking songs designed for singing and acting them and then releasing them as records as if they were actually in the business of making music rather than TV. I’m probably taking it much too seriously, but these records are consistently terrible, and I find it maddening. Hearing these folks sing is almost as painful as watching Madonna act.

B.o.B. featuring T.I. & Playboy Tre—”Bet I”
#72
B.o.B. has talent, but if he keeps releasing records where he’s outshown by his guests no one’s ever going to notice. T.I. may be B.o.B.’s mentor, but he sounds like he doesn’t even know, or care, whose record this is. He’s so happy to be out of jail and working again you could ask him to contribute a verse to a remix of the Glee Cast’s “Bust A Move” and he’d probably say yes.

Shontelle—”Impossible”
#88
I like the way the melody takes little twists and turns, adding a level of emotional vulnerability, but in the end those twists don’t take you anywhere and it turns into just another hip-hop ballad. Nice try, though.

Reba—”I Keep On Loving You”
#90
Classy as country gets, and the first verse is brilliant (even in country you don’t get too many references to Job these days). The second verse isn’t brilliant at all, though, and after that the chorus gets repeated a few too many times. Reba’s voice, thicker with age, and with more emotional depth as a result, almost carries it through, but by the end you’ve had more than enough.

Tim McGraw—”Still”
#91
McGraw’s latest sop to family, country, and god. I appreciate his experimentation in terms of instrumentation and arrangement, but the song itself is dull as dirt. And what’s with the last verse, where McGraw thanks God that his church is still there for him to go to? Did the Taliban threaten to blow it up? Did liberals threaten to close it down? Or did Tim’s own sinful ways keep him from its doors? Leaving a question like that hanging just isn’t fair.

Ciara featuring Ludacris—”Ride”
#93
The unfortunate truth about Ciara’s records, at least since she decided to become a “class” act, is that, well-crafted and carefully thought out as they may be, they’re also boring. This is the worst offender so far. As for Ludacris, though he’s still capable of being funny (check out the remix of The-Dream’s “Love King”), here he’s just crude.

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New this week—4/18/10

Tuesday, April 20th, 2010

Jack Johnson—”You and Your Heart”
#20
Jack Johnson hates haters. Ooh, he hates those haters. He hates haters because they do hateful things like have standards and because their hearts are somehow disconnected from their bodies. (Jack Johnson’s heart is connected directly to his body, and he’s got the song catalog to prove it.) He hates haters so much he lets his guitar distort—just a little, not too much—and convinces his band to play like they hate haters, too. He almost sounds angry. If those haters keep hating he might just go insane. Let’s try it and see.

Jamie Foxx Featuring Justin Timberlake & T.I.—”Winner”
#28
Like all of Foxx’s hits, this one gets the credits wrong—it should be “T.I. featuring Justin Timberlake and some other guy”. I’d give Foxx credit this time out for rapping in his own voice, except he doesn’t have one (he doesn’t dare imitate anybody who can actually sing or rap without technological aid). He is skillful at getting good material out of his “guests”, though. Timberlake actually sounds interested, and T.I. walks off with the record, which he treats as if it were his latest comeback single. Considering how his first comeback single is doing, it may well be.

B.o.B.—”Don’t Let Me Fall”
#67
Aside from the fact that B.o.B. can’t sing, isn’t it a little early in his career to be trotting out the rap equivalent of a demographic-widening power ballad? That’s the third single, dude. Second single’s supposed to be the damn!-look-at-how-famous-I-am record. You’re getting everything out of order.

Nickelback—”This Afternoon”
#84
Tempo-wise, these guys have only one gear, second, but they seem to think that being loud and gruff makes up for this. It doesn’t. This is all about chilling on a sunny afternoon, but it doesn’t chill, and it isn’t sunny, and it forces me to the conclusion that their deliberate lack of subtlety isn’t a stylistic choice or commercial calculation–they honestly lack the ability to play any other way. I’d almost feel sorry for them if I thought they were smart enough to recognize it.

Miranda Cosgrove—”Kissin U”
#87
For it’s latest foray into the Disney-owned tween pop universe, Nickelodeon brings out the big guns, hiring Dr. Luke to produce what sounds like a Kelly Clarkson reject sung by a teenage girl who’s been listening to too much Ke$ha. Not that Dr. Luke isn’t constantly trying something new; here he experiments with the idea of a chorus that is actually more sluggish than the verses. Needless to say, this isn’t a good idea, but no one involved with this record seems to have noticed that, or to care.

Alicia Keys—”Unthinkable (I’m Ready)”
#88
Wait a minute—how old is Alicia Keys? She must be old enough to not consider sleeping with somebody as “the unthinkable”. Is this written from a teenager’s perspective? The music, all slow-grind and heavy percussion, certainly doesn’t sound like it. If it’s about cheating there’s no sign of that either. Does she have any idea what she’s doing at all?

Breaking Benjamin—”Give Me a Sign (Forever And Ever)”
#97
I’d have a lot more respect for Christian metal if what I heard of it wasn’t so one dimensional. It’s all about suffering and pain, the sonic equivalent of The Passion of the Christ, with flagellation and crucifixion replaced by headbanging and bleeding ears. I suppose it’s meant to be cathartic, but how can it be when they do the same thing over and over again? Apparently, as that model Christian, Jacqueline Susann, put it, once is never enough.

Kelly Clarkson—”All I Ever Wanted”
#99
God, I wish Kelly Clarkson picked better material. She sings this perfectly, but it isn’t much of a song, and though I don’t expect masterpieces four singles into a Clive Davis-managed pop album this should be better than it is. As a more subdued version of the stuff she did on My December I suppose it could be considered a step in the right direction, but the real problem with that album wasn’t musical overkill (though that was a problem) so much as the weakness of the material. Maybe this will grow on me the way “Already Gone” did. But “Already Gone” stayed in one place and drove its point home. The greatest singer in the world couldn’t save a song as confused as this one.

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New this week—4/11/10

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

Usher featuring will.i.am—”OMG”
#14
Despite the seal of approval provided by will.i.am, this is the lamest Black Eyed Peas rip you could imagine, and as far as I can tell it’s all Usher’s fault. The stylish minimalism that makes the Peas’s records compelling is filled in with meaningless noise, and the lyrics make Usher seem even dumber than BEP haters imagine the genuine article to be. At his worst he sounds like a lounge singer doing a Black Eyed Peas tribute; on the rest he’s a one-time star desperately trying to catch up to a scene that’s passed him by. In that way, at least, you can say Raymond v. Raymond is as true to life as Usher claims it is.

Diddy – Dirty Money featuring T.I.—”Hello Good Morning”
#34
This works, especially when T.I. is on the mike, and it’s a far better Black Eyed Peas rip than “OMG”, but like all Diddy tracks its show-offy and full of itself. When Diddy flaunts his ego with production tricks and flashy arranging rather than cynical fade-out raps or having his female vocalists moan his praises, he could almost be the pop genius he thinks he is. There’s a long way between “almost” and the real thing, though, and it’s a gap I doubt he’ll ever cross.

Lady GaGa—”Alejandro”
#72
I found it difficult to understand all the fuss last week over M.I.A. calling GaGa a “great mimic”. It’s obviously true, and I would say it’s even more obvious that GaGa knows it, often plays up to it, and enjoys doing it. That’s certainly the case on this rollicking slice of camp, in which she borrows heavily from Madonna, the Pet Shop Boys, and cheesy Italian telenovellas and mixes them all together into her own twisted joke. For some reason this makes me think of Tennesse Williams’s Suddenly Last Summer. “Alejandro”, thank God, doesn’t end in cannibalism, but I wouldn’t put it past her.

Travie McCoy featuring Bruno Mars—”Billionaire”
#92
One thing you can say about economic collapse: it’s good for party music, and equally good for comedy. Not a week goes by that somebody doesn’t put another joke track on the chart, creating what might well turn out to be the most interesting trend of what’s shaping up to be a very interesting year. This is the best of the bunch so far, partly because it addresses personal economics head-on, with just enough implied reality to make the jokes sting, and partly because, thanks to Bruno Mars, it’s the most musically accomplished and easiest to listen to for itself. I wonder when he’ll get a record of his own.

Erykah Badu—”Window Seat”
#95
This one takes a while to grow on you, but if you give it a chance and ignore the controversy over the video, it will. Subtle as it is, in both its music and its emotions, it steers perilously close at times to easy-listening. It never goes that far, but I can understand why some people find the new album too laid back and sentimental. I don’t think it’s either, but it may be a little too self-satisfied. Time will tell. (The video, considering the message of the song itself, makes no sense whatsoever—it’s an attempt to shove a political/sociological message into a place where it doesn’t belong.)

Clay Walker—”She Won’t Be Lonely Long”
#99
The surprising thing about this record is how restrained and sympathetic it is. I can think of any number of male country singers who would take the title line for a crude joke, squeezing as many knowing winks and vocal nudges out of it as possible. Walker, though, never evinces anything but respect, concern, and regret, without once suggesting that he’s interested in taking up with the woman himself, and he turns the usual wild-girl-in-the-honky-tonk cliches on their head. The music is too generic to make this a great record, but it’s a pleasant surprise nonetheless.

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New this week—3/28/10

Sunday, March 28th, 2010

Justin Bieber—“U Smile”
#27
Musically, this is the most pleasant thing Bieber has done since “One Less Lonely Girl”, but it’s still bland, and also a bit creepy. Bieber’s genuflection to his fan base is about as abject as can be, and the lack of emotional edge in his voice makes him sound more like a willing robot than a real live boy. For now, his tweener fans will remain steadfast, but sooner or later they’re going to want an idol of actual flesh and blood. If Bieber’s lucky, his handlers will eventually provide material that has some. If not, by this time next year we may have forgotten all about him.

T.I.—“I’m Back”
#44
I can understand T.I.’s desire to announce his freedom as loudly as possible, but this is over busy and confused, the bragging lost in a blare of baroque synths and vocal overkill. It’s impressive in its way, but it’s too much, and it gets wearing.

Spose—“I’m Awesome”
#54
Not the next Weird Al by a long shot. The lyrics are grade school level, and the only thing I find funny is the intentionally incompetent scratching—and even that feels forced and obvious.

Usher—“More”
#76
So intent on being on top of the trends that he renders himself unrecognizable, this is where Usher jumps the commercial shark. Combine this with his stint as a mentor on American Idol next week and you have the epitome of an imploding career. Good thing he’s got Justin Bieber as a back-up.

Disney’s Friends for Change (featuring Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato)—“Make a Wave”
#84
Since this sort of “I’m going to save the world by changing myself” rhetoric is Disney’s musical stock and trade, it makes sense that this would be less self-congratulatory and insipid than “We Are the World”. Only slightly, though. I’m also willing to bet that, unlike “We Are the World”, participation was not voluntary. Because nobody’s as self-congratulatory as the mouse.

The-Dream—“Love King”
#92
Though his talent is obvious, I’ve had my doubts about The-Dream’s (self-proclaimed) genius. This goes a long way toward dispelling them. “Love King” is so full of subtle, almost subliminal twists and turns in melody, rhythm, and harmony that every time I listen some new, wonderful touch reveals itself. The neatest trick, both artistically and commercially, comes at the end, when the volume for the last minute of the song drops by nearly half. It doesn’t fade, it just drops. What better way to get radio to play a five minute track than provide DJs with a full minute designed for them to talk over?

Maxwell—“Fistful of Tears”
#96
Maxwell’s material is so subtle that if you’re in the wrong mood, or unless, as on “Pretty Wings”, he hits everything just right, he has a tendency to fade into the background. Here, the line about nearly being driven insane trying to keep his girl from going crazy gets your attention, but the rest drifts a little too far into the ether. Maxwell’s musical and emotional obsessiveness is fascinating, but I’m not sure it’s enough to make him consistently compelling.

George Strait—“Gotta Get to You”
#100
It’s impossible not to admire Strait’s craftsmanship and taste—there’s not a single false step on this record—but as he ages each record seems to be another half-step toward muzak, and this one is a full step. With music this bland his self-assurance takes on a feeling of condescension, as if the success of his seductive moves is a forgone conclusion. Maybe it is, but being so obvious about it suggests that on some level he’s just as crude as any other good ol’ boy.

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